Board 8 > Gauntlet Crew Ranks 90s Horror Films - Do you like ranking scary movies?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Charon - This strange tale about a man's journey to escape his overprotective mother is an interesting twist on the genre, and will make even the stauchest critics of horror comedy chuckle often. I personally am one of those people, and I'm sure that's no real secret to anyone. This film was definitely something, and I expected to not enjoy it at all but surprisingly enough it's quite good for what it is. The cast is mostly good; many of the zombies don't get lost in the background, and I especially loved Father McGruder, the Lord's asskicker. The gore here is at times pretty high, but it really is tempered quite a bit by all the comedy at play here. It treats gore in a much different way than some of the other films on the list that employ it, and it has my respect for making me see that not every horror comedy is bad.

Genny - Dead Alive and Cemetery Man have a lot of the same "charm", but where one fails the other succeeds in its comedic efforts. "I kick ass for the Lord" might be my favorite line in this project. Is it delivered better than "I see dead people" or "What's in the box"? No. Is it acted as professionally as "Do you still hear the screaming of the lambs"? Definitely not. Is it more iconic than all these and more? Naw, but dammit there's so much charisma in it and that's indicative of the movie as a whole. I eventually even overlooked the gross out action and learned to enjoy it. 7/10

Scarlet - Two things. First of all, I watched a show called Braindead a couple of years ago. This was not related to that show. That was a big strike against. Second of all, Wickle should not watch this movie. This is functionally, Yo dawg, so I herd you liek gore so I put some gore in your gore. I really do have a line when it comes to gore itself, and while I could see how this movie might be amusing to some really sick sons of bitches who probably have no conception of decorum and show up to black tie dinner events and talk about how they saw a truck disembowel a deer on a highway on the way to the social function, I myself believe that if a movie makes you feel like not eating, its doing a bad job. Theaters need to sell concessions, not clean them up from the floor when they are regurgitated. Blergh. Ew. Gross.
Rating: 21/100

Johnbobb - God that fucking custard scene almost made me puke. I mean, I'm fine with gore and horror, and I'm fine with gore used for comedic purposes. The gross wackiness kind of reminded me of Drag Me to Hell, which I loved. But this is just... that's all it is. It seems like it's just taking ridiculous gore effects, pointing at them, and saying "HAHA look how gross that is!" And sure, they're gross, but I've seen enough over-the-top horror at this point that goofy, gross-out effects just don't do it for me without there being more of a draw beyond that. And if the movie itself wasn't gross enough, the music is just real unappealing. Like distractingly bad daytime soap music.

Karo - A young man's mother gets turned into the undead by a monkey bite and he ends up with an ever increasing collection of pet zombies and everything turns gross and stupid like zombies having sex to make zombie babies and scores of meaningless disembowelments of human and undead alike. The film is a thoroughly unpleasant experience filled with nonsensical plot turns and insensitive ethnic stereotyping, and it is rife with feeble attempts at humor that only serve to turn the stomach and it some cases rip it out entirely. The story gets ever more idiotic the longer it goes on, and pretty much just gives up by a certain point. But hey, as long as we spray enough fake blood around to fill an olympic sized swimming pool we don't need anything else, right? I couldn't think of a more apt title, because braindead is exactly what this movie is.
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Time for a two-for-one, and it's somehow fitting that these two are together:

2. Tremors

This breezy, tremendously enjoyable creature feature is kind of like Arachnophobia, if that movie actually lived up to its promise. To get the weak parts out of the way first, its plot is nothing that hasnt already been seen in a dozen other creature features, and the characters are largely stereotypical, with limited character development. Its also a B-movie through and through, so you can expect a certain degree of hokeyness.

Now onto the good, which theres a whole lot of: first, the picturesque setting, solid music, and focus on an isolated group of people banding together to stop a much larger threat (built up gradually in classic movie monster fashion) bring Westerns to mind, which is a fun spin on the bog-standard creature feature. The characters and their mannerisms (especially the Southern hick survivalist couple) are genuinely funny, and they generally act believably, rather than dumb in the (stereo)typical horror movie way. Rhonda in particular isnt just the usual token oversexualized damsel, short of one somewhat gratuitous scene; she actually thinks for herself and devises the bulk of the groups plans. The worms are fun and even at times frightening monsters theyre tough, they learn, but they have actual weaknesses, and solid effects work ensures theyre not too cheesy. Finally, I personally appreciated its celebration of the bond between small town folks, and the trust that naturally develops further in such an exceptional situation. Its surprisingly low death count also worked to reinforce this moral.

12. Braindead

Too often, Peter Jackson mistakes gonzo for funny and loud and gory for scary. A little more restraint in the application of these tools would have served this movie well. However, this everything-and-the-kitchen-sink approach does notably benefit the park scene, as well as some of the later mayhem throughout the housewarming party a clever subversion of the zombie movie trope of the walking dead sieging some safe place its residents hold dear. Most crucially, though, theres no grounded center of characters worth caring about to balance out the freakshow, and thats what really sinks this over-the-top horror comedy approach.
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Outlier

Inviso - 166
Genny - 159
Charon - 145
KBM - 135
Karo - 114
Johnbobb - 114
Scarlet - 83
JONA - 81
Snake - 69

Vis claims the top spot yet again.
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Now that's a damn shame, I definitely hoped that would make its way into the top half.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC6WAAlNHt4" data-time="

Haha holy shit. Yeah I think that wouldve made my top 5.
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Braindead is hilarious and should have at least been top half, if not top 10
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Braindead is fucking horrible and unfunny and this is WAY too high for it. Definitely one of the least enjoyable things to watch on the list.
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The only thing I just don't get is... why would he take that baby on a picnic? Like I get this is something of a comedy and you need comedic situations to ensue but... he knew that thing wasn't natural. I get feeling the need to take responsibility but taking it out in public!?
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21. Cemetery Man

Johnbobb - 5
Scarlet - 9
JONA - 15
KBM - 15
Karo - 22
Snake - 24
Inviso - 33
Genny - 37
Charon - 40

Johnbobb - This was like Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation levels of me not knowing what the fuck is happening but unlike Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation I'm glad I watched it

Scarlet - I came into this film with no expectations and walked away very surprised. The tone and language and presentation of the film were just so unique and really flavorful. Very offbeat from the standard zombie fare, the argument could almost be made that its an artful take on the undead. And, look, lets all be very honest: Rupert Everett was one of the most overlooked actors of the 90s. The guy can churn out a performance. Ive never understood how he didnt land more leading roles.
Rating: 62/100

JONA - The strangeness and humor really make this movie charming. Francescos a strong main character and I found the running gag of him never being a suspect funny. I thought the scenes where he was losing in touch with reality was great. However, I never really liked the scenes with Gnaghi. The ending where Gnaghi could properly speak was weird but I enjoyed that. Just an odd, enjoyable film.

KBM - Now this is a delightful piece of nonsense. I'll be damned if I can even really tell you what this movie is about (the Weird Fucking Italian Horror subgenre being what it is), but the actual plot of the movie takes a backseat to just how funny and absurd everything is. Rupert Everett is fantastic in his off-kilter role as the eponymous cemetery man (AKA Signore Dellamorte, as referenced in the much better, but too-difficult-to-translate, original title: Dellamorte Dellamore). I found myself enjoying the hell out of this movie's unique, surrealist take on zombie horror, set in a universe where people seem more interested in fucking zombies than other living human beings. Bouncing back and forth from psychological character drama, to dark comedy involving the mayor and his daughter, who comes back as a hilariously mobile disembodied head, to Italian gore-fest material, to even a couple of pretty beautifully-shot sex scenes, this movie manages to tie all of these disparate tonal leaps together into an entirely contiguous, if not exactly coherent, whole.

