Board 8 > I Feel Like Squall Right Now

(+) Yeah! (+)

So my finals went well. The OT semester was tough, but I made it. Anyway, my advisors called me in to talk about some struggles I've had, and most of it can be traced back to "not being a group person." So they were like, "Go to bars with other students or go to parties. Learn how to do small talk and chit chat, cause you'll have to do that with clients."

Well, I knew going in this was a bad idea. Our student group is like 24 females to 2 males (the other left early after testing). So we go to a bar. I don't drink, but whatever. Talking about the tests, or classes, or break time shit is fine, but then they ask me about my hobbies. So it when about as well as you'd fucking expect. I know what my interests are, and I know very damn well none of them are gonna know it. Not that they'd know. But whatever, I'll do what the teachers asked and try.

Girls: So, do you have a girlfriend? (Most of them talk about their boyfriends all the damn time).
Me: No. I've dated a few people, but not since I was in high school. I've lived alone and focused on school and work, so I just kinda stopped thinking about it.
Girls: K, so what do you do when you don't study?
Me: Youtube mostly. Makes it easy to jump right back into studying when I'm at home. I also watch wrestling or play games.
Girls: Cool. What games do you like?
Me: RPGs mostly.
Girls: What are those?
Me: You know, single player stuff like FF or whatever.
Girls: ? o...O Idunno, but anyway, do you do anything on campus?
Me: I go to a school club on Fridays. It's a D&D thing I got into recently,
Girls: What's that?
Me: A kind of sort of social game/acting/adventure kinda game you do with friends.
Girls: Huh....ok

It's not like every person in the student group is like that. A couple of them like wrestling, but that's about all I know. I know my interests are niche beyond niche. School clubs? Fine. Conventions? FIne. Internet sites? Fine. But these teachers don't know that shit. Most of these girls don't know this shit. I mean I like sports, movies, and shit like that, but not nearly as much as my main focuses.

I felt so dumb just sitting there eating food. If I say no, the advisors will just point to that as an excuse for me not to be a team player or whatever. Well, if I find someone in this group who knows what the fuck AJ Styles, Persona, D&D, or Vocaloid is, consider them my best fucking friend. Till then, what do you expect me to do?

Trying to fake being interested in people when I know nothing about their interests is so dumb.
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...whatever.
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Arti posted...

...whatever.

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Maybe you should try

Talking to a wall

Heeeeeeeeeeee
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Maybe you're a lion
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Different situation, but I do know that general feeling of being the odd one out of a group. I'm the only one in my group of friends who even remotely cares about sports. My gaming tendencies are also vastly different than theirs, and it does make me feel like a stick in the mud sometimes. All you can really do is just let those teachers think what they want. YOu know better than they do what kind of people you get along with.
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Steiner posted...

Arti posted...

...whatever.

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Also in all seriousness this story shows you completely missed the point.

Your advisors are saying you need to be able to small talk with people who don't share interests. You didn't even attempt that and just got disappointed no one does share the same interests.
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You are a miserable person for comparing yourself to Squall with such a pathetic story.
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My mom said the same thing. People don't want to hear about other people. I get that part. Listening to other people isn't hard. It's conversing when I don't know other people (moreso don't care actually). Am I just supposed to lie through my teeth and go, "Oh. So you went out to the park with your boyfriend? How nice..."

Sustaining a conversation is easier when interests are aligned. It's not like I don't know that.
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A less harsh answer is that you should try to be more interested in other people and learning about them.

Then you'll find it easier to talk about your own things.
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What are you going to school for? You're not going to do well if you can't learn to fake it a little. And people aren't worthless and unreachable because they don't like the same shit as you. That's dumb.
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Well, coming up with the icebreaker IS my main problem. I can talk for hours once I know someone. It's when I'm sitting there having not fucking clue what to say to a stranger that I always struggle with. Well, that and dominating conversations when they get going. Basically two bad habits that go badly together.
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It's not them, it's you. Expand your horizons, make an effort. You sound disgustingly self-centered.
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tabiicat42 posted...

What are you going to school for? You're not going to do well if you can't learn to fake it a little. And people aren't worthless and unreachable because they don't like the same shit as you. That's dumb.

My mom. She said for years "You won't earn shit working those shitty jobs. Try OT. We want to set you up for life, since you're barely making minimum wage. You can't be on government paychecks all your life."

