Current Events > "How many sexual partners have you had in your life?"

(+) Yeah! (+)

i dont know why anyone would care enough to ask in the first place

Dungeater posted...

i dont know why anyone would care enough to ask in the first place

So what's your number? ;)

i stopped counting after 10

Dungeater posted...

i dont know why anyone would care enough to ask in the first place

Sometimes people are just curious. My girlfriend asked me. I didn't think anything of it

My partner has had double the number of partners I have had and it has never ever ever ever been an issue for either of us

Dungeater posted...

i stopped counting after 10

Boo

NoxObscuras posted...

Sometimes people are just curious. My girlfriend asked me. I didn't think anything of it

Same. She expected it to be "high" but was shocked it was like twice as much as what she thought was high. But she was naive, as not that high

bsp77 posted...

Boo

it means literally nothing to me. ive learned that i dont regard or think of sex in the ways that most ppl do

everything is like, a self contained case by case basis for me

i dont even have any "best sex ever" considerations, cuz im just incompatible with that way of thinking

Dungeater posted...

i dont even have any "best sex ever" considerations, cuz im just incompatible with that way of thinking

Best sex is often the sex currently having

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I was told on a date my number was "unusual" as it was only 3 when I was 28. There was no need for it, she asked, I answered, and got that response. I guess it was her attempt at "banter".

I also wouldn't have judged her number whatever it was. Dating is fucking hard these days

Shit, I'm 46, and my number is 3.

Granted, I got married at 25 to my wife who I met when I was 19 and the number was 3.

bigblu89 posted...

Shit, I'm 46, and my number is 3.

Granted, I got married at 25 to my wife who I met when I was 19 and the number was 3.

My number was 1 when I separated from my ex wife at 39

I was talking to a lady from okcupid once. We'd already agreed to just get to know each other as friends and see if anything develops.

One night we were texting, and she straight up asks if I've ever had sex. It caught me off guard, and I always try to be honest and upfront, so I told her the truth, that I hadn't.

She became rather mean about it afterward. From that point forward she kept taunting me, and making fun of it. Sometimes straight up insulting me. But then she'd gaslight me and pretend to be interested just to string me along, only to tell me about the other guys she was sleeping with. She'd come visit me at work, and tell me about dirty dreams she had about me and such, telling me she wants me to father a kid with her, and asking if I'd like to have sex... To then just tell me that she'd rather be with a real man who knows what he's doing, and showing me messages she got off of tinder of guys she either had slept with or was planning to.

That's already a sensitive subject for me, and for her to just use it against me like that hurt.

Depends, does wearing gloves count?

5, and I only regret the lone, accidental one-night-stand.

bsp77 posted...

But does it really matter?

@Guide

If it didn't, I wouldn't make note of it.

bigblu89 posted...

Shit, I'm 46, and my number is 3.

Granted, I got married at 25 to my wife who I met when I was 19 and the number was 3.

bsp77 posted...

My number was 1 when I separated from my ex wife at 39

She already knew I hadn't been in an LTR before as we touched on the subject before we met on tinder.

So the whole thing carried some unnecessary venom. It was just a stark reminder that some people really don't value tact anymore

It was also just like, fuck. Surely any potential red flags around a sexually inexperienced person would be if they're whining, blaming others or making it someone else's problem and I was trying so hard to not do that. I think she just put me in a box in her mind as a certain type of guy.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

So the whole thing carried some unnecessary venom. It was just a stark reminder that some people really don't value tact anymore

I only value tact as a means of handling other people. It's just a kind of manipulation considered to be polite. I prefer direct honesty if it comes to things I actually care about.

Guide posted...

I only value tact as a means of handling other people. It's just a kind of manipulation considered to be polite. I prefer direct honesty if it comes to things I actually care about.

Fair enough. There are ways of being direct without throwing shade though. Like it felt like on some level she was trying to bring me down a bit, for no reason.

It's not like I didn't already know it's "unusual" or atypical or whatever. If that makes sense. Tone is everything.

most of them were girlfriends, so Im not really against telling them if they ask.
edit: Ive also never had any reason to hide anything from my SOs.

Honestly, I've just found that the women I tend to go for tend to have "lower" body counts. It's not like I interrogate someone on a number, but I tend to wind up with women who dont mess with a great number of dudes. Even as I'm single now, I mess with fwbs instead of randos.

