Poll of the Day > If someone bullied you in high school, would you appreciate an apology from them

(+) Yeah! (+)

At any point in your life? Like 17 years later even? Or what would you think?

If that apology included me beating their face in, no .

Yeah probably

oh okay

The only guy that ever really bullied me that much was in elementary school and he died of a heroin overdose a couple years ago. Apology accepted I guess

ya, i didn't have a very good elementary experience...

If I did have a high school bully, then I think I might take an apology from them... I was more mature then

Lokarin posted...

the whole everyone

I was/am personally mortified at the idea of something bad happening to anyone in my class.

I'm just entitled to my feelings of disliking someone without forgiveness.

My bullies weren't my own they were just the mouth breathing idiots who would pick on any unpopular target.

If it was personally to me I may or may not, likely depends on what they did and how long it went on for. But the people I am describing above I would accept an apology.

I'd like to see what he had to say. The only real bully I had was this guy who seemed to really hate me for some reason

Have no idea, since I wasn't, but I feel like a sincere apology could go a long way. Though, that'd also depend on the nature/severity of the bullying.

I don't think I've ever really held that kind of thing against anyone, but it'd make me happier to know that any person became more thoughtful and self-reflective

lost my best friend to Trump and racism and being a piece of shit, so hearing about anyone being better versions of themselves would put a smile on my face

Sure.
it'd be a nice gesture, but it's definitely water under the bridge.
Nothing like major happened though.
I do appreciate people obviously trying to make things better. even if it was "hey, man. Sorry about that shit from high school." That'd be fine with me.

I wouldn't care. Throughout my life, I have always had to deal with bullies. I've sort of just stopped caring. Wait, no. I'm in a place where I'm starting to feel safe enough to care. But I definitely wouldn't want to see anyone from my past ever again.

Nah. While it would be a nice gesture, after this much time has passed we're all effectively different people as far as I'm concerned. If I even met someone who was a bully in high school, it would be a clean slate.

Interesting to see all the varied responses

I try not to hold grudges or cling to the past like that so there's nothing to forgive

Exrending even to the guy that killed my mom. When I was young I harbored a tremendous amount of resentment and anger towards him but some time in my 20s I decided it wasn't worth spending any of my time and energy thinking about this total stranger. I don't know that I forgive the dude but I don't dwell on him like I used to. It's been a great relief, so I try to behave that way with everything.

Far-Queue posted...

I try not to hold grudges or cling to the past like that so there's nothing to forgive

Exrending even to the guy that killed my mom. When I was young I harbored a tremendous amount of resentment and anger towards him but some time in my 20s I decided it wasn't worth spending any of my time and energy thinking about this total stranger. I don't know that I forgive the dude but I don't dwell on him like I used to. It's been a great relief, so I try to behave that way with everything.

I'm of the opinion that forgiveness shouldn't be the goal of an apology because that's pretty self serving.

Jen0125 posted...

Interesting to see all the varied responses

i got modded

My grades 4 and 5 were traumatic and I had to home school grade 6 while I was in therapy for it... but 7 and up were a total joy

Not even slightly.

I wouldn't give a shit one wat or the other but if they did change their life around and it's not some bs apology then I'll be happy for them they they turned it around. Kids are assholes and I won't hold it against someone that used to be an asshole as a kid.

I think it'd have to depend on the nature of the bullying and the nature of the apology. I didn't really have much by way of bullying problems, so I don't have any experiences I'd consider unforgivable, but I imagine I'd feel differently if I did have more serious problems.

I used to try to pursue apologies when I was in my 20s - some were productive, and some weren't. I had 'close' friends that treated me very poorly every day of grade 12, calling me slurs and just generally being demeaning. The apologies ran the entire spectrum.

Best one - fully apologetic, including acknowledging the things they said and did, and saying how hurtful they were. This felt authentic and I am friends with this person.

Middling - saying sorry, acknowledging things a bit, but then joking that you deserved some things. This person is not really my friend, but I can engage with them. and I'll get my digs in.

Poor - suggesting that we hang out because they've been meaning to 'talk about things' but then avoiding an apology, and actively excusing it by saying 'kids will be kids'. This was a good process in learning that you can't get an apology from everyone. I don't give a shit anymore, and I'd be nice to this person, but they are not my friend any longer.

Jen0125 posted...

I'm of the opinion that forgiveness shouldn't be the goal of an apology because that's pretty self serving.

I agree with this. Conflating acceptance with forgiveness wasn't my intent, just sharing a personal experience

Far-Queue posted...

I agree with this. Conflating acceptance with forgiveness wasn't my intent, just sharing a personal experience

Oh for sure. I was just giving my own opinion!

Nah, I've got enough nonsense in my life to bother caring about highschool anything.

