Poll of the Day > My roommate called to scream at and intimidate me last night

(+) Yeah! (+)

Just need a place to vent. I went to my house last night and his girlfriend was there while he wasn't. Just living there. So I told her I was going to stay there for the night and I asked if she would leave. I wasn't rude or yelling or insulting or anything. Just like oh hey I'm gonna be here tonight would you mind going home so I can have privacy? And she said she didn't have her car so I said unfortunately you'd have to Uber in that case I'm sorry.. And her cat was there too! Dude. So she asks if she can just stay in my roommates room and I said I'd prefer if you didn't because I had my boyfriend here, it's my house and we want privacy. I said she wasn't on the lease and shouldn't really be there when my roommate isn't home.

While I understand it's an inconvenience to be asked to go home - she does have her own residence so it's not like I sent her to be on the streets.

My roommate called me screaming at me calling me a bitch and a c***. Talking about how if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have the house (which is a lie), he said I didn't qualify to own the home on my own (which is a lie) and that he regrets "giving it to me." He started trying to rant about our relationship (that ended over two years ago) and how I "treated him like shit." He sounded like if he was there he would have honestly hit or harmed me physically.

I just calmly told him I own the home, I'm sleeping here and just asked if she'd leave for the night. I told him I didn't care about whatever he had to say re: our prior relationship history. He just kept screaming calling me a bitch and saying fuck you.

Idk what to even do man. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. After he screamed at me I went outside to tell her it wasn't personal I just wanted privacy and I offered to pay for her Uber. She wasn't crying or rude either. I could tell she was annoyed which is understandable but the home is mine. She's not entitled to live there. She's not on his lease agreement.

I'm supposed to move back in next month but after that I'm obtaining an attorney and only corresponding through my attorney. I'm not interested in whatever this is that's happening. I'm not moving back in til he's gone for good so I'm gonna have to shell out thousands of extra dollars for alternative housing.

Oh and the kicker is after the phone call we felt too afraid to sleep there because we were afraid he'd leave work to come harass us that WE LEFT. so NO ONE was able to use the house last night. It's absurd.

Jen0125 posted...

Just need a place to vent

Those should be our house words.

Blightzkrieg posted...

Those should be our house words.

Lmao

Man when he called he was screaming "who do you think you are" and I was like listen I own the home and she's not on the lease if you want to be able to have your girlfriend at home all night and day and home waiting for you when you're off work you need to move out and find your own place and he just reeeee'd that he's not moving out til the lease was up

I came into thread with the intention of being supportive but

If you have a roommate, Im assuming they pay their half of the rent/mortgage/whatever. Hence, if they want to have their GF stay there then theyre entitled to. I mean, if they werent working and were home, you wouldnt have your privacy anyway.

Whats even worse is that the poor girl was chill throughout the whole thing. Shes like, Ima chill here until my BF gets home. Cant wait. And then Ludacris walks through the door talking about, Move, bitch, get out the way.

HornedLion posted...

I came into thread with the intention of being supportive but

If you have a roommate, Im assuming they pay their half of the rent/mortgage/whatever. Hence, if they want to have their GF stay there then theyre entitled to. I mean, if they werent working and were home, you wouldnt have your privacy anyway.

Whats even worse is that the poor girl was chill throughout the whole thing. Shes like, Ima chill here until my BF gets home. Cant wait. And then Ludacris walks through the door talking about, Move, bitch, get out the way.

They aren't entitled to per the lease agreement lol but okay

And we both were chill. Neither of us were not calm with each other. I get it's an annoying inconvenience for the homeowner to ask you to leave but it's not your house.

And I don't have a roommate. I call him that as a courtesy. I'm a homeowner who is renting a room to someone. He's a tenant.

Jen0125 posted...

They aren't entitled to per the lease agreement lol but okay

Unless the lease agreement explicitly prohibits visitors (or outlines conditions under which they're allowed/disallowed), then they are entitled to have them, whether you like it or not. You are in no way entitled to privacy in a property you rent out unless you explicitly stipulate it somehow in the lease.

That said, him being so abusive could probably qualify as grounds for eviction, or at the very least threatening it.

I missed a lot of context here, but rooming for years with your ex seems like a terrible idea.

Really strange for a Woman to room with a Dude (outside of Three's Company)

I know we live in a Woke era now, but from my experience, living/rooming/neighboring with a Female/s who isn't a relative or serious GF/Wife usually never ends well

But I hope you work things out

adjl posted...

