Current Events > My wife continues her journey towards MAID (Medical assistance in death)

(+) Yeah! (+)

She had a couple people reach out and tell her how much they love her, including our physiotherapist. They've have a professional relationship since before we ever met and quite frankly has been more of a parent figure than her own parents.

Said some really wonderful things to her and congratulated her. My wife will be cremated and I think we will spread her ashes in her yard. She has a huge tree and her physiotherapist said she would be honored.

I'm happy to hear that your wife is able to get closure on her own terms.

I hope you are taking care of yourself as well though. Caring for someone you love in this manner is hugely taxing.

ooger posted...

I'm happy to hear that your wife is able to get closure on her own terms.

I hope you are taking care of yourself as well though. Caring for someone you love in this manner is hugely taxing.

I go through phases of being really good at taking care of myself and not doing as good a job. Honestly I'm excited to be able to focus on myself more in the future?

Wow, I am happy that you and your wife are getting the closure you need, but also devastated that such a great couple ever needed to go down this path in the first place. You know how much we all have your back here, and we will continue to with the tough times ahead. All the love, my man.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I go through phases of being really good at taking care of myself and not doing as good a job. Honestly I'm excited to be able to focus on myself more in the future?

Both are natural.

Please be nice to yourself when you stumble at taking care of yourself as well.

It's okay to be excited to be able to focus on yourself, despite all the complicated reasons for that happening.

We're all rooting for you.

I echo the above sentiments. We might be faceless people on the internet, but same have been where you are. It does get better. Biggest regrets are not being able to keep the promises made. My friend had a "bucket list" was only able to complete 1

MAID is set for Monday at 5:30pm in Vancouver.

I have paid for flights and such.

This is really happening.

Thank you for sharing your story Jeff, we may be faceless people on this old website but on the other end of these text messages is another human being, a lot of us basically grew up on this site. From one old school LUEser to another, godspeed to you and your wife brother.

Wow, this thread is pretty special.

OK, Imma do this for posterity sake. With my wife's assistance I'm going to list off as many of the medical issues, from big to less big.

Ehlors Danlos, hypermobile type
Mast Cell Activation Syndrome
Supraventrical Tachyicardia (SVT) which required a pacemaker implant after two failed heart ablations.
POTS
Endometriosis/Adenomyosis which has required multiple laproscopic surgeries (burning of offending tissue)
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Osteoarthritis/Osteopenia
Asthma
Long Covid
Irritable Bowel Syndrome/Microscopic Colitis/GERD
PNES (Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures)
Meniere's Disease
Costochondritis

Imagine all that shit without the ability to medicate for ANYTHING because MCAS responds negatively to pretty much almost all meds. Big oooooof

Man

Wishing the best ride into the sunset. While this was a difficult process, it's a bit of a special thing to have all this time to try to accept her passing, and kinda do it on both your terms. I'm sure she wants a new chapter for you. You'll be able to look back at this, hopefully happily, about the kind of person she is and the privilege to be with her for all of it.

Wow. Three days from now.

Thinking of you. Hugs.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

MAID is set for Monday at 5:30pm in Vancouver.

I have paid for flights and such.

This is really happening.

This is good. That feels weird to say.

If it's just the two of you going, make sure you come back here after. Or have someone on speed dial for yourself. Even if you think you're ready, you're probably going to need to sit with someone for a while.

I've been reading these topics since the beginning but didn't post because I thought my opinion might seem too negative at first. I think you're both doing the right thing. I've worked in nursing homes for almost 20 years now and known a lot of people at the end of their life and reducing the suffering is pretty much always the way to go when nothing else can be done.

DnDer posted...

This is good. That feels weird to say.

If it's just the two of you going, make sure you come back here after. Or have someone on speed dial for yourself. Even if you think you're ready, you're probably going to need to sit with someone for a while.

It will be just the two of us, yes. My friends and family are all a phone call away for sure.

Hope everything goes smoothly and glad it worked out. I can't even imagine what you two have been through.

I've been following but not saying much. I hope you'll be ok. Maybe you should go stay with family later

Yeah I'm in the camp that agrees not to take anything away with how strong you've been in the whole process I hope someone is there to catch you if you fall. I can believe that maybe the exclusive setting is actually more on the terms you and your wife want, but I hope just in case you've got someone in close enough reach.

Been following the whole journey... I'm glad this is finally working out for you and your wife; what she, and you, have gone through is nothing less than shitty. You're a good person for going through this with her and sticking with her, and your love shows.

One of our closest friends who is normally very guarded with his feelings sent a big text to my wife about how much she means to him and whatnot.

Definitely means a lot to my wife to hear those sorts of things.

Today has basically been a regular day. We are watching a boatload of One Piece while we just enjoy each other's company, play some silly games on our phones, etc.

I will miss this maybe the most... just enjoying life together, nothing special going on.

I support people being able to choose their own ending and it sounds like both you and her have had a lot of time to discuss and think this over.

I feel bad saying you have the most "interesting" thread around here, however I've definitely never seen anything else like it on the Internet.

I'm happy for both of you that you were finally able to get the appointment and sounds like you plan on enjoying your last weekend together to the best of your ability.

Wishing you the best and praying for you

KaZooo posted...

