Poll of the Day > Fuck this.

(+) Yeah! (+)

All I want is to play some music with some friends. Live in an east coast town by the beach with some kids and a spouse I love. Go to Canada for a weekend, maybe. Lay down in the grass somewhere and die peacefully. Maybe be a little drunk through all of that. Well not all of it. Not important things, like weddings or birthday parties. I want to bring my dad out and see a MLB game with him, and eat nachos that have too much cheese on them. And I want to see my brother stop being so sad all the time. He's got things like a wife and a son and a job and he's still so not happy. I get it though. If I had all those things I'm not sure if I'd be happy. I like to think I would be, but I guess a lot of people have a lot of things and it doesn't really make them any happier. Still it makes me sad to see him that way and I wish there was something I could do for him. I went home for a month this summer and everyone is so ready for me to graduate and start my actual life. Everyone asks me what I'm going to do for a living, where I'm moving to, when I graduate. I don't know the answer to any of that. Like maybe I have some vague ideas but they probably won't pan out how I want them too. My grandma asked me how school is going. What am I supposed to say? "It's going fine. I don't have any real friends and the few people I do talk to probably all hate me. Also I've wasted three years of my life in college when I don't really think this is for me and I maybe should've studied something else. Oh yeah and I've been having a hard time waking up every morning and getting through the day without stowing away at some point to cry in the bathroom, so I had to drop half my course load last semester and will be making it up in the summer, but I can't actually afford to do that so I'm taking out more loans that I'll never pay off. But really it's the best time of my life and I'm just living it up, grandma, thanks for asking."? I can't say that. I've been thinking of picking up a hobby and pouring money into that instead of drinking myself to sleep alone in my apartment, but I'm boring and I don't know what I'd do. Obvious choice is buy a guitar or a piano and practice that. I always wanted to be a musician. I still do, I mean. That's the dream. But that seems so tacky and cliche. Oh jeez a guy in college who can get through a few songs on an acoustic guitar, very cool and original. I've always wanted to write poetry, but every time I try it comes out Eli and whiny and melodramatic and just overall shitty. Not unlike this topic, tbh. I've been reading a lot of poetry lately, mostly stuff from the 17th and 18th centuries. My school library has a big collection of old copies of that sort of thing.

Well anyway, I guess that's it. I mean there's a lot more and maybe I'll get into it later but right now I'm going to bed.

Hope you didn't actually read any of this please just ignore me and everything I post goodnight.
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happy for you bruh hope you can find your dog
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Intense, and I thought I was having a bad Monday.
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MrMelodramatic posted...

Hope you didn't actually read any of this

Glad I could help.

Try

Using

The

Enter

Key

Next

Time.
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Seriously, you can. I believe.
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one of the main themes of zeitgeist was that you could be saving up for a house instead of going to college lol
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Dreaming_King posted...

Try

Using

The

Enter

Key

Next

Time.

could you just imagine

if

i wrote all that
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MrMelodramatic posted...

I'm going to bed.

I wish I could join you bby.
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real talk pick up a guitar and a bottle of brown ale and give urself some therapy
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Nade Duck posted...

happy for you bruh hope you can find your dog

me too fam

Jiggy101011 posted...

Intense, and I thought I was having a bad Monday.

it's not a bad monday, just a meaningless existence :)

Dreaming_King posted...

Try

Using

The

Enter

Key

Next

Time.

n
a
h
.

acesxhigh posted...

real talk pick up a guitar and a bottle of brown ale and give urself some therapy

yeah I think I'm going to give in and just buy the stupid guitar.

Cacciato posted...

Glad I could help.

thanks friend.
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Cacciato posted...

MrMelodramatic posted...

Hope you didn't actually read any of this

Glad I could help.

lol
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MrMelodramatic posted...

And I want to see my brother stop being so sad all the time

MrMelodramatic posted...

