Current Events > Redditor leaves date after finding out she's trans

(+) Yeah! (+)

I think it's possible to respect trans people and have your own sexual preferences. I think it's fair to say you don't owe anyone a sexual encounter or a relationship under any circumstances. I think this person could have been way more respectful about turning this date down though.

Granted, given the subject matter I'm like 90% sure this is a fake post that didn't actually happen, and is just posted to stir the pot.

AloneIBreak posted...

How would she know its a dealbreaker unless he told her? It doesnt seem fair to her to tell her to operate under the assumption that, by default, being trans is a dealbreaker. How could she even date at all in that case?

I think its unreasonable to expect trans people to walk around with neon signs above their head with an arrow pointing down saying TRANS at all times.

Yet these same people will get annoyed at how LGBTQ people make that their "entire personality".

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

I mean, I think they should "tough out" the date to the extent of whatever activity they planned. Like, its a huge embarrassment to have someone just up and leave you in the middle of dinner and incredibly rude. Someone else suggested shorter activities like getting coffee or whatever, because the acceptable point at which you can leave is much less narrow, and that's fine. But like, you shouldn't do things that you know will purposefully hurt the other person if they can be avoided. The fact that they aren't a person you want to fuck doesn't warrant being cruel to them.

shouldnt that go both ways though?

people have ended dates for much less, not disclosing that youre trans is a pretty big deal.

assuming this story is real and this date actually happened, disclosing they're trans should be visible on the dating app (assuming thats where they met) so the guy has the choice of deciding on if he wants to go forward with knowing this individual or not. not being upfront about this sort of things is deceptive, not sure why some
here cant understand this

people have preferences and those preferences should be respected

Requiem posted...

When Catherine Remaster came out (I think "Full Body"), they introduced a new character who was a trans, I think (well, the character was also an alien).

And it was supposed to be a plot twist when the protagonist discovered it.

The trans community was upset (as were some members of 261), arguing that no trans was going to hide that they were trans to someone they were dating, and that very concept of not being forward about it was a hateful fearmongering.

Has that position changed?

It was the manner in which it was found out (In the trailer, I don't remember if it was like that in the actual game or not because its been a while, even though that was legitimately the best route). Like, the "We are naked and about to have sex, oh, and I have a cock" sort of reveal that the trailer implied.

and since ace is denying it ace also got super mad about the nfl coming out in support of the lgbtq+ community after carl nassib came out. the dude gets so pissed off whenever something he likes does anything pro lgbtq+

Crow0000 posted...

It's not "impolite" to cut a date short due to lack of compatibility or X reason and wish someone the best in their future endeavor's before leaving said date.

Well of course you would think so. You find social niceties to be petty, annoying things that waste your precious time.

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

if you felt transwomen were women, then you should feel Like they shouldnt have to disclose to their partner that they are transwomen.

so its okay, you cant refute my point, so you run away

So are infertile women not women since they need to disclose infertility at some point? Actual women don't have to disclose anything to dates ever?

it would be shocking and kind of heart twisting to be on the date and learn this

Nasty_Nitro posted...

it would be shocking and kind of heart twisting to be on the date and learn this

Why?

Nasty_Nitro posted...

it would be shocking and kind of heart twisting to be on the date and learn this

from which side of the table

LukaDoncic77 posted...

assuming this story is real and this date actually happened, disclosing they're trans should be visible on the dating app

I mean, that's a big assumption, because who knows how every single app works.

If an app specifically has a space as to whether someone is trans or not though, then I don't think they should lie on the app. I don't think its right to make up shit on your profile or post profile pics that aren't yours or whatever either, that's catfishing. But that's a big assumption about the app, and notably in the story, "They lied on their app and said they weren't trans" wasn't included.

I think if its optional, then that's exactly what it is though. An option that is up to them to include.

Nasty_Nitro posted...

it would be shocking and kind of heart twisting to be on the date and learn this

why would it be heart twisting? is it because your delicate sensibilities were hurt finding out you were attracted to somebody you perceive as "different"?

