Current Events > Had a casual thing going, she went back to her ex Monday...

(+) Yeah! (+)

So, I met this girl in my class back in September and it went from getting her Instagram the second time we spoke after class, to her eventually giving me her number and us going out a few times (we smashed after the first date and I now wish she wasnt my first). She told me she didnt want anything serious on our first date and needed to focus on herself, especially since she had a nasty breakup with her ex the week before we met (shouldve been a red flag for me but whatever). Unfortunately, I sorta caught feelings for her and tried to hide it but I think I failed a little.

So, on Saturday, we didnt speak much and I didnt hear from her till Monday. I got a Snapchat notification from her and I was like Im surprised she hit me up on this instead of texting me, but whatever. Her messsge read, I got back with my ex. I hope this doesnt make things weird between us. I was buying a soda from this vending machine at the time and almost punched the vending machine. I lied and told her I mean, we werent really together, so no worries. She replied Ok, thank you and I didnt respond to her.

What got me upset was the fact that she went back to her ex after telling me she didnt want anything serious and I swear she told me he thought her whole thing with going to school was too intense for him (he doesnt attend college, I have no idea what he does for a living) and how they had a nasty breakup. Also, either she or he took down our photos from Facebook from our outing for Halloween (noticed they were gone when I was on my page and saw they were no longer in my recent photos). Nobody just gets back with their ex after a nasty breakup within two days. What are your thoughts on this whole situation?
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ugh thats annoying. im sure she has her reasons but man so many just dont consider other peoples feelings in this situation. youre better off without her though, she sounds like an ass (at least in terms of trying to develop anything serious with her).
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You were just the rebound guy and she obviously was always still wanting to be in a real relationship with her ex. If you play it cool, she will come back when they break up again
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she told you straight up at the beginning. this is on you.
is there a term for incel types who got laid once? cause that sounds like you bro
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EzeDoesIt posted...

ugh thats annoying. im sure she has her reasons but man so many just dont consider other peoples feelings in this situation. youre better off without her though, she sounds like an ass (at least in terms of trying to develop anything serious with her).

Wish I knew what those reasons were. I was speaking to some of my friends about it to get some insight and one of them (who I only know via social media, met via one of those random video chat services) said it might be one of those cases where they had a toxic relationship and she keeps going back, mostly because its a familiar thing and she might not want to go into a new thing and have her feelings hurt or some ish like that. I took that into consideration.

I havent spoken to her since and we have class together three days a week. She usually sits next to me but yesterday (Thank God), she sat on the other side of the lecture room and I was sitting with two of my friends. My friend said she caught her looking our way once. Things may or may not be awkward when we have this component to our lecture tomorrow, since we both usually sit next to each other in the front of the class and the room is much smaller than the lecture room.
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solosnake posted...

You were just the rebound guy and she obviously was always still wanting to be in a real relationship with her ex. If you play it cool, she will come back when they break up again

Feels like it lol. No going back though.
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GasMonkey posted...

she told you straight up at the beginning. this is on you.
is there a term for incel types who got laid once? cause that sounds like you bro

How are you going to call someone bro and insult them at the same time? Thanks for your comment anyway, guy.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

GasMonkey posted...

she told you straight up at the beginning. this is on you.
is there a term for incel types who got laid once? cause that sounds like you bro

How are you going to call someone bro and insult them at the same time? Thanks for your comment anyway, guy.

That happens regularly.
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gameguy are u the same mexican dude i gave my runescape account to over myspace back in like 2011?
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Gamerguy92 posted...

solosnake posted...

You were just the rebound guy and she obviously was always still wanting to be in a real relationship with her ex. If you play it cool, she will come back when they break up again

Feels like it lol. No going back though.

Yeah no going back, you get it. Some people have no dignity

EliteC posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

solosnake posted...

You were just the rebound guy and she obviously was always still wanting to be in a real relationship with her ex. If you play it cool, she will come back when they break up again

Feels like it lol. No going back though.

Yeah no going back, you get it. Some people have no dignity

Its casual sex.
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Roxborough4Ever posted...

gameguy are u the same mexican dude i gave my runescape account to over myspace back in like 2011?

Nope, not me.
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Nobody just gets back with their ex after a nasty breakup within two days. What are your thoughts on this whole situation?

