Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Legend of Zelda-related with Full Write-Ups (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

Cia

Song of Storms

Skyward Sword

Anagram posted...

God, between this and Wart, LA has truly the deepest lore.

Anagram posted...

God, the lore is so ****ing deep.

You know Dr. Wright from SimCity (SNES) is in LA, too, right?

Nominate: System of a Down - Legend of Zelda

azuarc posted...

Nominate: System of a Down - Legend of Zelda

That's already been done

The Vision In Lanayru Spring

JonThePenguin posted...

That's already been done

It was? I don't see it. What's it labeled as?

Anagram posted...

Malo Mart: The... main shop in Twilight Princess? Where you buy the shield? I mean... I don't know if I've ever thought about this store at all after finishing the game. I'm not even sure I thought about it while playing the game. How many shops has Link visited in this series, and you nominated THIS one?

C'mon now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaYBy0Jc7BA

Anagram posted...

"Although, the Zelda Wiki says Yuga is the counterpart of Agahnim and not Ganondorf? I don't know if I buy that, he looks way more like Ganondorf. I want opinions, weigh in here and tell me if Yuga looks more like Ganondorf or Agahnim. Anyway, to be clear, I have nothing against Vaati, but he's just a pointless interlude between Ganon appearances. He feels almost like someone's OC."

Yuga was whatever. He was a poser that wanted to be Ganon so badly.
He has a great theme though I'll give him that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXDAsGJ5gA0

azuarc posted...

It was? I don't see it. What's it labeled as?

The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)

Torlovsk posted...

The Vision In Lanayru Spring

I don't know what this is, do you have a link?

GOGZero posted...

Yuga was whatever. He was a poser that wanted to be Ganon so badly.
He has a great theme though I'll give him that.

That's actually a surprisingly good theme.

Anagram posted...

I don't know what this is, do you have a link?

This cutscene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McKddLtjpUo&pp=ygUXbGFuYXlydSBzcHJpbmcgY3V0c2NlbmU%3D

The Triforce

The Hand in the Toilet

Paratroopa1 posted...

The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)

WTF is Rabbit Joint? Well, that explains why I didn't see it.

Hang Glider

The Rabbit Joint is the actual artist of that song, not System of a Down. It was a victim of children on Limewire not knowing what they were listening to when they labeled their mp3s, like how any sort of parody song would be labeled as being from Weird Al even when it very obviously wasn't him

I did nominate it as "The_Legend_of_Zelda_-_System_of_a_Down.mp3" though

"His name is Zelda" memes

Swordless Link trick (OoT)