Karo - So this guy works at a graveyard where all the bodies keep coming back to life and these clones of this girl keep wanting to fuck the gravekeeper who might be a serial killer and his morbidly obese r***** sidekick has a love affair with the undead decapitated head of a child. Then the movie gets REALLY weird. The film's dark humor is hit-or-miss but when it is at is best it is the strongest part of the movie, and it really should have gone more in that direction with less melodramatic monologing from the protagonist. What remains is a series of incoherent plot elements strung together into an equally confusing whole that doesnt resolve or explain anything, and has a hard time validating its own existence.

Snake - Why I Chose It - Loosely based on the Dylan Dog comic series (the best selling comic in Italy), Cemetery Man is one of the most prominent and well-regarded Italian horror films of all time, gaining a large cult following over the years.

My Thoughts - Cemetery Man is an insane movie that is a compelling, if occasionally non-sensical, descent into madness. Rupert Everett is great in the lead role, and really makes this as enjoyable to watch as it is. The cinematography and visuals are gorgeous too, but some rather strange narrative choices and bad characters drag this movie down a little bit for me.
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Inviso - This film is extremely weird, and honestly, it was also rather hard to follow. It feels like it was trying to be a horror-comedy, but lacks the pacing and delivery to really be funny. A third of the movie is slow and revolves around less-than-amusing sequences of zombies and interpersonal melodrama. Then the middle third of the movie starts to go over-the-top with the zombies, and various love interests also becoming zombies in their own right, with wacky results. And then theres a sharp twist as the main character decides to become a serial killer, and just starts indiscriminately murdering people. This is weird, but the movies tone is still too bleak and grim to match the inherent quirkiness its trying to push. I just dont know what to think about this filmit seemed like it didnt know what it was trying to accomplish, and that made it a bit of a slog to watch.

Genny - I will admit Cemetery Man had its moments of genius, but they were few and far between. The rest of this was a slog to sit through, and while the very ending was out of left field, every plot beat in this overlong spectacle prior to that was beginning to become completely predictable. 4.5/10

Charon - Quite possibly the least funny film I've ever seen; there's no resurrecting comedy since it never existed here. Dull, uneventful, repetitive, and definitely not scary, this film is really strange to me. I can't figure out what they were going for here. Is this a horror comedy? If so, I guess I just don't appreciate the humor used here. I never laughed once, or even smiled I think. The general plot seems full of holes as some zombies in this film are just the mindless, brain searching meatbags everyone expects but then others seem to have personalities. Some can even speak and seem completely uninterested in killing the living. There's plenty that's unsettling, in all the wrong ways. Like the mentally handicapped assistant the main character has lusting after what's explained to be "a child" by his boss. They go on to have a strange romance where this disembodied head actually seems to fall in love with the guy, before mysteriously flying to attack her father. This was probably the highlight, or lowlight, of the film. There's no rhyme or reason to why anything in this story happens, and wondering if Dellamorte will end up with the dinner plate areolas and how many times he'll kill her is not interesting. Complete and utter drivel. Gna.
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That is indeed what I expected charon's #40 to be.
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man I didn't expect Cemetery Man to do as well as I'd hoped it would but falling just one spot short of the top 20 is a shame
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Johnbobb posted...

just one spot short of the top 20 is a shame

Very true.
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1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. ???
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???
10. ???
11. Urban Legend
12. ???
13. ???
14. ???
15. ???
16. ???
17. I Know What You Did Last Summer
18. ???
19. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
20. The Blair Witch Project
21. Wishmaster
22. Dead Alive
23. Event Horizon
24. Arachnophobia
25. Child's Play 2
26. ???
27. ???
28. Fire in the Sky
29. Nightbreed
30. Deep Blue Sea
31. Species
32. Leprechaun
33. ???
34. Tremors
35. Anaconda
36. Mimic
37. ???
38. Bram Stoker's Dracula
39. Demonic Toys
40. Cemetery Man

Half way in and despite being one of the biggest current outliers, 16 of my top 20 made the top 20; including my entire top 10. Not too shabby really.
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20. Army of Darkness

Scarlet - 8
Inviso - 10
Karo - 10
JONA - 13
KBM - 14
Snake - 26
Johnbobb - 35
Charon - 37
Genny - 38

Scarlet - A great tribute to the Harryhausen movies of yore, Army of Darkness is one step removed from the Evil Dead films that came before it, relying on the undeniable charisma of Bruce Campbell to transport the fans from beginning to end. As a ride, its goofy, its messy, its maybe even downright bad at times, but its entertaining more often than its not. That comes from a script that takes nothing seriously except the charm of Bruce Campbell. Extremely quotable, and endlessly engaging, this movie is close to being an extended piece of dark sketch comedy, almost completely forsaking the horror roots of the first two installments of the Evil Dead franchise in favor of fun, occasionally mindless, entertainment.
Rating: 69/100

Inviso - This is a great B-movie. Bruce Campbells Ash is an amazing protagonist, because he has that perfect amount of I dont give a fuck about ANY of this shit that helps to really sell the absurdity of the situation hes in. Its a lot like Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live. When you have a badass action hero who couldnt possibly care less about the plot, it frees them up to do hilariously stupid shit, and say awesome one-liners. Now, is Army of Darkness the cleverest movie? Nodefinitely not. But its right up my alley. You know from prior rankings that I can enjoy a good, cheesy movie. And this is cheesy as hell. Its just fun to throw an I dont give a fuck modern guy into a scenario where hes forced to survive life in medieval times, while simultaneously bringing a chainsaw, a shotgun, and a car, all into play with the backwater peasants. Oh, and the ending is a perfect mix of awesome and cheesy to cap off the film. Very very fun.

Karo - Some dumbass who fucks around with the Necronomicon gets sent back in time to one of the little-known feudal kingdoms that existed in medieval southern california. These knights send Ash on a quest for the Necronomicon again for reasons and the movie goes completely off the deep end and turns into Looney Tunes as mini-Ashes subject our one-handed protagonist to less-than-funny slapstick violence. It is a film that requires a certain mindset to enjoy, lest the more quirky or strange elements get dismissed as utter stupidity. Nevertheless, it lacks the finesse and semi-grounding in reality that similar comedic movies such as Pirates of the Caribbean have, and thus keeps it from reaching its full potential, as does a hero that spends way too much time crossing the line between lovable asshole and regular asshole.

JONA - I dig the Middle Ages setting and seeing Ash interact with people of that time. Its a goofy movie with goofy action and comedy but also a lot of fun.

KBM - My personal favorite of the Evil Dead series, and one of my favorite Sam Raimi movies in general, Army of Darkness is the one that really takes the time to revel in the campiness of its setting and premise. I love its use of the Dark Ages setting, its wild, scattershot sense of humor, and its unbridled creativity. I love how different it is from the rest of the series, thereby not feeling beholden to the rules of the rest of the movies and feeling like a freer, more surrealist and experimental product. Though there are a couple of comedy scenes that can get a bit overly-silly (for instance, the sequence with dozens of tiny Bruce Campbell's climbing out of a broken mirror), on the whole this ends up being one of the freshest, most original living-dead flicks that I can name.
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Snake - Why I Chose It - The final film in the Evil Dead trilogy, Army of Darkness is arguably the most recognizable film in the series, featuring Ash's most iconic quotes, as well as spinning off a whole sub-franchise of comics that crossed over with the likes of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Dracula, and even Marvel Zombies.

