For those of you not from Europe (or Australia, where it is apparently also big), Eurovision is a contest where most european countries send a song, with a combination of viewers and a jury from each country voting on their favorites (you can't vote for your own country). It is really really silly, but sometimes hilarious, sometimes awful and almost always entertaining. Many people from the UK view the competition as something of a joke nowadays, but it was responsible for launching some careers, including Abba and Celine Dion.
There is one catch with me doing this ranking: someone has to be interested in me doing it. It is a pretty niche thing and I don't want to do 42 write-ups with no one reading. So if i get 3 posts I'll start working right away.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
42. Montenegro- Euro Neuro Artist- Rambo Amadeus Place- 15th in Semi-Final 1 Video:
I had a hard time placing the bottom few because there was quite a few bad ones this year. This was the first song in the first semi-final and it is god-awful. On purpose, which makes ranking it trickier. Ultimately it sounds bad and the act, while somewhat amusing at parts, doesn't come close to touching most of the other countries. i understand they were trying to convey a message with it but it just didn't work for me.
Worth noting: The televoters actually didn't hate this, placing it 14th. Eurovision is weird.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
41. Georgia- I'm a Joker Artist- Anri Jokhadze Place- 14th in Semi-Final 2 Video:
Ugh. This hits higher highs and lower lows than Montenegro. Unlike Montenegro, it (in small parts) has musical value and is somewhat catchy. The bad parts of it make me yearn for Euro Nuero but ultimately Anri Jokhadze can sing pretty decently when he's trying. His backing singers are super annoying and he doesn't seem to take it very seriously but meh.
The jury voted this song 8th. Perhaps their most confounding decision in either semi-final.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
40. Austria- Woki Mit Deim Popo Artist- Track****taz Place- 18th in Semi-Final 1 (lowest points overall) Video: Language: German
Both the voters and the juries hated this and for good reason. It translates to wave your ass and also.. wait no thats it. Very stereotypically bad rap. I have it ranked above the other two awful songs because the beat isn't that bad and i actually found myself singing this in my head at work once or twice. I also didn't hate this one that much the first time i heard it, but it is painful to listen to multiple times. Poor effort. I mean i have to censor bypass their name for christs sake!
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
We now move into the bad tier, and the ranking becomes much more difficult, in my opinion. There are 12 songs in this tier and they are all pretty bad, but none of them are that awful. This will likely be the most boring part of this list, just as a heads up. I actually dont have the songs in this tier ranked yet either because a ton of them are so god damn similar.
Anyways here we go 39. United Kingdom- Love Will Set You Free Artist: Engelbert Humperdinck Result: 25th in Final Video:
Engelbert Humperdinck is 76. It is not a shot at him to say this performance was quite poor. Dudes older than my grandparents, by quiet a bit actually. It isn't even the BBC's fault, its the English populace. They treat the competition as a joke, despite being one of the most successful countries (when they try, that is). No English singer wanted to go compete, so they settled on Humperdinck, someone who has been singing since the 50s. I'm sure I'll catch some flack because the British press (which is what English speaking readers read for information) didn't think it was that bad but.. it was.
I saw a lot of whining about how Europe hates teh UK, but it actually did better in the televote than the jury vote. So there.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
38. Belgium- Would You? Artist- Iris Result- 17th in Semi-Final 2 Video:
Kind of the reverse situation here as compared to the UK... Iris is only 17. She isn't a bad singer or anything, but she isn't great and the song does a very poor job of showcasing her voice. Parts of the chorus make me want to claw my ears out, which is a shame because without those parts it wouldn't place this low. Many of the songs on this tier are very similar. I know someone in this topic will be disappointed but i'm curious as to why they like it so much.
