Lurker > Chronic1000

I think the better question is if it's more misplaced than Rey Mysterio's WCW theme?



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Nothing beats seeing Big Show trying to ride the coffin, and failing miserably.

I don't care if it the angle was awful, that whole segment was hilarious.

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Season Seven Episode Six: Laserblast
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis: Alien creatures kill a mutated alien creature in the California desert. Its remains, and the high-tech laser gun and power source accidentally left behind, are found by ostracized teenager Billy. However, the power source causes the teenager to mutate, too, and he goes on a murderous rampage. Eventually, the first aliens return to kill him as well, and then forget to take the gun again.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Against Mike's will, Crow and Tom present the subtile nuances of The Thunderdome Joke.

Segment One: Dr. Forrester's funding has been cut, so he disconnects the Umbilicus, setting the SOL loose. He's moving out of Deep 13 with help from Pearl. Gypsy and Tom manage to fix the ship so they have thrusters, but no control. They drift out of Earth's orbit and begin to head into deep space.

Segment Two: MatBs are visited by Monad, an annoying robot relative of Nomad. He is taunted and confused by them, and so Mike is able to boot Monad out of the airlock with no problem

Segment Three: The SOL hits a field of star babies - and one of them needs a diaper change. Mike plays Ground Control ala Apollo 13 as Servo and Crow go out into space to get the little...er, big one taken care of.

Segment Four: With the SOL heading toward a black hole, Mike takes charge the only way he can: he becomes Captain Kathryn Janeway. It works, but it ends in a very weird manner.

Ending Segment: The SOL reaches the edge of the universe and the crew transform themselves into noncorporeal beings of pure energy. In Deep 13, Dr. F becomes unstuck in time, has a revelation and is reborn in a sequence that pays tribute to the final sequence in 2001, right down to the broken goblet. Pearl rejoices at her second chance to raise him right, but Dr. F's only response? "Oh, poopie."

Stinger: The freaky hippie dude says, "Faaar out!"


Review:

I guess the movie followed the lead of Star Wars (which Laserblast was happy to reference by.. having Billy blow up a billboard for the movie) but it looks far worse than Star Wars ever did. The film quality isn't too hot, the lead actor isn't appealing, and who thought it was a good idea to show cops getting high for no reason? To it's credit, the aliens look well made, and the makeup isn't that bad either. Too bad it doesnt' make up for the rest of the mess.

Liked the riffing, though it wasn't top notch. There were several callbacks thrown out there, so I can't complain about that. The only real problem I have is that this really doesn't feel like a series finale. The movie, while ripe for riffing, isn't what I'd picture they would do for what they thought would be their final episode (hell, the real series finale feels better as a series finale than this, but I'll get to that when I'm at it.)

As for the host segments, I understand that they didn't want to end it like they would do for season 10, but they could've done something a bit better than having Mike and the Bots become beings of pure energy and Dr. F becoming a star child, couldn't they? Eh, I guess it works well for what it is now (season finale) than it's intended use. Alright episode and a nice watch, but a strange end for season seven. 8/10

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I'm interested in this.

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Will your broski get a major role?

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XIII/Nick
Chronic
Dante
RL5
Tom/Raze
eddv/deaed

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War

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Nice list, though I thought Dudleys would be top five.

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WWE Smackdown vs. Raw

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Chronic/JONA
Drak/Maniac
PUN/Raven
KCF/Tom
XIII/Teddy
CO/Sess
eaed/eddv
Nick/jdizzy
Dp/War
ngirl/Reg
KP/Kane
Koala/ertyu

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Season Seven Episode Five: Escape 2000
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis: Corporate-controlled death squads roam the wasteland that was once the Bronx in search of members of a rebel alliance of street gangs, all while putting up a front that they are getting everyone to Leave the Bronx for New Mexico and making the Bronx a better place to live.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Crow holds his annual auction to help the Really Good Cause, which he is not sure of. His first item? A penny. His second item is a nickel and his third item is a dollar.

Segment One: Crow accidentally lights the SOL on fire while trying to burn an ant with a magnifying glass near a pile of oily rags. Luckily, Gypsy takes care of everything. Meanwhile, Dr. F is forced to put his mother Pearl into a home. As in, locked in a little playhouse in the main room of Deep 13.

Segment Two: Mike sets up Crow with his biofeedback machine, giving Crow a nice warm feeling. As Crow continues to relax, several small fires start across the ship.

Segment Three: Mike plays the big boss, nearly choking Servo with cigar smoke. Crow doesn't understand all of the slang terms for getting Mike another beer.

Segment Four: Servo recovers from his smoking jag as the Mads call. Dr. Forrester has determined the ratings are too low, and so he introduces Timmy Bobby Rusty, who disturbs the crew. Alas, the ratings remain low, so Timmy Bobby Rusty is promptly dropped.

Ending Segment: Tom lowers himself from a helicopter as Mike reads a letter. In Deep 13, Toblerone's laughter disturbs Dr. F. He comes over to yell at Clayton after the mad scientist complains and rescues Pearl from her home.

Stinger: Dablone spits and laughs.

Review:

Think Escape from New York, only without Kurt Russell, made in Italy, explosions to be had, slow-mo jumping deaths, and with a large ham supporting character that would've been better as the lead. Aside from Dablone/Toblerone, the movie is just pretty dull with two somewhat evil sides trying to control of the Bronx.. or Italy, or whatever. Toblerone pretty much makes the few brief moments he's around awesome, while everything sorta peters off when he isn't on screen, and when he disappears/dies in the cut material near the end of the movie. He's no Torgo, but he's fun to watch.

Good riffing, with some nice host segments. The whole Timmy Bobby Rusty bit is a nice dig at how Cousin Oliver characters never work. It was around this point Best Brains Inc. were notifed the series was canceled, so that might explain that segment? Seems like a good theory. Good episode overall. 8.5/10

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Taggage.

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Cartman Finds Love
I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining
Cash for Gold
Butterballs
Jewpacabra
Faith Hilling
Reverse Cowgirl

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Jakyl25 posted...
In stark contrast, the Over the Limit poster sucks hard.


Dah! So that's Randy Orton's O-Face...

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Season Seven Episode Four: The Incredible Melting Man
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis:Three astronauts are exposed to a blast of radiation which kills two of them and seriously injures the third, Steve West. He is next shown unconscious in a hospital back on Earth, with bandages covering his face; his physician, Dr. Loring, cannot explain what is happening to West or how he survived the blast. West awakens and is horrified to find the flesh on his face and hands melting away. Hysterical, he attacks and kills a nurse, then escapes the hospital in a panic. Loring and Dr. Ted Nelson, discover that the nurse's corpse is emitting feeble radiation, and realize West's body has become radioactive. Nelson must save his friend before he's a puddle or goo (or kills everyone.) Think Monster A-Go Go, only the monster was real.

Host Segments:

Prologue: MatBs play a little baseball. Crow, the umpire, says, "Hiyreah!" repeatedly, and Mike keeps getting hit by balls thrown by Servo.

Segment One: Crow's Earth vs. Soup screenplay is being made into a movie, with Dr. F and Pearl in charge of the money. Crow says he will stand by his script, but he folds like a card table at Pearl's demands. He ends up with 800 bucks to make the movie, and he has to hire Kevin Bacon.

Segment Two: Dr. F and Pearl take a very expensive (and very pointless) shuttle ride to the SOL for a script conference. Mike tears the centers out of bagels at Crow's command; Crow leaves for Pellegrinos and the conference goes on without him. Lost of confusion abounds with the revisions.

Segment Three: Crow directs his movie, which features Mike as Kevin Bacon and Gypsy as his love interest. Judy (actually Servo) helps as the assistant director. Crow gets two takes of the only scene before Movie Sign because he is so carried away with his new director's scarf.