My Thoughts - When it comes to the Evil Dead franchise, I have a love-hate relationship with it. It tries a balancing act between the serious and the absurd, and I don't think it always works that well. Evil Dead 2 did it best, fixing the mistakes of the first film with comedic overtones and giving the series more of an identity to itself. Army of Darkness too often loses me with a mess of tones and plot details and events, the only constant ever being Campbell's great central performance.

Johnbobb - So, I GET what they were going for here. But it wasn't my thing. In fact, I've been putting off watching this and the Evil Deads specifically because I felt like they weren't going to be my thing. In general I like Sam Raimi, and after seeing Drag Me To Hell and bits and pieces of the Evil Dead movies, I've had a general grasp of his style. It's kind of hit or miss, with Army of Darkness landing on the far side of "miss." The movie is mostly bad special effects and cheesy lines and goofy sound effects. Sometimes I can really dig this campy style, but honestly I just wasn't feeling it.

Charon - The longest, most horror filled Three Stooges episode of all time. As the film that "made" Evil Dead what is game to be, I feel very... unhappy with it. A lot of body humor and stupidity abound here. It's like, why are these guys just not killing Ash instead of playing games with him? It gets old pretty fast once you realize that's about all this movie has happen. The bad guys all run up, pull down his pants and stick their thumb in his ass and then he shoots them dead. It's not a fun time. I will say I appreciate Bruce Campbell making this character his own, I guess, but at the same time it's not really a character I can find much joy in. Every once in a while someone will say something funny, but it's mostly misses instead of hits for me.

Genny - I'm sure I'll get flak for this, but the Evil Dead series is just not my brand of humor. Army of Darkness to me was not even laughably bad, which is a major offense for a horror comedy. 4.4/10
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Outlier

Genny - 193
Inviso - 188
Charon - 181
KBM - 147
Johnbobb - 145
Karo - 125
Scarlet - 107
JONA - 94
Snake - 78

Genny and Vis switch spots yet again, but it's close.
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11. Army of Darkness

Disclaimer: I have not seen the first two Evil Dead movies.

The rest of this movie might have done well to borrow a page from the mini-Ash scenes, which lean on time-tested slapstick to largely successful effect. As executed, the culture clash inherent in a reluctant team up of our thoroughly modern, macho hero with medieval knights against the Deadites fails to amuse, despite or maybe in part because of the movies knowing use of clichs. The thudding, less-than-frightening action scenes do not help, which leaves the premise as this passable but awfully slight affairs best part.

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Now that we're (technically more than) halfway through, here's a ranking update for the movies I've watched, plus four more (Seven, The Sixth Sense, Interview with the Vampire, and From Dusk till Dawn) I saw since this topic began:

(?)
1. ?
2. Tremors
(?)
3. Fire in the Sky
4. ?
5. ?
6. ?
7. ?
8. Bram Stoker's Dracula
9. ?
10. Child's Play 2
11. Army of Darkness
12. Braindead
(?)
13. Arachnophobia
14. Nightbreed
15. Leprechaun
16. Demonic Toys

Unrankable: (?)
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Army of Darkness, like Braindead, is good silly fun. Not as good as the latter so that spot's about right, and I do prefer the more horror-oriented original Evil Dead.
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Hate Evil Dead which just goes too far on the side of absurd gore for the sake of it, but love Army of Darkness, which frankly I wouldn't call horror even at a stretch. It's just a campy action movie with undead in it.
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1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. ???
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???
10. Army of Darkness
11. ???
12. ???
13. ???
14. ???
15. ???
16. Event Horizon
17. Mimic
18. ???
19. ???
20. ???
21. ???
22. Cemetery Man
23. ???
24. Arachnophobia
25. Child's Play 2
26. Tremors
27. Urban Legend
28. Species
29. Fire in the Sky
30. I Know What You Did Last Summer
31. Anaconda
32. Bram Stokers Dracula
33. Demonic Toys
34. Nightbreed
35. Deep Blue Sea
36. Wishmaster
37. Leprechaun
38. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
39. Braindead
40. The Blair Witch Project
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1. ?
2. ?
3. ?
4. ?
5. ?
6. ?
7. ?
8. ?
9. ?
10. ?
11. ?
12. ?
13. ?
14. ?
15. ?
16. ?
17. Fire in the Sky
18. Event Horizon
19. Dead Alive
20. Mimic
21. ?
22. ?
23. Nightbreed
24. Cemetery Man
25. Tremors
26. Army of Darkness
27. The Blair Witch Project
28. Bram Stokers Dracula
29. Deep Blue Sea
30. Childs Play 2
31. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
32. Urban Legend
33. ?
34. Species
35. Wishmaster
36. Anaconda
37. Arachnophobia
38. I Know What You Did Last Summer
39. Leprechaun
40. Demonic Toys
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19. Flatliners

Genny - 9
Snake - 16
Charon - 17
Scarlet - 21
JONA - 22
Johnbobb - 23
Karo - 23
KBM - 24
Inviso - 29

Genny - Is there life after death? Is it heavenly and beautiful or hellish and hideous? Flatliners seeks to answer these questions or serves as a warning that some questions are best left not asked. Keifer Sutherland's character here is almost as unenjoyable as the doctor from Dark City, but I can sympathize with most of the supporting cast. We all make mistakes in our youth when we're dumb and reckless. And Joe... well he pays heavily for his transgressions. I wish David and Nelson's pasts didn't both involve bullying a peer because it makes it a little harder to sympathize with either one, but it is what it is I guess. Flatliners was a pleasant surprise 8.2/10

Snake - Why I Chose It - Though he may not be the first name to come to mind when it comes to horror, Joel Schumacher has plenty of experience with the genre (The Lost Boys, Phantom of the Opera, Blood Creek), making films that may be flawed but always his own. However, I mainly chose Flatliners for its unique concept and approach to horror, as well as its strong casting. Flatliners also received a remake in 2017.

My Thoughts - A thoughtful film, if a little hard to swallow at times. The cast is all excellent and characters feel properly human and three-dimensional, with flawed problems and histories that make them interesting to follow, and they're not always easy to sympathize with either. The hallucinations presented in the film are where most of the horror comes from, and though I never found them particularly scary, the way they affected the characters always kept me hooked and engaged with the film's story. It's interesting how a film dealing with the afterlife has no deaths for any of the main characters. Flatliners prefers to use its concept instead to help these characters grow and escape the shadow of their pasts, proving that not every horror movie needs death to make it interesting.

Charon - An interesting premise and tons of unsettling dream sequences, Flatliners employs an all-star cast to tackle the mystery of life after death. The near-death experience is definitely interesting; without having one yourself it's hard to really believe in, as the movie itself touches on. Those that have had them tell of various different things, but the recurrent theme seems to be "life flashes before your eyes". In this film's case, it takes a dark twist on that and shows you perhaps your life's biggest regret or fear. It's expertly handled honestly, and I probably unranked this film a bit given how much I did enjoy it. A film that's as disturbing as this one gets away having no deaths at all somehow, but it still manages to be an effective thriller where you're never sure if the characters will come back from the beyond this time.

Scarlet - In an attempt to create a 90s version of the Brat Pack, a surprisingly loaded cast is handed a unique but poorly constructed script that takes a gimmick and really does its best to confound it with poor writing. Can the Tess Ocean, Oliver Babish, Jack Bauer and the Hollow Man salvage this beef stew of a film? Nope. And this failed Brat Pack reboot would slink into obscurity.
Rating: 40/100

JONA - Its intriguing to see what the characters see in their time between life and death and how most of them have to deal with the sins of their past and theres some spooky imagery that comes with them. Kinda weird how Julia Roberts character had to deal with something that wasnt her fault though. It can be boring at times, especially how much time feels wasted in between the characters flatlining. The execution of the movie can be clumsy, but the concept and imagery of the movie is enough for me to like it.
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Johnbobb - I definitely enjoyed this. After I was done watching, it was hard to put my feelings into words, and I think that's ultimately because as much as I liked this, I wanted more. The performances are all solid (Kevin Bacon in particular is always great) and the concept and execution were both fascinating. The ideas it presented were interesting and it definitely twisted my expectations from typical psychological horror. However, it didn't really go far enough for my taste. It sort of danced around deeper and more complex themes without ultimately saying much by the end, which is a shame, because with a little more complexity it could've been great.

