Current Events > Where do you guys think me and this girl stand?

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:23:03 PM
#1:


precursor, my close friends dont like talking to me about this because they think that everythings fine but I overthink everything and that I need therapy(for a few reasons) Plus will admit this has been weighin on me for while

been talking to this girl for 2.5-3 months we hung out about 15 times total almost have sent a text every day, haven't seen her in two weeks due to me being sick and then she got sick last week and still sick sinus stuff.
I gave her flowers for valentines day she liked them and also last time we hung out i spent the night at hers we watched true detective i didn't pick any signs up negative. the weird thing is we only slept with each other 2x duign our entire timetogether and its mostly my fault usually or shes just tired my good friend says it is a little weird but its should be that big of a deal.
Im starting to think that shes distancing herself and doesnt like me anymore. the precursor I said becuase ive talked ot my friends showed the texts and they are exhausted with my back dn forth for 2 months now they think i need to see a therapist because of deep rooted things an dI might agree with them

here is some of he last texts, my friend that knows her thinks im like still 65% good and that its fien but i really need to start chilling out and he woudl l t me know when problems arise, my brothers fiance says i proll haven't been "aggressive" enough and that the texts have been kinda boring but that she thinks i am overlythinking things too much and

i sent her a care package and dropped it off her door last week and she double texted me saying I made her cry and she really liked it .

we texted back and forth and then this is the last couple textx messags between us

Satnight

me: just got home and saw this was at work and had my phone at home. I'm glad to hear about the energy and eating part eating part thast good you keepign stuff down!! haha Kate (her cat) needs to learn to shre form time to time

Im free tomorrow night you are welcome to keep me company if youre up to it
emoji

her:
she sa jealous cat sometimes haha although im feeling slightly better my cough and chest sounds rough! I know it stinks but I positive i almost have covid and I don't want you getting it I wish i could keep you company but I cant risk you getting this

sunday 12:50pm
me:
shes def a jelly cat XD surprised she hasnt picked a fight with the stuffed animal yet ( got her one during xmas and one during care package) ohh noo hope its not that serious dont say that!! haah well thank you for not giving me your covidy germs lol emoji but i understand take it easy and we an shoot for later this week sometime when you feel better!!

Sunday 6:44
her:
she actually eyed up teh bunny a little funny XD the lady at work said she had the same symptoms when she had covid! as soon as I can see you I will! We both cant be down and out though!

Sunday 10:30 pm

Damn I really hope you start feeling better soon! not gonna lie, really starting to miss you hopefully we can hangout soon! Let me know if theres anything I can bring to make you feel betterI I would be happy to bring soup and cuddles if you need emoji

Sunday 12:30am
her: thank you iom really hoping it clears up soon! im sick of coughing and even sicker of liquids foods lol im eating something real tomorrow XD

^ I spiraled after this message my friend said becuase of the previous one hours before it wasnt as bad as I thought...

Tuesday
me: how you been feeling Hope worknot been too rough on ya
then I sent a pic of what she got me for valentines day ( it was a duck on an orea fudge cookie and I said any last words)

her:
Well i think i have a doubl ear infection from the sinus pressure, its been a real fun sickness lol since ive been able to eat my body doesn't feel too bad after work! my last words would be "quit ducking around and eat it " XD

Me :
yesterday 106 pm
this sickness has my (her name) all fucked up. emoji
That sounds annoying how are you dealing with it are you taking meds or anything that sounds it can hurt!
XD you ruthless for that those oreos were good, glad you're able to eat solid stuff

yesterday
her 1130 pm
it really does have me screwed up! I hardly slept and its making my teeth hurt from the pressure in my head. even though I can eat it hurts my teeth im taking as much stuff as possible but im hoping I dont have to go to to the doctor but it might be inevitable, mi glad the oread were good and you "ducking" ate them XD

TODAY 1030 am

me;
XD there were to ducks and a purple egg..RIP

aww that sounds frustrating to deal with !! if it doesnt get better soon I think you should def go! IM wiling to help if you need anything at all please let me know!! hoping it starts going away soon

what do you guys make of al this? do you agree with my friends or do you see something else? for the record she IS sick or was sick last week for sure, i just feel shes been distancing herself a little. idk im all fucked up with her

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ironman2009
03/07/24 5:23:24 PM
#2:


Come on buddy

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DrizztLink
03/07/24 5:25:09 PM
#4:


ryudo500 posted...
my close friends dont like talking to me about this because they think that everythings fine but I overthink everything
Your friends are right.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:25:49 PM
#5:


gain, this is the first girl i ever really actually had feelings for, believe it or not I have been with other girls (surprise I know) but it was very short term flings, i guess i never really had serious connections which has stunted me

serious and honest replies please, I do need to chill out
i just feel if its over between us and its gonna be really freaking hard for me to cope

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:26:51 PM
#6:


@DrizztLink

two things

if she doesn't respond to my message is it a big deal?

secondly, I think at this point they went from being honest to now trying to sugarcoat things

what do you say?