Segment Four: Dr. F leads a focus group for Earth vs. Soup: The Movie. None of them liked the film; they didn't like the plot, it was too short, and it should have been potato soup.

Ending Segment: Upon learning the fate of his movie, Crow flips out: "I come to you with a movie, you supposedly get me $30 million to make it, you take 29.5 million for yourself, I get a lousy $800, I don't get any credit, and my movie's released as a trailer!?!"

Stinger: Dr. Ted Nelson’s weird old mother-in-law says, "Let’s get the hell out of here!"

Review:

The movie is pretty damn bizarre, with an assortment of bland characters, dull surprises, narm, and fridge logic. I'm almost convinced that the director, angry at the executives for wanting it to go from parody to regular, decided to make this movie bad purposely. How else can you explain this movie? To the movie's credit, the melting man's makeup is very well done (made by Rick Baker, who went on to have a nice career as a makeup artist.)

I laughed a good deal during today's experiment. Though, it is hard to say if the riffing of the movie or the actual narm would be the reason why. The movie has so many out there bizarre moments that it almost works as a parody itself. Overall, I'd say this is a good episode, though don't eat anything while watching it. ACHKA! 8.5/10


Other Notes:

If it wasn't obvious, the host segments are based around MST3K: The Movie and all the problems Best Brains Inc. had making the movie. I believe that what some of the execs said were taken word for word and put into this episode (not that they would know). To say they were a bit... bitter about the whole experience would be an understatement. I guess Joel was right, after all.

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He wore a neck brace for a while, yeah. Not sure if they said if it was a broken neck or not.

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Shame to hear about Bagwell, hope he ends up alright. The eerie thing is that the neck injury happened almost to the day when he injured his vertebrae on Thunder. Man, that was a scary looking botch.

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Scott Hall cleared of battery charge

Newsweek reports that Scott Hall has been cleared of a battery charge following a recent altercation with an adult male outside of a Texas restaurant.
According to the police report, Scott Hall and Honky Tonk Man were leaving the restaurant when a man, who is described as being inebriated, approached Honky Tonk Man. The man became Disturbed after Honky Tonk Man told the drunkard to go away. Scott Hall intervened and took the man down to the ground.
Scott Hall held the man down until police arrived, but was arrested on suspicion of battery, a charge that has since been dropped due to lack of evidence.
Scott Hall told Newsweek they should have been arrested and that they'd have a good case to file a lawsuit.
"I'm a fake fighter,"Scott Hall added. "My Leg isn't a deadly weapon."

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Season Seven Episode Three: Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis: Dashing Deathstalker is entrusted by the beautiful Princess Carissa to protect an enchanted Jewel one of three which together hold the key to the lost city of treasure, Erendor. The missing pair of gems are stashed all too safely in the heavily guarded castle of the wicked Troxartes. His mission clear, Deathstalker rouses his troops and storms the fortress with the power of lightning. And in this fateful battle, one man will survive to witness the magical secrets of Erendor.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Mike introduces Tom and the Satellite of Love as we wait for Crow to show up. Crow has a new lease on life as he has traded in his lacrosse mask for a toupee.

Segment One: Dr. Forrester is accosted by his mother who has a parasite and is begging for attention. The robots egg him on by pretending to work for a McDonald's wannabe fast-food burger joint.

Segment Two: The Bots throw a Renaissance Fest for Mike and fleece him for all he's got. Mike loves every second of it because he had never been to one on Earth.

Segment Three: Mike comes back for more, but the bots have lost interest. They do humor him a little, but in the end they all try to go and pet the dead camel.

Segment Four: Dr. Forrester goes to the store to get Mother some Robitussin and she is in need of entertainment. Crow/Art happens to be walking by the view screen when he is nabbed to read Love's Sweet Throbbing Gondola.

Ending Segment: Mike reads a letter and Tom eventually succeeds at hammering out a new Great Ring of Power, a la Lord of the Rings. We jump cut to Dr. F walking a glass of tainted milk out to mother. At the last second, Clay turns on himself and chugs sweet freedom from Mom.

Stinger: Trashy Chick's mother saying, "Potatoes are what we eat!"

Review:

Usually, when a sequel to a movie is shown on MST3K (and Best Brains Inc. didn't feature the original movie/sequel to it) the movie usually has some backstory as to what the hell is going on. This doesn't. Really, the first half hour or so of today's flick is filled with moments and dialogue that talk about what the Deathstalker did in his previous movies, but we don't see any of it. I can only assume that had Season Seven been a bit longer, we would have seen the entire four movie series. Not that I would want to, mind you.

Compared to Cave Dwellers or Outlaw of Gor, this movie just really doesn't have the same amount of lulz going for it. Cave Dwellers had Ator, who could do everything and make anything (including present day hang gliders.) Outlaw of Gor had Watney the scrappy and Jack Palance going for it. This? Nothing. Deathstalker is a pretty dull sword and sorcery movie, with a big bad that's about 5'8" and less scary than a litter of week old kittens, a hero that is a complete tool, and a group of warriors with a leader that has batwings on his helmet.. As Mike said, this is one of the ambitiously bad movies they ever watched.

Of course, Mike and the Bots deliver plenty of great riffs throughout this suckfest, though not enough to make this one of their better movies. While there are plenty of good riffs toward Batwing man, potato woman, and the miscast hero and villian, nothing really stands out as a highly memorable riff to me. Not only that, but the host segments with a sick Pearl aren't exactly something I'd be too proud of (though the final segment where Dr. F drinks the tainted milk WAS hilarious) Overall, this is a good episode, just not great. 7.5/10

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Season Seven Episode Two: The Brute Man w/short The Chicken of Tomorrow
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis (Short): We learn what is being done today to create the Chicken of Tomorrow. With a side mention of just how gosh darn important gas stations and oil are to the poultry industry.

Plot Synopsis (Movie): Hal Moffat is taking wholesale revenge by murdering those he holds responsible for his disfigurement. He's befriended by Helen Paige (Adams), a blind piano teacher. He develops a warmth for her that leads him to add thievery and robbery to his murders so she can be provided with the money for an operation to restore her sight.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Tom has become heavily involved in real estate, buying a duplex in Philadelphia with his agent Sherrie. He is convinced he needs no money to actually buy one.

Segment One: Dr. Forrester is sewing a pig head onto a fish. Pearl is going out on a date with the oily Sandy and puts Art in charge. Everyone else is somewhat dismayed, especially after Crow takes his power too seriously.

Segment Two: Tom is inside an egg so that he and Crow can make an educational film. Mike decides that he will miss Tom too much over his twenty-one day gestation period, and attempts to remove him from the shell; instead, he slips and Tom ends up all over the floor.

Segment Three: Mike calls his old girlfriend Carla and tries to get her to help him escape, but she puts her little boy Matthew on the phone. Then Tom makes Matthew hang up because he's expecting a call from Sherrie.

Segment Four: Crow wants Mike and Tom to help him sing "The Crimes of Tom Dooley", except they will substitute Republican presidential candidate Tom Dewey because a character in the film vaguely resembles Dewey. Mike and Tom aren't that into it.

Ending Segment: Tom closes on his duplex and ends up being the worst landlord ever as Mike reads letters. In Deep 13, Dr. F turns Pearl’s date into a chicken of tomorrow.

Stinger: The crotchety grocer says, "Creeper, Creeper, Creeper! YOU give ME the creeps!"


Review:

As educational shorts go, you can do far worse. It is normal enough that it could be useful without the riffs, but it's got enough silliness that it makes for a pretty decent short.

