Current Events > Welp, me and my girlfriend broke up.

(+) Yeah! (+)

It's like this weird mix of relief, regret, anger, sadness and bitterness and yet I still can't totally break free because we have this apartment together (dumbest decision I've ever made).

The big argument today was her demanding that I get a second stream of income to help cover bills, even though I already cover $1000 out of our $1650 in rent (and even then, there were times where I'd have to chip in 100-200 more), as well as half of our $400 electricity bills (thanks Texas). When I told her I wasn't going to do that because I wanted to focus my energy on my main job (which is my career job) and learning job relevant skills outside of work, she blew up at me and accused me of not being willing to sacrifice for her.

Part of me knows this shit is toxic, but part of me also wants it to work out in the end? IDK, just in a really weird place.

enjoy it, being single rocks

you can do whatever the heck you want now

VampireCoyote posted...

enjoy it, being single rocks

you can do whatever the heck you want now

Yeah, I guess now I've got more time to do the things I want to do, so there's that.

How long are you stuck living together?

definitely move if you're able to. you need to get in the right headspace after a breakup and your current situation with her around doesn't help matters. keep your head up buddy.

sorry, man.

but yea, that sounds pretty toxic on her part.

from the outside, it's not something I see working if she's not willing to work with you on stuff like bills and other expenses.

if she wants a "second stream of income" so much she should just do tiktoks or onlyfans since that's where she heard that crap from in the first place

any particular reason she doesn't think rent should be 50/50?

and is that $400 for one month? that's crazy, my roomate and I had 3 ACs running all day in August and ours was only 150

Does she have a job or is in school?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Her argument is that she still covers groceries, plus she has other expenses that I don't necessarily have to worry about (such as her car note and gas, since I work from home).

Admittedly, I've had poor spending habits when it comes to my hobbies (something I've been steadily working on), but I still make absolutely sure I'm at least able to cover our bills.

NeoShadowhen posted...

How long are you stuck living together?

I believe our lease is until July, but we'll likely see if we can break it before then. Which fucking sucks.

BLooD_WoLf posted...

definitely move if you're able to. you need to get in the right headspace after a breakup and your current situation with her around doesn't help matters. keep your head up buddy.

Thanks man.

did you have any second thoughts when you were signing the lease and going through that process initially? or were you 100% trusting that you'd be together for a long time?

g0ldie posted...

sorry, man.

but yea, that sounds pretty toxic on her part.

from the outside, it's not something I see working if she's not willing to work with you on stuff like bills and other expenses.

Her thing is that if she's struggling, if I cared about her, I would do everything in my power to keep us afloat.

And honestly, I feel like it should have happened ages ago, but being forced to live together forced us to work it out.

silverpine posted...

if she wants a "second stream of income" so much she should just do tiktoks or onlyfans since that's where she heard that crap from in the first place

I will say that she does get financial aid so there's that. Except she wasn't able to enroll in classes for this semester (she recently tried to change community colleges because one school wasn't providing her with the classes she needed).

thronedfire2 posted...

any particular reason she doesn't think rent should be 50/50?

and is that $400 for one month? that's crazy, my roomate and I had 3 ACs running all day in August and ours was only 150

Yup $400 for one month. Again, thanks Texas lol. And basically what I said before, she feels like in a relationship, I should be "man enough" to step up to alleviate some financial stress off of her.

BakiHanma462 posted...

Does she have a job or is in school?

She works at Target and attends classes at community college.

You made the right choice. It'll probably sting a lot less in about a year and a half.

silverpine posted...

did you have any second thoughts when you were signing the lease and going through that process initially? or were you 100% trusting that you'd be together for a long time?

To be honest, it's a long story.

Her mom is disabled (and her dad passed several years) and the mom decided to move in with a friend waaaay out in rural Texas and brought her kids with her. My girlfriend didn't really like the area, how far it was from her school nor did she get along with the homeowner, so she told me she wanted to get an apartment so she wouldn't have to deal with it. Me being a stupid, love-stricken idiot went along with it. But in the back of my mind, I knew it was way too soon and that we weren't financially, mentally or emotionally prepared for it. I just didn't speak up because I wanted her to have what she wanted.

But that's the last time I ever make a decision like that.

She shouldn't expect you to work 2 jobs. Should have just sat and worked on a budget for both of you and maybe dialed back your guys' lifestyle a little bit. That would have been reasonable.

She wasn't real anyway

MrMallard posted...