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archizzy
03/07/24 5:27:35 PM
#7:


Were you the same one in the recent past that made a big topic about how after the first date she didn't invite you in and you were in your head about how she lost interest and you had been texting a lot for weeks and you were having a borderline freakout because she didn't invite you in on the first date/hangout and it was like 3 am? I remember someone neurotic just like you and this topic seems familiar.

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PoopPotato
03/07/24 5:28:04 PM
#8:


At the altar

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:28:41 PM
#9:


@archizzy

yes that was me

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MarcoRubio
03/07/24 5:29:04 PM
#10:


I didn't know we could reach levels of cringe of this magnitude

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#11
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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:30:48 PM
#12:


I get its fucking cringe and all but just wanting some serious replies if thats possible first before we can , with validity, make fun of me all you want after I get some honest thoughts

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archizzy
03/07/24 5:31:23 PM
#13:


ryudo500 posted...
@archizzy

yes that was me

Yeah the more I looked I was pretty sure it was your screen name. Dude, stop overthinking this.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:32:53 PM
#14:


archizzy posted...
Yeah the more I looked I was pretty sure it was your screen name. Dude, stop overthinking this.


honestly what are your thoughts?
if she doesn't respond back to my text what do you make of that?

I feel the text doesn't need a reply back with how I worded it


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MarcoRubio
03/07/24 5:33:58 PM
#15:


Jesus dude...

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ai123
03/07/24 5:34:39 PM
#16:


the weird thing is we only slept with each other 2x duign our entire time(first time i got her off 3x)

Not sharing this kind of thing would be very helpful to your relationships and your friendships. That stuff is private.

I don't even know what your point is. She should be more grateful?

That was the point I stopped reading.

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Torgo
03/07/24 5:35:17 PM
#17:


You will both eat some food within the next 24 hours... see if I'm wrong.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:36:43 PM
#18:


ai123 posted...
Not sharing this kind of thing would be very helpful to your relationships and your friendships. That stuff is private.

I don't even know what your point is. She should be more grateful?

That was the point I stopped reading.

i edited it out just to give context

I am thinking if the lack of that is a factor as to why she is no longer interested in me

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:44:00 PM
#19:


can someone take a look at everything and give me their honest thoughts from unbiased viewpoint?

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KookyCouture
03/07/24 5:47:29 PM
#20:


DrizztLink posted...
Your friends are right.


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archizzy
03/07/24 5:47:51 PM
#21:


ryudo500 posted...
honestly what are your thoughts?
if she doesn't respond back to my text what do you make of that?

I feel the text doesn't need a reply back with how I worded it


My thoughts are you are neurotic and making shit up to worry about when there is nothing wrong. She's sick. Let it go. Seriously, go engage in an activity and go about your life. And if you honestly don't change your thought patterns or behaviors I think you will end up causing issues in your relationship that wouldn't be there in the first place if you weren't so insecure and in your head.

You will be your own worst enemy and then a breakup will happen and you will then justify your neurotic worrying thinking you were right when you were the cause of it in the first place by being in your head and being weird about it.

Those are my honest thoughts.

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ai123
03/07/24 5:48:56 PM
#22:


ryudo500 posted...
i edited it out just to give context

I am thinking if the lack of that is a factor as to why she is no longer interested in me
I think that one of two things are happening: she is feeling ill and isn't up to responding as much as you want; or she is hesitant about the relationship.

Either way, the advice is the same: don't crowd her, or pressure her, be needy, or communicate anxiety. That won't make anything better, and could make things worse.

Just be patient. Stay in touch, and let her recover. See how she feels then.

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#23
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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:50:13 PM
#24:


archizzy posted...
My thoughts are you are neurotic and making shit up to worry about when there is nothing wrong. Seriously, go engage in an activity and go about your life. And if you honestly don't change your thought patterns or behaviors I think you will end up causing issues in your relationship that wouldn't be there in the first place if you weren't so insecure and in your head.

You will be your own worst enemy and then a breakup will happen and you will then justify your neurotic worrying thinking you were right when you were the cause of it in the first place by being in your head and being weird about it.

