Board 8 > All-Purpose Wrestling Topic 189: I hear you like Sheamus

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edwardsdv
05/07/12 8:49:00 PM
#151:


Also SHIMMER went well. If I am going to watch angles I dont care about I much rather see them performed by the women of shimmer.

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Haguile
05/07/12 8:50:00 PM
#152:


On SUPERSTARS news, it seems like Ryder and Santino are now an official tag team.
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JaKyL25
05/07/12 9:09:00 PM
#153:


Derrick Bateman @DerrickWWE
New contest. Best tweet to me consisting of peculiar or creepy #NXT fan fiction gets a.... follow???


If anyone ever wanted Derrick Bateman to follow them, now is your chance.

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 9:15:00 PM
#154:


I have a theory on Miz. Maybe his talent waxes and wanes. Every other year-long cycle he's good (the year-long cycle starts and ends with Wrestlemania).

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 9:16:00 PM
#155:


Did that even apply on Real World/Road Rules Challenge?

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 9:32:00 PM
#156:


I'm not sure! This hypothesis requires research.

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Lopen
05/07/12 9:41:00 PM
#157:


Hell yeah Paul Heyman

Hell yeah Miz pulling out a pretty good promo and getting a match that's actually compelling out of Brodus

The rest of the show was okay. The LORD and CM Punk didn't seem to gel well but maybe that was just one of em having an off day.

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 9:46:00 PM
#158:


Hell yeah awesome tag team match! The #2 highlight of Raw!

I'm not AS impressed with Miz vs. Clay as most people seem to be though. <_<

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 9:56:00 PM
#159:


I think a lot of it is people are just impressed Brodus and Miz had a solid match given the kind of stuff the two of them have been doing lately.

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PrivateBiscuit1
05/07/12 9:59:00 PM
#160:


FCW - April 22, 2012

And we get Byron Saxton back with Chris Russo and William Regal! Yay!

We have Jason Jordan vs DAMIEN SANDOW! HYPE HYPE HYPE! Jason Jordan's theme song sounds like Tick Tock by Kesha.

LIGHTS OFF.

SPOTLIGHT PLEASE.

The problem with the FCW Universe is that we all suffer from the disease of incompetence-SILENCE! A disease that has plagued us for such a long time. We are a confederacy of delinquents of which Jason Jordan is a card carrying member! He expects more from a division one graduate! He expects more from all of us! He is back in FCW to give us the cure for the disease of incompetence that consumes us! He will give us deliverance from incompetence itself! And he thanks us.

Byron: Well that's a very nice thing of Damien to do.

Jason Jordan, the most vanilla. And you know what? Damien Sandow still makes him look like gold. Jason Jordan WITH LIMITED SKILLS AND ABILITIES looks great because Damien Sandow made him look great. This man is glorious. Jason Jordan did a blockbuster. Probably the only non-generic move yet. A victory roll gets Jordan the win though. Man, did Damien Sandow make this scrub look good.

Next up is Conor O'Brien who looks lifeless with Kenneth Cameron for their awesome entrance. Oh lord, Jiro gets a jobber entrance. IN FCW. That means you are jobbing exactly 10 times more. It's Conor O'Brien vs Jiro. Jiro hits his hard chops and slaps, and Conor convulses after each of them. Oh god. He freaks out and beats the hell out of Jiro. A big boot ends it fast. Conor wins!

Regal: I'm glad you're not in there now, aren't you Saxton?
Byron: Well, I've got to make sure that you guys are safe.

Another Raquel Diaz promo. Basically just trying to put herself over. I refuse to summarize this s***. Maybe I'll post a highlight so you all can understand why she is so terrible.

We talk to Leakee who knows who busted his knee before. He doesn't tell us though, the f***ing tease. He talks about being Samoan and how he missed Wrestlemania and The Rock. How boring.

