Current Events > Have you ever had an online girlfriend?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Senior year of high school I used to Skype with a girl who was going to go to my college. We got really close but it fell apart before the school year started and I ended up just putting it behind me and going after other girls.

Once. We met on an online 3rd person korean shooter. We'd have calls on skype and play together. I cut it after not too long realizing it wasn't going to work. I can remember her username but not her real name lol.

yeah, like back in middle school or whatever. it was never super serious and we never met irl or anything.

Yeah, about 20 years ago. That online relationship became an in-person one eventually and now we're married.

All my serious relationships have had a major online component in some way. If not long distance, then because of inconvenient distance mixed with unfortunate schedule clashing.

My wife of two years and whom I dated for around fifteen was someone I met online when we were both in our early teens.

If memory serves it was originally from Camp Hyrule - that silly Zelda-themed online summer camp that NoA did doe a few years.

We hit it off, became fast friends, and ended up doing a lot of early 2000s online gaming together with another friend.

Eventually we met in person for the first time in 2007 when I moved to NJ from CO to go to college, and started "officially" dating then, though we were doing the online dating thing for a few years before that.

A year later I had to move back to CO, however, when my late mother started developing COPD and we all kind of new it was going to develop into cancer (which it did) to help take care of her while my father worked full time.

We did the long distance dating thing after that until my mom passed in 2016, with the two of us flying out back and forth twice a year to see one another between '08 and 16.

I moved back to NJ a year after my mom passed and all her affairs were sorted out, and we moved in together and lived together until we got married in 2022.

It was a long, strange, and often times stressful trip, but it all worked out in the end. We like to joke now to people that we did the online dating thing way before it became popular.

ive had an online boyfriend never an online girlfriend tho
we were supposed to meet up in person but i felt too stressed out at the time to go so i ghosted.
id apologize around 2 years later. was drunk

we video chatted a lot for almost a year lol. sometimes spent half the day doing that over the weekend.

we met on a discord server

There was a person I flirted with in Phantasia IV but I quit playing and when I came back I never saw her again.

There was a girl I was dating in Runescape in middle school. I made a sapphire ring for her and proposed after a while but she rejected me and I gave it to her friend and me and the friend hung out a while but it caused problems for their circle of friends so that ended.

There was a 40 year old lady in Yahoo! Pyramid Solitaire who was talking dirty to me on voice chat when I was like 14 or 16.

And there was some person that I "dated" that claimed to be in college while I was in high school. After many months though they said they were a guy and their friends were laughing at me and that was that.

I think my first could be considered an online girlfriend in the classic sense. It was some time before we finally met up, but then we were quite young. This was back in the early 2000s.

This one girl i met through discord DnD. When was the DM

At one point we discussed meeting up, but that's when the Covid travel restrictions hit, so that fell apart, and then she had some mental issues saying she didn't have the energy for relationship so it kinda just ended there.

yeah back in middle school on AIM, me and a buddy of mine would frequent AIM chatrooms and eventually there were these two girls who were best friends who lived on the other side of the country that we would group chat with often. i started talking to one of them one on one, and one day i asked her if she would be my online gf and she said yes, but i didn't really know what to do after that so the few conversations we had from then on were brief and awkward and eventually i just stopped messaging her lol. goddamn i am so pathetic.

Yeah. I talk to this girl from Colombia for almost 2 years now. We've done a few video calls before

Bladesyphon posted...

If memory serves it was originally from Camp Hyrule - that silly Zelda-themed online summer camp that NoA did doe a few years.

wat

DoesntMatter posted...

yeah back in middle school on AIM

Oh yes I forgot to mention that for my online gf communication was primarily over AIM. What a moment in time that was.

Damn_Underscore posted...

wat

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camp_Hyrule

Best way I can describe it from memory is a flash website with chat rooms, hosted by the editors of Nintendo Power, and sponsored by Nintendo of America.

It had a bunch of flash mini games, silly do it yourself activities like writing short stories or making pictures in paint based around Nintendo stuff.

It was your typical late 90s - Early 2000s kids flash website stuff, but it was pretty cool all things considered.