A B-Movie that exploits the lead actor's disfigurement and disease to make a movie? A disease that literally killed him BEFORE the movie was finally released? Why, what could POSSIBLY be wrong about today's movie? Aside from that, the movie isn't actually that bad. While it is pretty dull at times, there's some moments of unintentional hilarity (The scene with the shopkeeper and his abusiveness toward his delivery boy, for example) as well as moments where you do feel for the Creeper Hal. Might have to do with the realtiy subtext going on.

The riffing for the short was good, though there are better shorts. Kind of a shame this is the final short I'll watch till Season Nine. Oh well, more on that when we cross that bridge. The movie's riffing is pretty hilarious as well, though at times there are moments where the riffing is a bit tough. The host segments are pretty funny, with most of the lulz coming from the prologue and segment one. Overall, this is a pretty good episode. 8.5/10

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Ingrown toenails. The fact that my big toe grew to about twice it's normal size and hurt if I walked a certain way didn't help.

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I think he's the first to be cut.

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I'm not saying I want MORE recaps, I'm just saying it makes more sense to recap the lesser watched show on the more watched show, not the other way around.

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One thing that always bothered me. Why does Smackdown have a Raw Rebound still, while Raw dropped the whole Smackdown Rebound years ago? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a rebound to the show less watched, than the other way around?

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Review (cont.):
The riffing on both the short and movie is absolutely hilarious. The short is bizarre, and hilarious, and the movie is ripe for riffing. Overall, this is a pretty damn good episode that starts off Season Seven. 10/10


Other Notes:

As the host segments should tell you, this episode debuted during Turkey Day '95, though this same episode also has "regular" host segments that was used during regular rerun schedule (despite that, the special Turkey Day episode was rebroadcast a second time some months later.)

Turkey Day '95 is important for a few reasons. One, it was the final official Turkey Day during MST3K's run, and Best Brains accepted the minuscule budget Comedy Central gave them and actually produced host segments that year, as a sign of good faith in the new president. Despite that, this is the shortest of the Turkey Day marathons, only showing seven episodes and special Poopie Parade of Values instead of the usual entire weekend of episodes shown during the special.

Another thing that irked Best Brains Inc. is Comedy Central's plan to show Season One episodes again. This is important because several years earlier, both sides informally agreed that they wouldn't show the episodes because Best Brains felt they were inferior to the later seasons. Eventually a compromise was made: They would show a few of the season one episodes (The Crawling Hand, Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy, Robot Monster, and The Corpse Vanishes) the last three would be added to the midnight airings, while The Crawling Hand was the first movie shown during Turkey Day '95.

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Season Seven Episode One: Night of the Blood Beast w/short Once Upon a Honeymoon (Turkey Day Version)
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Pearl Forrester


Plot Synopsis (Short): A songwriter's wife is frustrated about not having sex with her husband for a year after marriage. After Wilmer the Angel sprinkles angel dust on her, she goes on a crazy drug fueled trip and fantasizes about new home decor with matching colored phones.

Plot Synopsis: An astronaut returns from space, dead. The base that recovered him (staffed by three men called Steve, one called Dave, and a lady Doctor (or is that Doctor Lady?)) is then cut off from the outside world by an alien. The revival of the dead astronaut, the death of a scientist, and the discovery of alien embryos inside the resurrected astronaut's body bodes ill for the survival of those trapped at the base and for the rest of humanity.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Happy Thanksgiving! Did you see the game? Of course, MatBs don't make it obvious about what game it is.

Segment One: Dr. Forrester’s Thanksgiving party continues, and it's pretty swinging. Dr. F introduces Pearl to the crew, but it turns out she somehow already knows Crow as "Art". He's forgotten to get a movie to show MatBs as that was Frank's job; fortunately, Pearl has one. Kitten with a Whip went in the tulips.

Segment Two: The bots put on a skit to explain to Mike why stuffing is superior to potatoes. Stuffing has pulled children from burning buildings while potatoes watched helplessly as innocents were beaten to death! Mike's revelation that both would be served is met favorably by the Bots.

Segment Three: Everyone in Deep 13 gathers around to hear Michael Feinstein play. Pearl takes a break from the festivities to chat amiably with "Art" for awhile. Crow suggests she should kill Clay. Alas, she is no more prone to pushing the "bring down the SOL button" than Frank was. Mr. B Natural and a drunk Jack Perkins smooch.

Segment Four: It's time for Thanksgiving dinner on the SOL and after the hymn, the crew finds Crow has disappeared. Turns out he slipped into Deep 13's dinner instead. Each party member goes around the table and gives thanks to God. Pearl thanks Him for Clayton...kind of. Clayton is thankful for his mom and his evilness. Kitten With a Whip left a surprise in the peas. Crow wants Stuffing over Potatos. Pitch is grateful for his new clients (The cast of Friends), Mr. B Natural is thankful for the spirit of music (everyone tells her to shut it.) Drunk Jack Perkins wakes up long enough to announce that he and Mr. B are engaged.

Ending Segment: The Bots present their skit on Mincemeat vs. Pumpkin. They are slightly biased against mincemeat. In the meantime, Pearl’s "turkey surprise" has incapacitated all of Dr. F's party guests, except for a sobered-up Jack Perkins, who helps the Mads wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

Stinger: "A wounded animal that large isn't good..."


Review:

Unlike the ultra bizarre Mr. B Natural, or Out of This World, you really have NO idea what they are trying to sell. Even Mike and the Bots are baffled by what the hell was going on in that short. I assume that if you pay close enough attention, it looks like telephones, but they went about it in the strangest way possible. LSD had to be involved in the making of this short.

A Roger Corman flick (sorta, he only produced it, his brother Gene helped produce and came up with the story.) It's a bad film with lots of Steves, an astronaut with alien babies in him, and NASA having a smaller budget than public television. The plot isn't THAT bad, it's just terribly executed.

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The departure of Frank (as I stated yesterday) is a bigger change to the show than just losing another writer (and on-air character). I believe I noted that Frank was responsible (or the main person responsible) for choosing the movies that were screened by the writers for potential choosing to be an episode. Mary Jo Pehl (Pearl Forrester) was also involved in this process, though I don't know if she choose any before season five. With Frank gone, Mary Jo would be the main person in charge of looking for the bad movies. How well will she do? We'll find out soon enough.

Six seems to be the season of shorts, as twelve episodes includes a short subject (or two). Most of them are extremely hilarious and should be watched on their own. A few shorts fall flat, but it's hard for the negatives to outweigh the positives. I guess it is fitting though this is the season of the shorts, since this is the final season where shorts would be included with a decent percentage of the movies sent up to the SoL. They will be missed as much as Frank.

Of course, this was the final twenty-four episode season of MST3K. The show that was originally Comedy Channel's premier series (and the show Comedy Central ran on their first day as Comedy Central) During this season, Doug Herzog was made President of Comedy Central over former Robert Kreek. At first, Best Brains Inc. breathed a sigh of relief with the change of management and sent the new president gifts as a peace offering, but things soon turned sour when it was announced the seventh season of MST3K would only be six episodes long. This would just be the first of many problems for Comedy Central's former flagship show.

Here are the rankings for season six:
Zombie Nightmare 10/10
The Violent Years w/short Young Man's Fancy 10/10
Sword and the Dragon 10/10
Red Zone Cuba w/short Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance 10/10
Girls Town 9.5/10
The Skydivers w/short Why Study the Industrial Arts? 9.5/10
The Sinister Urge w/short Keeping Clean and Neat 9/10
Kitten with a Whip 9/10
Beast of Yucca Flats w/shorts Money Talks and Progress Island USA. 9/10
Colossus and the Headhunters 8.5/10
The Starfighters 8.5/10
Invasion USA w/short A Date With Your Family 8/10
San Francisco International 8/10
Bloodlust w/short Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm 8/10
The Racket Girls w/ short Are You Ready for Marriage? 8/10
The Amazing Transparent Man w/short Days of Our Years 8/10
Last of the Wild Horses 7.5/10
Danger! Death Ray 7.5/10
Samson vs. The Vampire Women 7.5/10
The Creeping Terror 7/10
High School Big Shot w/short Out of this World 7/10
Code Name: Diamond Head w/short A Day at the Fair 6.5/10
Angels Revenge 6/10
The Dead Talk Back w/short The Selling Wizard 5/10

Season Averages:

Season Three: 8.3/10
Season Five (Joel): 8.3/10
Season Six: 8.2/10
Season Four: 7.6/10
Season Two: 7.5/10
Season One: 5.7/10

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The sad this is my dad watches this show religiously.