So that basically.
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You can relate to human beings that don't play video games or do the things you do. Ask questions about their hobbies, specifically relating to them like how they feel about it. Why do they like what they like? Do they wish they could do it more? Their feelings related to their hobby might be similar to yours. If they're not then you can just talk about how they contrast or something.
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Strife2 posted...

tabiicat42 posted...

What are you going to school for? You're not going to do well if you can't learn to fake it a little. And people aren't worthless and unreachable because they don't like the same shit as you. That's dumb.

My mom. She said for years "You won't earn shit working those shitty jobs. Try OT. We want to set you up for life, since you're barely making minimum wage. You can't be on government paychecks all your life."

So that basically.

You're majoring in your mom?
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No...

My mom told me to go into OT. I was working some low paying jobs (personal training/yoga instruction/GNC) after my bachelor's degree, so she spent a year harping on trying to get a better paying job. I am very lucky to be in the program. I love learning about it, and learning about how to apply all this to the future. What I'm struggling with is going from a VERY egocentric mindset to someone who actually has to care about other people. I've spent so long not caring. That's really my problem. I am not a "them first" person, in a "them first" program.
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tabiicat42 posted...

What are you going to school for? You're not going to do well if you can't learn to fake it a little. And people aren't worthless and unreachable because they don't like the same shit as you. That's dumb.

Surskit posted...

It's not them, it's you. Expand your horizons, make an effort. You sound disgustingly self-centered.

I don't get where this notion that Strife is insulting anyone is coming from. It sounds like he's well aware the problem is on his end
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Well he thinks it's everyone else's problem. Everyone should have expected it to turn out the way it did. He knew, they didn't.
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What in the world is OT?
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Occupational Therapy

Say someone gets an injury or disease. Physical therapists are the ones who do all the exercises and stuff to make them feel better. OT can be like, "How do we fix your home to compensate for an injury? How do you feel less pain? How do you drive again, walk again, be sociable with friends again?"

All sorts of stuff. It's a lot in line with personal training (one to one meetings with clients and stuff), but in a much more medical setting.
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MZero11 posted...

I don't get where this notion that Strife is insulting anyone is coming from

Also he compared himself to Squall, which is insulting to me.
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pjbasis posted...

MZero11 posted...

I don't get where this notion that Strife is insulting anyone is coming from

Also he compared himself to Squall, which is insulting to me.

well i didn't quote you now did I
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I mean you can tell how self-absorbed his attitude is when he makes a topic and doesn't respond to any criticism.
It's smartmuffin with women problems level.


On the other hand he has every right to vent, and perhaps it was the only intent of the topic. But going forward I would really suggest more self-evaluation and attitude adjustment. It will make your whole life better.
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pjbasis posted...

attitude adjustment.

dude

he likes AJ Styles

stop being a dick to him on purpose.
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I've had to do a lot of changes this semester. I was near failing in a lot of tests before I started trying different ways of studying (since things seem to change based on semester, rather than being able to just read and pass things, which was how things were in September). I think most of this came about because of group work. I didn't really do well, because I wasn't aware "being a group member is REALLY" important until about halfway into the semester. I blew through 1st semester with all As. I only hit a wall until about February.

I get PJ's point. I have been self-absorbed for years. I live alone, and don't have offline friends outside of the D&D club. Maybe it's because outside of a few clubs at school, I don't talk to people all that often. Maybe I am just a cynic. The role I am going into is "client friendly" or "client centered." I didn't do any of that kind of stuff when volunteering. I didn't talk to clients either. Just sat and watched. The last time I really engaged with people was about 3-5 years ago as a trainer.

I want to change, but I can't tell if my advisors expect an "immediate" or "gradual" shift. Immediate is simple. Post more on Facebook or invite people out to dinner or whatever. I get that. But situations like this pop up as examples that it is certainly NOT easy just yet. I could be overthinking.

And venting...yes. I've been stressed since February.
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Is OT something you actually give a shit about or are you doing it to make a parent happy?
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I didn't really know much about it going in. Now that I know what it is (kind of a mixture of preventative medicine and hospital/home health care), it has aspects that I do enjoy. I do feel my undergraduate degree prepared me for those aspects. Not to the degree of depth though. Grad school definitely feels like a high end practice, and the expectations for success are high.