Yeah. Met her on MapleStory back in the day. I was 18 and she was 31. She had mental health issues that she admitted she wasn't taking medication for. So that resulted in her having violent mood swings and extreme jealousy.

I dealt with that for a few months, but I ended things once she started talking about moving to my state to be with me. I didn't want to commit to the issues she had.

Can someone explain to me how someone can have a girlfriend they never met in person? I understand that these things sometimes end up with people meeting and then being successful (couple good examples above). But before you have actually met in person, how is she your girlfriend?

Yes, quite a few.

bsp77 posted...

Can someone explain to me how someone can have a girlfriend they never met in person?

It's easy when you're young with no experience and can't conceptualize what an actual relationship is supposed to entail (as it was in my case).

But it largely consists of frequent daily conversations and words of affirmation.

bsp77 posted...

Can someone explain to me how someone can have a girlfriend they never met in person? I understand that these things sometimes end up with people meeting and then being successful (couple good examples above). But before you have actually met in person, how is she your girlfriend?

Because you both agree to be a couple and be exclusive to each other.

Obviously there was no physical intimacy, but the goal was to eventually meet in person, so we still treated each other like a boyfriend and girlfriend. We talked on the phone almost daily and talked about things we'd like to do together.

It's not the same as online dating where you're matching with multiple people and trying to meet up ASAP. You acknowledge that the distance will be a significant barrier, but you still want to try and make an exclusive relationship work.

Like in the case of my online girlfriend, she lived over 1,200 miles away. I wouldn't make the effort to meet someone that far away without committing to her first. I only bailed because her mood swings started making me feel like I was walking on eggshells because I never knew what new thing would set her off.

No, it never really made sense to me. Back in high school a girl I dated introduced me to one of her friends and I talked to her online for like a week before meeting her.guess that would be the closest.

NoxObscuras posted...

Because you both agree to be a couple and be exclusive to each other.

Obviously there was no physical intimacy, but the goal was to eventually meet in person, so we still treated each other like a boyfriend and girlfriend. We talked on the phone almost daily and talked about things we'd like to do together.

It's not the same as online dating where you're matching with multiple people and trying to meet up ASAP. You acknowledge that the distance will be a significant barrier, but you still want to try and make an exclusive relationship work.

Like in the case of my online girlfriend, she lived over 1,200 miles away. I wouldn't make the effort to meet someone that far away without committing to her first. I only bailed because her mood swings started making me feel like I was walking on eggshells because I never knew what new thing would set her off.

I get the process and it makes sense. But I think it is weird to use the term "girlfriend" for someone you have never met. A different word is needed IMO. Maybe I am just old lol

bsp77 posted...

But I think it is weird to use the term "girlfriend" for someone you have never met.

It's a case of semantics, honestly. Using the term is believing you've earned the right to use the term along with everyone else who uses the term, ie. people with relationships. It's that big social pressure to be someone who is in a relationship.

A different word is needed IMO. Maybe I am just old lol

Well there's the adjective "online". I think that'd cover it.

Yeah when I was about 17. We even met up for a few days.

The internet was a much simpler place back then when it came to meeting people online tbh. I'm greatful a lot of what I got up to back then wasn't recorded in SM. So much I'm embarassed about tbh lol.

MegaTech posted...

Once. We met on an online 3rd person korean shooter. We'd have calls on skype and play together. I cut it after not too long realizing it wasn't going to work. I can remember her username but not her real name lol.

GunZ? Surprised I still remember that

CyricZ posted...

It's a case of semantics, honestly. Using the term is believing you've earned the right to use the term along with everyone else who uses the term, ie. people with relationships. It's that big social pressure to be someone who is in a relationship.

Well there's the adjective "online". I think that'd cover it.

I have seen a couple times where someone has said that they have had girlfriends (didn't say "online") and then also reveal that they have never kissed a girl. It's clearly not the same. It is like someone saying they have had a girlfriend before, only to find out it was in kindergarten and they just pushed each other over on the playground.

I know this sounds like I am making fun of it all, but I am not. There is nothing wrong with it, and sometimes it can lead to something in-person in time. But it IS different prior to actually meeting.

So yeah, I am arguing semantics and probably sounding really condescending in the process.