Karo - A group of med students obsessed with the afterlife take turns killing each other in order to force a 'near-death experience' because science. In this experiment they induce a state of clinical death on one of them, panic profusely as attempts to revive them seem ineffective, then they wake up just when all hope seems lost. Then one of the others goes 'oh golly gee, it's my turn next!' and we start all over again. You goddamn lunatics are you fucking insane? Normal people do not treat cardiac arrest as a game or hold bidding wars as to who can stay dead the longest. The lone female character in the group is subjected to incredibly sexist behavior from the male leads, who only acknowledge her existence in order to white knight for her, ask her out, try to get her in bed, or to crack jokes with each other about about the previous points. What was an intriguing concept ends up running off the rails with silly phantom children, inconclusive and confusing 'death' sequences, and lack of any real exploration of the subject matter.

KBM - A wonderful concept somewhat marred by dodgy execution, courtesy of everyone's favorite hack director Joel Schumacher. There's something viscerally exciting about watching these students argue about who will dare to go under for how long, and for awhile I get quite into this movie. The characters are interesting, likable, and well-acted (with the exception of William Baldwin's Joe his acting is fine but wow is the character insufferable). The problem is that the afterlife sequences get a bit repetitive as they aren't as creative as they could have been, and the movie loses some of the potency it could have had thanks to its unwillingness to actually kill off any of its main characters. At the very least, I feel like Kiefer should have died at the end, but the movie chickens out and gives us a Hollywood ending that flies in the face of what came before it. Still, it's an entirely watchable flick, with some engaging character arcs and moments of genuine visual flair from Schumacher.
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Inviso - Fun fact: my voice remote immediately loaded up the 2017 remake of this film, which apparently has a FOUR PERCENT from Rotten Tomatoes. I had to actively go searching to find this on Netflix, as a result. Andeh, it really wasnt worth it. At the risk of making a pun, this movie was extremely flat. Nothing felt like it had any stakes. Four characters kill themselves and get revived, and yet no one ACTUALLY dies during the movie, outside of a little kid in a flashback. Thats kind of the problem. It would be one thing if like, these people cheated death and started having real, negative consequences in the form of demonic punishment or something. But lets recap.

Joe sees visions of all the women hes video taped having sex, leading to a guilt trip that ultimately gets him caught by his fianc. Okay, fine. Kinda lame that his story pretty much ends with the break up, but whatever. Julia Roberts freaks out about seeing her dead dadbut all she ultimately needs to do is hug him and have him apologize to HER, and everything is all better. Kevin Bacon sees a little girl insulting him, so he goes and apologizes to her when shes all grown up, and again, everything is fine. Really, the only person who actually SUFFERS as a result of all this is Nelson, who killed a kid when he was younger. And yet even he flatlines himself to the brink of death, and atones by apologizing to the kid he killedand so everyone lives happily ever after. I dont knowit just felt like forcing creepy situations that didnt deserve it, and the ending felt unearned. It wasnt great, unfortunately.
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1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. Cemetery Man
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???
10. ???
11. ???
12. ???
13. Tremors
14. ???
15. ???
16. ???
17. ???
18. ???
19. Nightbreed
20. ???
21. Blair Witch Project
22. Bram Stoker's Dracula
23. Flatliners
24. Mimic
25. I Know What You Did Last Summer
26. Anaconda
27. Wishmaster
28. Halloween H20
29. ???
30. Event Horizon
31. Fire in the Sky
32. Deep Blue Sea
33. Urban Legend
34. Arachnophobia
35. Army of Darkness
36. Species
37. Dead Alive
38. Leprechaun
39. Child's Play 2
40. Demonic Toys
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9. Flatliners

I really have nothing of significance to say about this movie. It was just thoroughly average in all aspects, and it turned into the benchmark of averageness by which I measured the other movies on this list.
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18. The Frighteners

JONA - 5
Scarlet - 12
Snake - 14
Karo - 15
Inviso - 19
Charon - 25
KBM - 27
Johnbobb - 29
Genny - 36

JONA - This was a movie I never heard of before the project but Im really glad I watched it. Michael J Fox puts on a great performance here and his character has good chemistry with Lucy. Frank is a really engaging character and I enjoyed his character development and sad backstory. I really felt for the guy after he just shuts down and doesnt want to talk to anybody. The scene where he reaches heaven is very strong and his happy ending feels well-deserved. All the different ghosts and the FBI agent are entertaining, even if not all the jokes hit. The Grim Reapers murder mystery is also engaging to follow and does provide its good share of spooks. This movie invoked sadness, laughter and some scares and everything just worked well together for me, as someone who likes a good variety. This movie might be higher if this wasnt such a late writeup.

Scarlet - Enjoyable but also forgettable. MJF is a charmer but most of this movie is just mild: mildly scary, mildly amusing. Likely Jacksons direction only improves the sum of the ingredients. Its like the movie equivalent of Taco Bell sauce. Its a welcome bit of flavor but ultimately its trying to disguise a fairly bland product.
Rating: 53/100

Snake - Why I Chose It - Peter Jackson's 2nd horror romp of the 90s, The Frighteners was a darling for Universal Pictures and was positioned as their summer blockbuster before ultimately becoming a flop. The film was notable at the time for its numerous digital effect shots, one of the most of any film at the time. It's also Michael J. Fox's last starring role in a feature film.

My Thoughts - This movie is such a joy to watch. It's a little goofy but overall I think it's the funniest horror comedy on the list. Michael J. Fox is incredible with great comedic chops per usual and the effects I think have surprisingly aged well in a charming sense. Despite the film's general light-hearted overtones, Jackson still does not forgot to bring the suspense with fluid camera work. The Grim Reaper is an intimidating antagonist as well. The graveyard scene also has tons of joyfully macabre imagery. All in all, a film I love watching over and over again! It never gets old for me.

Karo - There's this fraudulent exorcist who tells his undead friends to go haunt houses so he can have work despookifying their homes. Yeah that's right, he has the legit ability to speak with the spirits of the dead and the most profitable thing he can think of to do with this is be a con man. Anyway, he ends up crossing paths with a homicidal spirit thanks to his gift and seeks to protect the town via astral projection and bad special effects. It is somewhat funny, though it goes on for way too long and often feels like a cut-rate Ghostbusters that doesnt really bring much of worth to the table.
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Inviso - This movie was just weird, wacky fun. It was like Men in Black meets Ghostbusters, but not in the R.I.P.D. way. Michael J. Fox is good at playing a slightly-quirky slightly-antihero kind of character, and it shows. I appreciate the fact that this film takes a hard turn really quickly. Were introduced to Foxs character as a psychic conman (who ironically is using genuine psychic powers to con people), and yeah, he pulls a couple cons with his ghost buddies early on, but after hes introduced to the movies female lead, the film takes a DARK fucking turn, and I LOVE it. Suddenly, crazy-ass Jake Busey is back as a ghost, continuing his serial killing spree, and hes killing people to conveniently paint Fox as a serial killer.

