Current Events > lol, i told my friend she's ignoring red flags in her new dude, she deleted me

(+) Yeah! (+)

They've been talking for 1 month and went on one date and the dude is talking about her moving in with him.

She thinks it's spontaneous lol. I told her that's a big yikes and it's good spontaneous when a dude surprises you with flowers or something at this stage.

She quickly deleted me from IG lol. She has a history of dating dudes who hit and cheat on her. I was just trying to save my homie :(

How... Fickle

doesn't sound like much of a friendship if it can just be deleted like that

dont be that guy

I4NRulez posted...

I was just trying to save my homie :(

Talk about red flags.

Glad you avoided further wasted time interacting with her.

Wheres the red flags ???

You really should wait at least two months in case their personality traits have a monthly theme

VeryFatKid posted...

doesn't sound like much of a friendship if it can just be deleted like that

We've been friends for almost 10 years but tbh its been kinda distant the last few years. We were catching up and i was asking her how shes been and stuff and thats when it came up. She had gotten out of a bad relationship a few years ago and i was happy for her to find a new dude. Then she started describing the red flags lol.

AloofHermit posted...

dont be that guy

I dont want her lol. She likes dating military dudes and she got fucked up by her last dude. She was in a good place now she's just repeating her cycle.

I4NRulez posted...

They've been talking for 1 month and went on one date and the dude is talking about her moving in with him.

She thinks it's spontaneous lol. I told her that's a big yikes and it's good spontaneous when a dude surprises you with flowers or something at this stage.

She quickly deleted me from IG lol. She has a history of dating dudes who hit and cheat on her. I was just trying to save my homie :(

I've been in that kinda relationship before, moved in and engaged within a few months

The situation between me and her is still kinda ugly. She's persistent too, if I ever make the mistake of adding her on fb she'll immediately go all, "why do you hate?" Even though the relationship ended with me leaving after I literally saved her life and then she started hitting me until I left the next day

This will almost always be a bad idea, unless they've known the person for a long time, or other special circumstances.

She is thinking with her hoohah. Good riddance

AloofHermit posted...

dont be that guy

Why not? Good friends don't just tell people what they wanna hear.

You don't understand TC, this guy is different

kage_53 posted...

Wheres the red flags ???

not sure if srs

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

Talk about red flags.

Hope you aren't serious either, or you don't seem like a very pleasant person.

WTF? All the guy did was talk about her moving in. That isn't a red flag. That's showing that he's serious about her. You were in the wrong on this one, TC.

Flea_Plus posted...

Why not? Good friends don't just tell people what they wanna hear.

cause he doesnt even know the man

Pepys_Monster posted...

WTF? All the guy did was talk about her moving in. That isn't a red flag. That's showing that he's serious about her. You were in the wrong on this one, TC.

LOL nah bro thats a huge red flag

AloofHermit posted...

cause he doesnt even know the man

after one date neither does she lol

AloofHermit posted...

cause he doesnt even know the man

I suppose that is true.

Pepys_Monster posted...

WTF? All the guy did was talk about her moving in. That isn't a red flag. That's showing that he's serious about her. You were in the wrong on this one, TC.

What? Talking about moving in together after one date is absolutely a red flag. I would say something too if I had a friend that was considering that.

Wanting to move in quickly isn't in and of itself a red flag. What else is he trying to do or saying?

I4NRulez posted...

after one date neither does she lol

Did she talk to this guy before at all? If the answer is no, then I'll swap my position again and side with you once more. But if the answer is yes, then I will maintain the revised opinion I exhibited in post 19.

Flea_Plus posted...

Hope you aren't serious either, or you don't seem like a very pleasant person.

You are not in the position to "save" a woman from her own decisions, especially when you push your idea for how she needs to live so hard that you get blocked after 10 years of friendship.

You don't "know better". You are being one of THOSE guys.

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

You are not in the position to "save" a woman from her own decisions, especially when you push your idea for how she needs to live so hard that you get blocked after 10 years of friendship.

Alright, I have something to work with here. Sorry for my tone.

To be fair, pushiness is somewhat subjective because not everyone in the woman's position would've blocked someone doing that...especially after a 10 year friendship. I don't think you can say he was being pushy (or even that he wasn't).