Uh, yes they do. All the time. Are you new at this?
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well she did tell you she didn't want anything serious. I feel bad that you caught feels, but you can't really say she did anything "wrong"
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The main point is, how do you tell someone you dont want something serious, but go back to something that was serious and isnt beneficial to you, from what you told me? That just doesnt make any sense to me, but I wish her the best. Also, just to clarify, isnt an incel someone who believes they can never get sex and blame women for everything (which I dont believe in either)?
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she meant she wasn't looking for something serious with your guy's thing. she still obviously had feelings for her EX at that point
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When I said two days, I meant two days of conversation, after a nasty breakup that occurred almost three months ago, but I guess I was wrong. I guess she didnt really do anything wrong but it just feels messed up, in my opinion, to say one thing to someone and then do the opposite.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

to say one thing to someone and then do the opposite.

happens all the time and it sucks
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A girl not wanting something serious after a break up = not looking to move on that quickly from the break up. Because she is still stuck on the break up. Girls speak in code bro you should know this, there's like 4 dimensions to her saying she doesn't wanna be serious.
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ThyCorndog posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

to say one thing to someone and then do the opposite.

happens all the time and it sucks

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catboy0_0 posted...

she meant she wasn't looking for something serious with your guy's thing. she still obviously had feelings for her EX at that point

Yeah, youre most likely correct. Just stinks that whenever I date someone, it usually goes downhill eventually.
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When someone says they dont want something serious it usually means they're not over their ex.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

The main point is, how do you tell someone you dont want something serious, but go back to something that was serious and isnt beneficial to you, from what you told me? That just doesnt make any sense to me, but I wish her the best. Also, just to clarify, isnt an incel someone who believes they can never get sex and blame women for everything (which I dont believe in either)?

Metaphorically speaking, she didnt want to build an entirely new house at the moment. That other house with her ex was already built, just in need of some repairs.

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.
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yeah sorry man :( wish I could make you feel better
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Flockaveli posted...

A girl not wanting something serious after a break up = not looking to move on that quickly from the break up. Because she is still stuck on the break up. Girls speak in code bro you should know this, there's like 4 dimensions to her saying she doesn't wanna be serious.

I guess I just need to take a step back and just observe. Seems like the best option right now.
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The Popo posted...

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.

Obviously he will be
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People do shitty things. Best forget about her and move on with your life.
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The Popo posted...

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.

that's... most likely not TC's problem
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The Popo posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

The main point is, how do you tell someone you dont want something serious, but go back to something that was serious and isnt beneficial to you, from what you told me? That just doesnt make any sense to me, but I wish her the best. Also, just to clarify, isnt an incel someone who believes they can never get sex and blame women for everything (which I dont believe in either)?

Metaphorically speaking, she didnt want to build an entirely new house at the moment. That other house with her ex was already built, just in need of some repairs.

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.

I understand. Also, it was like a month after.
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Ilishe posted...

People do shitty things. Best forget about her and move on with your life.

True that.
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this was super predictable and you shouldn't be shocked.

also, it was casual sex when you knew she didn't want a relationship with you (she was crystal clear on this), so move on.

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.

just be cold and distant. you might as well be lol
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Basically she said a bunch of shit about her ex because she still wanted him and was trying to cope by pretending he was a loser and no big deal to her. You were part of the coping mechanism.

I'm sorry this happened man. To put it gently, I think this was the kind of arrangement you shouldn't have agreed to in the first place because it was never going to end differently. Something you do when you're more experienced and just need to get laid. But hey we've all been there and have all had times of catching feels for a girl who doesn't reciprocate.

These days, if I can tell a girl is clearly not over her ex then I know it's never going to be more than sex with me.

It probably won't work out with them but you need to move on and find someone else regardless.
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Fam_Fam posted...

this was super predictable and you shouldn't be shocked.

also, it was casual sex when you knew she didn't want a relationship with you (she was crystal clear on this), so move on.

Thing is, we went on dates too. Like 4 or 5, but youre right.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.

just play it cool. you can choose if you just want to just talk to her normally like you did before you got with her, or just be disinterested if you don't want to talk to her anymore. it doesn't have to be awkward. you aren't in control of her actions but you are in control of yours
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pinky0926 posted...

Basically she said a bunch of shit about her ex because she still wanted him and was trying to cope by pretending he was a loser and no big deal to her. You were part of the coping mechanism.

I'm sorry this happened man. To put it gently, I think this was the kind of arrangement you shouldn't have agreed to in the first place because it was never going to end differently. Something you do when you're more experienced and just need to get laid. But hey we've all been there and have all had times of catching feels for a girl who doesn't reciprocate.

It probably won't work out with them but you need to move on and find someone else regardless.

I guess I had high hopes for something I shouldnt have and I shouldve seen it for what it was. Ill try to know better for next time.
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ThyCorndog posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.

just play it cool. you can choose if you just want to just talk to her normally like you did before you got with her, or just be disinterested if you don't want to talk to her anymore. it doesn't have to be awkward. you aren't in control of her actions but you are in control of yours

True.
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Also CE is being predictably harsh, but the gist of it is you need to be more honest with yourself next time. Don't agree to see a girl who's put terms on the relationship you don't like just because you really want to fuck her. Not unless you're prepared to get bamboozled.
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Gamerguy92 posted...