Things go off the rails at that point, as the movie just gets goofy. Ghosts fight the grim reaper, some caricature characters show up as murder fodder, and then were introduced to the batshit crazy FBI agent, whose malfunction is never quite explained. All of this is great, but it gets even better when the movie pulls a reverse twist (that is, the ending is so obvious that you go into it expecting a twist or subversion, making it a twist in and of itself). The chaos of the endgame is great. Really, the only drawback is just how threadbare the plot is. Nothing is explained all that well, and there arent a lot of quality character arc conclusions. So yeah, fun movie, but fun is all really.

Charon - This goofy film probably wasn't the sendoff from film lead that Fox deserved, but his charms are still present and carry the movie to at least some level of respectability. The story is mostly carried by Fox, whom I always find it hard to hate in anything he does. He's good here as a sneaky conartist, but one that's actually honest in a way too. It has a very Ghostbusters feel to it in the delivery, and despite some dark things happening the world never feels terribly threatening even with the "reaper" on the loose. The character of Dammers was interesting and reminded me of a sort of evil Monk impersonation, if you can impersonate a character that was yet to exist I guess. It's decent, watchable and all.

KBM - A decent but ultimately somewhat forgettable film from Peter Jackson's pre-Lord of the Rings days, The Frighteners is a workmanlike, goofy movie that gets bogged down by its overlong runtime, hit-or-miss gags, and ghost effects that are among Jackson's more dated work. As a swan song for Michael J. Fox's movie career, it definitely leaves something to be desired, though he still manages to inject some of his trademark charisma into the proceedings, and the movie does get some mileage out of its talented supporting cast (particularly the ever-entertaining Jeffrey Combs).

Johnbobb - I can't tell what kind of audience this is designed for. It's like a horror comedy, but the comedy is weirdly juvenile and slapstick for how dark the movie is. There are a lot of interesting concepts here, and surprisingly decent effects for the time, AND I want to give it a small bonus for having Michael J. Fox, who is just always fun to watch. But even then, the movie's not great, and is ultimately made worse by the drastically inconsistent tone.

Genny - I love Michael J. Fox, but not enough to worship the ground he walks on and films like The Frighteners serve as records that no one has a flawless filmography. Between the cheesy effects, acting and dialogue I was certain my lactose intolerance would end me by its conclusion. 4.5/10
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Outlier

Genny - 221
Inviso - 199
Charon - 190
KBM - 161
Johnbobb - 160
Karo - 132
Scarlet - 115
JONA - 110
Snake - 85

Genny takes a huge leap now into the 200s.
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17. Cronos

Karo - 8
KBM - 12
Scarlet - 13
Snake - 13
Charon - 16
Johnbobb - 20
Genny - 21
JONA - 28
Inviso - 32

Karo - An elderly antique dealer comes into the possession of an ancient device that can grant eternal life and somehow still has a live insect inside it which makes no sense but we just kind of have to accept it. The old geezer uses the device to make himself feel good, but it also gives him an unnatural appetite for a certain red liquid. It is an interesting take on vampire mythos and also possibly a metaphor for drug addiction if you really take a close look at it. Guillermo del Toro shows his directing skills to craft a story that never gets boring, the one big problem is that the character of Angel seems incredibly out of place in the film. He is a silly foul-mouthed lunatic who is like some cast off of a bad Adam Sandler movie, and it really hurts the serious nature they are going for.

KBM - Guillermo del Toro showing off that he had serious filmmaking chops as early as his very first feature. The acting is great across the board Federico Luppi carries the movie wonderfully in the lead role, his granddaughter does a great job in a mostly-silent role (especially for such a young actress), Claudio Brook is nice and threatening as the antagonist, and Ron Perlman provides some well-timed moments of levity as the bumbling American henchman/nephew to the villain. The script is also quite smart, effectively creating a nice allegory for addiction in its vampire lore without bogging things down by over-explaining anything. Well-paced and beautifully filmed, this debut definitely displays the promise of what's been a brilliant career for del Toro, and just taken on its own, is a unique, stylish, and underrated entry in the horror canon.

Scarlet - If you like Del Toro, youll certainly enjoy this freshman outing from a young Guillermo. But its so hampered by the roughness of a fledgling director. The script certainly lacks the polished quality of a seasoned veteran, and it really plays like the worlds best student film. Thats not to say its bad, but that there are very clear weaknesses to the presentation. The attempts to subvert the conventions of storytelling seem a little too much for this young, unproven Del Toro to handle at this point. But filmmaking is about practice, and this is an example of getting those reps in.
Rating: 53/100
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Snake - Why I Chose It - Guillermo del Toro's first feature film, Cronos is often hailed as both one of the best vampire films of all time and one of the best Spanish-languange films of all time. It even foreshadowed some of Del Toro's notable hallmarks, including working with recurring actors (Federico Luppi, Ron Perlman) & his penchant for small, thoughtful films that blur the lines between horror, fantasy, and drama.

My Thoughts - This is easily one of my favorite vampire movies of all time. Del Toro's debut feature already shows a master at work, with gorgeous cinematography and a slow, tense build punctuated by some seriously affecting moments of drama. A really great example of this is when Gris uses the Cronos device, and it pierces his wrist in an excruciating way, as gears turn and the music swells a little. Then, the scene cuts to quiet, with Gris' granddaughter watching him from above, worried for his safety. It's so effectively sad and the whole film is filled with scenes like that. It's also one of the most unique takes on the vampire mythos by far. Though the typical tropes are all there, the Cronos device really helps set it apart from the pack, acting as almost an addictive drug for Gris. Can't go without mentioning Perlman's great performance, filled with both menace and levity as only he can pull off. The film is capped off with an ambiguous ending, which makes the film that much more touching and thoughtful overall. Cronos and Del Toro deftly analyzes the effects of immortality on the human condition, crafting a masterwork that's universally frightening.

Charon - An interesting film about immortality; del Toro surprises here with this Mexican originated dark film about the dangers and wonders of it. I didn't really know what to expect from this film, but given it wasn't "really" an American film I was nervous of it a little bit, but I ended up liking this one quite a bit. The cast here is brilliant in their roles, especially Federico Luppi and Ron Perlman. You have to love just watching Perlman kick his ass most of the film so you'll be happy when he gets his in the end. I enjoyed the twist near the end here, where we avoid that bad ending for our hero. Instead del Toro leaves this ambiguous, which is something that the horror genre could apply more often in my opinion.

Johnbobb - Man it's weird looking back at this now and seeing all the future Guillermo Del Toro tells. The bizarre faith-focused fantasy, the striking makeup and prosthetics, the Ron Perlman. Cronos is really rough around the edges but Del Toro's creativity shines through it. It's a far cry from his later masterpieces but goddamn if you can't see the potential lying in it all.