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
Fierce Deity Link: I'm gonna level with you. MM came out when I was twelve or thirteen? FFX came out when I was fourteen or so? When I was that age, I thought Fierce Deity Link and Auron were the coolest ****ing things ever. Now I'm a grown-up, and I still think Auron is the coolest thing ever, and FDL... is still pretty cool. What a good idea, and how well-executed. It's not merely the ultimate mask and the ultimate transformation in a game about masks and transformations. It raises a whole lot of deep lore questions that it never even attempts to answer, in a good way. It implies so many things, like why it's even called the "Fierce Deity." He looks super cool, like what you imagine Link to look like after decades of adventuring experience, except possessed by evil magic, he has this fancy helix sword for no reason, and he's tall enough to tower over most of what you see, as opposed to Link's normally diminutive stature. Everything about him just radiates power. And best of all, it's never explained. It's just there, a mysterious gift given to you by moon spirits or whatever they are. It's the Super Saiyan of the Zelda series, and Super Saiyans were always cool. Like, if I ever do a Dragon Ball version of this topic, I'll tell you right now that Super Saiyan 1 is going on the top of the list. I also really like how you can use it against the earlier bosses, and Odwala just runs away like a coward, that's hilarious. I don't know what I think of it completely trivializing the Majora fight. Like, even if you have minimum hearts, with this mask, Majora is a complete joke. Thematically it's funny, but I don't know about it mechanically. This might be the strongest "ability" in the entire series, right? Link gets a lot of cool, unique outfits in Smash, and this is one of them... although the colors are off, which is a weird mistake to make? I don't know, the Smash version just looks wrong. And I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that Young Link's final smash ought to be this, right? I hate when the final smashes of clones are just clones of the main character, but no longer make sense, like Falco with a Landmaster. But I want to say this: part of what makes this so cool is that it only shows up once, offers no explanation, and leaves. If this was like Super Sonic, and showed up in every game, or even occasionally in several games, it would lose a lot of its luster. Showing up only one time in 2000 for five minutes at the end of the game is what makes it mysterious and awesome. I can easily imagine the alternate dimension where each game ends with Zelda assembling the Triforce and wishing you to become Fierce Deity Link, who's like explained as the original ultimate Link that all others reincarnate from, and that's how you fight Ganondorf or whatever. No, it's good that's a one-and-done thing... Holy crap, 235 dollars for one of these on Etsy? Get ****ed, Etsy craftsman, I would spend at most 40 dollars, and that's being generous.
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Paraglider: Such a good idea, for a multitude of reasons, mainly three. First, this helps emphasize Link's shtick of being a hero who has a variety of little tools that he uses to overcome obstacles. Because BotW (and I assume TotK) has breakable weapons, and the only other items you really have are food and clothing, and all of Link's actual methods for overcoming obsctacles are now magical powers, Link is sort of reimagined as a more magical hero than he ever was before? Like, I obviously know that Link's been using magic spells since at least OoT (did he have one in LttP? I can't remember), but it was never his main 'thing.' Now it is, and it helps to keep him on-brand to have an actual tool he uses a lot. Second, the paraglider provides a really good contrast to the advanced Sheikah technology everywhere. Everywhere you go, you see super advanced magitech like it's FFVI or something, but Link also has this non-magitech-but-still-technology item he uses. By the way, why did a ninja clan have all the most advanced technology? Anyway, the third reason is the simplest: it's just fun. I've heard a lot of open world games after BotW stole this idea, and I don't blame them. It's just so much fun to glide around the world.
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Legend of Zelda (Theme)
Link (GameFAQs)
Gerudo Valley (Theme)

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Master Sword
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
Triforce: This can't be the first "if you get it, you get a free wish" thing in fiction, of course, but it's the first one I remember. Or maybe not, maybe it's the Dragon Balls. I dunno. What I do know is that for all the trouble it causes, the goddesses should've just chucked it back into Heaven or whatever. I think it's only ever been used to do one good thing that wasn't just undoing damage caused by someone pursuing it, and that's restoring Lanayru, right? It also has the vaguest powers and properties in fiction. It's a physical object that's bigger than the King of Hyrule, but it can also exist as an invisible tattoo on the back of your hand, but each piece of it can also be shattered into seven pieces... The Triforce of Courage gives you courage, but to obtain it, you need to already be the chosen hero of the goddesses who's already the most courageous person in the land. The Triforce of Power gives you power, but they can't just stop it from going to the villain who's the most powerful. And the Triforce of Wisdom goes to Zelda, even though she is never wise in any of these games. The only game where Zelda can even possibly MAYBE be called wise is BotW, and even then, that's stretching the defintion of the word. And then Zelda is also actually the reincarnation of the goddess Hylia, who isn't the three goddesses who created the Triforce, but was given the full Triforce by them, so that's why she can wield it??? And let's not even try to factor in the Light Force or the relation between Hylia and Hylians. Like, the logic and lore of this thing makes zero sense even by "it doesn't matter" standards, but I'd be lying if I said I cared. I really only hold it against the games that go all-in on the deep lore; for OoT or LoZ, it's fine. In any case, I consider the Triforce to be the ultimate macguffin of video games. I can't think of anything else that even remotely compares to it.
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
Swordless Link Trick (OoT): The actual trick itself is just kind of neat, but opening up Epona to glitchy usages of C-items is what really makes this fun. I've never done it, but hovering with the hookshot, using any item on Epona's back, and I didn't even know about the purple fog glitch or the zombie glitch. This is such a unique thing to video games as opposed to other mediums, glitches. The nearest equivalent I can think of is like when they released Star Trek TNG in HD, and you could see all of the marks on the floor that couldn't be seen in the initial broadcast, and you just watch as the characters walked over to their marks, and it was hilarious.
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
Song of Storms: God, I love it. This and Gerudo Valley are really the standouts of OoT. I can't really explain music stuff, but I like how it feels circular, round and round, and circus-y? It has nothing to do with rain at all, but that's okay. I remember once playing this game and taking a really long time in the windmill for whatever reason, and my sister got annoyed because the song gave her a headache. And now I'm listening to youtube remixes of it that are just awful. "Song of Storms Epic Version," get out of here.
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies
The Vision in Lanayru Spring: I like how awkwardly Link and Girl laugh when they see this. Her suddenly holding a knife and having white eyes is actually slightly creepy, not bad. Good use of creepy voice music. Evil Link's creepy face is also great, I have to believe this is the source of many memes I haven't seen over the years. Niezsche pseudo-quote about power while laughing girls fall through the abyss, nice. I kind of like this, actually, even though I have zero memory of it from when I played the game a billion years ago.
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial

Hey, Listen!
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Anju/Kafei Quest
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift
Cia: Dr. Pavel, I'm CIA. Anyway, you might think I dislike HW's OCs, but you'd be wrong. I'm fine with them in a stupid spinoff game, that's fine. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised at Cia's design, it's actually less risque than OoT's great fairies... but the great fairies in OoT use 1998 technology, so they look like ugly blocks arranged in a mostly womanish shape. Cia uses 2014 technology, so she actually looks like a woman. I actually like her mask more than her face, too. Anyway, the idea of a villain whose only motivation is to bone Link, so she starts a gigantic war to that end, is hilarious. Too bad she gets Zanted and replaced by Ganondorf at the end, but that's the way it goes. Has Bowser ever done that, actually? Secretly been behind another villain as part of a master scheme? I don't think he has, Bowser doesn't seem smart enough for that. Probably everyone will agree that Cia > Lana, right? Her design is just way more striking and less DeviantArt OC-y. Although, now that I'm looking at her gallery on the Wiki, I just realized that Cia's original good form is light-skinned, then she has her goodness shaved off and it turns into Lana, and the evil that remains gets a deep tan? I don't know what to think of that. Also, this good form of her clothing looks a lot like a wedding dress, that has to be intentional, but I don't know why? Because she likes Link? So odd. Anyway, I was sad when she died, because it meant Lana lived. I would absolutely have preferred Cia to live over Lana, are you kidding?
Stone Tower Temple
Linkle
His Name is Zelda: Zelda is a pretty cool guy. Eh kills octoroks and doesnt afraid of anything.
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Hyrule Warriors

I'm so Hungry, I could eat an Octorok!
Kirby (Link's Awakening)
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman
Tetra
The Moon
Door Charge Old Man:
Gleeokenspiel
Sidon
Twilight Princess
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Temple (Smash Stage)
Stamina
Companions
Colgera's Boss Theme
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Hand in the Toilet: Gross and unexplained, perfect job. This is a joke that really only works in MM, too.
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Weapon Durability
Bug-Catching Net
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
Sploosh and Kaboom (Quotes)
Link Gets Bullied

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Epona
Vaati
Squid-Hunt (Minigame)
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Zant
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Mechanical Harp: Windmills (Pikmin 4)
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Triforce Heroes
Primitive 3D Aesthetic
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby
Fishing Minigame (OoT)
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Kinstones