The bottom line is this: the song is bad and boring. The lyrics are awful. The singer is so-so, the music behind the singer is yawn-inducing, the act is boring. I just don't like it. I predict we see Iris in 5-10 years at eurovision again and she does much better but this effort was quiet poor.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
37. Slovakia- Don't Close Your Eyes Artist- Max Jason Mai Place- 18th in Semi-Final 2 Video:
I think I may have lost another of my already few readers with this one. Sorry Nio, hope you stick it out! This starts off as bad screamo then degrades into boring soft-rock. Individually i actually don't hate either part. They are both poor but not awful. What grates me is the transition. AHHHHH don't... close.. ect. Doesn't work at all for me. I also think the singer is very so-so and I was pretty sure he was a chick until I heard the voice. So theres that. It might not have deserved the last place finish it got but it wasn't very good.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
Awful Tier 42. Montenegro- Euro Nuero 41. Georgia- I'm A Joker 40. Austria- Woki Mit Deim Popo
Bad Tier 39. United Kingdom- Love Will Set You Free 38. Belgium- Would You? 37. Slovakia- Don't Close Your Eyes
After reviewing the rest of the songs I had in the bad tier, I noticed a pretty decent gap in quality. So new tear: Below Average. w00t. This tier is gonna have maybe 8 to 9 songs.
While I work on the write-up for 36, is there any songs that you think should have been ranked already?
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
36. Portugal- Vida Minha Artist: Filipa Sousa Result: 13th in Semi-Final 2 Language: Portugese Video:
I don't hate this. I dislike it and all but its not awful. It has artistic value. It isn't bad enough to be funny. It does have flaws, but it being my least favorite song left is what prompted me to start a new tier. This song is boring and the singing is meh. I also thought the stage performance was really boring. I really don't have very much to say except that after listening to the song twice in the last 30 minutes, I still can't hum a single part of it. Which is bad.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
35. Belarus- We Are The Heroes Artist: Litesound Result: 16th in Semi-Final 2 Video:
I liked the original version of this song better, it's a bit more boring but less corny. As is, the hook is catchy (as any competent eurovision song's hook is) but its so god damn corny, and not in the good way like some of the others, because its still taking itself seriously. The dancing is awful, the whole thing just isn't great. It's this high because the actual music is only subpar. meh
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
need to go to sleep early because tomorrow i'll (probably) find out weather or not i got a promotion and i have work super early. however I also get done super early so i'll update as soon as i get home.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
34. Croatia- Nebo Artist- Nina Badric Result: 12th in Semi-Final 2 Language: Croatia Video:
One of the most boring entries in the whole thing. The song is slow but the singer isn't good enough to make up for it. The act is really really boring and her dress is super weird. Very yawn-worthy, i can never remember what this song sounds like.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
Awful Tier 42. Montenegro- Euro Nuero 41. Georgia- I'm A Joker 40. Austria- Woki Mit Deim Popo
Bad Tier 39. United Kingdom- Love Will Set You Free 38. Belgium- Would You? 37. Slovakia- Don't Close Your Eyes
Below Average Tier 36. Portugal- Vida Minha 35. Belarus- We Are The Heroes 34. Croatia- Nebo
After reviewing the 3-4 songs for the next spot I realized I kinda like the rest of them. I enjoy Eurovision, quite a bit. I like most of the songs. So a new tier. I apparently like tiers a lot. Anyways the next tier is "tolerable".
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
33. Bulgaria- Love Unlimited Artist- Sofi Marinova Result: 11th in Semi-Final 2 Language: Bulgarian (and a bunch of other stuff but ya know) Video:
Like I said before, I really like Eurovision. Love Unlimited is a decent song! I don't mind listening to it, and Marinova really seemed to be enjoying performing it, although something about here just seemed off. I don't know. I enjoyed some parts of it quite a bit, I liked the part where she was saying I love you in ten different languages. The beat also isnt bad. However, there is one part that annoys me a lot and really holds down the whole song: the weird like.. yodeling part. She does it several times. 2:56 was the one I was the closest to but she does it at the very beginning and a few other times. Quiet offputting.
Without that and with actual choreography this song gets the extra point it needs and qualifies for the final. Oh well.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick
When I heard this the first time i like it a lot, and I was disappointed when it didn't qualify. After listening to several more times I think that right on the border is where it should have been. It's not a bad song, a lot going on musically, it is enjoyable and all the song that qualified from Semi-Final 1 I like more. I do like the chorus but there just isn't enough there for me. It's very generic rock. I don't know what else to say about it.
-- Warning_Crazy Winner of Board 8 Big Brother! "better than ngamer"- nick