I mean I'm not sure I would've said anything either, but I also don't think it's wrong for someone to do it unsolicited. Unsolicited advice isn't inherently wrong imo, just annoying. I did say inhererently; I can make exceptions for that belief depending on the circumstances.

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

You don't "know better". You are being one of THOSE guys.

This is undeniably true, though. I'll cede to that without a second thought.

Again, I apologize. In a bit of a testy mood.

Flea_Plus posted...

Did she talk to this guy before at all? If the answer is no, then I'll swap my position again and side with you once more. But if the answer is yes, then I will maintain the revised opinion I exhibited in post 19.

They met on an app about a month ago. When on one date in that time and he seriously brought up moving in with her.

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

You are not in the position to "save" a woman from her own decisions, especially when you push your idea for how she needs to live so hard that you get blocked after 10 years of friendship.

You don't "know better". You are being one of THOSE guys.

All i told her was that it was a red flag lol. Idk what idea you think im pushing and it has nothing to do with her being a woman. If a male friend of mine was in the same position i would have said the same thing.

Especially since my friend has done things like move out of state for someone she just met to be cheated on and abandoned and been in other relationships and beaten by her bfs. She's attempted suicide before because of a man as well.

She's a nice person outside of her decisions with men and i was genuinely happy to see her in a better situation and wanted her to find a nice healthy relationship.

My friends appreciate this kind of shit. The only times they haven't is when I start to be a dick about it and make them feel like a child.

I4NRulez posted...

now she's just repeating her cycle.

there's no saving them if they want to repeat history :(.
persuasion time is over FML.

kage_53 posted...

Wheres the red flags ???

so what if he proposed to her after meeting her for the first time, would you consider that a red flag or no?

My girlfriend moved in with me after a month of dating.

because she wanted to save money. Weve been together for like 6 years. Its not always a bad thing

StarbucksWorker posted...

so what if he proposed to her after meeting her for the first time, would you consider that a red flag or no?

Yes

Pepys_Monster posted...

WTF? All the guy did was talk about her moving in. That isn't a red flag. That's showing that he's serious about her. You were in the wrong on this one, TC.

One date?!? What is wrong with you?

Shes not a good friend, I hate people like that

Oreos74 posted...

My girlfriend moved in with me after a month of dating.

because she wanted to save money. Weve been together for like 6 years. Its not always a bad thing

It can work, but I also assume you went on many dates in that time, not one.

bsp77 posted...

It can work, but I also assume you went on many dates in that time, not one.

yeah we basically were hanging out nearly every day after school and work etc.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Hey, genius

I4NRulez posted...

I was just trying to save my homie :(

Oreos74 posted...

yeah we basically were hanging out nearly every day after school and work etc.

I'm glad it worked out for you but you're more of the exception to the rule.

My guess is he has good teeth and a fat dick

Jerry_Hellyeah posted...

Hey, genius

You're hung up on a joke i put in the post.

It wasnt serious buddy calm down lol

Been there. I too lost a friend of around ten years cause he was talking about some toxic shit his 3 year gf was doing (not letting him hang out with the homies and calling him immature when he did come out drinking with us).

I've had a gf that was like that, and she was being very emotionally abusive to me, not to mention she hit me a few times too.

I told homie, that it's a giant red flag and he should reevaluate his situation so he told me to fuck off and hasn't talked to me since.

C'est la vie, dude. Some people don't like being told the straight dope. If he ever reaches out again, I'll act like it's water under the bridge, but I doubt that'll happen as he's got this "fuck you, you don't know me attitude" as of late (I work with the guy, so I hear about it from others).

I'm absolutely shocked that CE can't see how this would be a red flag.

Give it time. Youll see that friend request pop up at sone point. "So you were right"

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Yet here we are, with TC rattling off info and history about a girl who doesn't want any further communication with him.

I mean, I joke around and call myself a dick all the time. Doesn't mean I'm not one.

I mean it is a red flag. You shouldn't be moving in with someone after a month if you want a serious relationship to last.

SauI_Goodman posted...

Give it time. Youll see that friend request pop up at sone point. "So you were right"

Lmao yep

SauI_Goodman posted...

Give it time. Youll see that friend request pop up at sone point. "So you were right"

Nah, I don't see it this time. Kinda sucks cause I've known her for so long but we've grown in opposite directions.

She dates these toxic dudes then isolates herself from her friends. Other mutual friends have told me that they dont talk to her anymore either. I was just the last one i guess to go.