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword: I've talked a lot of **** about this game, so you might think it's my least favorite Zelda title. But it's not. PH is. SS is still bad, though, and for the reasons I've said before: it's the culmination of every bad instinct the series has ever had. Very predictable dungeon design, very cookie cutter overworld, tons of deep lore, reused bosses... Everything bad in Zelda, this game magnifies. There's something to be said for the irony of the overworld itself: it's the largest of any game, an almost infinite sky that you can travel at your highest speed in any direction for minutes, you've never been freer... but there's nothing to do for 99% of it. It's even emptier than WW's ocean. For all the freedom of the concept, Link has never been more constrained in what he can actually do. Even the minigames are lame, I'll take a good old-fashioned moving target practice over a "cut the totem pole" game any day. And then there's Fi. I actually don't mind the idea of you having a companion who's like "I'll always be with you, Link, because I'll turn myself into your sword forever" at the end of the game, and it's played for tragedy or whatever, that's fine. My problem with Fi is the same as everyone else's: she talks way too much. Navi's got nothing on Fi, not even close. Navi's not really that bad, and it's like Nintendo took every meme about her talking too much and just turned it into reality for some reason. I remember when the game came out, people noticed that if the Wiimote's batteries die during one of her dialogues, it instantly skips to the end, and there was speculation that speedrunners would have pre-drain batteries in order to take advantage of this, but I have no idea if this actually became a real thing. About the only thing in the game I'll compliment are the puzzles where a bubble of time travel to the past moves around and you have to manipulate things as it goes. I mean, honestly, I get that this is in practical terms basically the same gameplay as OoT, but expanded upon, and I praised OoT a lot, but OoT was working with 1998 technology and had to jump from 2D to 3D, so it has a lot more wiggle room for forgiveness of bad ideas or lame moments. And even then, it's still a better game. Does anyone like the final battle with Demise more than OoT Ganon? I can't imagine so. The only thing from this game anyone ever talks about is Ghirahim, and I don't blame him. At least he's something new and different and weird. He could have been cooler in a better game, I'll say that for him. Like, God, when I was twelve, I sketched out my idea for a Zelda game, and I'm pretty sure it was probably better than this.
The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Frog's Song of Soul (LA:DX)
Tadtones
Demise
Zelda Timeline

I'm actually going to bump Cia up in the next post, because I just discovered a screen shot of her room where she just hung up Link photos everywhere, and that's funny.

Raka_Putra posted...

Re: Hearts

Interestingly, the game my studio is working one settled on just a HP bar with the numerical value besides it, although we had hearts until pretty late in development. I believe ultimately it's because the HP bar + numerical value are more immediately intuitive as the game is a pretty fast-paced ARPG roguelite, so we chose something that's more readable at a glance.

I just noticed this part of your write-up. Yeah, I can see why you'd prefer a readable number for an action game or something, but I do stand by the idea that hearts have more personality.

A Link Between Worlds

The Water Temple (OoT)

Video Game Concerts

Bombos (spell)

King Zora

The Royal Crest

Molgera theme

Anagram posted...

Like, I obviously know that Link's been using magic spells since at least OoT (did he have one in LttP? I can't remember)

He had three! Bombos, Ether, and Quake. Two were used (in part) to open dungeons.

The screen wrap-around glitch in the original Link's Awakening

Stealing from the shop in Link's Awakening

Marin

Ben Drowned

Anagram posted...

Like, I obviously know that Link's been using magic spells since at least OoT (did he have one in LttP? I can't remember), but it was never his main 'thing.'

He used literal Magic in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.

Magic Meter was also a thing in A Link to the Past.

Dark Link

Temple of the Ocean King

GOGZero posted...

Like, I obviously know that Link's been using magic spells since at least OoT (did he have one in LttP? I can't remember), but it was never his main 'thing.'

He used literal Magic in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.

Magic Meter was also a thing in A Link to the Past.

