Current Events > Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man

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HylianFox
04/14/25 3:52:56 PM
#1:


https://theonion.com/salvadoran-president-claims-he-lacks-humanity-to-return-wrongly-deported-man/

WASHINGTONDuring a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvadors president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday that he lacks the humanity to return wrongly deported legal U.S. resident Kilmar Abrego Garcia back to America. How can I return an innocent man to the United States when I dont have the ability to feel empathy or compassion? said Bukele, explaining that hes consulted with his top advisors about the 29-year-old Maryland father being held in a Salvadoran prison, but none of them could find it in their hearts to care at all about the mans situation. Do you hear how ridiculous it sounds to expect that I could see myself reflected in another human beings experience? Even if I wanted to, theres no way I could acknowledge the plight of someone who is suffering because I am completely numb to the pain of others. My hands are tied because Im totally dead inside. At press time, President Trump had publicly thanked Bukele for his use of cruelty to project a facade of strength.

Again, how the fuck is this any different from an actual news article? It's not even close to an exaggeration.

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ItsNotA2Mer
04/14/25 3:54:00 PM
#2:


This timeline fucking blows.

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#3
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Solar_Crimson
04/14/25 3:54:46 PM
#4:


I almost thought it was real for a sec.

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#5
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Doe
04/14/25 3:56:44 PM
#6:


Yeah I scrolled back up reading through the first paragraph once I got to "consulting with his advisors".

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Umbreon
04/14/25 3:59:42 PM
#7:


The fact that this is barely parody is horrifying.

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buddhamonster
04/14/25 4:25:00 PM
#8:


Solar_Crimson posted...
I almost thought it was real for a sec.
Good satire is often indistinguishable from reality.

The scathing truth boiling just under the surface of the silliness is why the joke is able to land so hard.

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The_Wheelman1
04/14/25 4:29:54 PM
#9:


No lies detected. He certainly lacks humanity.

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SgtBash
04/14/25 4:32:36 PM
#10:


This is the same leader whose country uses Bitcoin as a legal currency

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Tyranthraxus
04/14/25 4:32:47 PM
#11:


Solar_Crimson posted...
I almost thought it was real for a sec.
It is real, only the article is fake

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Agent_Stroud
04/14/25 4:34:26 PM
#12:


I used to think the Onion was overrated as a satirical newspaper, but these days theyve been hitting the mark so perfectly that I would suspect them of using the infinite dead eye cheat in Red Dead Redemption.

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