Those are my honest thoughts.


@archizzy

one of my best friends said he isn't talking to me about this anymore unless I go sea therapist or do ketamine in a safe medical space.

I just want to know honest thoughts, can you at least answer me is it bad if he doesn't respond to my last text? what would you make of that?

i do hear what you are saying, its been echoed to me a lot lately. I think its something that I will think about actually

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NoxObscuras
03/07/24 5:50:32 PM
#25:


You're way overthinking this. Nothing about those texts seem bad. My girlfriend tries not to spread her colds to me as well, that's a completely normal thing to say. And she's still replying to you often with multiple sentences and emojis.

Although, I have to ask, have you two not put a label on your relationship? In the topic title it's "me and this girl" but you've gone out on over a dozen dates in 3 months. That's enough time to start broaching the subject imo.

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bsp77
03/07/24 5:50:45 PM
#26:


Yes, you way overthink. I used to be that way. I actually lost a gf in 2018 for being too pushy when she was sick.

You are probably fine, but annoying her won't help. And if not fine, annoying her won't help

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:52:13 PM
#27:


@ai123
I agree with you, even for two months she would respond back after her work at night usually, as I do the same( i used to take 6-10 hours to respond sadly)

Do you think if she doesn't respond back to my last message its really bad or is there not much to reply back to with what I wrote?

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archizzy
03/07/24 5:52:41 PM
#28:


ryudo500 posted...
@archizzy

one of my best friends said he isn't talking to me about this anymore unless I go sea therapist or do ketamine in a safe medical space.

I just want to know honest thoughts, can you at least answer me is it bad if he doesn't respond to my last text? what would you make of that?

i do hear what you are saying, its been echoed to me a lot lately. I think its something that I will think about actually

Dude she's sick. Just leave her alone.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:55:04 PM
#29:


@NoxObscuras

i don't want to scare her off im not sure what she wants but again, this is my being stunted by not having meaningful connections in the past. you are right that this should have been brought up

my brothers fiance and brother says I need to start skirting or talking about it soon with her since its bothering me but they feel I need to fix things before I get in a relationship with how im acting

I felt my intentions have been obvious with how I communicate, the flowers I gave valentines day and I brought her stuff to her door that she commented on like I said double texted how I mad her cry how thoughtful she said that was

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:55:51 PM
#30:


archizzy posted...
Dude she's sick. Just leave her alone.
ill text her back Sunday to see how shes feeling

you think I shouldn't have texted her back?


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ai123
03/07/24 5:56:12 PM
#31:


ryudo500 posted...
@ai123
I agree with you, even for two months she would respond back after her work at night usually, as I do the same( i used to take 6-10 hours to respond sadly)

Do you think if she doesn't respond back to my last message its really bad or is there not much to reply back to with what I wrote?
I have no way of knowing her feelings. She could very well be too ill or tired to think up a response.

If she doesn't answer, then wait until tomorrow and just send her a 'how are you?' text.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 5:58:33 PM
#32:


ai123 posted...
I have no way of knowing her feelings. She could very well be too ill or tired to think up a response.

If she doesn't answer, then wait until tomorrow and just send her a 'how are you?' text.
what about waiting a few days to give her space?

i feel im so fucking cringe in my texts with her I hate how im so fucking nervous and shit when I text her half the damn time. in person its better but good god its so pathetic how I approach texting her

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ai123
03/07/24 6:06:27 PM
#33:


ryudo500 posted...
what about waiting a few days to give her space?

i feel im so fucking cringe in my texts with her I hate how im so fucking nervous and shit when I text her half the damn time. in person its better but good god its so pathetic how I approach texting her
Just keep the texts short and friendly. Nothing wrong with just 'how's it going?', or 'anything you need?'.

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ryudo500
03/07/24 6:14:05 PM
#34:


ai123 posted...
Just keep the texts short and friendly. Nothing wrong with just 'how's it going?', or 'anything you need?'.
thast what my brother said at this point he said it was okay to keep tings ike how was your day and short stuff like that, he said long paragraphs are exhausting

you dont think my last text was bad right? I feel if she doesn't respond its not the end or a big red flg sign that its over , i can just text fri or sat and ask how shes doing like you said

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bsp77
03/07/24 6:18:17 PM
#35:


ryudo500 posted...
thast what my brother said at this point he said it was okay to keep tings ike how was your day and short stuff like that, he said long paragraphs are exhausting

you dont think my last text was bad right? I feel if she doesn't respond its not the end or a big red flg sign that its over , i can just text fri or sat and ask how shes doing like you said
Stop asking these questions. You already know what we are going to say. Just chill.