He's got...a wife and a son

I
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Living up to your name I see.
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Life is just so fucking weird, you know? Like today was pretty good, so why am I sad*? I woke up at 4 in the morning today because I needed to do some homework that I didn't get to last night because (surprise surprise) I felt like crap and I went to bed after hours of sitting in the dark not moving or doing anything except browsing reddit and potd. it's not like that's different than most days or anything, i just actually should've been doing something so I had to wake up early. Anyway, I finish up my assignment and take a shower and do my morning ritual of wishing I didn't exist and thinking about the heat death of the universe while I wait for my conditioner to do its thing. so whatever I catch the bus and I go to class and obviously I didn't do the reading, right, so I have no clue what's going on but i join in on the conversation anyway because i figure it's better than people think I'm an idiot than if they think I'm just a sack of worthless that doesn't do anything. afterward i talk for a few minutes with the girl who sits in the row in front of me. we're elevator buddies and we always talk for the four minutes it takes to get from our floor down to the parking lot. it's pretty pathetic or whatever but honestly I think I'd go crazy(ier than normal) if i didn't have these interactions. like i know they're pretty insignificant and it doesn't mean anything to the other person but those four minutes really get me through the morning. anyway i head to my next class and turn in my assignment. class ends early and we get our grades from a quiz we took yesterday - I got a perfect score. because class let out early i have 30 minutes to wait until the bus comes, so i sit on a bench and start writing because since yesterday night I've decided I'm going to be a writer and i need to practice my prose. but i don't get very far because this dude comes up and starts talking to be about class, and if i have notes from yesterday. and so somehow we start talking about water filtration and the next twenty minutes just flies by and i don't know who that guy was but he was a nice guy and it really lifted my spirits. i was in such a good mood i decided to drop by my office and talk to the reception guy (who is i guess also my friend) and we have a healthy back and forth and my day is just booming with happiness and so i leave and i happen to run into this asian girl (susan) who I've been running into a lot lately, and she wants to sit and talk with me, so we find a table and talked about history and The Little Mermaid and she wanted to know why Americans don't do yoga in the park and why emails aren't used informally. and like, i dunno guys, i was happier today than I've been in a long time. so i took the bus home and the girl that I've been crushing on for the past couple of months called me while i was on the bus and i felt like crying (but i didn't). she was driving to school and wanted to know if i had time to talk. it was a pretty shallow conversation, and i think she just called me because she didn't have anyone else to talk to, but it was a really nice fifty minutes and i couldn't stop smiling. so it's been about an hour since that conversation ended... and now I'm back at square one. I feel like such a loser. who gets that happy about normal everyday small talk? am i really that desperate for attention that I cling onto phone calls from a girl who doesn't care about me like a winning lotto ticket? and i start thinking how i've made no solid friends in three years and this is my last year and i probably won't make any this year either. and I think about fruity candy i used to eat as a kid for some reason. i'd always get the six-pack of airheads when we went to the video rental store. that place closed years ago but the building has always stayed vacant. i wonder what it'll be one day" maybe they'll just tear it down. it can't stay up forever. literally. because, like, heat death of the universe.

*on second thought, sad was the wrong word. idk what i am. I'm just sorta... floating. life's weird, like i said.
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please don't read any of this. it's all bullshit and i'm just being a caricature of my real life self. i play up the pathetic angle because i'm average (tbh i'm probably below average (just like, overall)) and i have a difficult time coping with that. i always wanted to be really great but i never was and i realized a few years ago i never would be. it's really not that bad - most people aren't really great at anything. as a whole, like a bug chunk of the world doesn't even get the chance to be really great at anything. i just have a tough time accepting that for whatever reason so i play up how bad things are when i'm on the internet so i can get sympathy for having such a shit life. but really my life is okay and you're just enabling me if you read any of this crap, so please don't.
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Actually are you guys the typa guys who fall into the traps of self-affirming fad apps or are you too old for that jazz?

Because downloading fad apps is basically all I do except make up bad internet stories and wishing I wasn't wherever I am and there's this new one that everyone on my twitter feed is raving about and I don't quite get it but I guess you just leave anonymous compliments to someone?

I can make one and you guys can give me anonymous hate mail so that you don't have to be modded for flaming and harassing me.
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Bitching, complainin'
Yet some people who ain't got shit to eat
Bitching, moanin'
So many people you know what they got
What are we doin'?
We're sitting on a ruin
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Melo has become @wolfy42
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If only I could put myself on my ignore list :(
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All in all today went better than yesterday. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually get something done.

Goodnight PotD.
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Woah, I mean, I'm bad, but I use the enter key (some think too much).