Ferroseed posted...

uh huh sure it wasnt just you flipping out because he was gay and you didnt like a gay player getting any kind of positive attention

lmao

So youre JerseyProud?

How did Michael Sam do in the NFL? Lol

NTA.

I can also guess how this topic went down with the usual buzzwords.

if you felt transwomen were women, then you should feel Like they shouldnt have to disclose to their partner that they are transwomen.

Are you for real? There is a huge difference between what is morally permissible and what is pragmatically expedient. A trans woman shouldn't have to disclose, it's usually safer and more likely to get a good reaction if they do.

People who won't date trans women because they're not real women...would you date a trans man?

Oh? Wait you're not gay so you don't date men...? Hmmmm....

hockeybub89 posted...

So are infertile women not women since they need to disclose infertility at some point? Actual women don't have to disclose anything to dates ever?

no, but I believe infertile women should let their partner know they are infertile eventually

RyukSan posted...

NTA.

I can also guess how this topic went down with the usual buzzwords.

"buzzwords" huh? Easy tag.

LSGW_Zephyra posted...

Are you for real? There is a huge difference between what is morally permissible and what is pragmatically expedient. A trans woman shouldn't have to disclose, it's usually safer and more likely to get a good reaction if they do.

exactly

a woman doesnt have to disclose they are a woman

I wanna go on a date with a seggsy transgal like DarkRoast

LukaDoncic77 posted...

shouldnt that go both ways though?

people have ended dates for much less, not disclosing that youre trans is a pretty big deal.

assuming this story is real and this date actually happened, disclosing they're trans should be visible on the dating app (assuming thats where they met) so the guy has the choice of deciding on if he wants to go forward with knowing this individual or not. not being upfront about this sort of things is deceptive, not sure why some
here cant understand this

people have preferences and those preferences should be respected

You guys could just go out and attack trans women instead of hiding being cute little shit about how selfish and cruel it is that trans women don't announce their identity to everyone so no one will accidentally interact politely with them.

Ferroseed posted...

and since ace is denying it ace also got super mad about the nfl coming out in support of the lgbtq+ community after carl nassib came out. the dude gets so pissed off whenever something he likes does anything pro lgbtq+

i didnt get mad

i thought it was messed up that the NFL was using a gay player to sell jerseys, especially since he didnt want to be known as a gay NFL player

sell all 7th round nfl jersey picks if you want equality

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

So youre JerseyProud?

How did Michael Sam do in the NFL? Lol

lmao dude is trying to defend the fact that he has flipped out multiple times over the nfl doing anything lgbtq+ positive whatsoever

ace: "sam wasnt a good football player so i was right in hating on him for being gay! hell yeahz high five!"

lmao

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

I mean, I think they should "tough out" the date to the extent of whatever activity they planned.

So yes.
CoyoteTheGreat posted...

Like, its a huge embarrassment to have someone just up and leave you in the middle of dinner and incredibly rude

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

But like, you shouldn't do things that you know will purposefully hurt the other person if they can be avoided. The fact that they aren't a person you want to fuck doesn't warrant being cruel to them.

I didn't say anything about how the annoyed person goes about leaving. Are they allowed to leave if they try to do so politely?

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

i didnt get mad

i thought it was messed up that the NFL was using a gay player to sell jerseys, especially since he didnt want to be known as a gay NFL player

sell all 7th round nfl jersey picks if you want equality

nassib was 3rd round. wanna explain why you got mad about them supporting him? nassib willingly came out and yet you still got mad about the nfl supporting him and the lgbtq+ community. wanna explain that one big guy?

Ferroseed posted...

lmao dude is trying to defend the fact that he has flipped out multiple times over the nfl doing anything lgbtq+ positive whatsoever

ace: "sam wasnt a good football player so i was right in hating on him for being gay! hell yeahz high five!"

lmao

he didnt make the team, he wasnt a good player

NFL made money off him because he was gay and only gay

Ferroseed posted...

nassib was 3rd round. wanna explain why you got mad about them supporting him?