Anyway, we get Bray Wyatt and Eli Cottonwood now! He don't need no internet machine to connect with people, because they know he's with them always. He is washing our brains of TV and media. He is everywhere and everything and he is forever. He sings that time is on his side. I feel like Husky Harris has recently seen Fallen starring Denzel Washington. And out comes Aiden English to Semi-Sweet Symphony, the first ever Dudebusters theme. It's Bray Wyatt vs Aiden English. Bray basically toys with him and literally dances with him at one point (like, literally dances with him). And then he nails his weird Flatliner and grins cheekily at him. He kisses the top of Aiden's head and nails a weird Uranage where he just kind of swats him down. Pretty sloppy and ineffective looking move. That gets him the three count.

GOD WHY DO YOU SURPRISE ME WITH SETH ROLLINS CARRYING A MIC LIKE THAT? I NEED TO PROPERLY PREPARE MYSELF. And he gives a very bad and generic promo. He calls out Kassius Ohno. "Oh no." He says he'll face him if he's respectful. Lulz

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PrivateBiscuit1
05/07/12 9:59:00 PM
#161:


Anywho, next up is Corey Graves (c) & Jake Carter (c) vs Mike Dalton & CJ Parker for the FCW Tag Titles. Abraham Washington introduces Corey Graves and Jake Carter after talking himself up for being on RAW. Graves and Carter have an awesome theme song, btw. William Regal says that Graves and Carter were banned from Disney World for getting Pocahontas and the Little Mermaid in trouble. lmfao

Regal: You're actually impressing me with your comments here tonight.
Byron: I'm smarter than you think.
Regal: No, I don't think you are. But you're making a change.

Anyway, solid match. Jake Carter is pretty good. Corey Graves is fantastic. And Mike Dalton is really good. CJ Parker is still poo with an afro. Great match. Abraham Washington distracts the ref at the end and Corey Graves uses AW's cane to bash Mike Dalton in the face and get the pinfall! Awww yeah. They're a good team.

Highlights:

Jason Jordan vs Damien Sandow -

Bray Wyatt vs Aiden English -

Corey Graves & Jake Carter vs Mike Dalton & CJ Parker -

So check out Jason Jordan against Damien Sandow to see how Damien Sandow makes even mediocre wrestlers look incredible. He also has a great promo there.

And then check out Bray Wyatt's match to get Husky Harris's new character.

And then Corey Graves & Jake Carter's match to see those two in action, because they're a great team.

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Lopen
05/07/12 10:06:00 PM
#162:


Yeah Miz/Clay was more just

"oh god it's Brodus"
"oh god it's Miz"
"hey this isn't actually bad! Amazing!"

Also yeah I forgot about the tag match. The match was pretty good and for once it's one of the times I can say "hey that was actually good booking there." Cause it was.

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:10:00 PM
#163:


I'm tempted to believe one of Paul Heyman's conditions for being here tonight was that he gets to book the show, but that wouldn't explain Miz and Brodus not being terrible.

Maybe he's just got an aura about him that inspires everyone to do their absolute best.

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:15:00 PM
#164:


http://sports.yahoo.com/news/paul-heyman-returns-wwe-raw-hits-misses-may-031100041--spt.html

I thought I was cynical and hard to please, but this is just absurd. I'm not sure what this guy wants.

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edwardsdv
05/07/12 10:22:00 PM
#165:


Are you cynical? Youve been second only to jakyl in the rahrah wwe faction

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Lopen
05/07/12 10:24:00 PM
#166:


Yeah only me, edwards, voltch, and maybe Smartmuffin (I'm not sure if he's cynical or just drinking the other flavor of kool aid) get to call themselves cynics of the regulars in here.

Y'all are a bunch of yes-men generally imhhhhho.

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 10:26:00 PM
#167:


I love being positive!

I'm disheartened sometimes when I cave into my natural instinct to nitpick bad things about TNA (despite continuing to watch and enjoy the majority of their product)

But I can't help it! It's HOGAN!