I'm... I'm not entirely sure if he believes this stuff or not.

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Season Six Episode Twenty-Four: Samson vs. The Vampire Women
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis: The vampire women in Mexico have awakened from their sleep, commanded by their master, The Evil One, to find him a bride. They choose as their target the beautiful daughter of a local professor. To rescue his daughter, the professor calls Samson (El Santo), a silver-masked wrestler, for justice.

Host Segments:

Prologue: The Satellite of Love has a moment of silence. Tom enjoys his by talking incessantly.

Segment One: Deep 13 receives some Chinese food from an ethereal white deliveryman. Frank accounts for the great majority of the order, and kindly sends some up to the SOL. Frank's fortune cookie specifically hints at his imminent death. Crow enjoy his lo mein, Mike has difficulty with his hot and sour clam soup, and Tom's hot dog gives him kisses.

Segment Two: While the crew plays Stratego in their own way, Crow spies a mysterious figure outside the ship and receives an ethereal message.

Segment Three: Torgo the White, complete with reconstructed knees, but with his disjointed voice, arrives in Deep 13 and takes Frank to Second Banana Heaven.

Segment Four: Dr. Forrester receives the news from the SOL crew and realizes Frank is gone for good. Distraught, he sings the touching tribute "Who Will I Kill?"

Ending Segment: The Bots read their letters to Frank; however, only Gypsy's is actually appropriate for the occasion. Frank visits a mourning Dr. F from the ethereal outer world and pushes the button one last time for old time's sake.

Stinger: "Chief, I saw two corpses in the garden."


Review:

This is a relatively silly B-Movie that has all sorts of bad production values in it. The voice dubbing is rather silly, and the original production value is low budget. El Santo/Samson looks hilariously out of place around all these "normal" people, as well. The plot is dull, and but overall it's not one of the worst movies ever on MST3K. Hell, it's not even the worst movie this season. Like I said, it's pretty silly and would be pretty enjoyable on it's own.

The riffing for the movie was relatively funny. While it had a few dull moments, overall I did enjoy this episode. The host segments were good, and rather touching considering this was Frank's final regular appearance. It's a shame though they decided to write off Torgo, though. He was one of the best guest characters the show had. TV Frank though was the real lose. The chemistry between him and Trace (Dr. Forrester) was top notch, for sure. Overall, this is a very important episode in MST3K history, but it could've been a slightly bit better. 7.5/10

Trivia: Since this was Frank's final hurrah (and he typically picked the movies they watched), the writers of Best Brain Inc. decided to go with this instead of their original choice: Master Ninja III. Man, how fun would it have been to see the next part of that series?

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Why is the sky blue?

Aliens.

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Season Six Episode Twenty-Three: The Amazing Transparent Man w/short Days of Our Years
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis (Short): Another Union Pacific short, this time a preacher talking about avoiding work accidents and providing three examples to ram home his message like a blowtorch to the eyeballs. As Mike points out, the main causes of workplace accidents are apparently joy, sex, and old age.

Plot Synopsis (Movie): Paul Krenner, an ex-major with delusions of grandeur, forces scientist Peter Ulof to develop a radiation-based technique to turn men invisible, with which process he plans to create an invisible army to sell to the highest bidder. He busts safecracker Joey Faust out of prison and forces him to undergo the invisibility treatment so he can steal more radium to further the experimentation. Plans go awry when Faust discovers there is a side effect to the invisibility treatments he didn't count on.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Tom’s science project is a Crowtus Robotus Horribilus, trapped in a giant bottle.

Segment One: Crow gets mounted among the other insects of Servo's collection. Deep 13 has been transformed into Auntie McFrank’s Tangleberry Inn, a colorful bed and breakfast. After being served a meal of cold lo mein, MatBs provide some "local color" for the guests (Kevin Murphy and Mary Jo Pehl) by presenting a llama. Don't you give no matches to Mikey! The guests naturally flee in terror.

Segment Two: Based on the tragic short, Crow learns the hard way about "gentle pressure".

Segment Three: Frank finally gets a day off and buys a ticket from a scalper for Squanto: A Warrior’s Tale. Dr. F tactlessly lets Frank know it's already closed.

Segment Four: After failing to impress the Bots with his new electric organ, Mike gets caught pretending to be Rick Wakeman when he tries to perform The Six Wives of Henry VIII.

Ending Segment: MatBs try to answer the film’s dilemma of either having an invisible army or blowing up a county in Texas. Mike shocks Servo by saying his family is from Texas (he isn't). They read an amazing transparent letter. Back in Deep 13, it's teatime, though Frank still mourns for Squanto.

Stinger: Petting the invisible guinea pig is fun!


Review:

Like Last Clear Chance, Days of Our Years is one of my all time favorite shorts. The short shows us that it's always the person fault when an accident happens, and that trains are still holy, pure creatures. At least the positive train message makes slightly more sense here than a car safety video.

The movie was a relatively dull affair. The Transparent man really doesn't show up until the last half of the movie, and he is transparent for like, two scenes. Kind of a let down, don't you think?

Mike and the Bots riffing was top notch in the short. Barely a dull moment in the twenty minute short. I'd highly recommend any fan to watch it. The movie is good for a few laughs and has some nice jokes, but it wasn't quite up to the level of the short. The host segments were funny. I liked Hillbilly Mike, and Frank's sadness over not seeing Squanto. 8/10

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Season Six Episode Twenty-Two: Angels Revenge
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis: Wearing form-fitting fatigues, the female stars play a team of highly trained avengers. Their mission: To wipe every drug dealer off the face of the earth. To accomplish this, they drive around in a custom-built van, decked out with the latest in high-tech weaponry


Host Segments:

Prologue: Crow proclaims that he has amnesia, yet evidence and his near perfect recall points to the contrary. Turns out it was Ambrosia.

Segment One: The Mads are dressed as their favorite 70's relief pitchers Tug McGraw and Rollie Fingers in an effort to boost ratings, but their plan to change the crew of the SOL into the cast of TV's Renegade (starring Lorenzo Lamas) has more legs. Initially skeptical, MatBs are indeed transformed, but the effect and the ratings spike last only a short while.

Segment Two: In the spirit of the 70's, Crow's latest movie script is for Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk, a blaxploitation film. Even ignoring the fact it's just a reworked version of his earlier script Earth vs. Soup with jivey character names; the others are reluctant to take part.

Segment Three: Mike imitates the Fonz from Happy Days. The penalty is death by cannon.

Segment Four: The SOL begins to shake as Aaron Spelling’s enormous house floats past, everybody staying quiet to avoid drawing it's terrible vengeance.

Ending Segment: Tom has developed the Shame-O-Meter, which has more than enough test subjects in the film, but the Mads dressed as Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King outdoes them all.

Stinger: Shine-shine, Shine your love...


Review:


A jiggle movie. It is quite clear this movie was made as a knockoff of the far more popular Charlie's Angels, only much goofier and with more has been actors than Giant Spider Invasion (even Alan Hale Jr. shows up for a few scenes.) Aside from all the fanservice, the movie is rather dull and has a really weak plot.