When did I get mad?

hockeybub89 posted...

Well of course you would think so. You find social niceties to be petty, annoying things that waste your precious time.

Depending on the situation, yes..

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

no, but I believe infertile women should let their partner know they are infertile eventually

Why not immediately? Why not in their dating profile?

Doesn't change that you said the fact that trans women need to disclose something proves they aren't women. But disclosing other things doesn't take away a woman's womanhood?

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

"buzzwords" huh? Easy tag.

Oh no, he tagged me! lol.

You are actually a case point, given I'm certain you twisted into a pretzel to morph what I said into lord knows how you did.

Ferroseed posted...

why would it be heart twisting? is it because your delicate sensibilities were hurt finding out you were attracted to somebody you perceive as "different"?

hes allowed to have a preference too you know. maybe, just maybe he doesnt want to date someone whos transgender and that should be fine

he shouldnt have to feel guilty for not wanting to date someone who is transgendered because it upsets you or the person in question. if he didnt meet certain requirements that the transgendered individual looked for why is it ok for them to turn him down but its not ok for him to not date them?

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

When did I get mad?

you got super happy about him being cut here and tried to troll over it:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79945505

and then you got mad over the nfl supporting lgbtq+ when he came out in this topic:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79537923

since you had to come out and make sure "the nfl is just doing this for attention/money!"

lmao try again bro

Cobra1010 posted...

Most stories on reddit are fake, it's all about the upvotes.

It's really not that compelling of a story, in sure there's dozens of people who have been in the same scenario. If you just wanted attention you could make up someone more extravagant then "I found out the woman I was dating was trans and left".

hockeybub89 posted...

Why not immediately? Why not in their dating profile?

so, she gets married, he wants to try for kids and she knows shes infertile.

you dont think that is a messed up situation if she already knows?

I dont think youre an asshole for not wanting to date a trans person, but accusing her of being deceptive on a first date DOES make you an asshole.

LukaDoncic77 posted...

hes allowed to have a preference too you know. maybe, just maybe he doesnt want to date someone whos transgender and that should be fine

he shouldnt have to feel guilty for not wanting to date someone who is transgendered because it upsets you or the person in question. if he didnt meet certain requirements that the transgendered individual looked for why is it ok for them to turn him down but its not ok for him to not date them?

No one said he would have to date them forever. But embarrassing someone by walking out in the middle of a date is scummy and doesn't turn okay because "well I really don't like trans women". You can just not go on a second date and never contact someone again.

Ferroseed posted...

you got super happy about him being cut here and tried to troll over it:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79945505

and then you got mad over the nfl supporting lgbtq+ when he came out in this topic:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79537923

since you had to come out and make sure "the nfl is just doing this for attention/money!"

lmao try again bro

Im confused

i only posted once in the second topic and said it was a calculated move.

how does that show anger?

and in the first topic, I asked if people would get mad that he got cut because he was gay

My main part about gay football players is that I dont care who they are having sex with, are they good at football or not?

ai123 posted...

She is under no obligation to disclose her medical history.

He is under no obligation to date outside of his preference.

The 'wrong' thing would be not handling the situation in a sensitive and polite manner.

Topic ended here btw

I would add that she probably should disclose that. And I'm not just saying because she's trans. Id want a date to tell me if they had 6 months to live also.

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

Im confused

i only posted once in the second topic and said it was a calculated move.

how does that show anger?

My main part about gay football players is that I dont care who they are having sex with, are they good at football or not?

is that why you went out of your way to troll about a gay player being cut? you were clearly happy about it, just like you were clearly so upset over michael sam getting positive attention

you are transparent as fuck bro

"Not announcing you're trans before the first date is deliberately lying and very selfish. I know it's intensely personal and probably something not comfortable sharing to everyone, but what about my feelings? Think of all the minutes of my time they're wasting! I have feelings too!"

