Current Events > Difference between a good friend and a good boy/girlfriend.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Help define.

It seems like people people share less and reveal themselves less to boy/girlfriends.
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Uhh, one involves romance and the other doesn't?
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do yall fuck
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ChibiGhasts posted...

do yall fuck

Tbf friends can fuck.
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RebelElite791 posted...

Uhh, one involves romance and the other doesn't?

This is the basic stuff. But there is more than:

"One fucks. Other doesn't."

It's like there is more trust in a friendship because you're not as inclined to show only your best self.

I'm trying to see if this is an accurate assessment.

I make a great friend it seems. But I'm missing the x-factor to actually progress beyond so.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

It's like there is more trust in a friendship because you're not as inclined to show only your best self.

I'm trying to see if this is an accurate assessment.

I mean it's a pretty bad romantic relationship if you don't feel you can be your true self. After the initial dating stages at least.
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Usually I assume that a BF/GF is someone you could imagine sharing your life/domicile with in the future on a daily basis.

A friend, you probably wouldn't want to on a daily basis.
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One involves an established romantic relationship, one doesn't. Bam.
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RebelElite791 posted...

ChibiGhasts posted...

do yall fuck

Tbf friends can fuck.

oh true
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To add context to my question, I have a friend that I'm planning on moving in with. And her thoughts are beyond bizarre.

She says we should go from an apartment to a house eventually.

She says she doesn't like hanging out with others besides me. And I've seen first hand how she declines hanging out with others.

As soon as she wakes up, she often times calls me. As soon as I'm off work often times, she calls me.

She says we should get matching tattoos. She asks my validation on her appearance when she does something new.

I've been by her side when she was in the hospital. When things get crazy or emotional, it's like I'm on speed dial. She says she loves me.

But when I bring up the idea of just going the romantic route, she says it'd be too weird. That I "know her too well".


So I'm confused. The things she does SEEM like boyfriend girlfriend stuff. What's the difference between a romantic and non-romantic relationship?
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I hate to be "that guy", but maybe she just doesn't have a physical attraction to you?
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

It seems like people people share less and reveal themselves less to boy/girlfriends.

On the contrary, my wife is the person in my life I share and reveal the most to. It was like that when we were just dating as well.
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Dreamers (and many who haven't actually successfully maintained a long term relationship) think it's ideal to have absolute transparency as a couple, but it's not practical.

Human beings are diverse and generally too sensitive for unlimited flow of blunt honesty without any level of discretion and occasional secrecy. There's such a thing as being too honest in a relationship to the point it's toxic and naturally unattractive. I'm saying it's often detrimental to a human relationship when one or both parties casually discloses too much to their partners, even if it's for the principle of honesty. And despite idealistic bellyaching about how that's "deceitful", it is something that can be done carefully with loving and responsible intent.

Some of the longest marriages (and other unions) spanning decades have survived not only due to a decent amount of reliable honesty, but also forgivable moments of compassionate secrecy. There needs to be care of when and when not to withhold certain details from a significant other. Because not only is that important for understanding when to spare your partner's feelings instead of trivial victories, it's also vital for recognizing when to guard your partner's feelings from others (when to have your lover's back instead of throwing them under the bus for petty gossip).

If you stay together a long time, you will have arguments. You will develop situational reasons to consider withholding some of the truth to avoid conflict. It's human. And there will be situations where you will have to learn to practice varying degrees of forgiveness, like for when they're not completely honest with you. If your partner gives a shit about you at all, sometimes they're going to feel it's excusable to gloss over certain details to avoid upsetting you. It's not always to dodge blame or cruelly manipulate you. Sometimes a devoted partner can care so much it torments them to see you upset. Ethically, glossing over the truth for such a reason to avoid hurting your feelings is still wrong, but morally it can seem like the right thing to do when done with compassion. And only caring partners will ever bother to seriously contemplate it for that reason. Habitual deceivers are the ones who will be more worried about avoiding blame and cashing in on lies. If you want love to last, you need to learn the difference.


I roll my eyes at some of the reasons other people have chosen to break up with a lover who's offense was nothing more than one or two tame secrets. It's petty and shows a gross lack of awareness for how privileged being able to toss away a caring partner is compared to the hurdles less fortunate people face looking for commitment. Prioritizing honesty is fine, but expecting unwavering truth as a couple is stupidly idealistic. Because even benevolent partners will find reasons to bend the truth for your benefit.
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Jeff AKA Snoopy posted...

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I hate to be "that guy", but maybe she just doesn't have a physical attraction to you?

That's fine. I'm not really that interested in her romantically tbh. But the things she says and does just don't seem... friend level?

It's what spurred my question. Is it just physical attraction that alters a feeling of friendship to a romantic relationship?

I've made plenty of really close friends, but not many romantic ones. So I'm curious what the distinguishing factor is.

I do respect the post above. How honest and transparent are people with lovers vs friends I wonder.

I just feel ironically, despite a really good friend and a lover are both, objectively, expendable, it's difficult to replace either. But they clearly play different roles.
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Is there any way you could have sex and not turn into an emotional, clingy mess?