Board 8 > Help me with bereavement time advice.

(+) Yeah! (+)

My grandfather just passed today. I get three days off for bereavement, but I'm not sure if I should take all three. I only need the one day off for the funeral. For reasons I won't get into, we haven't been as close in recent years, so I don't feel as though I couldn't do my job now. But again, I get three days.

Should I use all three of these days? It feels almost like taking advantage of the situation to get time off.
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PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

Should I use all three of these days?

Uhhh. Yes.

If the enjoyment of taking 3 days off is outweighing any guilt you may feel then do it. If not, then don't.
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Depends how much charity you want to give to your company
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Are you paid for these days off? If so, yes.
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at my work we are given a similar allotment of days.

If it is an immediate family member or someone whose affairs you will be responsible for managing, then yes, take all the time you can.

If you are literally just going to be attending the funeral, then it's customary to just take the one day, even if you are allotted 3. This is kind of an unspoken thing that is done at my work. Several people have had uncles or aunts or grandparents or whoever pass, and they've all just take one day even though I believe they could take three.

So my answer is to make sure you understand the culture of your work before taking all three when you really only need to take one.
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Just to further expound on this, 3 days is customarily given to account for relatives that may live out of town. If your grandpa lived far away, you may need a day to travel there and a day to travel back as well as a day for the funeral.

If the funeral is local, and you would literally just be sitting on your butt playing video games the other two days, then you really should only take the one. The three days is a maximum, meant to be interpreted as "up to 3 days." The bereavement time off is meant to be used to attend to bereavement activities, such as attending the funeral, not just to have extra vacation days thanks to the fact that a relative you rarely interact with has passed away.

Bottom line. Taking the full 3 days is cringy. Don't be cringy.
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Take them.

Especially if you've been feeling burnt out/unhappy as of late.
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There is a separate but equal bottom line, which is your company has granted you 3 days off.

Now I think it's obvious that if you will feel extensive guilt, or if you just love your company, or if taking the days off will put excessive strain on your coworkers, etc., then that's up for you to consider. I can't speak to any of that. But you shouldn't feel guilty for taking time which is granted. You don't have to go around advertising to everyone you work with that you only realistically needed one day. That's your business.

i will stand by what I said, but ultimately reiterate that it depends largely on the culture of the company. Do most people take the three days for bereavement in your situation? Then go ahead and take the three. Do most people only take one in your situation? Then maybe consider doing the same.
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For what it's worth, I decided to only take the day(s) off that I need for the funeral. I felt really distracted and had difficulty focusing after I first heard about his passing, but I've been able to focus more now as the day goes on. I have many, many feelings and thoughts having to do with his passing and circumstances leading up to and certain situations that led to our falling out, but I was able to talk through some of them on my lunch break. I've been expecting this phone call off and on for about two years and I wasn't sure how I'd feel after it.

Also, if I take three days off it's a strain on the co-workers as mentioned. And I was really mainly concerned about my mother getting through this as she was taking care of him for a while before he passed, but she seems to have been anticipating this too and I think that makes all of this easier? I dunno. Any time I've had anyone else pass away who I've been close with, it kind of hits me like a freight train not immediately but later.
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Is your workplace really that Taxed for manpower?
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I work in a small portion of a lawfirm with limited number of people working. We have one person who has to work from home due to a sick husband and somebody who is on vacation next week. So we could get away with me taking off, but to me it feels like I might want to keep my mind occupied instead.

Because when I let my mind stay unengaged, it goes to grim thoughts and bad feelings that I want to avoid currently.

And I forgot to say it, but thank you for the advice all.
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PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

I have many, many feelings and thoughts having to do with his passing and circumstances leading up to and certain situations that led to our falling out, but I was able to talk through some of them on my lunch break. I've been expecting this phone call off and on for about two years and I wasn't sure how I'd feel after it.

I'm not saying this to be a smart ass, but it sounds like you could use some bereavement time. Talking through "some of it" over lunch might not be adequate, even if you don't feel particularly distracted at the moment. Also, you might have more feelings to process after the funeral is over.

You will of course know yourself and your situation better than I do.

It didn't come off as being a smart ass, and that's kind of one of the things I was worried about also. I'm kind of comparing how I feel to when I lost one of my closest friends. I didn't hit me hard until the following day, mostly because I had spent time with another friend that day.

I don't know. It's complicated, I guess? I may take a day off after the funeral too. I'm kind of mulling around my options but still mostly settled on taking only that day off.
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guffguy89 posted...

Bottom line. Taking the full 3 days is cringy. Don't be cringy.

Hell, taking even 1 day is cringy! The point of bereavement time is to make sure you give your boss as much free work as possible, and your coworkers don't feel bad about giving charity to the boss for no reason. Seriously, imagine if everyone at your job took 3 days every time a close relative died. It would be total anarchy!