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Mistere_Man
03/07/24 6:18:34 PM
#36:


DrizztLink posted...
Your friends are right.


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ArkhamOrigins
03/07/24 6:33:19 PM
#37:


First off TC, I can't believe you missed the first clue, it's staring you in the face

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ryudo500
03/07/24 6:56:54 PM
#38:


bsp77 posted...
Stop asking these questions. You already know what we are going to say. Just chill.


I want honest answers form you guys you guys will be more blunt and cuthroat tbh. but they have been as well

also I saw your las msg I thought i quoted I hear you, what do you make of me taking a few dys off from texting her after my last text?

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bsp77
03/07/24 7:00:46 PM
#39:


ryudo500 posted...
I want honest answers form you guys you guys will be more blunt and cuthroat tbh. but they have been as well

also I saw your las msg I thought i quoted I hear you, what do you make of me taking a few dys off from texting her after my last text?
Maybe a wait a day or two and then just ask how she is feeling. Don't pressure her into meeting again yet. If she is interested, she will tell you when ready.

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#40
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ghettoraider81
03/07/24 7:10:10 PM
#41:


Shes sick

and youre a neurotic nut.

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GuerrillaSoldier
03/07/24 7:10:18 PM
#42:


think about it this way. you're driving a car and your holding onto the wheel so tight, and you're shaking so badly because you're nervous, that the car is swerving left and right chaotically. you're basically dooming yourself into a collision. the car would even move in a safer and straighter line if you didn't have your hands on the wheel at all.

so how do you remedy that? well, learn to either stop shaking so much, or let the car drive and only correct it when it needs to, or whatever you need to do. because if not, you're just going to crash.

basically, calm down. chill. stop trying to understand and control it all. and stop analyzing everything.


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NoxObscuras
03/07/24 7:31:12 PM
#43:


ryudo500 posted...
i don't want to scare her off im not sure what she wants but again, this is my being stunted by not having meaningful connections in the past. you are right that this should have been brought up
That's fine, it's just something I noticed. I'm not trying to freak you out or anything.

bsp77 posted...
Maybe a wait a day or two and then just ask how she is feeling. Don't pressure her into meeting again yet. If she is interested, she will tell you when ready.
Basically this. You've already made it clear that you're up for hanging again when she's ready, so you can just focus on having fun talking to her, until she's feeling well enough to go out again. Talk about common interests, hobbies, etc. Hell you can even share memes if she's into that.

She's not gonna suddenly lose interest just because you don't offer to hang out every time you check in on her.

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#44
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BloodMoon7
03/07/24 7:35:36 PM
#45:


She's with Chad now

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#46
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ryudo500
03/07/24 8:11:41 PM
#47:


GuerrillaSoldier posted...
think about it this way. you're driving a car and your holding onto the wheel so tight, and you're shaking so badly because you're nervous, that the car is swerving left and right chaotically. you're basically dooming yourself into a collision. the car would even move in a safer and straighter line if you didn't have your hands on the wheel at all.

so how do you remedy that? well, learn to either stop shaking so much, or let the car drive and only correct it when it needs to, or whatever you need to do. because if not, you're just going to crash.

basically, calm down. chill. stop trying to understand and control it all. and stop analyzing everything.
this is a good point and I agree I understand.

I guss when I think ahead and think its over

1) what the fuck di I do I KNOW KNOW its my fault and I could've done shit better

2) where do I go from here, heartbreak is common and everyone has dealt with it but man the thought of it just hurts bad

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foxhound101
03/07/24 8:17:08 PM
#48:


Everything is fine. CHILL

That is the biggest advice everyone is going to keep giving you. Chill. Someone not responding immediately is not the end of the world. Especially if they are sick. Texting allows someone to take their time to respond. Or not respond at all because a conversation needs to end eventually.

Just check-in in a couple of days. Offer to pick up any medicine or groceries if she needs something.

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Mew
03/07/24 8:23:15 PM
#49:


ghettoraider81 posted...
Shes sick

and youre a neurotic nut.


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ryudo500
03/07/24 9:38:31 PM
#50:


@foxhound101

thank you for saying that, idk why but it meant a lot to me and you are right, I still feel she distancing but we wont know til next week i guess but you are right, regardless need to chill take a deep breathe

enjoy the moment because when im with her its pure awesome and i haven't been able to do that as much as I wished

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