Evening_Dragon posted...

GunZ? Surprised I still remember that

Close. S4 League. I don't think it was as known as GunZ was but it was similar in terms of the gameplay.

bsp77 posted...

I have seen a couple times where someone has said that they have had girlfriends (didn't say "online") and then also reveal that they have never kissed a girl. It's clearly not the same. It is like someone saying they have had a girlfriend before, only to find out it was in kindergarten and they just pushed each other over on the playground.

I wouldn't call it a solidly defined term to begin with. The way I figure, if you can say in public "I have a girlfriend" and she can say "I am their girlfriend" then you've got a girlfriend, and it doesn't need to be any more specific than that.

I know this sounds like I am making fun of it all, but I am not. There is nothing wrong with it, and sometimes it can lead to something in-person in time. But it IS different prior to actually meeting.

Yeah I don't think anyone was suggesting it's not different.

So yeah, I am arguing semantics and probably sounding really condescending in the process.

Maybe a little, but I'm just trying to explain it in terms of my own experience. It's less about kissing or sex or proximity as it is an intimacy between the two people involved. Being able to share things they wouldn't share with other friends.

CyricZ posted...

I wouldn't call it a solidly defined term to begin with. The way I figure, if you can say in public "I have a girlfriend" and she can say "I am their girlfriend" then you've got a girlfriend, and it doesn't need to be any more specific than that.

Yeah I don't think anyone was suggesting it's not different.

Maybe a little, but I'm just trying to explain it in terms of my own experience. It's less about kissing or sex or proximity as it is an intimacy between the two people involved. Being able to share things they wouldn't share with other friends.

Thank you for the polite responses, because it would have been easy to snap at me.

This does all make sense, especially the bolded. After my divorce, I spent the first 6 months not really going out much. I would have thought this kind of relationship was great at that time. Then I overreacted and started going out almost every night, so I became all about instant gratification. Not saying that was healthy.

Back in like 2003, I met a girl on some online chatroom and we chatted to each other about our anxieties and lack of self confidence and what not. We continued to talk to each other on AIM and it eventually became romantic. We were talking to each other daily and eventually talked over the phone and on skype/webcam.

It lasted about 5 years. We were about as in love as you could possibly be in an online only relationship.

In the end, she got her anxiety under control and gained self confidence and decided to end it with me because she wanted more from the relationship but I was still scared as hell and had zero self confidence and didn't want to try being in an in-person relationship. She didn't like how I was just wasting my life not working and not being an adult. She really tried to motivate me to break through my anxiety issues but she couldn't. There is only so much someone can do over text/phone.

After we broke up, I went through the cliche heart broken phase and then eventually got over it. I never tried meeting someone online else since. I don't think relationships are for me.

I know you're good for it. :)

Like I'm not super proud of my online relationship. She's a real nice person and still is, but I was just so excited that a girl liked video games and anime like I did and she responded to my flirting.

I clung to that rather than be real-life social.

CyricZ posted...

as it is an intimacy between the two people involved. Being able to share things they wouldn't share with other friends.

Good post. Ironically a lot of people who demean online relationships don't actually have the above in their IRL relationships.

Sort of. It would be more accurate to say I dated online, I guess. I played Everquest on the PS2 long ago and chatted up guild members. Then we'd hook up on occasion. No one had any misgivings about anybody moving or turning it into a standard relationship though

SHRlKE posted...

Good post. Ironically a lot of people who demean online relationships don't actually have the above in their IRL relationships.

This is certainly true.

I hope it is clear I wasn't trying to be demeaning

bsp77 posted...

This is certainly true.

I hope it is clear I wasn't trying to be demeaning

I didn't take it that way.

bsp77 posted...

This is certainly true.

I hope it is clear I wasn't trying to be demeaning

I feel like it was clear. And you're not usually the type to be demeaning anyway. I just wasn't sure how else to explain it, so I'm glad CyricZ gave more insight.

SHRlKE posted...

I didn't take it that way.

Cool

I think my "issue" is how much of a priority I put on physical touch in a relationship. I think it is #1 on my love language test. And I don't necessarily mean sex, as I am a big time cuddler and hand holder.