Not high school but I did find (and added) my middle school bully on Facebook last year. He probably doesnt remember bullying me and Im not going to bring it up.

Surprisingly, I was cool with most people in high school throughout since I was a skater and I had my own groups, one skater group, one korean church group who were hipsters in the youth group, all except for this one NIN fan who was that one internet nerd who made jokes about my race through the days of AIM chat when he trolled me with an unrecognizable username and he was weird cause he kept picking on me cause of my race. I would not forgive him cause he pulled a knife on me as a joke after watching some NIN vid about a killer kidnapping his victim at his house. He never put that same knife to the other friend we had since he was not of my race. The world is telling me I don't experience racism though so.

I went through a "mean girls" phase in middle school, but I was never bullied in high school and made peace with those I bullied back then too before the end of my freshman year, who all but one became part of my friends group.

no my bullies were relentless stalkers, I would be happy if they were in a cemetary

I'd need to go on a My Name Is Earl type adventure to fulfill this epic feat, and nothing turns out like it does on TV.

Guy who I got suspended because he sent me an AIM message saying I deserved to die is probably either dead or in prison now

Zareth posted...

Guy who I got suspended because he sent me an AIM message saying I deserved to die is probably either dead or in prison now

And how do you feel about that

I wasn't bullied in high school so much as ignored (and in the latter part "feared" due to Columbine and essentially dressing like they did back then), but I pretty much forgot all about high school once I started college. Besides a select few people who I kept in touch with, I probably wouldn't recognize anyone from high school if they did come up to me.

MICHALECOLE posted...

And how do you feel about that

meh

Live and let live. I didn't and in the end wouldn't take it so seriously. Half the time I wonder if the language barrier was in the way, just because I was in a bilingual enough setting back in grade school. Miami is mostly Hispanics around my old area.

High school was the only time I wasn't shit on.

Regardless, I would be immediately suspicious of their motives, and would likely try to shut off communication asap.

Nah. Never forgive. Never forget.

Jk, I'm not holding onto a grudge for that long. Yeah I'd accept their apology. Dumb high school stuff isn't worth it.

I would just think meh, who cares, that was 17 years ago, and we were children. Besides, I'm pretty sure that most of the people who bullied me in high school are and were in a pretty shitty situation in life.

I was at my 10 high school reunion a few years back, and while there wasn't anyone there who bullied me specifically, there were definitely some people there who were accessories to the bullying. Some of them just avoided me. One guy came up to me and said "wow, you've come so far, what caused you to come out of your shell?" Basically implying that it was perfectly fine that everyone treated me like an outcast when I was in high school because I was weird, whereas now, I'm much more social, good looking, and successful, therefore I'm worthy of being treated like a human being.

I can remember a few kids who tried to bully me in middle and highschool. The damage has been done. I don't care what they say today. The image in my head of them and what they did or try to do to me remains. I wouldn't waste any energy on them today. I'd totally ignore them and maybe just say do better, ***** and walk on.

teddy241 posted...

I can remember a few kids who tried to bully me in middle and highschool. The damage has been done. I don't care what they say today. The image in my head of them and what they did or try to do to me remains. I wouldn't waste any energy on them today. I'd totally ignore them and maybe just say do better, ***** and walk on.

What if they have been doing better and that's why they actually self reflected?

Jen0125 posted...

What if they have been doing better and that's why they actually self reflected?

That's good for them. I just wouldn't waste any of my time/energy on it. It's pointless. Happened years ago. No point in bringing it back up

idk

i feel really bad about bullying this kid in high school still and Id like to apologize to him but I dont remember his last name. I wouldnt be shocked if he didnt want to hear it though.

I never got bullied in high school I was the most popular person everyone always fucking loves me

in middle school I had some terrible bullies though if I ever met them now they would never ever let me out of prison no tv no nothing allowed forevermore due to my actions

they are all still in some shit butt Texas town though just dying of alcoholism and beating their girlfriend and kids, only living to watch football and feel bad feelings

During the first reunion after secondary school I had great talks with them. 1 especially as I became his driver for the day.

It probably helped that it was just the typical "group bullying its weakest member" and not anything intentionally malignant on their part.

That chapter of my life is a long, long, long way in the rear-view mirror now, and I have long since ceased to care about anything that happened during it. If someone wanted to apologize to me, I wouldn't turn them down or anything, but it really wouldn't do anything for me one way or the other.

https://youtu.be/1cekfpK8mZQ?si=gcsBW5VkFEH2Lv5Y

This topic just makes me think of this scene

No, they can all permanently fuck off with their fake apologies.

Venixon posted...

No, they can all permanently fuck off with their fake apologies.

Why do you automatically assume it's fake?

Jen0125 posted...

Why do you automatically assume it's fake?

It's a trauma response/defense mechanism, usually developed by people who have been on the receiving end of false apologies before.