Current Events > Got catphished last weekend and need opinions

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I know CE is like the worst place to go for opinions on dating but whatevs i think most of us have experienced this

Talked to a girl on bumble for about a week. Good chemistry, but she did move a bit fast, but at the time, i was vibing it. Decided to meet up last Sunday. She started sending me pics that were CLEARLY using filters ( logo on the bottom left and everything). I asked her about that, and she said it was because her camera was bad. I told myself id at least meet, and if its bad, i can stop talking. I have that right. She tells me how excited she is to meet and that she couldnt sleep the night before we met.

Anyway, we meet, and she definitely doesnt look like ehr photos. Her face was very different, and i felt i had been a bit betrayed. She was super nice though and very easy to get along with. We did have fun. But i couldnt really look her in the eye and i did feel uneasy. I have trust issues and this was a major issue for me. Long story short, I had a relationship with someone who lied about their divorce circumstances, and it was a big deal. It hurts.

Anyway, I get home, and I tell her thanks, but I couldnt feel any romantic connection. She says oh, not to worry about it. I do feel a bit sad and let down. I got my hopes up and let my guard down for her. Honestly, i have rarely met anyone with such good chemistry, but.. she wasnt who i thought she was.

Part of me wants to try to wrap my head around and get used to her. But the other half just feels sad and betrayed when i think about her. I wasnt so attracted to who i saw.

TLDR: We had good chemistry, she sent heavily filtered pics, when i met, she looked much different. We had a good time, but i felt betrayed. I liked her a lot before i met her, but after, i felt weird. Should i try to get to know her now, or just move on?

If it's not there, it's not there. But if you're strictly basing these feelings on how she looks, that might be an issue you can work yourself through.

If you could've looked past the pics from the start then maybe you had a chance to make something out of it. But as hung up as you are on that there is no way, move on.

She might be insecure. Idk, she seemed to take the No pretty well. I think that speaks well of her.

Lots of women nowadays feel huge pressure to be super hot.

Notti posted...

She might be insecure. Idk, she seemed to take the No pretty well. I think that speaks well of her.

Lots of women nowadays feel huge pressure to be super hot.

I get it, of course. She wasnt gross or anything, but i did think i was talking to someone different.

And no i didnt tell her she was unattractive, im not dense.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yeah i know. And she was a nice person. Thats the hard part, because if she was terrible, it would be easy to just say lol she was bad and move on.

Sounds to me as if you behaved properly, and she took it well. If there's no connection, there's no connection, regardless of how accurate the photos are.

I wouldn't call it catfishing, or even betrayal. She didn't turn out to be a 300lb bloke who was trying to exploit you. Maybe just a girl who is insecure about her looks, and hopes that it won't matter so much if people take the chance to get to know her.

That wasn't the case with you, but no harm, no foul.

I thought this was going to be an extreme catphish where the person didnt even show up or like was a man pretending to be a woman or something and wanting money lol.

Im not 100% excusing it but in this day and age with filters you should have been expecting her to not really be like her obvious filtered photos you were aware of. Obviously looks matter and impact what you are attracted to but I dont think you should feel betrayed when you could see this coming. You knew for a fact she was using heavily filtered photos. Ultimately you knew there was potential let down there and most people would expect it.

Youre projecting past issues onto this girl. By all accounts you really enjoyed virtually everything about her but her looks. Im not going to rake you over the coals for that but it seems like youre trying to make it bigger than it is like this big trust thing when its really just about you not liking her looks. Lets be real here, if she was some supermodel who was downplaying her looks to get to know people without them only going by her looks would you feel as betrayed? Honestly?

Just move on. You will both be better off with something more suitable for each of you.