Current Events > God be like: "Bro, sacrifice your firstborn for me"

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cousinvini
08/16/25 8:13:01 PM
#1:


"Chill bro I was capping haha. Got 'em"

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UnicornWizard
08/16/25 8:14:00 PM
#2:


The villain of the book

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Just a nobody. (They/Them)
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thekosmicfool
08/16/25 8:21:51 PM
#3:


"This God dude's wildin; we should probably do what he says."

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Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walkin' around everywhere.
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DrizztLink
08/16/25 8:22:35 PM
#4:


"make fun of my boy's bald-ass head? forty she-bears."

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He/Him http://guidesmedia.ign.com/guides/9846/images/slowpoke.gif https://i.imgur.com/M8h2ATe.png
https://i.imgur.com/6ezFwG1.png
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DragulaRULEZ
08/16/25 8:25:34 PM
#5:


God: "You're totally the first and only humans I made."
::City of Nod is two miles to the East, filled with people::

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"I'm going to have to disagree with everything you say from now on. Go ahead, say babies shouldn't be skinned alive, see which side I'm on."
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Nota214
08/16/25 8:30:54 PM
#6:


DragulaRULEZ posted...
God: "You're totally the first and only humans I made."
::City of Nod is two miles to the East, filled with people::
Clearly, those are the humans made by someone else. Probably his brother, Rod.

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DragulaRULEZ
08/16/25 8:33:04 PM
#7:


Rod said he didn't do it. Are you calling God's brother a liar!?

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"I'm going to have to disagree with everything you say from now on. Go ahead, say babies shouldn't be skinned alive, see which side I'm on."
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PowerOats
08/16/25 8:33:23 PM
#8:


They called me the Burning Bush in Highschool - God
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Nota214
08/16/25 8:35:53 PM
#9:


DragulaRULEZ posted...
Rod said he didn't do it. Are you calling God's brother a liar!?
I would never disrespect Rod like that.

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LinkDaLunatic
08/16/25 8:38:35 PM
#10:


"It was just a prank bro!" ~ God to Job.

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There's a time and place for everything... but not now.
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DrizztLink
08/16/25 8:39:36 PM
#11:


LinkDaLunatic posted...
"It was just a prank bro!" ~ God to Job.
"Sure thing, God." ~ Job to God, but he's pronouncing it like "goad."

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Kim_Seong-a
08/16/25 8:46:07 PM
#12:


LinkDaLunatic posted...
"It was just a prank bro!" ~ God to Job.

On the subject of Job, the first chapter reads like some sort of Robot Chicken parody of the bible lol

One day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in the eldest brother's house, a messenger came to Job and said, The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were feeding beside them, and the Sabeans fell on them and carried them off, and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; I alone have escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, another came and said, The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; I alone have escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, another came and said, The Chaldeans formed three columns, made a raid on the camels and carried them off, and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; I alone have escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, another came and said, Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house, and suddenly a great wind came across the desert, struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead; I alone have escaped to tell you.
Job 1:13-19 NRSV


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FolkenRawr
08/16/25 8:49:22 PM
#13:


Lot's Wife - the original 'Made Ya Look'

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DragulaRULEZ
08/16/25 8:55:12 PM
#14:


God: "Oh shit, Lot's daughters think they're the last humans left alive. I should tell them, nah, they're getting their drink on. They'll chill out. OMG!"

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"I'm going to have to disagree with everything you say from now on. Go ahead, say babies shouldn't be skinned alive, see which side I'm on."
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Zikten
08/16/25 9:22:33 PM
#15:


I never understood the story about the guy God told to kill his kid. In Christianity, (probably in Judiasm too, but I was only raised Catholic, not Jewish so I won't say) that story is meant to show much faith the dad had. And oh that's so cool. He was such a good, faithful man. Yea fuck that. It would be a better story if the dad refused to kill his son, and THAT should have been the moral. God would then say he passed the test and he was finding out 8f the guy would murder his son just cause God said to. And that saying no was the correct answer. That's what a good god would do
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