I don't remember the magic in AoL at all lol. Oh wait, I do remember the fairy spell.

Anagram posted...

I don't remember the magic in AoL at all lol. Oh wait, I do remember the fairy spell.

Magic is literally one of the three stats you can improve when you level up.

The colour green.

redrocket posted...

Magic is literally one of the three stats you can improve when you level up.

I'll level with you: the only interaction I've had with Zelda II in the last twenty years is watching some randomized speedruns.

Splatoon 3 x Legend of Zelda triforce splatfest.

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
Fierce Deity Link
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Paraglider
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Legend of Zelda (Theme)
Link (GameFAQs)
Gerudo Valley (Theme)

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Master Sword
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
Triforce
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
Swordless Link Trick (OoT)
Cia
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
Song of Storms
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies
The Vision in Lanayru Spring
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial

Hey, Listen!
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Anju/Kafei Quest
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift
Stealing from the LA Shop: So good. Not only does it add a little character to the game, it makes the acquisition of the bow either slightly nonlinear or a moral choice. You CAN spend forever grinding 980 rupees before leaving the opening village, or you can play the game normally and obtain them eventually, or you can just steal the stupid bow at the start. It's such a simple concept, and the game never even tells you that you can steal. You have to work for it, you'll never accidentally steal it on your own. I love that this is an option. And if you really want to look at things from a logic perspective, even the shopkeeper's ability to shoot a Kamahameha at you makes sense, since it's a dream.
Stone Tower Temple
Linkle
Bombos Medallion: This item has shown up exactly two times. It's basically just a big "fire attack everywhere" ability, the first time as an enhancement to your spin attack, the second time as just a straight-up magic spell. I just want to point out how the Wiki lists: Use(s): Defeating enemies, Burning enemies. Thanks, Zelda Wiki editors. I don't know how actually useful this item is, honestly, but it is at least cool, and it gets some points for that.
His Name is Zelda
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Water Temple (OoT): In a way, this is sort of the definitive Zelda dungeon, isn't it? Like, when I think of Zelda dungeons, for better or for worse, this is what comes to mind first. It's very by-the-books as far they go, but does have a lot of originality in its water-raising-creating-more-stories system. But hell, we all know that's not really what you're asking about. I've played this dungeon probably 8+ times, and I think all but once, I got stuck. Every time after the first, I knew the problem was in the central tower, and yet it still always took me forever to find it. There's just something about this dungeon's layout and puzzle system that make it really hard to deal with, and I can't really explain why. It says something that in the Master Quest version of the game, which is designed to make every dungeon harder, they accidentally made the Water Temple easier, because there was just no way to make it harder than it already is without altering the layout. And how... odd is it that this is the only water dungeon in the series that's underwater. That's true, isn't it? I think every single other has an entrance that's above water, and this is the only one you need to travel underwater to reach. Lastly, I just want to complain about the oyster things that attack you. You have to fight them using the hookshot underwater, and it's super annoying. I'm glad they never came back after MM. But, I mean, hell, people complain about this dungeon a lot, but it IS memorable. There are literally dozens of Zelda dungeons no one ever talks about it, some of which are in OoT, and its memorability is not solely due to its difficulty. I do think that this is, at worst, an okay dungeon overall.
Hyrule Warriors
Green (Color): I wonder what motivated the green color of Link's tunic. Was it somehow a technical limitations thing? Because when I think of heroic colors, I think of either red or blue. I never think of green. I can't think of any big-name heroes associated with green in any way, except I guess Luke's lightsaber? Was it because he's like an elf? Zelda wearing pink and white is fine, she's a princess, and Ganon dressing in dark colors is fine, he's the villain, but what the hell motivated the choice of green for your hero? This, the floppy hat, and the left-handedness are like the only aspects of Link that aren't just archetypal hero attributes, and I can't explain it. Anyway, as a kid, I always put the Zora Tunic on as fast as I could, and never removed it.
The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds: I mean this in the kindest possible way: LBW is the ultimate filler game. It's weird to say that about a game in a series with no overarching plot, where there can't really be filler because filler as a concept requires that it be filling in the space between two important games... and yet, here we are. Everything about this game just feels like LttP polished up: the map, of course, is basically the same thing, the general aesthetic is basically the same thing, the gameplay is basically the same thing, the reverse world is basically the same thing. The only differences are that you can get (almost) any item at the start, and you get the ability to 2D walk on walls. That ability, man, it reminds me of an indie game, where the developer has an idea for some hyper specific mechanic, then makes an entire game that's just "how can I use this idea in every possible context?" In that sense, LBW does its job perfectly: every possible way you can think of to use "turn yourself into a heiroglyph," it does. But, if we're putting things as bluntly as possible, then I have to say this: LBW takes exactly zero risks. It's a sequel, almost a remake, of the safest and most normal 2D Zelda, and possibly the safest Zelda period. I want to say that every other title takes a risk in some way? LoZ was the first, AoL was a completely different thing, LA is porting this vast game idea (for the time) to the GB, OoT is the step into 3D, MM has a time loop mechanic and a weird, gross atmosphere, OoX is this giant two-part game, WW has a completely different tone and semi-open world, FSA is multiplayer, PH has its stylus gimmick, even SS tries to go all-in on the deep lore, and BotW, we'll get to that. The only other games that are equally just 'the same thing as before' are LttP and TP, but LttP at least was updating things to the 16-bit era. Is there something to be said for making basically an updated version of LttP, a game that was itself basically an updated version of LoZ? And that's the thing. In a vacuum, I have to admit that this game is just better than LttP, because it is... but at no point while playing it was I ever like blown away or anything. I mean, hell, at the end, even Ganon comes back. So, that's how I have to describe LBW: it's very clever and well-made and charming, but very safe and predictable, and for that reason, I can't really put it on the same level as LttP, even though I'll fully acknowledge that it's actually a better game. Also... is the last 'lesser' Zelda game? I don't know if TFH counts, but if it doesn't, then this is the last non-console Zelda title, and the nature of the Switch sort of precludes making the smaller games in-between the larger ones.