Yeah I'm in the camp that agrees not to take anything away with how strong you've been in the whole process I hope someone is there to catch you if you fall. I can believe that maybe the exclusive setting is actually more on the terms you and your wife want, but I hope just in case you've got someone in close enough reach.

I dealt with the death of two friends in the span of 18 months. One was a business partner, the other a mutual friend. The 2nd friend was in a slow decline for several years. She caught me after the first friend passed away. Her time was near and asked me to be her caretaker. She passed and sadly no one caught me after. We had this worry it would happen. Some here already know what happened(Bell's Palsy) after. To the TC, I hope you have someone to catch you. I don't regret a minute, though I wish we had more time.

I've been thinking of you buddy. I'm happy you're getting what I didn't. A chance to actually enjoy your last weekend with her and actually get to say goodbye at the end. I'm off from tomorrow through Wednesday. Reach out if you need to talk.

Wishing the best for you and your wife. Congratulations on getting a date set, and I hope it all goes well. I will be praying for you both.

It is so strange to think this is the last night my wife and I will share the bed we have shared for the last 10+ years. We will have tomorrow night in a hotel, but... kinda weird.

Should my finances allow it, I will likely get a new mattress shortly after returning home. Our couch we've had since we've been together is also pretty beat up and my parents are downsizing so I'm gonna toss out that couch and take one of theirs.

Not exactly sure all that is the super healthy way to start moving on, but seems practical and also a way to just have everything feel different. Might move around some furniture.

We have two televisions in the living room. One is an older model TV (LCD) that, since newer TV's give my wife headaches, we use for movies and watching TV. I have a bigger, newer 4K TV for my PS5. I will likely move the second one into my bedroom and use it rather than the dinky like 24 inch one I have in there now.

Might take some time to accept. I mean my mom procrastinated for a year parting with my dad's stuff that up to his passing, she kept calling junk.

Changing things up does seem out of place because it misleadingly suggests insensitivity and moving on "too soon". You'll know what's fair and what isn't. A mattress, for example isn't really gonna be truly sentimental. You're not gonna be chasing after the junk hauler to get it back. It's just a functional, replaceable item. Now the bed frame, I can understand that has more staying power.

I think making changes is good. When my mom passed my dad moved things around some. The tv he put center on the wall in the living room in front of a window. I think it helps with the grieving process. And I remember when our neighbor passed her husband bought a new mattress.

Have to say my heart is with you at this time. Go in peace.

It's something to do. Even if it's minor it takes atleast a small bit of mental focus away.

All I can say about moving on is do it at your own pace. Don't let anyone rush you.

DarthDemented posted...

All I can say about moving on is do it at your own pace. Don't let anyone rush you.

True. I think this process having taken 10 months has allowed me to slowly get used to the idea of existing without my wife. I will still have joy, I will still work, I will still do all those things.

I will have new relationships and I have a whole different life. And that is a good thing. I have been with my wife for 12 years. It's probably likely I will have an even longer relationship moving forward.

Damn, I remember reading about this when you first posted about it. Now it's actually happening. I'm sending only positive energy. I hope your wife finds peace. And I wish only the best for you.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

True. I think this process having taken 10 months has allowed me to slowly get used to the idea of existing without my wife. I will still have joy, I will still work, I will still do all those things.

I will have new relationships and I have a whole different life. And that is a good thing. I have been with my wife for 12 years. It's probably likely I will have an even longer relationship moving forward.

I hope so buddy. Also hope you're prepared in case you're not as ready as you thought. No one's gonna blame you for hitting the bottle kinda hard for a few days. I know I wanted to.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

True. I think this process having taken 10 months has allowed me to slowly get used to the idea of existing without my wife. I will still have joy, I will still work, I will still do all those things.

I will have new relationships and I have a whole different life. And that is a good thing. I have been with my wife for 12 years. It's probably likely I will have an even longer relationship moving forward.

I really hope this optimism does last. I know things will be really tough for awhile, but hopefully you can have a second life in time. I had to build myself a second life after my divorce. While I recognize that a divorce isn't nearly as traumatic as what you are going through, I was still with her for 20 years and pretty much had no friends and no life. I did have to start over in many respects.

But please remember that we are here for you no matter what.

Made it to the airport. Jesus even just us saying goodbye to our home was rough

I'll bet it was. Positive energy being sent to you.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


You meltdown all the time with her still alive.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Made it to the airport. Jesus even just us saying goodbye to our home was rough

We are all with you in spirit. There are no words, but you have our thoughts.

I have been lurking this saga for a while. My thoughts are with the both of you as you reach the end of this journey.

Made it safely to Vancouver!

Now about a 24 hour wait.

I wish the very best for you both.

I'm happy to hear you're both getting the closure you've wanted, and I'm sorry it had to come to this.

What a mix of emotions. Even though your wife welcomes this, and rightfully so, it feels weird to feel positive about someone losing their partner. Someone welcoming the end of life because it's better than the alternative. Just a terrible situation all around. My thoughts are with you and your wife, birthday bud.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Made it to the airport. Jesus even just us saying goodbye to our home was rough

Yeah. Everything's going to be harder than you expect for a while, even if you think you braced yourself for it.

Just keep checking in over here. You've got a community, looks like, and I know a couple users have said they've been in the same exact boat of losing a spouse to chronic illness. Keep those dudes on speed dial.

You're good, man. You will be, eventually.

Youre a good dude. Keep us updated.