Least now I know what my posts look like to everyone else.
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wolfy42 posted...

but I use the enter key

This is true
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MrMelodramatic posted...

i just have a tough time accepting that for whatever reason so i play up how bad things are when i'm on the internet so i can get sympathy for having such a shit life. but really my life is okay and you're just enabling me if you read any of this crap, so please don't.

Absolutely. Doesn't seem like you have any idea what a 'shit' life really is. Think yourself lucky.
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Fuck that my life may not be awful shit but that doesn't mean I'm well enough to care
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Jen0125 posted...

Melo has become @wolfy42

wolfo actually presses enter occasionally, tho
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Woke up alone but that's okay because we're all going to die alone so I might as well get used to it you know? This is supposed to be a late night topic only but it's Wednesday which means I'm about halfway through this week and I might celebrate by drinking tonight so I might forget to post here. I usually make one of those "I'm drunk ama" topics but I fall asleep before they get any sort of fun. Welp I guess that's all.
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Read some Bukowski and then heed and fully understand the epitaph on his grave.
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what in the actual fuck
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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you pathetic 1Xer? I'll have you know I got offered VC funding before anyone else in my hackathon, and I've been involved in numerous kernel contributor flamewars, and I have over 300 confirmed commits. You are nothing to me but just another Java programmer. I will acquihire your company and fire you with the speed of an 18000-class-Objective-C app, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the usergroup forum? Think again, code monkey. As we speak I am contacting my secret collective of FSF freedom fighters and your proprietary, bug-ridden shitware is being hacked right now so you better prepare for the storm, pleb. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your github repository. You're fucking out of a job, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can buffer overflow your software with over seven hundred 0-days, and that's just with my vanilla emacs install. Not only am I extensively trained in webscale deployments, but I have access to the entire source code of MongoDB and I will use it to its full potential to erase your linked in profile off the face of the internet, you little script kiddie. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon your Docker installation, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn enterprise programmer.
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Firewood18 posted...

Read some Bukowski and then heed and fully understand the epitaph on his grave.

I've read what matters most is how well you walk through the fire and really enjoyed it but I don't know much about the guy or his epitaph or anything
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geez dude, do you suffer from depression? you're like an emotional black hole. you'll go nowhere with this attitude, ok?
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Let me guess... you stopped working out?
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Renraku_San posted...

Let me guess... you stopped working out?

lmao
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I dont want to have sex with that.
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Renraku_San posted...

Let me guess... you stopped working out?

Ehhh sorta. The time between my classes and the last bus to my apartment doesn't allow me to go to the gym, but I go on a bike ride every other day, and my classes are a 2.3 mile walk from each other, so I walk that every day. It's not as much as I was doing in April, but it's a lot more than I was doing before that. I've lost 10 pounds since April, and I'm about 16 down since January.
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You need antidepressants.
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ClaudiaSAirola posted...

You need antidepressants.