You made the right choice. It'll probably sting a lot less in about a year and a half.

Yeah. The main part that sucks is we had 4 years together. Pretty much wasted my entire mid-20s on this girl when I could have been figuring my life out and doing things on my terms. Now I'm 28 years old and I gotta start fresh.

Smashingpmkns posted...

She shouldn't expect you to work 2 jobs. Should have just sat and worked on a budget for both of you and maybe dialed back your guys' lifestyle a little bit. That would have been reasonable.

She's one of those people that feels like because she's willing to do that, I should be willing to too.

inloveanddeath0 posted...

She wasn't real anyway

Lol at this point, I wish

Damn, sorry to hear that. Breakups hurt, but it will get better once you're able to move past it.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

And basically what I said before, she feels like in a relationship, I should be "man enough" to step up to alleviate some financial stress off of her.

Oh yeah, that's a yikes. It should be an equal partnership. You make each other's lives easier, not just a one sided thing.

I mean groceries were probably more than $350 a month so she had a point. Did neither of you sit down and budget and decide on the split of bills before leasing the apartment? Sounds like you had extra fun money and she didnt. Why the reluctance to help?

NoxObscuras posted...

Damn, sorry to hear that. Breakups hurt, but it will get better once you're able to move past it.

Oh yeah, that's a yikes. It should be an equal partnership. You make each other's lives easier, not just a one sided thing.

Agreed.

And I want to be perfectly honest too, I'm not 100% in the right. There's times where I've fucked up and not stepped up when I should have.

But at a certain point, I just got so tired of the disrespect and being talked down to all of the time. Being called out of name whenever she got mad. Or showing passion for some of my hobbies, only to be met by her annoyance at me talking about them because she doesn't care about them.

I'll admit I lost my passion for the relationship because it just felt like a constant ball of negativity hovering over me.

Cleo_II posted...

I mean groceries were probably more than $350 a month so she had a point. Did neither of you sit down and budget and decide on the split of bills before leasing the apartment? Sounds like you had extra fun money and she didnt. Why the reluctance to help?

Nope, and that was a mistake we made.

But I also did chip in when it was necessary. Hell, when her car got repo'd, I gave her my severance money from Best Buy so she could get it back. She owes me like $2000.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Lol at this point, I wish

My condolences

Dont feel bad TC. who needs her?

I think relationships are shit when politics kicks in, and it's not about fault or correctness. It's just clearly both sides are bringing in friction and it doesn't work.

Single is simple
Double is trouble

KaZooo posted...

Dont feel bad TC. who needs her?

I think relationships are shit when politics kicks in, and it's not about fault or correctness. It's just clearly both sides are bringing in friction and it doesn't work.

Thanks. The main part that's gonna suck is that so much of our lives were tied into each other and now I'll have to figure out how to go about my life completely solo now.

Tbh, might be a blessing in disguise. I've wanted to leave Texas for a very long time, so maybe now that will be easier to do without worrying about how I'll bring my girlfriend along. I think I really just want a fresh start in a totally different environment.

The other thing I've realized too is that being in a relationship for so long with someone who needed to have their way all the time is that I've become so much of a pushover. I was just always afraid to say "no" out of fear of how she'll take it. I let her go way too long with disrespecting my boundaries and no matter how much I tried to claw my self-respect back, I'd always just fall back into place to keep the relationship alive.

Not gonna do that anymore now that I have nothing to lose.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Nope, and that was a mistake we made.

But I also did chip in when it was necessary. Hell, when her car got repo'd, I gave her my severance money from Best Buy so she could get it back. She owes me like $2000.

Yeah sounds like your expectations for a relationship werent aligned. I dont think either of you are wrong. Just not a good match for each other. Instead of her accepting that and cutting ties, sounds like she was toxic in trying to change you.

Damn so youre single now? WYD

Cleo_II posted...

Yeah sounds like your expectations for a relationship werent aligned. I dont think either of you are wrong. Just not a good match for each other. Instead of her accepting that and cutting ties, sounds like she was toxic in trying to change you.

She did try to break it off several times, but we always ended up talking and then everything would be fine. Rinse and repeat.

At least now, I can end up with someone who doesn't absolutely detest when I talk about Marvel movies or anime lol

Im still stuck on $400 a month im curious do you go through the complex or is it a separate energy provider? Im in Tx in a house and mine was less than $300 during "peak" summer months and now its under $200.

