Current Events > Should I just apologize?

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Inb4 blogfaq

I've had this best friend for awhile that I recently cut ties to. She was fun to be around and stuff, but mentally and financially she was a colossal drain.

I just got a good job after a disastrous 2016, and am putting dents in my debts since I don't have to financially support my friend anymore.

But I'm literally back to just existing at this point. I go to work. Go home. Sleep because I'm tired. Wake up. Repeat. I barely eat since I don't have money nor can I really cook. I don't really have many friends outside of work, so my phone is dormant at all times. I just feel lifeless rn.

I spent almost every moment I had free with her prior; I was always tired, but I atleast enjoyed myself.

But now I'm just spiritually dead. Can't even jumpstart going to the gym or yoga since I don't eat enough to sustain anything. I'm back to my mindset of apathetic sadness again.

She tries to call or text every week or so, but she isn't very apologetic for anything. And I figure I outta stand my ground. But I really miss her. Or, the feeling anyway. But she's honestly not good for me, objectively. But solitude is just... ugh. I wish not to be in this mindset as I know what it leads to. I can't go back there again.

Should I just apologize and try to be friends again, or stick it all? I dunno if mental health or financial stability is more important.
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get tinder
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Never apologize.
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Do you want to fuck her?
No

You don't want to fuck her?
Yea, but don't give her money.
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Eh, not really interested in her romantically.

But my issue is that I overly compromise and try to placate too much. Since I didn't really care about myself, I always put other's needs before my own. But I think I set a poor precedent as I was no longer purchasing needs, but luxuries.

Wasn't until I said it out loud to a coworker that our relationship was reeeeally on the codependent side of things.

I know if I become friends again, I won't be able to resist buying her stuff. Just who I am. I enjoy buying things for people I like. We're just a bad match because she has zero issues with taking all the offers.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

I know if I become friends again, I won't be able to resist buying her stuff. Just who I am. I enjoy buying things for people I like.

Not saying you should be friends again, but this particular point is your issue not hers.

You're the one buying her stuff, yet you have an issue with her taking the things? That doesn't make much sense. Stop offering stuff if it bothers you that she takes want you give.
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It becomes an issue when a refusal to buy something leads to an attitude.

I also feel like she purposely asks for things that she knows I can't really afford just because she feels I won't say no. I don't believe asking how much credit I have left on my credit card is a normal question a friend would ask.

The reason we had a falling out is because I started putting myself first and declining things I didn't want or cannot do. As well as just not accepting any further disrespect.

But she makes me feel bad because she clearly cares if she continues to try to contact me. She just sucks at communicating, so ofc I'm not going to entertain her if she comes in hostile. Too prideful to be apologetic.

Alas, it's an issue I let fester for too long.
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You make it sound like its her or no one. Forget her. Move on. She does sound toxic even if you are partially to blame. Start hanging round with work friends more. Join a club from some interest. Get on tinder or whatever. Make the decision for good. Say it out loud. Tell her why and move the fuck on.

Or dont whatever i dont care
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

I don't believe asking how much credit I have left on my credit card is a normal question a friend would ask.

Yikes. I'd never talk to her again honestly. I'd only ask my friends for money as a last resort for a necessity because it makes me feel so weird/ashamed

she clearly cares and continues to try and contact your credit card.
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If that's the case, then you should definitely drop her. No friend should be asking how much credit you have on your card. Even if you have for bought her stuff before, she shouldn't be trying to figure out how much more you can spend for her. That's bs.
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DanShields posted...

You make it sound like its her or no one. Forget her. Move on. She does sound toxic even if you are partially to blame. Start hanging round with work friends more. Join a club from some interest. Get on tinder or whatever. Make the decision for good. Say it out loud. Tell her why and move the fuck on.

Or dont whatever i dont care

Yea. It just takes me soooo long to find friends. I can make acquaintances really easy, but actual friends are hard for a reason I'm unsure of, tbh. One of the reasons I didn't see our relationship as odd is because I just didn't have enough friendships prior to compare it to. I dunno what's ok boundaries and such.

I've been in a bad state mentally for a good portion of my life, but I'm seeing an upwards trend. I guess there's just so much emotional attachment to this that's making it hard for me to let go. I haven't caved in yet, so I guess I'll have to tough it out. Might just be a slump rn.

I always like to check in with CE before I make a decision as anonymous opinions are typically the most unfiltered.
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Do what I do and act like nothing is wrong and talk to her like normal.

Also, stop buying her shit.
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In that case, you need to Juelz DIP DIP Santana SET SET.

Aka don't go back.
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SomeLikeItHoth posted...

Do what I do and act like nothing is wrong and talk to her like normal

Tried that.

She responded that we shouldn't communicate since we're aren't friends.

Then proceeds to call me anyway a week later at 8am and asks how I'm doing.

If she reacted like a sensible person, I'd totally be on talking terms at least, but she's really unreasonable.
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If this is serious...
You are being used.
This is not what a friendship is.
cut her and anyone like her out of your life.
Having a "comfy" person in your life is not worth the abuse.
Find someone who wants to be friends with you and not your wallet.
When this person is finally and totally out of your life you will see more clearly.
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I'm sorry, but someone who asks you to max out your credit cards so you can buy them pointless shit is not your friend.
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Melonfarms posted...

If this is serious...
You are being used.
This is not what a friendship is.
cut her and anyone like her out of your life.
Having a "comfy" person in your life is not worth the abuse.
Find someone who wants to be friends with you and not your wallet.
When this person is finally and totally out of your life you will see more clearly.

Tbh, it's only been a month and the financial freedom to actually allow me to pay off things is already hitting me.
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Based on what you've said, I more or less echo Asherlee's opinion. I'm somewhat torn between that and a stance of...

"Talk it out with her, have a nice long civil chat about the issues that led to going away from her. Stand firm in that you have to look out for yourself first and should not tolerate any disrespect. If she's a bitch during the conversation or gets upset for you doing what you should be doing, then drop her permanently."

...since that's forged some bridges with friends I've had serious issues with (sometimes worked, sometimes not, it's mostly on them). But it feels like you were just being used so as I said I lean more towards just standing strong and roughing out the storm.

Block her number I guess?
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Yea, you guys have good points. I shouldn't try to talk this out because I definitely feel like I'm prone to caving in if I do.

Maybe we could be friends later when our lives allow it.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

She tries to call or text every week or so, but she isn't very apologetic for anything. And I figure I outta stand my ground. But I really miss her. Or, the feeling anyway. But she's honestly not good for me, objectively.

Fuck no. Get new friends man.
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