i was going to address this when i was drunk, but it looks like i won't be drinking tonight. so instead you get to enjoy a sober reply. go you! i know this is stupid, right, okay? like real stupid. so let's just get that outta the way before i go on. this, and me, are stupid. but here's the thing: i don't think I'm depressed. I've had depressed friends, and I'm not as bad off as they are. i had a depressed father (i guess i still might, but he found god a few years back and that's been helping him through his issues quite a bit), and seeing that was... real bad. my father was abusive and did a whole lot wrong. he ruined his life, and he scarred his kids' lives, and he did a number on my mom and his siblings and his mother. but i saw what was going on in there. he'd wake up late at night and go to the living room and do nothing, and i could tell something was eating him from the inside. i've seen that same look on people during school lunches and thursday night bar hopping. i'm not there. i have the blues maybe, sure, but i'm not at the point where i'd consider myself depressed. and you know, I get it; i'm probably wrong. for years i've had people asking me to get medication, or to get help. can they all be wrong? idk. when i was a kid, I used to go to therapy. Around the time my dad was getting real bad and home life was going bad and my mom was trying to leave my dad, i had social workers come in and make sure i was okay every so often, and they scared me, and just a whole series of events i don't particularly want to get into right now lead to me having massive panic attacks in school. I remember one day in particular, i had a panic attack during my art class in the 4th grade, and i was going to the nurse and i fell down and i couldn't get back up and a teacher passing by had to carry me there. well anyway, they made me go to therapy for that because they were getting to be a problem. and i was seeing someone on a weekly basis for about six or seven years. they said paranoia, they said anxiety; they said maybe baby-ptsd. once, one of my doctors told me my dad showed signs of schizophrenia, but i think/thought that's kinda bull because what, she's diagnosing that based on what an eleven year old remembers from five years ago? well the point is i don't think they ever said i was showing signs of depression. and tbh i don't think i was depressed. i stopped going when i started high school because i was tired of it. i didn't think i was getting anywhere, and by that point my parents had been separated and my panic attacks happened less frequently, and it was just stupid. now definitely i have some social anxieties, and i'm a little gloomy, and whatever, but everyone is like that a little bit. I'm inclined to dramatization and stuff, and i feel my emotions pretty strongly, but the point I'm making is that i don't think i'm depressed, and therefore don't need antidepressants. depression is all about (from my understanding) not feeling much of anything at all, but if anything my problem is feeling waaayyy too much in two short a time period <_< it's exhausting going from ecstatic to "please someone kill me" eighteen times a day. anyway, i had a whole spiel about why i'm not drinking tonight, but it looks like i wasted tonight's rant on this instead. that's fine, though. today wasn't all that special. i mean, every day is special, right? but some days are like, found a penny on the floor special and some days are matching with rivers cuomo on tinder special. today was closer to penny than to rivers.
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MrMelodramatic posted...

ClaudiaSAirola posted...

You need antidepressants.

i was going to address this when i was drunk, but it looks like i won't be drinking tonight. so instead you get to enjoy a sober reply. go you! i know this is stupid, right, okay? like real stupid. so let's just get that outta the way ............and therefore don't need antidepressants. depression is all about (from my understanding) not feeling much of anything at all, but if anything my problem is feeling waaayyy too much in two short a time period <_< it's exhausting going from ecstatic to "please someone kill me" eighteen times a day. anyway, i had a whole spiel about why i'm not drinking tonight, but it looks like i wasted tonight's rant on this instead. that's fine, though. today wasn't all that special. i mean, every day is special, right? but some days are like, found a penny on the floor special and some days are matching with rivers cuomo on tinder special. today was closer to penny than to rivers.

Alright so keep walking that distance anyways, and try and walk it faster.

You say you don't need anti depressants but have you tried them? Maybe something super mild.

I wouldn't say that someone I've seen that isn't on anti depressants would post that information. It sounds like you're on something.

I hate to say it but - alcohol - you need to kick that habit immediately in your mental state.
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Came in expecting melodrama and walked out with melodrama 10/10 topic.
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Renraku_San posted...

Alright so keep walking that distance anyways, and try and walk it faster.

You say you don't need anti depressants but have you tried them? Maybe something super mild.

I wouldn't say that someone I've seen that isn't on anti depressants would post that information. It sounds like you're on something.

I hate to say it but - alcohol - you need to kick that habit immediately in your mental state.

I've cut down on the drinking a lot this summer. I was on a whole cocktail of things back in elementary school but I'm not sure if any of them were antidepressants. I stopped taking them because I'm one of those "scared of medicine" people. I also want to clarify that in my last post I definitely didn't mean to say that all depressed people are abusive or going to ruin their lives or anything lol. clearly my dad was a bit extreme, but I know people who have depression issues who are really great people, and great friends.

Monopoman posted...

Came in expecting melodrama and walked out with melodrama 10/10 topic.

ur welcome

small not very related update: I got a 94 on my midterm project, which I worked all of ten hours on. so as of this post, I have a 96 in my polisci class and an 86 in my english class.

hopefully i can work those both up to an A in the next two weeks!
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Monopoman posted...

