Current Events > Have you/would you ever decline to see a family member on their last days?

(+) Yeah! (+)

My grandma is dying. Her doctors say that she has the worst Dementia theyve probably ever seen. She lost all faculties in just a couple months.

I havent seen her in a few weeks, but I guess violent and sexual outbursts are somewhat common for her at this point. During one of my final visits, she was squeezing my ass and kissing on my neck. I know she doesnt realize whats going on, but its hard seeing her like that

She fell recently and her face is really banged up. I dont want my last memory of her to be seeing her like that, and asking who I am.

Obviously the right thing to do would be go see her, but I just think its going to do more harm than good for me. And shes not going to know I was ever there, it would basically just be for my own closure.

anyone deal with a similar situation before? Still going to the service but just not sure if seeing her now will be good.

Never.

I didnt go and see either of my parents when I knew they were dying (at separate times). Nor did I go to their funerals. There was obviously a lot of history leading up to that point though.

I wouldn't fault you for not going. It'll put a weird smudge on your memories with your grandma. At most, I'd do a breeze in and out real quick to do a final goodbye type deal.

I sat with my mom when she passed and I absolutely wish I did not. The whole ordeal was horrific. Shout out to my now wife for also being there even though she didn't need to.

lww99 posted...

Obviously the right thing to do would be go see her, but I just think its going to do more harm than good for me. And shes not going to know I was ever there, it would basically just be for my own closure.

That's pretty much the only reason I see here. She doesn't know what's going on and if it's really bothering you to go see, I'd say maybe don't go. You may not want to have those weird memories of your grandma acting crazy with the ones you have when she was cognizant

Yeah thats the major hang up.

If it were cancer or something, and she was aware what was going on, I would be there.

I went and cant get the image out of my head ugh

lww99 posted...

I went and cant get the image out of my head ugh

To be fair, you might be regretting not going even more than you regret going. Youll never know one way or the other. Youre just trying to make the best of a really shitty situation.

Yeah, I guess theres no way of knowing which would be worse. right now, I would take the guilt

my cousin went the day before and had a good experience, like was able to communicate with her and she knew he was there.

I couldnt really seem to wake her, she is very heavily sedated

I'd be there for my mother, but I couldn't care less about my brother.

I'm not you, and everyone is different, but all I can do is tell you my story...

On May 30th 2020 BOTH of my parents fell ill due to Covid and were hospitalized. Because it was the height of Covid, we weren't allowed to visit them. On June 6th, my mom's lungs gave out on her and she passed. I never got to see her.

My dad remained hospitalized and, thankfully, they allowed me and my sister to go in to visit him on a limited basis. For 22 days, I spent every morning before I went to work watching my dad slowly go from my hero to a shell of a man, losing about 60 pounds in 22 days. It got to the point where he couldn't even communicate with us anymore other than shaking his head "yes or no". We told him if he didn't want to fight anymore, that we would be OK because of who he was before any of this happened.

He passed on June 28th. 22 days after my mom. Those 22 days were absolutely soul crushing, but I do not regret seeing him every day until the moment he passed. Even during those last few days when he wasn't anything close to what the man that raised me looked or acted like.