My advice:
Never sign a joint-tenancy/new tenancy when you've just moving in together in a relationship, you can't afford by yourself.

Also breaking a lease can be expensive. Generally 75% of one months rent, plus 25% of the remaining months of rent, not to mention however many days your notice has to be 30, 60 or 90 day notice so have to pay those months as well.

Oh she did the man enough thing.

Yes, you should make sure your partner feels validated.

No, you shouldnt have to do things because she wont.

And if she pulls that man enough card, that implies a lot of yikes.

DespondentDeity posted...

Damn so youre single now? WYD

;)

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Thank you. Really needed to hear this.

Just now she just sat right next to me on the couch and didn't say anything. I just continue to browse the computer. I don't know if she was expecting me to strike up a conversation with her or what. She eventually went back into the room. I went in to ask if she needed to talk to me, but she nodded no so I left. I've also been typing these long-ass essays in this topic so she probably (correctly) assumed it was about her and was trying to snoop in and see what I was saying. I changed tabs lol

She wasn't all bad; deep down a good person and part of me wants to make it work but I know it probably never will. I just don't know if I have the strength to say "no" if she comes running back.

doesntcare posted...

Im still stuck on $400 a month im curious do you go through the complex or is it a separate energy provider? Im in Tx in a house and mine was less than $300 during "peak" summer months and now its under $200.

Separate provider. The apartment complex had their own recommended energy provider, but that likely would have ended up even worse for us, so we went with something cheaper.

Timmyjinkle posted...

My advice:
Never sign a joint-tenancy/new tenancy when you've just moving in together in a relationship, you can't afford by yourself.

Great fucking advice. Definitely not doing that again.

_____Cait posted...

Oh she did the man enough thing.

Yes, you should make sure your partner feels validated.

No, you shouldnt have to do things because she wont.

And if she pulls that man enough card, that implies a lot of yikes.

It's like, no offense, but you tell me all the time about how your dad fucked over your family financially and emotionally before he died, and there's not really many other men in your life. So don't tell me what a "real man" is supposed to be.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Separate provider. The apartment complex had their own recommended energy provider, but that likely would have ended up even worse for us, so we went with something cheaper.

Great fucking advice. Definitely not doing that again.

It's like, no offense, but you tell me all the time about how your dad fucked over your family financially and emotionally before he died, and there's not really many other men in your life. So don't tell me what a "real man" is supposed to be.

She sounds traumatized and has a major fear of failure, and takes it out on you.

Has there ever been a period of working it through and you saying your piece and maybe you and her coming to an understanding until things went to shit again?

_____Cait posted...

She sounds traumatized and has a major fear of failure, and takes it out on you.

She's pretty much explicitly made it clear that due to her upbringing, she didn't have nearly as much as I did growing up and that part of her resents me for getting to have the things that I wanted. And it's like yeah, I get that, but I'm just trying to chill and enjoy my life and I've never denied my privilege.

TheoryzC posted...

Has there ever been a period of working it through and you saying your piece and maybe you and her coming to an understanding until things went to shit again?

Several times. But much of the time, our arguments usually involved me just apologizing for whatever she felt I did wrong and then us being cool again. Sometimes, she'd get mad at me and I'd ask her what's wrong and she wanted me to "figure it out". I'd always point out that the whole reason I'm asking is because I don't actually know what I did that bothers her and that I'm not a mind reader.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Yeah. The main part that sucks is we had 4 years together. Pretty much wasted my entire mid-20s on this girl when I could have been figuring my life out and doing things on my terms. Now I'm 28 years old and I gotta start fresh.

Guaranteed thats the kind of behavior that will only get worse over time. Use that as inspiration to be more selective the next time.

RchHomieQuanChi posted...

Yeah. The main part that sucks is we had 4 years together. Pretty much wasted my entire mid-20s on this girl when I could have been figuring my life out and doing things on my terms. Now I'm 28 years old and I gotta start fresh.

I meant to comment on this earlier. Don't dwell on that part of it too much. Starting fresh at 28 is no biggie.

My ex and I were together for 10 years and we have a kid. Now I'm 33 and actively dating again. And it's been great meeting so many amazing women. I don't consider my 20's wasted, because at least I still grew through that time. And I can better identify what I do and don't want in my next partner.

Same for you. You now have a much better idea of what you don't want. Build on that and you'll find someone that makes you much much happier.

15 minutes of pleasure is not worth having mental health problems over someone like her.