Came in expecting melodrama and walked out with melodrama 10/10 topic.

he always delivers, I'll give him that
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Moderation upheld. I'll use this topic again.
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I think you mean overturned
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Oh yeah. thanks!
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it's funny, I guess, but there's really not much that's been bringing me down since this topic was initially closed.

there's some stuff like the fact that it's become impossible for me to make an A in my English class, but i never thought i was going to be able to anyway. or that i haven't started my semester project for my PoliSci class, but i always end up doing those things last minute. i didn't get a scholarship i was really hoping I would get, so that's kind of a bummer, and money is going to be hella tight this year, but what is it not, you know? really the saddest day-to-day thing is that the girl I've been crushing on for like, three months now (seriously these things never last this long) will never like me but keeps talking to me every day so i keep thinking about her. But even that's not all too bad because she's actually a very chill person and I enjoy her company. hmm. My ex-girlfriend and i have finally decided we're better off just not talking to each other at all. Or, i guess, she decided that. Came as kind of a shock to me, because we were doing the whole "friends" thing pretty well. We weren't great friends, and we never talked outside of when we'd run into each other or anything, but, you know, we were pleasant towards one another. Still, it didn't really mean all that much to me. I hardly talked to her anymore anyway, so i guess I'm just not talking to her at all anymore - not that big of a difference. I had a friend from Austin drive up and have lunch with me this week. He didn't do so well this past year and won't be able to attend school this upcoming semester. That was sort of a bummer, but we weren't the absolute closest of friends, and he'll be back in January anyway. I made a new acquaintance this week and we exchanged info and she's supposed to be throwing a party later tonight, but I won't be going even though I told her I would try to. I have a lot of homework i should probably be doing. Part of me is definitely like "blah blah you're just making excuses to not go out because you won't know anybody there and you're really awkward and gross and so you think everyone will hate you" but part of me loves parties and does want to go, but doesn't want to waste the weekend when I really should be doing crap.

Anyway, none of that is really bringing me down any, it's just stuff that's going on. small things like elevator girl and Lily are definitely helping to keep me distracted from the bigger issues of life, so that's nice.

Oh, I had a great uncle die this week, but i only met him once or twice when i was a real young kid so i wasn't all that shook up about it. i'm still trying not to think about it though, because thinking about death for too long will just ruin everything for like, days. So yeah, sorry this topic ended up being such a flop but my life is actually at a steady 4/10 rn. should've seen me last month. oh boi.
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I think the biggest thing eating away at me right now is that I don't know what I want from life so I'm not trying to get anything from it. Like there's really so little you can do in life, if you think about it. Or maybe not "little", but very few unique paths you can really choose from. Having a lot of money would be fun I guess, but not if you have to do something you don't love every day. And having a family and SO seems romantic and nice, but all relationships are full of little troubles and issues and you can't just have a family and do nothing else with your life. Traveling sounds exciting, but I think I'd rather know a few places very well than know a lot of places very shallowly. You can try to be the best at something, but that usually works out better when you start that as a kid. I don't know what to work towards since I don't know what I want, but picking nothing is a whole problem on its own. Really my only goal right now is to finish school, but that's only because I've already made it this far. I saw a topic on PotD a day or two ago that had a poll, and a lot of us are having motivational issues. I wonder if that's like, something that's more likely in the kind of people that visit PotD, or in people that are in their 20s, or Americans maybe. Maybe all people of all races from all countries of all ages feel a lack of motivation in their life. Then does the whole species just rely on that few percent of us to keep us moving forward? Why even keep moving forward? What's the end-goal? When did we start wanting more? Do you guys ever just realize you're alive? Like, sometimes i look at my hand and think like "holy shit. That's my hand. I'm moving it. I'm living my life rn. This is what I'm doing and I won't ever get this moment back." It's like I'm self aware, but I wasn't not self aware before. Or I'll just be walking, and suddenly I feel like I'm watching myself walk. Like my whole visual perspective just shifts and all I can think about is watching myself walk - make sure I'm doing it correctly. I'm always afraid I'll get stuck there. Not actually experiencing anything, but watching myself experiencing.

In other news, I started writing like I said I would a few posts ago. And yeah like I said it's all pretty whiney and overbearing, but I guess no one else is ever going to read it so that's okay. On a certain level, I sort of wish someone could read it without knowing I wrote it so I could know what they think. That sounds very typical "needs social media approval from strangers" but I hate when people act like wanting approval is some new thing that only people under 25 have ever cared about. Anyway, the writing is going okay. Maybe one day I'll be good enough to self publish a single copy of a book and then put it in a box somewhere and forget it exists.
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my great-uncle's funeral was today and he had a pizza buffet served at it! I didn't even know that was an option!
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