The riffing was pretty decent, though it wasn't as good as I thought it might have been. I guess campy 70's jiggle movies aren't exactly a strong suit for Mike and the Bots? The host segments are rather forgettable, though I did laugh at Crow's attempt to make his script of Earth vs. The Soup more blaxploitationy. It's an alright episode, but forgettable. 6/10

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Tag team era Scott Steiner was really bland. Yeah, he could do some awesome moves, but he had no distinguishing characteristics aside from that. It's so odd to watch the Steiner Brothers from 1996 and seeing how over Rick Steiner was.

Bret Hart was pretty generic looking, now that I think about it.

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Red Zone Cuba is terrible. Hell, any of Coleman Francis evil trilogy could be considered worst movie ever... SPEAKING OF COLEMAN FRANCIS!

Season Six Episode Twenty-One: Beast of Yucca Flats w/shorts Money Talks and Progress Island USA.
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis (Short 1): A kid with money troubles talks to the shadow of Ben Franklin for advice. LSD may or may not have been involved.

Plot Synopsis (Short 2): Want to visit an exotic island, but too lazy to get a passport? Visit Puerto Rico!

Plot Synopsis: A woman showers. Murdered by mysterious killer. Never discussed again.

Yucca Flats. Desert. Joseph Javorski. Time for go to bed. Kremlin wants him killed. A chase. Flag on the moon.. how did it get there? A bomb. Joseph now a beast. Terrorizes women. Jim and Joe. Patrolmen. Try to figure it out. Man dies. Leave the body at the scene.

Two boys. Wander around. Find pigs. Give'em soda. Coleman Francis sired them. Police find Javorski. Police deliver justice. Leave Javorski behind. Meets a rabbit. Rabbit hungry. Javorski now a snack.



Host Segments:

Prologue: Man and his bots. Decorating spaceship. Not matched up. Female bot unhappy.

Segment One: Scientist and Spitcurl. Proposition Deep 13. Speaks for bad film. Man and bots. Stirring speech against. Realize their mistake. Coleman Francis film.

Segment Two: The Satellite of Love... how did it get there? Quiet afternoon. Interrupted. White-trash teen partiers. Golden bot. Crow. Joins the fun. Man not amused.

Segment Three: Crow. Impatient. Wants to know time. 11:30. Not yet. Man. Named Mike. Scientist and Spitcurl didn't like. Tells him no.

Segment Four: Crow. Anti-preservation. Bad films go away. Mike doesn't approve.

Ending Segment: The Bots. Letters. Mike gives his victory speech. Proposition Deep 13 no go. Scientist. Concession speech. Slaps Spitcurl.. A lot.

Stinger: Javorski. Angry. Very angry.


Review:

The first short is pretty goofy, but sort of underwhelming as well. I was expecting something with more lulz than it had. The second short (which has to be the most recent short shown on MST3K) had a few good riffs, but it sort of got repitive.

You can pretty much count any Coleman Francis movie as the worst ever made. However, I think Beast of Yucca Flats is far far worse than Red Zone Cuba. Yucca Flats doesn't have the audio synched up with the video, and instead had to do the audio in post. The result? Coleman Francis: Narrator. As you can tell from the plot synopsis/Host segments, that's EXACTLY how he speaks throughout the entire movie. Disjointed nonsense. The few times people do speak, it's never on camera. Hell, most anything that requires sound effects is done off camera.

Of course, the plot makes no sense. Yeah, we got Tor Johnson stumbling around for most of it, because of a nuclear blast, but we never find out why they dropped a bomb like that. Then you got the kids and the pigs subplot (which adds nothing to the movie) the opening murder (which was filmed after the movie), and other bits that literally seemed like Coleman Francis thought "Pretty shot. In movie. Now."

The riffing is hilarious, as always. Mike and the Bots get a lot of mileage out of the whole "flag on the moon" bit. The host segments were funny as well. Overall, excellent episode, and (to me) the worst of the Coleman Francis trilogy. 9/10

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voltch posted...
WWF sucks and Undertaker sucks even worse.

I'd rather have done a WCW PPV watchthrough because even the cattle prod isn't as bad as the crap WWF is doing during this "arc"


Nothing beats coked up Roddy Piper, the nWo riding garbage trucks, and THE YETAY!

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Season Six Episode Twenty: Danger! Death Ray
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis: A gang of European terrorists infiltrates a secret NATO meeting where they steal a Death Ray that was constructed for “peaceful purposes.” They also kidnap the Death Ray’s inventor. Superspy Bart Fargo is assigned to rescue the inventor and prevent the terrorists from using the ray. Bart wanders around several vaguely European cities, sleeps with and promptly dumps several women in true secret-agent style, and manages (more from luck than skill) to thwart the villains.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Crow gets contact lenses but they're quite uncomfortable.

Segment One: Despite the fact that he has no feet, Servo has signed a contract to endorse sneakers. In Deep 13, Frank is his agent. Frank also has a fewclients, even Torgo. Dr. Forrester uses the long arm of the.. desk to stop the talent agency.

Segment Two: Servo builds a death ray for peaceful purposes, but can't resist using it on Crow. Crow's head is very flamable, it seems.

Segment Three: "This is your life, Mike Nelson!" Things quickly go south when Crow is the only person Tom brought in.

Segment Four: Crow's designs for sunglasses seem a bit woman-ey.

Ending Segment: Cambot gets emotional because of the murdrered cameras, Mike consoles him, then reads a letter that questions why we can't see through Servo's head during the movie (physics). Frank gives Dr. F a glamor shot. Dr. F thinks Frank looks like a slut.

Stinger: Standing in a third-floor hotel room, Bart Fargo tosses his watch out the window. We get a shot of the watch falling into the pool, Then, at ground level, we clearly see a man’s hand dropping a watch into a swimming pool for no reason.


Review:

I've seen bad spy movies before, but this is just god awful. It's a terrible ripoff of the James Bond series, with some scenes ripped off perfectly (ie: The agent flirting with the bosses' secretary.) Then you got the peaceful Death Ray that sort of gets forgotten about after the first five minutes, evil Abe Lincoln that throws himself out of a tall building, and special effects that make Monster A-Go Go look super advanced. Despite how terrible this movie is, it has one of the most earwormy soundtracks displayed on MST3K, though it is completely inappropriate for a spy action flick.

The riffing was entertaining, as they happily pointed out all the gaping holes of logic this movie produces, though I would say it's not the best riffing of a movie. Don't get me wrong, the riffing is funny, but it felt like the best riffing was early on. After the death of Abe Lincoln, the quality of the riffs sorta fell. Overall, I'd say this is a good movie to watch, but it's not the best of this season. 7.5/10

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Version 10 (2005-2009).

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B.

Though I've been playing lots of New Vegas, lately.

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Season Six Episode Nineteen: Red Zone Cuba w/short Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank

Plot Synopsis (Short): Through liberal use of the knee test, looking good and standing tall, the secrets of public speaking are revealed. Shockingly, speech has nothing to do with it.

Plot Synopsis (Movie): A trio of convicts (One of which is Coleman Francis, the writer/director/producer/Curly Howard lookalike) are duped by pilot Cherokee Jack into signing up for what essentially becomes the Bay of Pigs invasion... At least that's what we're lead to believe. The scenes of the invasion basically amount to about eight guys attacking Fidel Castro and his five body guards. They are captured, though and plan by tricking the guard into giving them water, which bizarrely works. However, they leave fellow prisoner Chastine behind, but not before he tries bribing them with rich minerals on a mountain he owns. The trio eventually make it back to the American Southwest without Chastine where they go from town to town robbing, killing, and raping in order to fund their trip to said mountain before the law eventually catches up with them. Also, John Carradine shows up for a grand total of two minutes, and... does nothing.