There's a reason you get 3 days. And like puns said, it sounds like it would help you. What kind of a wage slave would you have to be not to take it?
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Wow finally a foolm0ron post that I can interpret what is this devilry
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foolm0r0n posted...

guffguy89 posted...

Bottom line. Taking the full 3 days is cringy. Don't be cringy.

Hell, taking even 1 day is cringy! The point of bereavement time is to make sure you give your boss as much free work as possible, and your coworkers don't feel bad about giving charity to the boss for no reason. Seriously, imagine if everyone at your job took 3 days every time a close relative died. It would be total anarchy!

There's a reason you get 3 days. And like puns said, it sounds like it would help you. What kind of a wage slave would you have to be not to take it?

Oh yes, I forgot that the only thing that matters in this world is me, me, me. Who cares about my coworkers or the fact that I'm using the death of a relative to take additional days off that I don't really need.

*cough* Oh, excuse me, I coughed once. Time to take another paid sick day. Life is grand when I only have my selfish desires to worry about!
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lmao you're disparaging PTO now too? I've seen wage slaves before but this is too much

It sucks if you've been brainwashed into devaluing yourself so deeply, but biscuit should not fall for that
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Funeral is going to be next week. My boss encouraged me to take all three days off. Girlfriend is also encouraging that. Mostly so we can spend more time with my mom during this.

So I'll be taking the first three days off in the week because I won't know how the funeral will affect me.
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For the record, I'm happy you got the three days off. In your original post you made it sound like it wouldn't affect your ability to work at all, but then in later posts you indicated it could have a greater effect and maybe your mom needs some support, so I'm glad you'll have that time off to sort things out.

I was just being cheeky with foolmo because he was being cheeky with me.
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guffguy89 posted...

foolm0r0n posted...

guffguy89 posted...

Bottom line. Taking the full 3 days is cringy. Don't be cringy.

Hell, taking even 1 day is cringy! The point of bereavement time is to make sure you give your boss as much free work as possible, and your coworkers don't feel bad about giving charity to the boss for no reason. Seriously, imagine if everyone at your job took 3 days every time a close relative died. It would be total anarchy!

There's a reason you get 3 days. And like puns said, it sounds like it would help you. What kind of a wage slave would you have to be not to take it?

Oh yes, I forgot that the only thing that matters in this world is me, me, me. Who cares about my coworkers or the fact that I'm using the death of a relative to take additional days off that I don't really need.

*cough* Oh, excuse me, I coughed once. Time to take another paid sick day. Life is grand when I only have my selfish desires to worry about!

You don't owe it to your company to avoid taking time off, especially when someone has died.

Your coworkers also don't owe it to your company to do that.

It sounds like a pretty shitty company culture if this is at all expected.
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You're allotted three days; take the three days. I don't understand doing anything else.

If you take time off, somebody has to do the work while you aren't there. That's not "s***ty company culture," that's just reality.
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KingButz posted...

If you take time off, somebody has to do the work while you aren't there. That's not "s***ty company culture," that's just reality.

It's pretty shitty culture if you're encouraged to take less time off when someone literally died.

No one should feel like they can't take time off.

If people are stretched too thin, that's the fault of the company and/or whoever is in charge of hiring.
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I would always take the max amount of days off that I am given
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Your company most certainly will not think more highly of you for not taking the days when it's time to make cuts. Take what you're given.

PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

Mostly so we can spend more time with my mom during this.

this is ideally why the days are important, when my grandpa died from cancer last year, I took 2 of the five days because it's what I felt I needed. My company made it clear bereavement could be taken at any time, even if I felt I needed it at the end of the year.

When my grandma died later that year, I needed all five to spend with my family, and actually spend some time processing it.

I still have three days left (8 actually, after looking at my contract I could have gotten another 5 days due to another death that legit almost drived me mad) but I don't need them, so I won't take them. You could look at it as "free labor" for my company, but honestly my workplace falls drastically behind if I'm not there.
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KingButz posted...

If you take time off, somebody has to do the work while you aren't there. That's not "s***ty company culture," that's just reality.

When you take evenings and weekends off, someone also has to do the work while you aren't there

Should you work 24/7 then?
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TheGoddamnSanta posted...

You could look at it as "free labor" for my company, but honestly my workplace falls drastically behind if I'm not there.

This is not a "but". You are giving away your labor. They should figure out a way not to fall behind drastically if it's such an issue.
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Yeah obviously I'm giving away labor. When I donate money to a company I like (say through a humble bundle) I'm also giving away money, essentially the same thing. I like my work and I want it to do well, the same way I might like a video games company and pay more than a dollar for their games.
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It's fine if you're consciously doing that. The other guy talking about culture and such definitely doesn't even think he has a choice.
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man, the people in here suggesting he not take the full 3 days really ought to re-examine both their emotional health and their belief systems
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why is this even a question
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