Genny - Cronos poses the question of what it means to be immortal and whether it's worth it to live forever if the cost is having to feed on life. Gone are the overkill gory moments and overgrown beasts running rampant in many other 90s offerings, instead Hellboy lays a smackdown or two of realistic violence, but he's not the villain nor is his invalid uncle. Instead it's desire. I can buy that. Who wouldn't want youth, health, and longevity? 7.3/10

JONA - While I liked the concept and characters, it just felt plodding for the most part with few moments that felt important.
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Inviso - I dont really know how to describe my feelings about Cronos, other than saying that I think the pacing really hurt the film as a whole. Likeokay, mysterious device reinvigorates a human body, but at the same time turns said human into a vampire. Fine. Im TOTALLY cool with that as a premise. I also find the main protagonist to be a likable person who warrants to level of emotional investment the movie gives him. However, around the fifty-minute mark, I realized the movie had been going on for as long as it hadand the bare minimum of plot had unfolded. Aside from the initial creepiness of having a robot beetle clamp down on ones handtheres no real horror stuff. But then, the back end of the film is so backloaded with vampirism, and creepy imageryit feels rushed in my opinion. I feel like the slow transformation couldve been spaced out over a longer period of time, and because it WASNT, the end result just feels sloppier, I guess.
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16. Wes Cravens New Nightmare

Snake - 2
Charon - 8
KBM - 13
Genny - 15
Johnbobb - 18
JONA - 19
Karo - 20
Scarlet - 30
Inviso - 34

Snake - Why I Chose It - The seventh film in the Nightmare on Elm Street series, New Nightmare features Wes Craven's return to the directorial chair, his first reappearance in the franchise since the original film. New Nightmare treats the original series as in-universe films, requiring little continuity knowledge to watch and enjoy. It also returns Freddy to his darker roots, after progressively getting more goofier with each installment. New Nightmare would go on to inform Craven's future film Scream, and would be the last Freddy movie for nearly a decade.

My Thoughts - New Nightmare, in my opinion, is Wes Craven's magnum opus. In the film, Craven analyzes his position as a "master of horror", and the responsibility and role he had in crafting one of horror's most enduring icons. His films literally unleash Freddy into the world at large, an analogue to the real-life nightmares many viewers of the real Freddy films have experienced themselves. Craven himself has often tried to escape the pigeon-holing of being that one "horror director", and New Nightmare makes it clear that spectre forever looms over his legacy almost too greatly to escape from. It's incredible contemplative and introspective, and yet, New Nightmare also manages time to be a damn scary, fun time too. Beyond the sub-text, Robert Englund portrays Freddy with a whole new menace to him, and with the exception of the first film, I've never found him scarier than here. Heather Langenkamp is also fantastic, and both the similarities and differences between her and her character Nancy are extremely fun to notice. She's definitely horror's premiere dual-role final girl! In closing, the idea of Freddy becoming reality is an idea I've always loved. In my opinion, we make these fictional entities real everyday, by discussing them, by being frightened of them, by giving them new life through fan writing or drawings. Yet, Craven proves that, in the end, it's all just a story, and it's our responsibility to remember that. Craven gives himself and the viewer an out, we just have to play our roles one last time to realize that.

Charon - An obviously darker take on Freddy, this film successfully revamped the dream haunter, sadly they just didn't continue from where they should have. It's hard to believe that this film basically ended the original line of Nightmare films, which is a shame because it's clearly superior to all of the other sequels that came after the original. Not only that, but it failed in the box office. With Craven gone, it's hard to imagine a good movie coming, but I digress. The premise here is interesting, as they treat the entire rest of the films as if they were simply that, films. This is a concept we'd see borrowed later by other films, that is, making a horror movie around the production of a horror movie. The whole malevolent being that happened to get written into being Freddy just now likes to be Freddy is neat, and while they tone down the campiness of his antics a bit, they keep all that made him a great slasher.
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BM - The original postmodern, self-referential slasher-satire, and (with the eventual exception of Cabin in the Woods) my favorite of its type. Despite its ability to make fun of itself and the Elm Street series it's ostensibly part of, this also represents a welcome return to form for Freddy Krueger after the Elm Street sequels turned him more and more campy, and thereby less and less scary. Heather Langenkamp is great as both herself and her character from the films; also great as themselves are the likes of Bob Shaye, Wes Craven, and of course, Robert Englund in his own double-role. This is just so creative without being in any way smug about its own cleverness, and definitely ends up being one of the best, and certainly most intelligent entries in the franchise.

Genny - Aw yeah Freddy's back with a brand New Nightmare (presented by Wes Craven) that's more of a meta mind fuck than anything else. I'm okay with this. It's a clever way to refresh a series that was starting to run out its welcome while still paying homage to a time when the Nightmare franchise wasn't so stale, worthy of a 7.6/10

Johnbobb - Conceptually, this is one of Wes Craven's coolest ideas. He's not the only person to ever do the "fictional creature comes into the real world" trope by any stretch, but this is definitely one of the most intriguing examples of it. Freddy's reality-bending abilities have always been a defining aspect of the character, so twisting not just dreams but fiction as well into reality is just such a cool move. In execution, it could use a little work, falling victim to some of the cheesiness associated with both Freddy and 90s horror, but overall is just such a neat idea that it's easy to forgive some of its flaws.

JONA - Snake was patiently awaiting all the writeups for his board project. He checked his e-mail and he received writeups from scarlet and Genny. He decided to post on Discord confirming that he received them and to give a notification to others to send their writeups in. Snake posted Got both scarlet and Genny's. @gauntlet Just to check in and confirm again, I have Inviso, Karo, John, Genny, and Scarlet atm. And I'm waiting on charon, KBM, and JONA. JONA was not at all prepared to hand in his writeups. As of that notification, he only wrote passages for 12 of them and even he knew that they were simple. JONA started to do more writeups but then wondered if he should do a wacky writeup for Wes Cravens New Nightmare. He was unsure about his feelings on the movie and its meta-ness. He felt it helped made the movie feel fresh and that it gave some insight into the minds of people who worked on horror films. On the other hand, the meta-ness made the threat of Freddy was lessened due to it and it made the film somewhat alienating, due to him not knowing the franchise well. Then, JONA knew what his writeup should be like. He started typing, Snake was patiently awaiting

JONA: Alright, this writeup will do.

is what JONA originally wrote down to conclude his writeup, but then he decided to end his dumb writeup with this sentence right here.
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Karo - Upset with bad sequels, Freddy Krueger decides to come to the real world and try to kill the movie crew before they can make any more. Yes, seriously. Anyway, Nancy um, I mean Heather is having nightmares and prank calls featuring Mr. Krueger, and after meeting with Wes Craven (yes, inside the actual movie), she realizes that Freddy is some ancient being who can be easily distracted by watching slasher movies, so they should make another one before he takes over the world. And that's the movie we have here. Maybe. It is an interesting take on Freddy to make him more of an eldrich evil rather than a vengeful ghoul, though it seems given the revelation of his true nature it seems he is defeated way too easily. You should need fucking Doctor Strange to deal with someone like this, not just randomly stabbing him a few times and pushing him into an incinerator. It is always good to try new things, particularly in the excruciatingly formulaic slasher genre, and this deserves props for the attempt I guess? However, the scenario is silly and way, way too meta, and seems more like an excuse for Wes and everyone to shamelessly insert themselves into their own series. Should just stick with the old nightmare.

Scarlet - I appreciate the creativity at play here from ol Wes, breaking down the fourth wall in order to breathe new life into a stale product. But its still a slasher, it still looks like low-budget garbage, and I still judge people who think this is entertainment.
Rating: 24/100

Inviso - I really did want to appreciate this film for how meta it was, but then its almost two hours long, and the plot was stretched EXTREMELY thin, to the point where it became outright lame. The little kid actor is fucking annoying in literally every second of the film, and I kinda wish hed been murdered early on to facilitate the plot. But yeah, the main actress from the original Nightmare on Elm Street starts having nightmares and premonitions related to Freddy Kreuger, and it turns out that hes being manifested into the real world. Thats an interesting concept (and like I said, very meta like some of Cravens later works.) Buttheres this weird, supernatural element, and the film isnt quite hokey enough to match the fore factor of the original films. Oh! And can I just say that Freddy himself looks absolutely terrible in this? It looks like the studio cheaped out and bought a visible man mask, and thats all they bothered dealing with. Ultimately, the concept was interesting, but it lacked ANY real bite to it.
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Outlier

Inviso - 232
Genny - 226
Charon - 199
KBM - 169
Johnbobb - 165
Karo - 145
Scarlet - 133
JONA - 124
Snake - 103

Snake calculated the latest outlier scores from the rankings of Cronos and New Nightmare, carefully concentrating, hoping he didn't make any crucial mistake. He thought about what comment to make for the latest outlier list, noting his own crossing over into the hundreds at long last. Fresh out of other ideas, he posted as is.
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Series ranking:

1 > New Nightmare > 3 >> 6 > 2 >> FvJ > 5 > 4

I haven't seen the 2010 remake nor do I really have any interest in doing so, although I may watch it this October to fill out my 31 days of horror movies (and, you know, I guess for the sake of series completionism).
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For me:

NN > 1 > 3 > 5 >>> 2 > 4 >>> FvJ > 6 >>>>>>>>> Remake

The first three in the ranking are pretty universal I think. The visuals in 5 are pretty great imo. Of all the slasher series, Elm Street has the best track record. The only one of these I wouldn't really want to watch again is the remake.

