Current Events > man. i dunno what it is, but ive been so bummed with inherent unfairness of life

(+) Yeah! (+)

lately. not even anything specific. like just the fact that there are a million million unknowable, unseeable factors that carve a person into who they are. whether one is capable of hobbies, friendships, interests, ambitions, etc. it just seems like pure luck that a person turns out able to do or have these things

im not even being deterministic, obviously change is possible. but then i get thinking "not everyone lived a life/was raised in a way that instilled the type of character in them to achieve those changes"

its an unhelpful vague mental tangent and ive been slipping deeper into it for days now

damn meds

Sounds like youve been surrounded by lots of negative people, or dumb hustle influencers.

Do what you do. Youve made it this far. There are lots of good things in the world too. Take it slowly and enjoy your life. Unless you are actively harming people, youre doing the right thing.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/9/92506433.jpg

_____Cait posted...

Sounds like youve been surrounded by lots of negative people

quite the opposite actually

i am the negative person. though not many are privy to it

Are you coming into middle age?
Just hit 40, and the perspective shift is doing something similar to me. Who I am to other people and how I see the world are changing, and it's a bit much to get used to.

im 31

im making positive progress. i have a wonderful relationship and great friends

but i see people who are happy. those who have financial freedom and are able to live independently. those who want to go out and experience new things and meet new people. those who enjoy working on themselves, being amongst loved ones, and have dreams in life. they have jobs they love

i want to want those things. i have no ambitions. no desire to socialize. no hobbies. im still stuck at home with my parents. i can no longer achieve any sense of mindfulness. i had a bad childhood. a very bad one. i wont be oversharing, but its brutal shit. for all of that, im the way i am now. and wanting to want to be like others isnt enough. i have to just actually want it. im not trying to be all esoteric and shit it just sucks

like merely seeing happiness makes me depressed

You may have had it rougher than most people, but that kind of comparison hurts us all and we all do it. The rich business man may see someone with artistic talent leading a bohemian lifestyle and envy them. You say you have no interest in anything. For whatever reason, it sounds your childhood may have made you unsure and/or resentful of yourself. I don't know what you need to do, but that's just something to consider.

i am neither unsure of nor resentful of myself

that's the thing. i am confident in who i am. this is who i am. i am incapable of being happy for other people. maybe if my problems went away i could be. but not now

and im not like, holding my childhood up against that of others. im just saying that because of it, i am who i am. thats all

Thats why I buy lottery tickets

I know Im never gonna win, but some people do win, and its one of the only ways to counteract the unfairness

Dungeater posted...

i am neither unsure of nor resentful of myself

that's the thing. i am confident in who i am. this is who i am. i am incapable of being happy for other people. maybe if my problems went away i could be. but not now

and im not like, holding my childhood up against that of others. im just saying that because of it, i am who i am. thats all

Maybe you have a personality disorder. It doesn't make you a bad person. You seem to at least act on some philosophical appreciation for caring for others.

ive been in therapy for a long time, and ive asked them about that. ive never had a therapist seem to think so

i dont think i do. i think im just a negative person

my family are hoarders yes. they go away every couple of months and i do a deep clean cuz i hate living like this

This probably doesn't help because it's all relative and you're most likely just venting, but I shut up real fast when I see other people in my life with severe disabilities. Personally, it makes it hard for me to complain and makes me appreciate what I have. Like it literally motivates me.

It sounds like you are suffering from burnout if you have no desire or ambition to do anything. There isn't going to be one singular thing you can do to make it better just like there wasn't one singular thing that happened to you that made you this way(like you acknowledged). You are going to have to start stacking and recognizing small victories. If you are already doing this, keep it up. I'm sorry to be an armchair therapist but this is just what works for me.

the thing is, ive never had ambition

Dungeater posted...

my family are hoarders yes. they go away every couple of months and i do a deep clean cuz i hate living like this

currently trying to climb out of this. It's bad enough there's no practical avenue to try selling stuff because of the time involved, and I'm trying to beat getting out of a storage unit I'm paying for by end of the month. That, and I'm fed up of the empty claims and promises from my mom (it's like 99% her stuff) saying she'd do it after being almost 2 years retired.

Luckily I'm getting some cooperation recently and it might really happen this week. Small step in the bigger picture, though.

I'm deterministic as hell, cause nothing has yet countered the argument. But that also means that I acknowledge we don't have the processing power to see what has already been determined, at least not on most things, and so I just gotta try and hope my blind lotto ticket is a goodun.

But also I just hope you get out of your funk. Like, there's the perspective of our relatively comfortable positions in life, sure, but that's not always something that helps. I can only offer the sentiment that I believe you deserve to be content, because you're pretty good.

Dungeater posted...

i want to want those things.

Why? For them to get what they have, whether or not they admit it, they made sacrifices on the way. If you saw the kind of sacrifices that they made and you would have to make to get those things, too, and said, "That's not for me," then you're still finding your way to your happiness--a journey only you can make (and I don't say this lightly).
.

Dungeater posted...

and im not like, holding my childhood up against that of others. im just saying that because of it, i am who i am. thats all

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/6/6ace826f.jpg
... and everyone has scars, including the ones we're afraid others will see. Everyone. They are reminders of past experiences, but that's all. They don't determine who any of us can become.

andri_g posted...

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/6/6ace826f.jpg
... and everyone has scars, including the ones we're afraid others will see. Everyone. They are reminders of past experiences, but that's all. They don't determine who any of us can become

they absolutely do. values and character traits are imparted due to things like this

im the type of person who can lose weight and quit smoking and easily talk to people

but im also the type of person who doesnt want to be around people and isnt interested in anything. id be different if my childhood was different, that's just life

i made two new friends today. i pushed thru the "i dont fucking want to talk to anyone" and i dont regret it

Dungeater posted...

i made two new friends today. i pushed thru the "i dont fucking want to talk to anyone" and i dont regret it

d-

As I've grown I've acclimated to a more "it is what is is" mindset. It doesn't erase all the inequality in life but with the little things in life I've accepted that you just have to make of it what you will even if its unfair or imperfect.