Host Segments:

Prologue: Mike arrives just in time for tonight's Lotto Draw, learning that Tom is a great lotto machine and that you need a lot of lotto numbers.

Segment One: While Mike gets the all important power ball, 509, Frank reveals he's kinda in deep to the mob for 50 large. But thanks to some minor re-direction, Dr. F gets the beating intended for Frank. MatBs act like upper class twits playing Bingo.

Segment Two: Frank tries convince Dr F that he still has so much to live for and rouses the horribly injured man from his death bed, but questions his posture...

Segment Three: While the strain of the movie convinces Mike he's Carol Chaning, Frank reads and relays the mountain of the "hope you die" cards and calls Dr F has been receiving due to his imminent death.

Segment Four: As the strain of the movie causes Mike to cycle through yet more celebrities he believes himself to be, Frank tries to announce Dr F's passing, but he yo-yos between life and death. At least until the mob come back for a second go at him.

Ending Segment: Mike and the Bots sing a happy perky song to lift their spirits after the movie, while Dr F has recovered enough to "thank" Frank.

Stinger: Blind lady plays the piano.


Review:

The short is sort of funny, though I'd say this is one of the weaker shorts of this season.

50% of the shots in this movie are of people eating, drinking, smoking, or just staring off into space. The other 50% is padding, a random choking scene, an even more random escape (that is foiled rather easily), lots of sitting around. Everything involving Cuba can easily be considered a subplot. The real plot seems to be finding the mineral mountain treasure. Oh, and there's a rape scene cut from the actual movie. A rape scene on a blind and deaf woman. Sidehackers had a rape scene, but at least it had a purpose. This just threw one in for the lulz.

Despite the... poor quality of Red Zone Cuba, Mike and the Bots knock the riffs right out of the park. Hell, it would almost be impossible to NOT have some awesome riffs for this movie. The short is alright but the real attraction is the movie. The host segments were pretty funny. Overall, this is a must watch for any veteran MST3K fan. Newbies should stay away. 10/10

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Taggage for potential tiering.

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Caramel's better.

Good price for them though.

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Bumpage.


Also, I've decided to discontinue the favorite riffs bit of my review. Normally, when I do my review, I usually take ~3 hours of watching to write down all the riffs. While I enjoyed it at first, I've realized that it's been burning me out more than just simply watching an episode, and giving my thoughts on it.

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Taggage.

I don't know what's worse: Erik Watt's dropkick or Aksana's tag in.

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Favorite Riffs (Short):


Narrator: There are some people who would say the following story could only happen in a dream.

Giant Servo: Movie bad!


*The Narrator explains what Whitey and Red do*

Narrator: Whitey is entrusted with the sales of all the good salesmen.

Giant Servo: Hate movie!

Narrator: Red? The other kind.

Crow: The fugitive kind.


*We see Bill Dudley (truck driver and patriarch of the Dudley Boyz) go to business to business as he leaves bread on the front step. Servo throws us some fridge logic*

Servo: How do you mess up on this job?


*We see Bill from before he "reformed". He slams doors and acts stupid as he enters a grocery store*

Bill: Hey Duffy, you old guy! How's the old miser today? Counting your gold, eh?

Servo (as Bill): I had a Brooklyn accent and different personality!

*We cut to an attractive woman shopping, Bill whistles from offscreen*

Crow: When bread wholesalers terrorized the community!


*Bill and Whitey enter a grocery store, and talk to Marco, the owner*

Mike (as Bill): Mr. Marco, you want my coffee ring today? It'd be a shame if something bad happened to your store here.

*Bill checks out the grocery cart*

Bill: Hey, something new!

Mike (as Bill): Be a shame if one of these ran over your kid.


*Bill and Whitey make another stop*

Crow (as Whitey): But why does the strip club need bread?


*Bill explains more things to Whitey. This can be taken way out of context*

Bill: The more you talk it up, the more of a chance he'll push it.

Servo (as Bill): And the kids to buy it...


*Bill talks about how he used to be a bad stocker for the bread he cared for.*

Bill So long as it didn't fall while I was there, I didn't care.

Mike (as Bill): I was a sick man.

Bill: No more, though.

Crow (as Bill): Now I throw it on the floor.


Favorite Riffs (Movie):


*After nearly getting beaten up by bully Vince, a girl named Betty tells her boyfriend to lay off Marv. Afterwords, Marv and Betty make plans for that night. Once home, Marv tells his dad who he has his plans with*

Father: Betty Alexander... Hey! She's the best looking chick in the whole school, ain't she?

All: Ew...

Marv: Sure is.

Father: What in the world is she going out wiith you, for?

*Servo makes an arrow hitting a bullseye sound effect.*

Mike (as Father): Oh, I'm sorry loser, I mean son.

Crow (as Marv): How's MOM, dad?


*Marv's father tries to apologize, it doesn't quite work.*

Mike (as Father): How else can I scar him? Oh! Son, you got a tiny winky!


*Marv's father tries to give him a pep talk*

Father: Pretty soon we can move out of this dump, you can quit that crummy job, and you can go to college, like your mother wanted you to.

Mike (as Father): Before I drank her. I unscrewed her head and drank out of her neck.


*After losing his chance at a scholarship, seeing Betty is just using him, and coming home to his father drunk, Marv loses it*

Servo: It'd be better if I had Mitchell as a dad!


*We get a scene where Harry is in Sam's store. These two characters are just randomly introduced*

Mike: I like this new movie better.


*Marv tries to talk to his drunken father*

Father: I want you to know one thing...

Crow (as Father): I'm your mother.

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Season Six Episode Eighteen: High School Big Shot w/short Out of this World
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank

Plot Synopsis (Short): A tale of the never ending battle between good and evil, heaven and hell, as the battle moves to Earth for ultimate domination: the souls of bread delivery truck drivers.

Plot Synopsis (Movie): Marv Grant tries to make a life for himself, but his deadbeat, alcoholic father is always ruining things. The hottest girl in school takes a liking toward him, and when he "helps" (read: writes) her English essay, the plagiarism is discovered by the teacher, and she turns away from him and goes back to her boyfriend. Marv, driven crazy by his loser dad, ditched girl, and college dreams ruined, decides to rob a potential drug deal his boss has set up with a safecracker and drugstore owner.

Host Segments:

Prologue: Mike has a major headache. Crow has to practice his cymbals, Tom finds a bagpipe, and Gypsy really likes Seinfeld. These things don't go together.

Segment One: Mike turns to a drill to relieve the pressure. Dr. Forrester gives Frank and the SOL crew chemistry sets to do the work for him. Frank clones a dinosaur using his chemistry set. Alas, it does not like Dr. F. Crow mixes a potion that makes Tom Servo huge!

Segment Two: MatBs present their specialty breads, such as a bread with a shampoo and conditioner built in, or a butter-top bread with bars of real butter stuck into it.

Segment Three: The bots egg Mike. With an omelet. And the hollandaise is too lemony.

Segment Four: The bots try and fail to break into Gypsy’s diary using dynamite and more dynamite.

Ending Segment: Mike reads a letter until the Bots reenact the tragic end of the movie with water pistols. Dr. F gives the little dinosaur something to chew on, and it's in Frank's pants.

Stinger: "A million bucks!"


Review:

The short is a bizarre one, maybe rivaling that of Mr. B Natural in terms of how strange it is. Kinda funny how the Devil (or rather, minions of the Devil) has a hand in not only battling Santa Claus, but the life of bread truck drivers.

