Current Events > Is it wrong to send an abusive ex a thank you card 10 years after you first met

(+) Yeah! (+)

It was entirely psychological/emotional abuse. I was dealing with the terminal illness and subsequent death of a loved one and couldn't sack up enough at the time to realise what was happening until it was too late, etc.

I was a supporting character in their narcissism show.

Sometimes I feel like I should thank them, though.

If I hadn't been in that relationship until enough was enough and I got the fuck out, I wouldn't have been in a position to form a relationship with my now-wife when I was. Otherwise, we would have passed like ships in the night.

She's seriously the most awesome person I've ever met and my best friend.

She's supportive, but will kick me up the arse if I'm being an idiot or an arsehole. She doesn't treat me like a hobby kit (if you get what I mean). I don't believe in soulmates, but if I did, she'd be my soulmate. We have two unspeakably weird, incredibly intelligent and utterly irrepressible kids and I wouldn't want my life to have run down any other path.

Sounds like you're inviting the cycle of abuse back in

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


LincolnDuncan posted...

Sounds like you're inviting the cycle of abuse back in

See, my rational mind knows this.

The snarky, vindictive side of me kind of wants me to declare open season.

Then, rational mind just tells SVS that it's just trying to get back at someone who's hurt us before, in which case we're no better than they are.

But, SVS retorts, we've achieved many of The Evil Ex's goals without really meaning to, and that would really shit them to tears.

Then RM points out that we're posting about it on CE in the first person plural and we should probably shut the fuck up, because we'd totally never do it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I've joked about it in the past.

She thinks it'd be a pretty fucking hilarious idea, but knows I'd never do it because I don't want to give "bitchface" (my wife's term for her) an in to re-establish communication.

Seriously. This is something I'd never do, even if I was able to score some nebulous points against her.

You know what OP? I can empathize. A few years back, I had a golden opportunity to get a girlfriend but I blew it because I was to wishwashy and couldn't make up my mind. Even worse, I watched my opportunity slip away and let another guy walk in and take her away. Now they're still together. Me? Still alone, but that was the trigger point that got me into investing and I finally found a field I want to dedicate a career to. I'm considerably wealthier than when that fateful moment passed and I far more direction and motivation in my life so I do feel compelled to send her and her boyfriend a thank you card as well.

But... I don't think I will.

Its alright to be thankful of the people youve encountered in your life. Be it testing you, supporting you, or changing you.

Who you are today is a direct result of all the social relationships youve had.

If you are truly thankful, you dont need to tell anyone. It can be a personal relief.

If there is any vindictive reason behind why you wish to, I definitely say no even more.

Its not a slap in the face to your current wife to think it, but trying to reach out most definitely wouldnt be very respectful imo.

Just keep it to yourself. I say.

Chortlez posted...

You know what OP? I can empathize. A few years back, I had a golden opportunity to get a girlfriend but I blew it because I was to wishwashy and couldn't make up my mind. Even worse, I watched my opportunity slip away and let another guy walk in and take her away. Now they're still together. Me? Still alone, but that was the trigger point that got me into investing and I finally found a field I want to dedicate a career to. I'm considerably wealthier than when that fateful moment passed and I far more direction and motivation in my life so I do feel compelled to send her and her boyfriend a thank you card as well.

But... I don't think I will.

You seem petty and jealous as fuck despite your "considerable wealth". If they haven't tried to reach out and contact you in anyway, they really don't care much about you, yet here you are going on about them, and they are living rent free inside your head. Also, you don't "get a girlfriend" just because a woman may be interested in you to form a intimate relationship. You don't own her and there is no telling how long it can really last from the get go. Get over yourself.

TC, just go back to your ex. You haven't learned a damn thing.

Chortlez posted...

But... I don't think I will.

I think that is a good decision to make.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

Its alright to be thankful of the people youve encountered in your life. Be it testing you, supporting you, or changing you.

Who you are today is a direct result of all the social relationships youve had.

If you are truly thankful, you dont need to tell anyone. It can be a personal relief.

If there is any vindictive reason behind why you wish to, I definitely say no even more.

Its not a slap in the face to your current wife to think it, but trying to reach out most definitely wouldnt be very respectful imo.

Just keep it to yourself. I say.

Well, thats it. Im thankful of the end result (being my current, amazing relationship), despite all the mental shit that previous relationship left behind.

To be honest, I would never go behind my wifes back like that, and reestablish contact in any way. Ever. I value the implicit and mutual trust we have far too much to do that.

That sounds incredibly petty and the type of shit you are criticising them for. I can understand the desire, but it's definitely not something to actually do.

The best thing is to forget about them and live a good and happy life with your current partner.

Funkydog posted...

That sounds incredibly petty and the type of shit you are criticising them for. I can understand the desire, but it's definitely not something to actually do.

The best thing is to forget about them and live a good and happy life with your current partner.

Well, yeah. Exactly why Im posting about on GameFAQs rather than actually doing it.

Unfortunately I dont think I could ever forget about them, given that their actions are very closely entwined with my memories of a loved ones terminal illness and death.

Id still never actually reestablish contact with them, because ultimately then theyve won.

Number090684 posted...

You seem petty and jealous as f*** despite your "considerable wealth". If they haven't tried to reach out and contact you in anyway, they really don't care much about you, yet here you are going on about them, and they are living rent free inside your head. Also, you don't "get a girlfriend" just because a woman may be interested in you to form a intimate relationship. You don't own her and there os no telling how long it can really last from the get go. Get over yourself.

Okay? Oh I admit that I'm still bitter about the event that took place a few years ago as I was friggin gifted a girl on a silver platter that was waiting on me to make a move and I didn't. She hinted at it, her sister and her sister's boyfriend hinted at it, and I did nothing, and rightfully so since we'd be incompatible and she's better off with that guy who knows how to be a leader. But I brought it up because it's relevant to the topic as I share OP's sentiments as it motivated me to greater heights.

Now the question is, why do you think your antagonistic post is appropriate? Was my post derailing or off topic? No, OP's experience reminded me of my own and I am sharing to say he's not alone. Is it inflammatory? No. So what exactly are you trying to get here? You'd have a point if I brought this up out of the blue, but clearly it's not the case. Context man, context is important.

go ahead and do that if you enjoy playing the cuck role to this day

BoyOfBattle posted...

go ahead and do that if you enjoy playing the cuck role to this day

Thanks for that well considered reply, I appreciate the time and effort you have taken in formulating your response.

Kakapo posted...

Well, yeah. Exactly why Im posting about on GameFAQs rather than actually doing it.

Unfortunately I dont think I could ever forget about them, given that their actions are very closely entwined with my memories of a loved ones terminal illness and death.

Id still never actually reestablish contact with them, because ultimately then theyve won.

Yeah, you can never truly forget about them, but you can work on not letting them take up more of your thoughts than a brief memory of "fuck them" and moving onto better things.

Easier said than done though.

Bad idea, keep Pandora's box closed