Unless the lease agreement explicitly prohibits visitors (or outlines conditions under which they're allowed/disallowed), then they are entitled to have them, whether you like it or not. You are in no way entitled to privacy in a property you rent out unless you explicitly stipulate it somehow in the lease.

That said, him being so abusive could probably qualify as grounds for eviction, or at the very least threatening it.

Yes, I said he's not entitled to per the lease agreement. Thank you.

pionear posted...

Really strange for a Woman to room with a Dude (outside of Three's Company)

I know we live in a Woke era now, but from my experience, living/rooming/neighboring with a Female/s who isn't a relative or serious GF/Wife usually never ends well

But I hope you work things out

baby perspective lol.

@Jen0125 anyone that yells or screams as a method of 'arguing' just stinks and is toxic as fuck

She's also not allowed to have her cat there per the lease agreement

He's also not allowed to sublet any part of the home so she's not allowed to live there

He's also not allowed to have overnight guests more than three nights in a row so she isn't supposed to be basically living there

any opportunity you get to evict him, that sounds like the best avenue at this point. they definitely sound like 'give a millimeter, they'll take a mile' kind of folks.

I would have asked any of his unattended guests to leave. If his brother was there I would have asked him to leave. I'm an owner resident. Why shouldn't I have the right to politely ask someone to leave my house when their link to the home isn't even there? That's insane to think I'm in the wrong there lol sorry

Surely you've had instances when renting where you left the property for whatever reason and a visitor stayed behind. It's not that unusual, nor is it really a problem at any intrinsic level. Having a live-in landlord doesn't (or at least shouldn't) change that.

Now, it sounds like said visitor is becoming a permanent fixture and the tenant is committing other violations, which is beyond what's reasonable and may justify evicting him. But don't let your desire to have your tenant gone extend to trying to prevent him from enjoying his time in his home (which, until the end of the lease, is what your house is). That's just petty. Specific violations of the lease are the only things you have any right to correct, no matter how frustrating the arrangement is.

HornedLion posted...

Hence, if they want to have their GF stay there then theyre entitled to

LOL, no.

I love all of these absolutely qualified landlord/tenant lawyers we have up in this topic.

did anyone tell you this would happen when you decided to room with your ex? buy them a cold beer if so

acesxhigh posted...

did anyone tell you this would happen when you decided to room with your ex? buy them a cold beer if so

I didn't decide to do this like willingly. There's a long explanation.

It's literally not petty to ask someone to leave one night out of 30 days. Lol you're not going to gaslight me.

And it certainly doesn't warrant such an abusive response. But why wouldn't I be surprised that people on potd think it's a-okay lol literally screaming abuse at someone for causing your house guest a 30 min inconvenience to get back to their own house for the night. The absolute horror. Why is he more entitled to have a person there when he's not home than I am to have privacy if I'm there? It was a benign request that any rational adult would have just said okay to and moved on.

adjl posted...

Unless the lease agreement explicitly prohibits visitors (or outlines conditions under which they're allowed/disallowed), then they are entitled to have them, whether you like it or not. You are in no way entitled to privacy in a property you rent out unless you explicitly stipulate it somehow in the lease.

That said, him being so abusive could probably qualify as grounds for eviction, or at the very least threatening it.

this girlfriend has been there for a very long time, usually lease agreements have limits on how many nights guests can stay consecutively. And she brought a CAT. Which is very against lease terms. That's no longer a visitor, that's someone acting as a resident not on the lease.

Jen0125 posted...

He's also not allowed to sublet any part of the home so she's not allowed to live there

He's also not allowed to have overnight guests more than three nights in a row so she isn't supposed to be basically living there

yeah this

I'm not one of Jen's simps but even I can see she's in the right here

Also if you are the roommate's gf why would you even want to be there?

Jen0125 posted...

It's literally not petty to ask someone to leave one night out of 30 days. Lol you're not going to gaslight me.

And it certainly doesn't warrant such an abusive response. But why wouldn't I be surprised that people on potd think it's a-okay lol literally screaming abuse at someone for causing your house guest a 30 min inconvenience to get back to their own house for the night. The absolute horror. Why is he more entitled to have a person there when he's not home than I am to have privacy if I'm there? It was a benign request that any rational adult would have just said okay to and moved on.

What your ex did is nothing more than a major dick move on his part for letting that girl be there when he's not. It's fucking stupid.