It's not every day I watch a movie and think "wow, not a single character is appealing in anyway whatsoever." The lead is a loser who just lets everyone walk over him, the father is a bumbling, stumbling, drunken loser, the love interest only cares about herself. The only slightly appealing characters are the Harry and Sam, the safecracker and his brother, but they barely get any screen time (after their first scene, which had no setup.) I guess that's the point of the movie though. I guess the aesop of the movie is don't be a wimpy loser, or else you'll end up dying trying to steal heroin and money.

The riffing on the movie (and short) were both good, though I did like the short a bit better. The best riffs were at Marv's drunken dad, though. Marv's father becomes one of the creepiest fathers ever for not only knowing who the hottest "chick" in high school is, but for begging his teenage son for three bucks. I'm amazed Marv didn't go crazy years earlier. The host segments are pretty funny, but the best one is the bread truck parody. Overall, this is a good episode, but there are better this season. 7/10

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Favorite Riffs :


*We go to a fortified village that has been under attack by the Kalins. A warning system goes off, but the Kalins just waltz right in*

Mike: They spent all their money on a fortress, but no gate.

Crow: Man, this movie is already 50 times more expensive than all the movies we've seen put together!


Narrator: This was a time of dragons and giants.

Mike (as Narrator): And low inflation.


*A boy and an old man are walking through the burnt farms*

Boy: I'm thirsty.

Old Man: Be patient, my son.

Mike (as Old Man): I'm thirsty, I'm thirsty. Next you'll want something to eat! I have never had anything to drink and I've done just fine!


*The Old man and boy go into Ilya's home, and give him water. While he still can't move, he starts flashing back*

Mike (as Ilya): Hold on, I'm having a montage.


*After Ilya is back on his feet (literally) he is to go and fight the Kalin, and tells his parents goodbye. Mike points out something wrong with Ilya and his father*

Mike (as Ilya's Father): Why do you look older than me, son?


*Some other man gives Ilya a horse. It looks like a Shelton Pony (Ilya is a huge man*

Man: His name is Chestnut Grace.

Mike: Oh that's okay, I'll walk.


*Ilya and Chestnut Grace are somewhere.*

Crow (as Ilya): Let's get you far enough away so they won't hear the gunshot.

Servo (quietly): Crow!


*Ilya faces off with some Wind Demon. To stop him, he throws a weapon at the tree he's on. With obvious editting, the tree breaks*

Mike: Ha. Yeah. Lucky shot.


*Ilya and the Wind Demon show up to the King's place. The Wind Demon is really ugly, and kinda looks like an actor*

Crow: Clint Howard!

*Yeah, there we go.*


*We see a woman singing to all the animals in Russian, I think.*

Crow: This song contains Satanic messages!


*Ilya meets up with the woman, who turns out to be his wife Ella for the first time in years, apparently*

Ilya: I've too have spent many years of lonliness, my dear wife, but that is all behind me now. I am lonely no more.

Servo (as Ilya): I got a cat

Ilya: I have found true happiness, my dearest Ella. A true gift.

Mike (as Ilya): Now, where the hell is my dinner?


*Shortly after meeting his wife for the first time in years, Ilya leaves. He gives her rather strange instructions to have a son, but apparently doesn't say to have HIS son*

Ilya: If you bear a son.

Crow (as Ilya): I want to know who the father is.


*Kalin has the Mongol horde attack.. The hord is HUGE*

Crow: Wow, now THAT is a horde.

Mike: This is a free festival now, man!


*Kalin releases the multi-headed dragon. It looks very familiar*

Crow: It's Zigra!


*The dragon is setting fire to things. Ilya has a plan*

Ilya: Water!

*Someone dunks two buckets of water on Ilya, and he looks surprised*

Crow: Da- Not for me!

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Season Six Episode Seventeen: Sword and the Dragon
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank


Plot Synopsis: Once upon a time, there was a happy and peaceful kingdom of golden lakes, rolling hills, and fertile soil. A plundering tribe headed by the vicious Kalin has ravaged the land, pillaging village after village and leaving only desolation and despair. Kalin is a warlord whose brutality is "unmatched in history." Only one person can defy him: a brawny farmer and man of the people who is "stout of heart and brave of spirit," and who is known as Ilya Morometz. With magic sword in hand, Ilya sets off down "the road that leads to death" in his quest to topple Kalin. Two of the most terrifying obstacles he must overcome are a wind demon and a flying three-headed fire-dragon.


Host Segments:

Prologue: Mike and Crow reluctantly agree to play Dungeons & Dragons with a seriously obsessed and railroading GM Tom.

Segment One: The nerdy hobbies of the Mads are interrupted when their new female neighbors from Deep 12 drop by, but Dr. F and Frank's nerdiness weirds out the girls. They ask the SOL crew for some help. MatBs present their political comedy show, Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!_!_! The girls can't flee fast enough.

Segment Two: MatBs make a joke, Ingmar Bergman style

Segment Three: Mike and the Bots reenact the magic tablecloth scene. Despite Mike's insistence that he's a bunny, Gypsy flees due to the weirdness of it all.

Segment Four: Ilya Mourometz visits the SOL

Ending Segment: Tom is the only one eager to read Gypsy's review of “Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!_!_!", until he finds out she savaged his performance, while down in Deep 13 the Mads continue to believe they've got it made with the chicks from Deep 12, and would prove it too if they weren't too busy re-bagging their comics and watching movies.

Stinger: Ilya makes the wind demon fall out of a tree.


Review:

The third of the four Russian (or Russian/Finnish) movies shown on MST3K. If you grade the movie on it's own, it's actually a pretty decent movie with a pretty interesting plot . The production values look good, and while it is goofy at times, I wouldn't mind seeing this movie in it's original Russian version, with subtitles. The only real problem is that this dub of the movie was handled by your friend and mind, Roger Corman. Yes, the same man that brought us Viking Women, Swamp Diamonds, and Teenage Cavemen somehow got his hands on the American distribution rights and mangled the movie up pretty bad. At least he brought in Mike Wallace (RIP) and Paul Frees to narrate and dub the main villain, respectively.


Excellent top notch riffing for an already goofy episode. Mike and the Bots take special aim at the shoddy editing, the (at times) strange plot, and bad voice acting. Despite a few potshots at the movie, MaTBs seem to appreciate it, and compliment that it looks better than most of the other movies, combined. They also seem surprised by the HUGE horde that shows up at one point (allegedly, there were 100,000+ men and 11,000 horses used for this film.) The host segments vary from pretty funny to outright silly. The Ingmar Bergman bit made no sense to me, and it sort of becomes an overly long unfunny gag. The political humor bit (and Gypsy's review) were both funny though. The Mads scaring off the two women of Deep 12 was also pretty damn funny. Overall, I would say this is a must watch for any MST3K fan. 10/10

--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.

Favorite Riffs (short, cont.):


*The kids go to a marriage counselor named Mr. Hall. They explain their story to him*

Mr. Hall: Why I'm in favor of marriage. In fact I spend a good deal of my time helping people get married.

Mike (as Hall): And I'm in the concrete business.


*Mr Hall tries to get an idea on if these kids are really ready*

Mr. Hall: Have either of you two been in love before?

Larry: Well...

Mike (as Larry): Does my uncle count?


*After showing the kids that it may not be best for them to get married right away*

Sue: I thought you were gonna help us get married!

Mike (as Hall): Well frankly neither of you has a chance for love, ever.

Crow (as Hall): Sooo, you're available, Sue?


Favorite Riffs (movie):


*We get a cold opening of two women wrestling*

Mike: Folks, we'll be with your movie in a minute. But first, enjoy this!


*While the match goes on in the background, we see the opening credits*

Crow: Is this the Thrilla in Manila?

Mike: No, this is the Snooze in Santa Cruz.

Servo: Four hours later...


*Peaches talks to Mr. Scalliis and Joe about her contract, when all of a sudden the film cuts to a gym full of scantily clad women working out and wrestling*

Crow: Whoa, is this me and my head trying to cope with this movie, or is this actually happening on the screen?