Already answered her. 30 something. Dont ask questions you dont want the answer to. She didnt like the answer, but they were well before I met her and she understands.

Guide posted...

If it didn't, I wouldn't make note of it.

Then why does it matter?

Because it shouldn't.

I am the only person my wife has been with, but my previous ex gf was closer to 20. I saw no difference in terms of commitment.

bsp77 posted...

Then why does it matter?

Because it shouldn't.

Purity bullshit and exclusively purity bullshit.

I'm 42 years old and at zero. I wouldn't be without someone unless they are also at zero and around my age. Even if it means being alone the rest of my life. It's that important to me. Good thing I'm content being alone forever.

TuxedoCyan posted...

I'm 42 years old and at zero. I wouldn't be without someone unless they are also at zero and around my age. Even if it means being alone the rest of my life. It's that important to me. Good thing I'm content being alone forever.

The person I did lose my virginity too, at 26, had been with a lot of people before me and ended up smitten with me, and I was the one who ended it.

That's not a flex, as the next 2 girls broke my heart. I'm usually the one picking up the pieces. But it is some evidence that a body count has nothing to do with the ability to commit, trust and love, if that's your concern.

DrizztLink posted...

Purity bullshit and exclusively purity bullshit.

im not going to accuse Guide specifically of anything but i have to imagine insecurity is the predominant reasoning in most people

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Fair enough. There are ways of being direct without throwing shade though. Like it felt like on some level she was trying to bring me down a bit, for no reason.

It's not like I didn't already know it's "unusual" or atypical or whatever. If that makes sense. Tone is everything.

That's fair too. You can use bluntness with bad intent, as with the classic "calling fat people fat" example.

bsp77 posted...

Then why does it matter?

Because it shouldn't.

That's stupid. It's not stupid because of the values you hold, it's stupid because you think this value is somehow objective in something as personal as romantic relationships.

DrizztLink posted...

Purity bullshit and exclusively purity bullshit.

Dungeater posted...

im not going to accuse Guide specifically of anything but i have to imagine insecurity is the predominant reasoning in most people

I mean, you see the responses above? It's hard not to think insecurity is at play there, either. For the record, I'm not accusing you, either, or saying my relationships are better or anything.

Guide posted...

That's stupid. It's not stupid because of the values you hold, it's stupid because you think this value is somehow objective in something as personal as romantic relationships.

I honestly don't know what you just said. Tell me why it matters, and why the assumptions others made above are not the reasons.

You also didn't quote the part of my post on why it hasn't mattered in my experience

bsp77 posted...

I honestly don't know what you just said.

I don't think we can have a meaningful conversation, then.

Oh, look, I was right.

DrizztLink posted...

Oh, look, I was right.

@Dungeater see what I mean?

Guide posted...

I don't think we can have a meaningful conversation, then.

So you won't answer my question. You are right. We can't have a meaningful conversation, because it takes both people actually being open. Most likely you are just not wanting to reveal that DrizztLink or Dungeater are right.

Note that I did not assume but you did not answer

I'm insecure because you have ridiculous purity standards.

Wow.

That's a new one.

bsp77 posted...

So you won't answer my question. You are right. We can't have a meaningful conversation, because it takes both people actually being open. Most likely you are just not wanting to reveal that DrizztLink or Dungeater are right.

Note that I did not assume but you did not answer

You literally did.

Then why does it matter?

Because it shouldn't.

Guide posted...

You literally did.

I did not assume "why". I only argued that it shouldn't matter when you said it did. I backed up my why. That is how debate works. You never said why, only something about objectivity vs subjectivity. I know what that means, but it didn't give any information about the actual conversation.

Just tell me why you care. It is possible I will think that makes some sense. I am pretty objective about things.

bsp77 posted...

I did not assume "why". I only argued that it shouldn't matter when you said it did.

That is literally the assumption: That it shouldn't.

I backed up my why.

No, you didn't. You stated what your experience and value are. That is not an argument in favor, or against, anything, because your experience has nothing to do with my experience. You can like chocolate more, I can like vanilla more. Nothing you say about how you feel about these flavors has anything to do with how I feel about these flavors. You understand, in those pizza polling topics, there are no actual arguments despite how much we argue, right? It is silly internet farce.

You never said why, only something about objectivity vs subjectivity.

Yes, because you're trying to treat a subjective thing as an objective thing. As you continue to make clear.

Just tell me why you care.