And it's like they don't actually leave the shared areas able to be shared. When I went there his mattress was once again in the middle of the living room floor. How does that make the space able to be shared if they are literally sleeping in the common area?

Jen0125 posted...

And it's like they don't actually leave the shared areas able to be shared. When I went there his mattress was once again in the middle of the living room floor. How does that make the space able to be shared if they are literally sleeping in the common area?

Considering the fact that your ex is breaking the rules in the lease you can have him evicted instead of letting the lease expire but if you wait for the lease to expire I can guarantee you that your ex won't go out quietly without trying to start a big shitshow over it. He threw that girl under the bus and done her like shit leaving her there like that.

Molitheus posted...

Considering the fact that your ex is breaking the rules in the lease you can have him evicted instead of letting the lease expire but if you wait for the lease to expire I can guarantee you that your ex won't go out quietly without trying to start a big shitshow over it. He threw that girl under the bus and done her like shit leaving her there like that.

I'm getting an attorney on retainer for the next few months and talking to them about all this. At the very least they can assist with his transition out of the house so I don't have to personally be involved.

Jen0125 posted...

I'm getting an attorney on retainer for the next few months and talking to them about all this. At the very least they can assist with his transition out of the house so I don't have to personally be involved.

That's good. Just be careful of your ex cause I think all he's gonna gonna do is to try to cause as much drama as he can until that lease expires. Hope things go well for you.

people be like why do you live with your ex and then also complain about housing prices in the same breath lol

housing market is insane, my house is worth nearly double what i paid, just because

like that's not taking into account all the work we've had done on it either, it's insane

Jen0125 posted...

And it's like they don't actually leave the shared areas able to be shared. When I went there his mattress was once again in the middle of the living room floor. How does that make the space able to be shared if they are literally sleeping in the common area?

whyyyy

Did you ever consider asking him politely, but firmly, to leave?

ya, kick him out~!

DrPrimemaster posted...

Did you ever consider asking him politely, but firmly, to leave?

The "Roommate" seems like he'd prefer his steak well done.

Jen0125 posted...

And it's like they don't actually leave the shared areas able to be shared. When I went there his mattress was once again in the middle of the living room floor. How does that make the space able to be shared if they are literally sleeping in the common area?

Take pictures, make specific notes, dates and times. That's a violation of the shared space and can be used against him in court.

Jen0125 posted...

She's also not allowed to have her cat there per the lease agreement

That's just weird to bring a random pet in somebody else's house. Especially a cat.

DrPrimemaster posted...

Did you ever consider asking him politely, but firmly, to leave?

Yes? Lmao I have done so several times.

Like right this scenario I said hey if you want your girlfriend to be at home waiting for you every day after work maybe you should move out? And he just screamed that he isn't leaving til the lease is up.

Other reasons included that he wanted us to be friends before he moves out, our friendship needs to be on "solid foundation" before he moves, he can't afford to move (he makes like $60k+ with no debt), that he needs to wait for his girlfriend's dorm contract to be up, etc.

Jen0125 posted...

Yes? Lmao I have done so several times.

Like right this scenario I said hey if you want your girlfriend to be at home waiting for you every day after work maybe you should move out? And he just screamed that he isn't leaving til the lease is up.

Other reasons included that he wanted us to be friends before he moves out, our friendship needs to be on "solid foundation" before he moves, he can't afford to move (he makes like $60k+ with no debt), that he needs to wait for his girlfriend's dorm contract to be up, etc.

That boy aint right

What a mess, does the girl he is dating not find this weird?

Not an expert on Arizona law, but I believe it's a one party consent state which means you can legally record a conversation you are a part of and use it as evidence in the future.

If you have any recordings of abuse, threatening or harassment from him, you can file for a restraining order in AZ. This forces any roomate to vacate a premises if you live there as well (even if they are co-renters/owners etc, but especially for sure if you are renting to them).

Now, I wouldn't actually suggest going down that route, but I do suggest getting the recording and copying the laws that break down what I stated above. Then you can email that information/recording to your ex and explain if he does not move out voluntarily you will be forced to go to court.

This only makes sense at all if there is more than 3 months till your lease ends, and I'm pretty sure it's been at least 6 months since he signed the home over to you and became a tenant. Even if there was no lease and it was month to month, you would need to give 30 days notice, which means the earliest he would need to leave right now is December 1st.