Ferroseed posted...

is that why you want out of your way to troll about a gay player being cut? you were clearly happy about it, just like you were clearly so upset over michael sam getting positive attention

you are transparent as fuck bro

why do I care who the Raiders cut? Lol, I posted a topic and asked a question

It was proven in the first topic about Michael Sam that you arent even knowledgeable about football and simply argue to argue

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

Im confused

i only posted once in the second topic and said it was a calculated move.

how does that show anger?

and in the first topic, I asked if people would get mad that he got cut because he was gay

My main part about gay football players is that I dont care who they are having sex with, are they good at football or not?

You hate LGBTQ and want then to die. I bet you vote Republican too.

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

It was the manner in which it was found out (In the trailer, I don't remember if it was like that in the actual game or not because its been a while, even though that was legitimately the best route). Like, the "We are naked and about to have sex, oh, and I have a cock" sort of reveal that the trailer implied.

Nah, it was specifically stated that the problem was that the character was hiding that the character was trans.

The arguments made was "trans would not deceive their dates. It is dangerous to do so due to potential anger/backlash. The presentation in the game that a trans character would do so is fearmongering".

It wasn't over the "reveal". It was about the character hiding being a trans.

When was the game released? 5 years ago?
Just surprised that so much has changed on this particular issue from the stance of the trans community (or posters here, I guess... it may be different for the bigger community).

Yeah, after seeing his post history, I'm just gonna block 1Nfamous. He definitely has an agenda.

Requiem posted...

Nah, it was specifically stated that the problem was that the character was hiding that the character was trans.

The arguments made was "trans would not deceive their dates. It is dangerous to do so due to potential anger/backlash. The presentation in the game that a trans character would do so is fearmongering".

It wasn't over the "reveal". It was about the character hiding being a trans.

When was the game released? 5 years ago?
Just surprised that so much has changed in how this particular issue has changed from the stance of the trans community (or posters here, I guess... it may be different for the bigger community).

I don't remember this at all. I remember people being upset because the character being trans was treated as a bad thing/something the character should be ashamed of, which is different. It wasn't treated like it was her choice to hide it, it was treated like she had to because she knew to be "ashamed" of it.

hockeybub89 posted...

No one said he would have to date them forever. But embarrassing someone by walking out in the middle of a date is scummy and doesn't turn okay because "well I really don't like trans women". You can just not go on a second date and never contact someone again.

its scummy not disclosing that youre transgender prior to the date

as a man, if i was unemployed and/or didnt drive and didnt disclose that prior to the date, i wouldnt get far with any woman that i'm trying to pursue as they have certain preferences they look for in the opposite sex, much like i do when it comes to women

Ferroseed posted...

you got super happy about him being cut here and tried to troll over it:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79945505

and then you got mad over the nfl supporting lgbtq+ when he came out in this topic:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/2000211-sports-and-racing-nfl/79537923

since you had to come out and make sure "the nfl is just doing this for attention/money!"

lmao try again bro

Does Ace also spend lot of time decrying the NFL for only being patriotic for money? I wonder why he doesn't get so pissed at that.

For the record, I just want everyone to know that this was skipped over by everyone except one person

Question for the transwomen in this topic.

You meet a guy, at the bar, on a dating app, at the supermarket, etc

Yall start dating.

He never asks if you are a transwoman. Do you ever disclose it to him, and if so, when?

That whole situation could've been handled a lot better. If I was in that scenario, I would've finished the date just to see if there would've still been any chemistry to salvage (and not to be rude), and determined whether or not there would be a second date after that.

LukaDoncic77 posted...

its scummy not disclosing that youre transgender prior to the date

as a man, if i was unemployed and/or didnt drive and didnt disclose that prior to the date, i wouldnt get far with any woman that i'm trying to pursue as they have certain preferences they look for in the opposite sex, much like i do when it comes to women

So you disclose your penis size, shape, and the size of your bush to any woman prior to the first date, right? Without being asked?