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:31:00 PM
#168:


I'm usually cynical! I guess maybe I haven't been whining so much about the complaints I have since I'm happier with the WWE right now than I've been in years.

I know I've been complaining about Super Sheamus a lot, though. And Big Show. And Triple H, whenever the opportunity presents itself.

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 10:32:00 PM
#169:


John Cena came out to work the dark match against Kane


XMFD

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:32:00 PM
#170:


Maybe I'm just cynical about my cynicism, seeing myself as being overly negative when I'm not.

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:33:00 PM
#171:


From: Jakyl25 | #169
John Cena came out to work the dark match against Kane


Dot dot dot

I mean I guess the dark show is non-canon, and the mark-heavy crowd seemed upset he wasn't there, but...

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 10:37:00 PM
#172:


Oh yeah, he won BTW.

In case you were wondering.

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DSAutoResponder
05/07/12 10:37:00 PM
#173:


raw blew

heyman was cool, though
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PrivateBiscuit1
05/07/12 10:38:00 PM
#174:


lmao They're really trying to sell John Cena being injured to the live audience.

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:38:00 PM
#175:


Those doctors John Cena went to see don't know s***, apparently.

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 10:41:00 PM
#176:


Should have been the triumphant one-night-only return of Juan Cena IMO

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JaKyL25
05/07/12 10:44:00 PM
#177:


It's like he and Triple H are having a contest to see who can more awkwardly shift between selling and no-selling the kimura.

Triple H: "Here's a pic of me in board room meetings in a brace! OWIES!"
"Now here's a pic of me holding up Mayweather's title belt. ALL BETTER."

Cena: "Yeah, well here's a promo about how Brock hurt my arm so bad I have to leave. THIS SUCKS."
"LOL j/k I'm here on Raw every week fighting people and winning."

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Rad Link 5
05/07/12 10:58:00 PM
#178:


Good thing Brock wasn't there; he'd have trashed a dressing room over this.

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GTM
05/07/12 11:09:00 PM
#179:


I'm usually a WWE yes-man but lately they've done things that really piss me off (ROOOOCK)

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Rad Link 5
05/08/12 2:56:00 AM
#180:


From: Jakyl25 | #177
It's like he and Triple H are having a contest to see who can more awkwardly shift between selling and no-selling the kimura.

Triple H: "Here's a pic of me in board room meetings in a brace! OWIES!"
"Now here's a pic of me holding up Mayweather's title belt. ALL BETTER."

Cena: "Yeah, well here's a promo about how Brock hurt my arm so bad I have to leave. THIS SUCKS."
"LOL j/k I'm here on Raw every week fighting people and winning."


There's also Sheamus awkwardly shifting between selling and no-selling the YES! Lock.

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 8:18:00 AM
#181:


Ricardo Rodriguez got a $200 speeding ticket last night.

Help him out, Alberto!

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 8:21:00 AM
#182:


ROH released this today:

external image

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 8:37:00 AM
#183:


TNA has the entire first 6 years of their monthly PPVs (October '04--September '10) up on YouTube, in their entirety, for 99 cents each (for a 7-day rental).

That's pretty awesome, and I hope that practice continues.

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ffmasterjose
05/08/12 11:10:00 AM
#184:


Just finished watching the entire 3 part episode King of the Ring program on Netflix, i recommend everyone give it a view. I personally never saw most of the matches it covers (and it covers a great deal of them honestly) so i thought it was awesome. Still pissed that Brock beat RVD in the finals in whatever early 2000 year it was. Then again, RVD is my favorite of all time <_<

No one should ever kick out of the 5-Star Frog Splash dammit

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 11:22:00 AM
#185:


Just looked at the match listing. No Bret vs. Perfect and no Owen vs. 1-2-3 Kid is a travesty!

Owen vs. 1-2-3 Kid is RIDICULOUSLY good for being under 5 minutes. One of my most underrated WWF matches.