I would strongly suggest you double and triple check the requirements for eviction in your state. In general, even if you have a lease etc, you need to provide a notice to vacate 30 days beforehand. If for instance the lease ends December 1st, you need to provide that according to the laws of your state, by November 1st. Those laws often require you to mail the notice as well as give on in person.

That should cover your but fairly well.

There is usually free legal services at the courthouse in your area that can also offer advice/help and provide paperwork needed etc. They would know the laws in AZ as well (I have no clue of them since I have only lived in CA and WA which is VERY different then AZ heh).

You can also consult with a landlord/tenant attorney, often for free, and fill them in on your situation so they are available as needed in the future (some may charge for the consultation but many are free).

I am also guessing do to the situation that you have no security deposit etc from him at all, which could be very detrimental if he becomes antagonistic before leaving and damages the place. I suggest taking photos of the place now to show no damage has (at least so far) been done, so you can prove if he does cause any damages. Even with that, it would probably be difficult to actually get any money for damages he creates, so again, if it's not too far in the future the best bet may just be to let it ride and hope he leaves without a hassle soon.

Sorry you are in such a crappy situation, but at least one way or another it will be done with soon and you can put him behind you and move forward with your life:)

Jen0125 posted...

And it certainly doesn't warrant such an abusive response.

Indeed it does not, and I think you could probably justify terminating the lease based on that alone.

grimhilde00 posted...

this girlfriend has been there for a very long time, usually lease agreements have limits on how many nights guests can stay consecutively. And she brought a CAT. Which is very against lease terms. That's no longer a visitor, that's someone acting as a resident not on the lease.

Yep, it sounds like there are plenty of actual lease violations.

Jen0125 posted...

Other reasons included that he wanted us to be friends before he moves out, our friendship needs to be on "solid foundation" before he moves

Translation: He's hoping that you'll change your mind and take him back before he legally has to leave. I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is burning any bridge of friendship that might have existed and that there never was a chance of getting back together. It doesn't sound like he'll necessarily accept that (presumably you've made similar comments already and he hasn't taken those to heart), but it should at least help make it clear to him that eviction is on the table if he doesn't start complying with the lease. As Wolfy suggested, maybe also tell him that every conversation you have with him in the future will either be need to be in writing or will be recorded to be used as evidence against him, which may not be a legal requirement, but should at least make it clear that he's on very thin ice.

DrPrimemaster posted...

That boy aint right

What a mess, does the girl he is dating not find this weird?

Apparently not and she must be a pea in his pod to have made such a big issue out of me just asking her to go home for a night.

I find a large proportion of 'small town' people act like this. Not to be completely ****ing stereotypical, because there are people like that everywhere. But you know what I mean if you grew up in a small town. Leaning into stereotype here, but the girl will be impressed if the dude screams 'for her'. Same in reverse sometimes. I worked at McDonalds and there were a...lot of couples in this kinda headspace.

adjl posted...

Translation: He's hoping that you'll change your mind and take him back before he legally has to leave. I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is burning any bridge of friendship that might have existed and that there never was a chance of getting back together. It doesn't sound like he'll necessarily accept that (presumably you've made similar comments already and he hasn't taken those to heart), but it should at least help make it clear to him that eviction is on the table if he doesn't start complying with the lease. As Wolfy suggested, maybe also tell him that every conversation you have with him in the future will either be need to be in writing or will be recorded to be used as evidence against him, which may not be a legal requirement, but should at least make it clear that he's on very thin ice.

This is what worries me because his behavior is becoming more aggressive and erratic. I'm just getting an attorney for any further communication.

My security alarm shows he hasn't been to the house since this altercation took place and he has his cat there so I'm not sure what he's planning to do.

I truly feel he's getting so aggressive because he sees he can't control me anymore or that I'm not here to cater to him and his life. He is used to being able to charm and manipulate people into doing what he wants and it doesn't work on me anymore so I think he's getting really pressed.

Well I just sent a contact request to an attorney firm so I can hire them to be a buffer at this point.

No one has been there again today so now I have to decide if I should go there or not to feed the cats.

Jen0125 posted...

No one has been there again today so now I have to decide if I should go there or not to feed the cats.

Jen0125 posted...

She's also not allowed to have her cat there per the lease agreement

Could you just not have them officially removed by animal welfare workers?

Nichtcrawler-X posted...

Could you just not have them officially removed by animal welfare workers?

? She was there too. She took it with her.