I'm so Hungry, I could eat an Octorok!
Molgera's Boss Theme: The first 12 seconds of this theme are very strong. Very good lead-up, I like the gong or bell or whatever that is. Then the whistling begins, and it loses some steam. Still a good tune, but the low sounds of what preceded it are scarier. It deserves points for being unlike what's in the rest of WW, though. Most of WW's music is fairly happy, this is one of the few tracks that are like intense?
Kirby (Link's Awakening)
King Zora: As a kid, I hated how slowly he scooches. As an adult, I ****ing love it. It's one of the stupidest jokes ever, completely out of place, and that's why it's so damn good. I'll compare it to the part in Super Paper Mario where you have to set the controller so Mario runs in a hamster wheel for like fifteen minutes of real time in order to progress. I love things like this. Too bad he died between OoT and TP. That's something odd, you know. This was the natural opportunity to have the new Link encounter someone who'd met the old Link, and he could comment on it in some interesting way... Instead, he's dead, and you meet his way younger, hotter wife. Hey, I guess if you're the king, okay. It's like, the games intentionally avoid having Link meet anyone who'd met his preincarnations? Everyone in OoT dies before TP, and those are the games closest in time to each other besides direct sequels. Lord Jabun at first seems like Lord Jabu Jabu, but he's not. According to the Zelda Wiki, there're competing official sources on whether the WW Deku Tree is the grown-up version of the Deku Sprout in OoT, or just a descendant. Is the BotW/TotK Deku Tree also just a descendant? Wait a second, the Wiki lists Cadence of Hyrule as "ambiguously canon," but Hyrule Warriors as "non-canon?" How the hell is CoH more ambiguous? Anyway, I think they're missing a small opportunity to have like a super old person show up and be like "ah yes, Link, it's been a while," and the Zora King would have been a great chance for that.
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman
Tetra
Royal Crest: I had to look this up, I had never really looked at it closely before. The Zelda Wiki claims that it's the Triforce above a Loftwing, wow, I kind of just don't believe it. Like, obviously this originated in OoT, and SS was over a decade later, but did they really decide that the bird is a loftwing? Because it looks like a generic eagle to me. Anyway, this is definitely better than any real royal crest. Real royal crests are almost all impossible to discern the details of because they're too complicated. But I mean... looking at this as an actual real world, this sort of implies that the Royal Family considers itself the owners of the Triforce, when two-thirds of it are always held by someone else. And a third of it is always used against them by Ganondorf, even!
The Moon
Dark Link: I'm sorry I keep referring to the Zelda Wiki, but I can't help it. Check out this description: "Dark Link is the evil reflection of Link. He is one of the most enigmatic enemy characters in the The Legend of Zelda series, usually appearing with no backstory and no dialogue, although it is implied on numerous occasions to be merely constructed of shadow magic. Dark Link is more than just a mere battle against a monster for Link, but a battle against himself, as the young hero has to face his own strength turned against him." It's like, dude, it's not that deep. Dark Link is a fun idea, though. If you were looking at Zelda as an actual real story, the idea of having your own strength turned against you is a cool idea. It would be even cooler if he had all of your powers, though. He always just tries to stab you; it'd be cooler if he had a bow, bombs, and so on, and the fight became more strategic, I'm imagining a Zelda version of the fight against The Boss in MGS3. Unfortunately, that's not what we get. The most charitable interpretation of Dark Link is that he's some kind of doppelganger made of evil magic reflecting Link's soul or whatever. But even then, he doesn't have motives or goals or a personality. Even Ganon, at his most one-dimensional and boring, has that. So, even though Dark Link is undeniably cool, all he is is another random enemy among a million random enemies. It's funny how demoted he got over time, too. From final boss of AoL to miniboss of the Water Temple to minions of a boss in OoA to just a cameo in TP to a optional challenge in a minigame in ST. Every time he shows up, he's less and less important. It's also kind of interesting, now that I think about it, of which Nintendo characters get dark versions. Link, Samus, Pit, Kirby, Sonic... but not Mario. Obviously, I know that Mario has Wario, but Wario was never just "Mario, but black." And unlike, say, Star Fox or Donkey Kong, which only have a few games and thus might simply have not gotten around to having evil versions of themselves show up, Mario's had a billion games. The closest thing I can think of is Bowser Jr.'s fake Mario disguise in SMS. How easy would it be to have Mario fall into a pit of evil goop, jump out, and then another Mario in black overalls jumps out after him, and there's a level of jumping over obstacles faster than he can? Nintendo must have at least considered this.
Door Charge Old Man
Gleeokenspiel
Sidon
Twilight Princess
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Temple (Smash Stage)
Stamina
Companions
Colgera's Boss Theme