Here's a fun ranking of the movies' original songs as well:

Dream Warriors > Bring Your Daughter... to the Slaughter > Nightmare > How Can I Live > Are You Ready for Freddy > I'm Awake Now
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15. Audition

Snake - 5
Johnbobb - 9
JONA - 9
KBM - 11
Karo - 13
Genny - 18
Scarlet - 22
Charon - 33
Inviso - 39

Snake - Why I Chose It - One of Japan's most prolific directors, Takashi Miike is well-known for his extreme violence, sexual themes, & extremely dark humor. Audition is representative of this perfectly, and, along with Ring, helped popularize J-horror in the west. A notable director influenced by Audition is Eli Roth, inspiring the "torture porn" genre and directly informing his film, Hostel.

My Thoughts - This was the first foreign language horror movie I had ever seen, opening my mind up to some really fucked up movies that come from Japan and other countries. It takes a look at the power struggle between men and women, and works as a devilishly tricky subversion of both masculine dominance and extreme feminism. It's absolutely frightening how Audition and Asami switch tones from an almost delightful rom-com to brutal psychological and bodily horror. Asami's quiet anger and anguished performance is one of the all time best. Her expressions as she uses acupuncture needles and a wire saw on Aoyama is absolutely the stuff of nightmares. Even with all the physical pain and gruesome detail happening on screen, Asami always remains the scariest and focal point of the scene, leaving you reeling at how a person could ever become this damaged. It's a film where the lines of morality are completely blurred, and I love the countless ways you can read into this film. On one hand it's a feminist revenge piece. On the other it's a male perversion power fantasy gone horribly wrong. Asami herself is full of contradictions and hypocrisies; maybe this film is simply what happens to an abused, hurt child who never really got over her pain. Either way, Audition is a one of a kind horror film, a slow-burning exercise that escalates into a scene for the ages.

Johnbobb - What a sweet rom-com. I down on his luck widowed man finding love? It's like a Japanese Sleepless in Seattle! But it also has an adorable A24 indie drama quality. Two awkward and unlikely people happen to meet and their connection is immediate. Wait, what's happening? Huh, nevermind, probably nothing. Oh, I'm sure he'll find her, these two are meant to be! Look how devoted he is to her. He-- wait, what? Wh-- what? Wait don't-- wh-- NO-- FUCK NO WHY WHAT IS WHY WHAT NO FUCK

JONA - Asamis a great antagonist and I really like how her mysterious aura is slowly taken away as the movie goes on. Once her true colors are shown, the actions she does are just sick and grotesque. Audition is a bit of a slow burn, but its absolutely worth the wait.

KBM - Now this is a slow-burn horror thriller. This reminded me of some of my favorite horror movies of the '60s and '70s, which did such a great job of slowly building up the tension and creepy factor to an almost unbearable level before finally letting loose in the final act. I can definitely understand this movie taking a bit too long to get going for some people, but I appreciated the amount of effort put into establishing the characters and the situation, giving this movie a depth that a lot of horror movies don't manage. Even the filmmaking style bears this out in the opening act of the movie we get lots of long takes and flat angles, but as the movie goes on and our hero gets himself further and further into a bad situation, we start getting quick cuts, frenetic handheld camera movement, and some Dutch tilts that highlight his deteriorating mental state. The slow build makes the twisted final act feel all the more earned, with Eihi Shiina's performance pitch-perfect as she plays out her misdirected revenge fantasy.
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Karo - A middle aged man stages a fake audition in order to acquire a new wife, an act that probably ranks at about a 7.5 on the Creep-O-Meter. He soon meets what seems to be the perfect girl but it turns out she is actually a serial killer who specializes in Xtreme Acupuncture. The yandere concept isn't really a novel one, nor does a whole lot really happen in the movie, but cute + evil is generally a winning combination and the story doesnt ever become uninteresting.

Genny - I had never heard of Audition before this list. Admittedly it is a bit of a slow burn until the third act, with rare shining moments of subtle horror, eerie atmospheric intrigue, and lots of foreshadowing. Unfortunately this is where Audition shines the brightest as upon the onset of the third act all subtlety and intrigue is thrown out the window for blatant gore and torture porn. The effects are fantastic, enough to make me physically queasy which I can't say about many recent films in this genre, but man that's not the turn I was hoping or wanting this movie to take. That said it's still good enough for a 7.5/10, but mostly for the first two acts.

Scarlet - I respect that there is some audacious thematic material in this movie, but ultimately, torture porn is torture porn. I dont like it, and I think the world is worse for its existence. I dont think theres a reasonable explanation on why we should endeavor to make movies of this nature. For me, its unsettling in a way thats not acceptable. It makes me feel physically ill. And even with everything else about this movie firing on all cylinders, I just cant respect that.
Rating: 40/100

Charon - A chance to be psychologically chilling and unnerving is passed up for some torture porn that goes on for way too long. Audition is a film I figured I'd like more, and I did like it up until the twist where we watch a guy be tortured for what seemed like an eternity. I wasn't like grossed out by it or anything either, I was simply bored. It lost its shock value and turned into a total snoozefest after that. There were creepy moments early on in the film, like the way Asami eerily waited for that phone call. That was legitimately scary, but unfortunately rather than being a thriller it turned into a film that would influence some of my least favorite horror directors out there. It's just not my thing, and I was highly disappointed that it was this type of film. The acting was really on point but I can't in good faith rank something very high that I enjoyed so little.
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Inviso - There are just a variety of reasons this one didnt work for me. As Im sure people remember from my utter hatred of Martyrs on the previous list, torture porn is really hard for me to enjoy unless there is a quality storyline (and there also has to be a certain level of detachment in terms of my ability to believe the events of a torture porn film are really happeninglike the Saw franchise.) But those last thirty minutestheyre just awful. It starts out terrible with visions of Asami forcing a bagged victim to eat her vomit, and then its just needless torture and suffering of a guy who didnt really do anything TOO wrong (outside of faking an audition to find a girlfriend I suppose). And then the movie ends with a bizarrely-realistic portrayal of Asami as a total fuck-up, dicking around with pepper spray and eventually getting kicked down some stairs to her death. Itsnot right at all.

Additionally though, while the movie did eventually have a segment (the third quarter) that intrigued me with how off-putting and creepy Asami isthe film is not well-paced in my opinion. I think its a cultural thing, because this isnt the first Japanese movie Ive watched where it feels less like drawing out the tension and more like just padding the runtime (Im thinking specifically about the scene where the son clears the table for far too long, early in the film.) I dunnofor a movie thats almost 2 hours long, it just felt like it dragged way too much. Far too much filler for a movie with a gross-out ending that ALMOST feels completely detached from the rest of the movie (aside from the information provided during the visit to the closed-down bar.)
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Snake5555555555 posted...