I wouldn't have minded before, with a more blank impression, but now it's like... You made an assumption off the jump, you've displayed a very poor understanding of the concept of argument and subjectivity, and on that impression you're halfway demanding to know things about me?

I'll give you credit, at least you're not drizzt.

bsp77 posted...

Just tell me why you care. It is possible I will think that makes some sense. I am pretty objective about things.

I am not trying to be an ass. I only said why I have seen no difference. That is not an assumption.

Purity and insecurity are the 2 biggest reasons. There is a 3rd common reason, but it can be a quagmire to determine if causation or correlation. Namely that people with too many partners lose the ability to pair with people as well, and are more likely to abandon ship. I admittedly have mixed feelings about this

KogaSteelfang posted...

I was talking to a lady from okcupid once. We'd already agreed to just get to know each other as friends and see if anything develops.

One night we were texting, and she straight up asks if I've ever had sex. It caught me off guard, and I always try to be honest and upfront, so I told her the truth, that I hadn't.

She became rather mean about it afterward. From that point forward she kept taunting me, and making fun of it. Sometimes straight up insulting me. But then she'd gaslight me and pretend to be interested just to string me along, only to tell me about the other guys she was sleeping with. She'd come visit me at work, and tell me about dirty dreams she had about me and such, telling me she wants me to father a kid with her, and asking if I'd like to have sex... To then just tell me that she'd rather be with a real man who knows what he's doing, and showing me messages she got off of tinder of guys she either had slept with or was planning to.

That's already a sensitive subject for me, and for her to just use it against me like that hurt.

Thats rough man. I would suggest you stay away from her at all costs. Shes using you to give you pain, pain that she feels and wants to put it on someone else. Ghost her if she ever texts again.

I had a similar episode but I only let the girl do it to me twice before I stopped messaging her. First we met at like 2 am and she just wanted to talk. Then again she randomly texted me telling shes a nymphomaniac and was horny, all that stuff to lure me late at night then make up some excuse why she cant see me now, and then texted me again the next week with the same or similar story about being horny, but I ghosted her. Was like 12 years ago now.

Answering the TC my answer is 4 women, 0 men. All pre pandemic.

hey instead of shit flinging we can just see if a person wants to talk or not, then if they dont we just move on

im not gonna try to get everyone to see eye to eye here i was just speculating, perhaps irresponsibly

drizzt i can see why you think of guide the way u do

guide i can see why u think of drizzt the way you do

ultimately, i dont think the amount of partners is relevant. and while i will raise an eyebrow at those who do, that is where it will end for me

4 women. I'm 31.

My first was at a massage parlor, and then the three partners I've had. Also fingered a former friend and she sucked me off but we didn't have sex. If that counts then it's 5.

Super_Slash posted...

4 women. I'm 31.

My first was at a massage parlor, and then the three partners I've had. Also fingered a former friend and she sucked me off but we didn't have sex. If that counts then it's 5.

I'd count that last one. The whole "sex needs penile-vagina penetration to count" is kinda dumb. How do lesbians calculate a body count?

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'd count that last one. The whole "sex needs penile-vagina penetration to count" is kinda dumb. How do lesbians calculate a body count?

Yeah fair enough.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'd count that last one. The whole "sex needs penile-vagina penetration to count" is kinda dumb. How do lesbians calculate a body count?

I have wondered that too. Maybe my 16 should be 18 to 20, depending on what counts. The thing is that those outside the 16 I don't want to count. I was very drunk and stupid.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'd count that last one. The whole "sex needs penile-vagina penetration to count" is kinda dumb. How do lesbians calculate a body count?

This. Had a super religious girlfriend in high school who thought she was still a virgin because we only did mouth and hand stuff. Was kinda funny.

bsp77 posted...

I have wondered that too. Maybe my 16 should be 18 to 20, depending on what counts. The thing is that those outside the 16 I don't want to count. I was very drunk and stupid.

I guess I'm bias as one of my "three" involved only oral sex. So I want it to count haha. Funnily enough I had the most bedroom chemistry with her too.

Some of the back and forth in this topic definitely proves that not telling is best. There are exceptions, as some have shown, but it's best not to take the risk.

nocturnal_traveler posted...

Some of the back and forth in this topic definitely proves that not telling is best. There are exceptions, as some have shown, but it's best not to take the risk.

Still, I never had an issue telling a woman. There have been times I have been a lot higher and times a lot lower, and times it was never broached. Never mattered.