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Hand in the Toilet
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Screen Wraparound Glitch (LA): I remember looking up a guide for LA on GameFAQs, and it went into great detail about this glitch. I tried to use it dozens of times, unaware that it had been removed for LA:DX, which was the version I actually had. Eventually, I found a better guide that made the distinction. So, unfortunately, I can't really tell you how fun this glitch is to use. I assume it's VERY fun, it seems like one of those completely gamebreaking glitches that changes everything and can cut the game's length by 90%. Such a funny glitch to leave in, too. I imagine today, this would just be the victim of a day 1 patch.
Weapon Durability
Bug-Catching Net
Marin: No character's existence is more ambiguous than Marin's. Is she a dream? She has to be, because she's part of a dream. Why does she look like Zelda? Well, because it's a dream, that makes sense. But does she actually look like Zelda, what with her red hair? I dunno, but it's fine. But then you wake up, and a seagull flies by while Marin's face is in the sky, and is she the seagull? And if people in Zelda games keep reincarnating, is she also Malon, who is definitely not Zelda? If so, how does that work, if she's part of a fish's dream? Wait, the original version of the game has her escape the dream as a winged angel person? Guys... I'm beginning to suspect Zelda lore may be stupid. By the way, don't look up the original artwork of this character from the 90s, whoever drew it drew her eyes way too far apart.
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
Sploosh and Kaboom (Quotes)
Link Gets Bullied