It's absolutely frightening how Audition and Asami switch tones from an almost delightful rom-com to brutal psychological and bodily horror.

Yes that's maybe the best thing about it
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While we were watching the third act of Audition together I tried desperately to lighten charon's mood by making ERB garrote wire jokes. It wasn't very effective... Poor thing.

This wasn't even close to the worst act I've seen portrayed in film. It was overlong and unnerving though. As unpredictable as it was I can't say I appreciated the tonal dissonance here as I highly preferred the subtle horror and atmosphere of basically anything else the movie had to offer. I wouldn't go as far as to call it "boring" because to me it was quite the opposite. I just found myself wishing Audition was entertaining in a different way.
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Snake5555555555 posted...

needless torture and suffering of a guy who didnt really do anything TOO wrong

#RyoDidNothingWrong
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14. Sleepy Hollow

Inviso - 2
Charon - 4
Karo - 14
Genny - 17
Johnbobb - 17
KBM - 20
Scarlet - 20
JONA - 23

Inviso - Okay, I know. I know that this probably has no business being at the top of this list and there are probably a handful of consensus top ten picks that this movie has no business outranking. But I just cant deny my enjoyment of this film. For all intents and purposes, this is a whodunnit. Its a slasher flick, sure. But its a whodunnit slasher flick that focuses much more on the dark, gothic elements than on the killings (which, although they get more elaborate as the film goes on, are still mostly a variety of beheadings.) Johnny Depps Ichabod Crane is quirky and fun, and I like the idea of an investigator who is too squeamish around blood to properly perform the very investigations he proports to be an expert at performing. I enjoy the slow, unraveling of the mystery surrounding the headless horsemen, and I also find it to be a nice touch, having the horsemen be a genuine ghost, but having him CONTROLLED by a flesh and blood person. It grounds an otherwise supernatural tale. Overall, I just really enjoyed the entire concept and execution of the film.

Charon - With Tim Burton at the helm, Elfman running the music and Johnny Depp at the lead, and even Christina Ricci on support how could this be anything but great? It might be easy to please me, as you can just use a combination of the names above and probably achieve a high success rate, but I think this film is probably a good bit underrated. The source material is of course one of the best short stories of all time, and this is probably that work's best adaption. Depp adds in the quirky flavors he's known for giving his characters and for this one, it works. I enjoyed the evil stepmother being thrown in here as well, and Christopher Walken is eerie as the Horseman. It follows the short story's script and adds upon it nicely, all whilst talented people weave it all together.

Karo - Otherwise known as the Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp and a lot of black. No not THAT one, the other one. No, the OTHER other one. No, the... ah fuck. Anyway, this is an adaptation of the classic short story of the same name, and by adaptation I mean just making whatever shit up they felt like. So instead of a being a mysterious and ephemeral phantom you tell tales about around a fire, the Horseman is an 18th century Jason Voorhees who lumbers around chopping up people with medieval weaponry and is controlled by a witch who is holding his skull hostage so she can get revenge on people in the town she doesnt like. What the actual fuck. Add in more mystical occult mumbo jumbo than a fanfiction written by a 14 year old wiccan edgelord and it bares so little resemblance to the original story that you might as well not even call it sleepy hollow at this point. The sole saving grace of the film is Depp's performance as Ichabod, who is now a slightly comedic policeman attempting to solve the murders with logic and deduction. Don't get me wrong, a version of sleepy hollow where Ichabod gets the girl and unmasks Brom with his wits is a great idea, it is just not this movie. Brom is chopped in half by the Horseman midway though the story and the new villain is this cartoonish monologing sorceress whose backstory is pulled right out of the ass. It is a dreary, mediocre movie that violates most of the precepts of a good mystery and leaves one a combination of bored and bewildered by the time it reaches its ridiculous conclusion.
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Genny - While I really wasn't looking forward to rewatching Sleepy Hollow for this list it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. It wasn't quite as mediocre as my previous watch led me to imagine it. It's rather competently acted (especially if you don't mind Depp and Ricci reprising typical roles around this time) and even the CG animation isn't a complete eyesore. The plot twist is somewhat predictable given the step mother's behavior near the end; however I can forgive these transgressions given it's a decent loose adaptation of an established lore. 7.5/10

Johnbobb - I tend to like the darker side of Burton more than the goofy side, and his skill with visual gloom is in full-force here. Story wise, it's honestly a little dull. Depp himself is fun, as is the Horseman, with the rest of the players mostly just filling the space around the two. Where it shines though is the production and art style of everything. It's violent and sleek and captures the setting powerfully.

KBM - Too unnecessarily convoluted to be a truly great film, but too gleeful and stylish to be a bad one, this lands right smack dab in the middle of Tim Burton's wildly hit-or-miss filmography. The screenplay pulls its characters in so many different directions at once that it really is hard to keep track of what's happening at any given point, but then we'll cut to something like Christopher Walken having way too much fun screaming his head off as the Horseman, or the delightful council of elders featuring Dumbledore, Palpatine, Vernon Dursley, and *gulp* Jeffrey Jones, and all the narrative shortcomings are (more or less) forgiven. Johnny Depp is also at the top of his game here, disappearing into the character as he was pretty consistently able to in the heyday of his career. This also features some of the most beautiful (and Academy Award-winning!) production direction of Burton's entire oeuvre, which is quite high praise indeed. It's definitely a hot mess, but the strong cast, the visuals, and the sheer apologetic lunacy make it an incredibly entertaining viewing experience.

Scarlet - I tend to grade Burton on a curve. His luscious, phenomenal setwork and costuming is almost a given. I tend to look deeper and desire those apparently unattainable things like a script that is actually interesting. And Burton is oftentimes lacking in the storytelling department. His talent is sometimes exclusively visual. If anyone is a worldbuilder over a storyteller, its Tim. And thats why the most loaded cast on this list ends up being one of the more underperforming casts on this list.
Rating: 41/100

JONA - The atmosphere and Johnny Depp pretty much carry the movie but it feels like its missing something that would make the movie more compelling.
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Snake - Why I Chose It - It would be remiss to not have a Tim Burton film among its 90s horror brethren. Sleepy Hollow is actually Burton's only directional film of the 90s that can really be considered full horror, though Edward Scissorhands & Ed Wood certainly brush shoulders with the genre. Sleepy Hollow was a box office smash and won several accolades across several award ceremonies.

My Thoughts - Sleepy Hollow is very similar to Bram Stoker's Dracula in my eyes. An overwrought, overlong, indulgent borefest that has no engaging central plot to speak of and it's up to Depp's charm to carry this film on his legs, back, shoulders, and head, and well, let's just say it crumbles under all that pressure. In Burton's quest to establish the perfect Gothic atmosphere, he forgets to bring along meaningful characters, a script, satisfying story details, or anything else besides scenes that service the only thing Burton seems to care about. And honestly, I don't even care for the atmosphere all that much to begin with. Ooooh, an old village, oooooh, an a spooooky forest, damn I'm so enthralled by this exciting imagery. It's all a cardboard facade for a boring, straight-forward film, and this is certainly not Burton's best showing by any means.
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The atmosphere in Sleepy Hollow is fantastic. One of Tim Burton's last great films.
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Outlier

Inviso - 268
Genny - 232
Charon - 227
KBM - 179
Johnbobb - 174
Karo - 147
Scarlet - 146
JONA - 139
Snake - 134

Vis looks almost untouchable at this point for the top spot. Charon catches up to Genny and Snake makes his biggest jump ever, but still lurks at the bottom.
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