And Bret vs. Perfect is better than their Summerslam match (shhhh it's a secret) and is another underrated gem.


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Kinglicious
05/08/12 12:57:00 PM
#186:


The LORD and punk was mostly a trial run and the fight was mostly meant for dragon + backup. Still, it had some awkward spots that makes me wonder how much was planned for the fight, like the ecchi bomb sorta botch. Sorta because the way it looked, punk did not want to do that move, the LORD did, so he had to dead lift and shoved off punk. Not sure why, could be a bad bump he look.

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Lopen
05/08/12 1:09:00 PM
#187:


Hell yeah Bret vs Perfect KotR 1993.

(Any secret that involves KotR 1993 isn't a secret to me. Best PPV)

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XIII_rocks
05/08/12 1:18:00 PM
#188:


A W @WWEALLWORLD
I just got a message from my secretary saying that Mason Ryan called the office this morning. I wonder what for?



YES!

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Haguile
05/08/12 1:26:00 PM
#189:


From: XIII_rocks | #188
A W @WWEALLWORLD
I just got a message from my secretary saying that Mason Ryan called the office this morning. I wonder what for?



YES!


I'm happy because I kind of like Mason Ryan, but mostly baffled because this was foreshadowed on goddamn Superstars.
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XIII_rocks
05/08/12 1:40:00 PM
#190:


Haguile you are the greatest of users

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 3:01:00 PM
#191:


http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7904055/why-john-cena-losing-rock-brock-lesnar-matters-wwe

It's not a Masked Man column but it's still good. It's about how in the last year Cena has been turned from a character into the personification of modern-day WWE, fending off challenges from guys that philosophically represent the indies, MMA, and even the ghost of the Attitude Era, three forces that threaten Vince's status quo.

He also illustrates how Cena vs. Lesnar was not a fight between two men, but rather a parable of pro wrestling's war with mixed martial arts.

My favorite line:
"Laurinaitis hits that perfect balance where you're never quite sure if he's sinister, incompetent, or some horrifying combination of the two."

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XIII_rocks
05/08/12 3:09:00 PM
#192:


That was a genius article. Thanks

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 3:16:00 PM
#193:


He didn't really bring up the Kane feud in the column, but to continue along the same line of thought, Kane could be seen as representing the smark fanbase. His whole spiel was, succinctly, "If Cena doesn't embrace the hate, he cannot defeat The Rock." To follow up along the lines of the analogy, it's basically saying "WWE will never be as good as it was in the Attitude Era unless Cena turns heel."

Cena beating Kane in the end is WWE saying "We disagree. F*** you." And then they killed off Ryder to add injury to insult.

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TheRock1525
05/08/12 3:24:00 PM
#194:


And then Rock won, and proved the smarks right.

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Rad Link 5
05/08/12 3:28:00 PM
#195:


Also Eve represents the temptation that exists in all men.

Or something.

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 3:30:00 PM
#196:


So the message is:

Attitude Era >= Indies > Current WWE > MMA >>> Smarks

EDIT: Which, if I'm being honest, isn't that unreasonable. <_<

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Lopen
05/08/12 3:30:00 PM
#197:


So does Randy Orton's feud with Kane represent Marks vs Smarks

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JaKyL25
05/08/12 3:31:00 PM
#198:


Oh I forgot, they made sure to show all the footage of Brock squashing the TNA roster.

Attitude Era >= Indies > Current WWE > MMA >> TNA >>> Smarks

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DSAutoResponder
05/08/12 3:31:00 PM
#199:


tensai beat cena AND punk so does that mean japan is on top?
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JaKyL25
05/08/12 3:32:00 PM
#200:


From: Lopen | #197
So does Randy Orton's feud with Kane represent Marks vs Smarks


Orton vs. Kane is a post-modern feud in which we stretch how far people actually care for the reasoning behind why these wrestlers fight.

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