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Ben Drowned: I had never heard of this before, so I read about it on Wikipedia. I'll say this about creepypastas: the ideal creepypasta is one that feels like it could be plausible, even if you know it's not, and is very simple. Slenderman was the best possible example of this: a creepy monster guy who shows up in the backgrounds of wholesome photos. Perfect. Everything about the Slederman myhtos beyond that is bad. The Backrooms are the identical thing: being trapped in an endless series of yellow-lit office spaces is good, absolutely everything else about the mythos is bad. So, the idea of buying an old Majora's Mask cartridge, finding someone's save data on it, and it glitching out in creepy ways? Plausible. But when the spirit in the cartridge escapes into the internet and addresses you directly, not so much. I wonder how much of this was motivated just by that creepy Link statue that shows up when you use the Elegy of Emptiness. It's like, it would have been less effort to make the statues look like the normal versions of Link. Making them look creepy took work. That's the kind of glorious, disgusting detail that not only adds character to the game, but raises weird existential questions that the game doesn't have to, and really shouldn't, answer.
Epona
Vaati
Squid-Hunt (Minigame)
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Zant
Video Game Concerts: I don't mind them, but I also don't really care. To me, concerts are either for like crazy, raucous fun, or for high art. Video game music doesn't fall into either category.
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Mechanical Harp: Windmills (Pikmin 4)
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Triforce Heroes
Primitive 3D Aesthetic
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby
Fishing Minigame (OoT)
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Kinstones
Power vs. Wisdom vs. Courage (Splatoon): I've never played Splatoon, and I intend never to play it. My understanding is that this is just an event to celebrate the upcoming Zelda game where the Inklings are just playing normally, but their paint is red, blue, or green, depending on whose side they're on? It's not even a unique arena, but just edited around to have a Triforce shape? Look, man, that's... pretty lame. If it was like Ganondorf flying around painting the area red with evil magic, and hundreds of players have to cover the red paint while shooting him to send him back to his home dimension or whatever, that would be a little more exciting. But that's not what it is, so... I do appreciate that the Power team won, though. Whenever you give players a multiplayer option to be evil or good, the evil team will usually attract more players.

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
Temple of the Ocean King: Here's the thing. The actual temple itself? Pretty good. It makes you use all of your tools, the layout is fairly clever, the aesthetic is neato. I like the gigantic ancient forgotten temple made out of stone, even if it's all very blocky even by 3DS standards... but I don't want to play it in-between every other dungeon. I just don't! Why would I want to? And that's obvious. It's obvious that no one was going to like this. The idea of a truly gigantic dungeon you keep revisiting is only going to be appealing if it changes things up each time. Like, maybe if the first time you visit, you go through an ancient temple, then you go to the lower levels and it's forgotten caves, then again and below the caves are lava caves, and then below that is a magical crystal castle, etc. But they don't do that. Although, make no mistake, this isn't PH's only problem, this is just the biggest and most obvious one.
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Frog's Song of Soul (LA:DX)
Tadtones
Demise
Zelda Timeline

The Imprisoned

_PandaMaster_ posted...

The Imprisoned

Isn't that just Demise? Unless you specifically want me to rate the boss itself.

Breath of the Wild

Zelda's Lullaby

Anagram posted...

Isn't that just Demise? Unless you specifically want me to rate the boss itself.

Yeah, the actual beast. Weird bubble Toes and all.