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.

Stop it. You'll look much better and come out of it better yourself if you can shrug it off and just lick your wounds.

Gonna preach for a second. Buddhism would state that you don't have a chance of achieving peace as long as you're tied up in your desires, which has a direct relationship to your suffering/worries/paranoia/anxiety right now. It's obviously easier said than done, but your self-confidence being traded for your desires isn't a equitable trade off for you. You don't need to feel awkward and I'm sure you don't want to feel awkward. Be you. Be comfortable. Don't worry about her.
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pinky0926 posted...

Also CE is being predictably harsh, but the gist of it is you need to be more honest with yourself next time. Don't agree to see a girl who's put terms on the relationship you don't like just because you really want to fuck her. Not unless you're prepared to get bamboozled.

Actually, I really did want to get to know her, not just have sex with her. That wasnt even on my mind during the first date. She was the one who was like lets mess around.
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well, now you know what red flags to look out for at least
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Gamerguy92 posted...

pinky0926 posted...

Also CE is being predictably harsh, but the gist of it is you need to be more honest with yourself next time. Don't agree to see a girl who's put terms on the relationship you don't like just because you really want to fuck her. Not unless you're prepared to get bamboozled.

Actually, I really did want to get to know her, not just have sex with her. That wasnt even on my mind during the first date. She was the one who was like lets mess around.

So if you want to find peace, you gotta accept that you made the decision knowing the questionable conditions.
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lol

"i'm not looking for anything serious" = "i'm not looking for anything serious with you"
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catboy0_0 posted...

The Popo posted...

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.

that's... most likely not TC's problem

Didnt mean that it was. Just that it could be a new thing for them to fight over.
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Kineth posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

But, the thing Im worried about most is how it may be awkward tomorrow if we end up in the same group in class tomorrow.

Stop it. You'll look much better and come out of it better yourself if you can shrug it off and just lick your wounds.

Gonna preach for a second. Buddhism would state that you don't have a chance of achieving peace as long as you're tied up in your desires, which has a direct relationship to your suffering/worries/paranoia/anxiety right now. It's obviously easier said than done, but your self-confidence being traded for your desires isn't a equitable trade off for you. You don't need to feel awkward and I'm sure you don't want to feel awkward. Be you. Be comfortable. Don't worry about her.

Youre right and thank you for the wise quote. I appreciate it.

Seemingly harsh responses or not, thank you all for responding. Just need to watch out for red flags next time and if the next thing is casual, make sure it stays that way and not get my feelings involved (though, knowing me, causal may not work).
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The Popo posted...

catboy0_0 posted...

The Popo posted...

Now the question is if the ex is gonna be pissed if he learns that his gf screwed someone 2 days after their fight.

that's... most likely not TC's problem

Didnt mean that it was. Just that it could be a new thing for them to fight over.

don't give TC any false hopes please
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Gamerguy92 posted...

pinky0926 posted...

Also CE is being predictably harsh, but the gist of it is you need to be more honest with yourself next time. Don't agree to see a girl who's put terms on the relationship you don't like just because you really want to fuck her. Not unless you're prepared to get bamboozled.

Actually, I really did want to get to know her, not just have sex with her. That wasnt even on my mind during the first date. She was the one who was like lets mess around.

Right, but it comes to the same thing. She set out terms that you didn't really want to agree to but you tolerated and ignored them because you wanted something else from her. Sounds like she was clear enough about where she was coming from from the start, at least about what her expectations were.

Have you seen 500 days of summer? I feel like that would be a good movie for you to watch.
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pinky0926 posted...

Gamerguy92 posted...

pinky0926 posted...

Also CE is being predictably harsh, but the gist of it is you need to be more honest with yourself next time. Don't agree to see a girl who's put terms on the relationship you don't like just because you really want to fuck her. Not unless you're prepared to get bamboozled.

Actually, I really did want to get to know her, not just have sex with her. That wasnt even on my mind during the first date. She was the one who was like lets mess around.

Right, but it comes to the same thing. She set out terms that you didn't really want to agree to but you tolerated and ignored them because you wanted something else from her. Sounds like she was clear enough about where she was coming from from the start, at least about what her expectations were.

Have you seen 500 days of summer? I feel like that would be a good movie for you to watch.

Yeah, youre right. So, it was partly my fault. Just didnt expect it to end like that. Nope, havent seen that movie but Ill check it out.
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On a related note, where do you guys find women who only want casual hookups anyway? And does it tend to matter if you're creepy and unattractive? Just wondering.