I prefer physical contact, of course, but the internet has allowed for a depth of connection that is difficult to initiate in speech. Also a good icebreaker for the kinds of girls who would find me initially intimidating.

Yes on the MSN Zone Chats back in 98-2000. I used to cyber a bunch of times as well. Fun times.

I had several different online girlfriends as a teenager during the early days of the internet in the late 90's. Even got to meet a couple of them. I was really good at wooing the girls on mIRC, which is something I wasn't able to do irl.

bsp77 posted...

Cool

I think my "issue" is how much of a priority I put on physical touch in a relationship. I think it is #1 on my love language test. And I don't necessarily mean sex, as I am a big time cuddler and hand holder.

Everyone's different, and there's nothing wrong with it. Physical intimacy has never been super high on my priority list with my relationships - probably because of how close I grew to my now wife with a two-thousand mile distance between us.

Even now, years later, we still don't really kiss or hold hands like other couples do. We lounge together on the couch watching TV, have sex, and all the other usual things you'd expect from a traditional relationship.

But when we're out and about, we almost never hold hands (though admittedly a lot of that is because she's 5'0, and I'm 6'0, so y'know, it's a bit gangley), and don't really do public displays of affection, even if we're in a more private setting with friends.

Even in the few relationships I had with other girls before we actually started "officially" dating in college, I didn't really do much physical contact with, it's just never been my thing. I much rather prefer going out and doing fun things with people I care about, as that's more my love language, then the physical intimacy aspect.

All that said, however? Online/Long Distance relationships are not easy in any sense of the word, and I know I am very, VERY lucky to have had mine work out as well as it has, and I don't bemoan anyone for thinking these kinds of things aren't for them, or don't understand how they can work out. It requires a very specific kind of mindset and dedication to make them work, and even then it's so, so easy for them to fall apart completely. Even with the happy ending I got with my wife, there were times near the end of my mom's life where the stress reached a boiling point between the two of us that things very nearly fell to complete shit - but we got through it, and it's just a testament that our relationship is that sturdy.

But not everyone is that lucky, which is why I really don't suggest doing what I did unless you've got the mental fortitude for it.

Back when I was in high school, a girl I met in World of Warcraft threatened to kill herself if I wouldnt be her boyfriend. I said yes out of fear of having her blood on my hands, but I think she sensed that and thankfully let go. We drifted apart soon after that, but I heard rumors that she went on to pull that same stunt on others in the server.

The only kind of girlfriend I've had was online. I preferred it that way, because I was never really big on physicality or in-person obligations.

yes, in junior/senior year of HS

No. But seeing this topic I feel cheated. >_>

Nova_Castings posted...

Yeah, about *12ish* years ago. That online relationship became an in-person one eventually and now we're married *for 10 years in July*.

This with edits *

Once on AOL Chat in the early 2000s, but it basically amounted to nothing and lasted maybe a week or so. Pretty much the only "relationship" I've ever had.

lmao I had a ton of weird situations online especially when I was younger. Tons that I've forgotten even happened. I just thought of one I haven't thought of in years.

When I was like 12 on AOL this 16 year old girl had a huge crush on me and wanted to somehow meet me. She had a boyfriend who hated me. I would talk to her on the landline sometimes in the middle of the night and she would....yeah. Really weird situation looking back.

Possible grooming trigger below.

A bit unrelated but does anyone remember when AOL did have chat rooms they had the "community" tab or something? Then every major city had a chat called "m4m" So "LAM4M| and so on. Dumbass 12 year old me had no idea what that meant. I assumed " message for message" for some reason. Funny is those rooms were always packed. Apparently, AOL was the gay spot back then?

Anyway I went in one in my area after practice for the team I was on. Met some 30 something year old guy who said he coached a team in my area and was talking to me for a while then he asked when I knew I was gay. I was like wait what I didn't know that's what this meant. What a creep. I always wondered if he actually was a coach in my area or that was just some BS to hopefully lure me. He lost interest in talking to me once I said I wasn't gay. So zero chance he wasn't a creep.

I've had a few when I was younger. Some even from different countries that I met in person.
(Russia, New Zealand, Finland)

No.