Mike: Uh uh.. Yeah, I'm seeing it too.

Servo: Yeah, me too.

*Cut right back to the other scene*

Crow (as Scalliis): Sorry, little fantasy there.


*Scallis and Joe introduce Peaches to Ruby, who apparently runs the gym. Ruby and Peaches go into the locker room, while Joe follows them.*

Scallis: Hey Joe!

Servo (as Scallis): Where you going with that gone in your hand?


*Two women go to the lockerroom, undress, put on towels, and get ready for a shower. While they are walking away, we can clearly hear high heels hitting the floor*

Servo: So apparently, The Shower is a high heel affair.


*We see Peaches wrestling against another woman. It's far less exciting than it sounds*

Crow: For those of you who never associated sexuality with your great aunt, here it is.


*On the film*

Crow: When Ed Wood saw this , it was like when Truffaut saw Citizen Kane.


*Mr. Scalliis, Joe, and Ruby help Peaches train. Joe plays All Men Are Perverts straight.*

Mike: So, when Joe went into the Employment Agency, did he say 'I like driving women wrestlers and looking at their breasts'?


*We see the third or fourth wrestling match, this time involving the female Mexican Champion wrestling.*

Mike: No Lupita.

*more wrestling ensues*

Servo: Boy, if a movie ever needed El Santo.


*After the wrestling, we randomly switch to Mr. Scalliis talking to some Senator. The backdrop is an American flag, and shadows of crew visible. It's a terrible looking scene.*

Mike: This direct or has Outwooded Ed Wood.


*We see the mob chasing Scalliis, and the cops chasing all of them. Or something. I'm pretty sure this is mostly stock footage, or..*

Servo: You know, I think these shots were rejected from Monster A-Go Go.

--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.

Season Six Episode Sixteen: The Racket Girls w/ short Are You Ready for Marriage?
Network: Comedy Central
Riffers: Tom Servo, Mike Nelson, and Crow T. Robot
Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank

Plot Synopsis (Short): A high school senior named Sue and her boyfriend want to get married right after Sue graduates. A marriage counselor discourages the young couple from entering into a hasty marriage.

Plot Synopsis (Movie): Umberto Scalliis, a gangster who manages women wrestlers as a front for his bookmaking, drug, and prostitution rackets. He trusts the wrong people and ends up trying to run away from both the police and mysterious mob boss Mr. Big (not that Mr. BIG, though the movie would probably have been far better otherwise), to whom he owes $35,000.


Host Segments:

Prologue: Lisa Loeb visits on the Hexfield. The SOL gang isn't impressed, especially as Crow has her confused with "Courtney Hole".

Segment One: Dr. F is experiencing security problems in Deep 13, as evidenced when a group of tourists comes traipsing through. Frank thwarts Dr. F's attempts to test the security system. Attempts to communicate via closet-circuit intercom also fail due to pranking, so Dr. F sends the movie in semaphore.

Segment Two: Crow wants to marry Tom, so they take a Cosmo quiz. Mike flings a rubber band like the guy in the short, the Mads yell, "It’s gone!" Frank yells, "He’s a sorcerer!"

Segment Three: Crow’s bachelor party, complete with stripper Jan in the Pan and guilt for cheating on the beautiful Servo, is very depressing.

Segment Four: The Bots’ wedding, attended by Gypsy, Mike, Frank, and the tourists, and officiated by a cynical Dr. F, ends in wrestling chaos.

Ending Segment: Even MatBs, dressed as wrestlers, think there was too much wrestling in the movie. A letter is read from an adorable five year old after the Bots turn one down about a lecture. Lisa Loeb breaches Deep 13.

Stinger: Mr. Hall snaps a rubber band. "It’s gone!" "Where’d it go?"

Review:

Surprisingly, the message about marrying far too young and before your ready is something that could be said for today. The short's strange way of handling though makes it good for riffing.

Servo stated that this movie looked like rejected scenes from Monster A-Go Go, and at times I have to agree with him. The acting is atrocious, the plot thin, and well.. It's almost like an Ed Wood film. In fact, there are rumors this was made by Ed Wood.

Mike and the Bots tore this movie a new one with the riffing. When they say Santo would make this film better, you know this is bad. If dull wrestling matches, terrible acting, and unappealing characters are your thing, then this movie is for you! 8/10

Favorite Riffs (short):

*We see a makeout couple Sue and Larry in front of a house... making out*

Crow: Uh.. Mom.. I need to get to school...


*After Sue goes in the house, the guy Larry sorta stands therre for a few minutes, turns around, then leaves*

Mike: I'm pretty sure this is my house, but eh...


*Sue informs Larry that her folks don't approve of the marriage plans. Larry has a plan*

Larry: I can borrow Phil's car, go down to Greensville. There's a Justice of the Peace down there.

Mike (as Larry): I'll marry him!


*Larry and Sue discuss the marriage plans some more*

Larry: Maybe you can convince your folks we should get married.

Sue: But how, Larry? How?

Crow: Convince them we're pixies.

*Larry is thinking, or looks like he's thinking*

Mike: I'm sitting in a puddle!

--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.

Favorite Riffs:


*While watching the opening credits*

Mike: Ugh, I hope Doodles Weaver isn't the kitten.


*Jody breaks into the house of potential senator David Stratton, and decides to sleep in a bed. She grabs a stuffed toy and pulls it close to her*

Mike (as Stuffed Toy): Uh lady, wait. I'm not ready for t- I think we're moving too fast. I mean, I don't even know you! I'm flattered, of course.

Servo (as Stuffed Toy): Dear Penthouse Forum, I am an average stuffed animal from a small midwestern college and.. oooh..

Crow (as Stuffed Toy): Okay, remain calm...


*Cut to the morning, where the Senator is seen shaving*

Mike: Sweeny Todd!

Crow: That's a dangerous looking toothbrush!

*Stratton starts shaving*

Crow: ... Oh.


*David finds Jody, and believes that she was put there by an opponent. He asks her name.

Jody: Jody.. Jody Drew. That's what I call myself.

David: Very creative. Now the one you were born with.

Crow (as Jody): Stanley Myrion Handleman.


*David listens to Jody story, and starts to feel bad for her, and is willing to help her. All of a sudden, the doorbell rings.*

Crow: The Gestapo!


*David decides to buy clothes for Judy, and goes to a dress shop. An older woman helps him out*

Shopkeeper: These are the sevens. Any particular color?

David: Oh, something cool...

Mike: Transparent.

*He picks something out*

Shopkeeper: Very nice.

Servo (as Shopkeeper): I'll slip it on.


*David meets up with some woman at the shop, who notices that the dress he's buying for his "wife" is far too small. After telling them it'll be fine, he goes outside to put a nickel in the parking meter. The woman and Shopkeeper looks at each other.*

All (as women): Mistress.


*After giving Judy the dress, she seems very appreciative. Cut to David driving his car*

Servo (as David): More clothes! Gotta buy her more clothes!


*David goes out and with a pal and has a few drinks, sees that Jody was actually an escaped convict. After realizing this, he goes home, only to find Judy there, clad in only a towel. While they are talking, a Sylvester cartoon plays in the background. Much to MatBs dismay, they block the TV*

Servo: Ann move! Get out of the way, I want to see Sylvester.


*David is trying to get rid of Judy, but as he does, a few kids pull up. He looks outside, and the lights get really bright*

Crow: Whoa! Hydrogen Bomb just went off on the front lawn.


*The kids are people Judy phoned to come join her earlier. One of them, Ron. Knows who David is.*

Ron: I minored in Poli-sci. You know, Political Science.

David: I see.

Crow (as David): So you're unemployed?

--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.