So a little of both I'd say. Part of my frustration is that I feel like an outsider. Being a one-to-one trainer isn't all that different from a therapist, but my knowledge base of actual hospital/home/community health is super sparse. I'm shocked they took me in the program to begin with. Some people had 2-5 years of hospital work or volunteering. I just don't know if I fit in sometimes. They picked me, and I'm happy (anyone should be). But you can understand how I don't fit in somehow.
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I've worked with an occupational therapist before (I had carpal tunnel surgery and needed an OT for rehab). They weren't generally the most social and upbeat people I'd ever met, but they got the job done. I'm assuming you're a guy because people have referred to you as he - are there any other men in the program? You might have a better time relating with them. Or just... fake it till you make it. You don't have to be best friends with them when you graduate.
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Those situations are tough, especially if you don't have much experience

Ideally you can find a socially capable friend or mentor to hang out with and potentially emulate

I think if you just tell people you're trying to get out and broaden your horizons they'll be amenable to leading
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1 other guy; we've talked once or twice.

My brother was like, "Everyone lies. That's life. Fake it if you have to." No wonder he was better at this than me growing up.
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Feeling like Squall is awesome.
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profDEADPOOL posted...

Steiner posted...

Arti posted...

...whatever.

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squall was a genius who was at the top of his class and although he could be cold and distant he was still ultimately human underneath. he cared about other people, and made friends with those who were different from himself because the circumstances demanded it and simply because it's actually not that hard to make friends with others.

you seem like someone who is actually at the bottom of your class in a field where simply being able to interact with others is the fundamental thing you should be gaining mastery over -- and somehow you think because you're bad at it this makes you like Squall. I can't for the life of me figure out why you think someone needs to know about your favorite video game or anime in order to be worth talking to.

first of all I've met plenty of people who don't know the first thing about my video game hobbies and I still engage in pleasant conversations with them all the time.

secondly I have known people who are very into the same things as me but they are toxic individuals I would not have any interest really talking to unless I was forced to.

ultimately trying to make the entire conversation about yourself and your own niche hobbies is the problem here. well, that and the fact that your mother somehow forced you to go to grad school for a field you are clearly not suited for and that you don't care about. but really I don't like to displace blame too much away from the person acting. you should have been more self centered and independent when it came to your mother instead of letting her rule your life. you need to be more open and empathetic toward others instead of refusing to try and talk to them at all because you have this twisted notion that it's a "lie" to ever be interested in a conversation that's not about dungeons and dragons.
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So, what is the best option then? Learning how to be empathetic to others sounds easy in theory. "Active listening" and all that. I think what I've been asked to do is be more expressive and open with people, WITHOUT making things about me. Making it about THEM instead. But when its clear that isn't me (and hasn't been me for quite some time), isn't it better to just be focused on other things?

I'm not saying social obligations and being friendly with people or clients is wrong. It's "part of the job." But I'm not really sure how to go about it with being a dick to other people. It's one thing to talk about health or fitness. I love that stuff, and could provide knowledge for days. But as I said before, it is the "small talk" part I don't get.
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Maria gets it.

Feeling like Squall is awesome.
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Strife2 posted...

So, what is the best option then?

get a job that you want to do and that you are capable of doing

this is neither of those things

if you're really good at underwater welding and your job is to weld stuff underwater but you're bad at socializing with others then you'd actually be like squall.
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By the way, I feel I am blowing this out of proportion somewhat. It is just one of a few issues I'm dealing with it. I didn't fail any courses. I'm just falling behind in the social and "applied" parts of this field. I doubt this is a do or die thing my advisors are asking.
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You're really hung up on the Squall comparison. It was a joke.
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the applied part of your field is the most important part. that's the part you will be doing in real life when you get a job. that's the part potential employers will want to know you are capable of doing. getting some A's on tests is not worth much if you're unable to carry out the task that you are being hired to do.

sorry if this is coming across as harsh but I'm really not trying to be here. it's just difficult for me to say it any other way. if you finish grad school with a master's degree in occupational therapy but you're completely unable to interact with patients in a way that's required of you -- what is that degree actually worth? it seems like you'd have difficulty getting hired or holding a job in that field.
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If nothing else, they did say good things like, "You voice your concern for the client well. Your voice is not frantic, because you stay calm and state exactly what you want and what you want your client to do and why." The words "soothing voice" tend to come up a lot. Also stuff about knowing personal space and always respecting clients wishes before doing stuff like moving them or adjusting things for them. Perhaps a bit too tentatively, but still an air of professionalism.

Basically, thanks to my training background, I'm a good speaker, and I empathize well (when I'm actually talking about therapy). Maybe it's like, "I'm super stressed, but I don't show it" sort of thing, and it makes clients feel better...maybe?
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