Current Events > Redditor leaves date after finding out she's trans

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KiwiTerraRizing
09/03/23 5:26:03 PM
#245:


Anything you know could be a significant issue should be brought up before. Trans, kids, criminal record etc.

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LSGW_Zephyra
09/03/23 5:26:06 PM
#246:


asdf8562 posted...
Saying shit like this does not help trans people.....

Not interested in dating trans people does not mean you hate, fear or dislike their existence.

Jumping through leaps and bounds to call everything transphobia severely hurts real cases of hate being directed at trans people.

No, but it does beg the question of why. What is the lowest common denominator? If you don't have any other reason other then they are trans, then what other reason could it be?

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Xenogears15
09/03/23 5:26:41 PM
#247:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
Im having trouble understanding it

Ill be friends with a trans woman, hang out with her but because I wont date her, that means Im transphobic?

thats unfair

It depends. Do you consider transwomen to be women?

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#248
Post #248 was unavailable or deleted.
StealThisSheen
09/03/23 5:28:01 PM
#249:


I can't help but notice 1Nfamous doesn't want to respond to the fact that he's holding a double standard and treating trans people different than cis people by saying the former must discuss their genitalia without being asked, while the latter only needs to do so if asked.

Wonder why.

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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:30:13 PM
#250:


Xenogears15 posted...
It depends. Do you consider transwomen to be women?

No, because if transwomen were women, then the word trans wouldnt be needed.

We need to get past that first

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Xenogears15
09/03/23 5:30:28 PM
#251:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
No, because if transwomen were women, then the word trans wouldnt be needed.

We need to get past that first

Then yeah, that's transphobic. You wouldn't be hanging with them in the first place because you sure as shit wouldn't be their friends.

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ai123
09/03/23 5:30:29 PM
#252:


Crow0000 posted...
It doesn't matter what you want, because you can't dictate how people should/shouldn't feel. If you do, then find a way to get rid of the emotions: Anger, envy, and jealousy. People aren't robots. They aren't your slaves and no one is required to act how you feel they should

Unlike you, I can control my emotions, and don't feel the need to blurt out my immediate needs like a baby who has just soiled itself.

That's the point, really.

It's not "common decency" it's manipulation to lead someone on with someone you have no intentiion of seeing again. It wastes everyones time. He expressed his frustration, paid the bill, and left.
Is that some kind of stealth brag? All you have to do is be polite to people and it leads them on to expect sex?

Why you little charmer!

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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:31:07 PM
#253:


StealThisSheen posted...
I can't help but notice 1Nfamous doesn't want to respond to the fact that he's holding a double standard and treating trans people different than cis people by saying the former must discuss their genitalia without being asked, while the latter only needs to do so if asked.

Wonder why.

as I previously said, Im not saying they must disclose they are trans before the date.

Im simply saying that I believe that is the safest time to disclose it

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CoyoteTheGreat
09/03/23 5:32:45 PM
#254:


Nemu posted...
See, you not having a preference makes me think you simply don't understand how large of a deal it is for many people, which seems to be the biggest disconnect in these discussions. Some people seem to find it baffling that someone can be attracted to someone and have that attraction disappear, but someone's gender identity isn't really relevant to which biological sex someone is comfortable being intimate with.

I don't find it baffling that someone can be attracted to someone and then have it disappear. I find it baffling that you think a woman turning out to be trans is the primary reason this happens during dates. Its far, far more likely to be caused by someone finding out the other person is poor, poorly endowed, has some kind of health problem, they don't like their politics, they don't like their sexual history, ect. But dating profiles aren't resumes, and aren't expected to have all that information on them, and even you don't think they should look like that. Which makes it very questionable why you think the most important thing a person puts on their dating profile be the thing that will most likely cause them to be a victim of physical violence and doxxing by dangerous and evil people.

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AnsestralRecall
09/03/23 5:33:24 PM
#255:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
No, because if transwomen were women, then the word trans wouldnt be needed.

We need to get past that first

Cis women aren't women by that same fucking logic.
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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:34:34 PM
#256:


AnsestralRecall posted...
Cis women aren't women by that same fucking logic.

i dont use cis in any conversation

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LSGW_Zephyra
09/03/23 5:34:57 PM
#257:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
No, because if transwomen were women, then the word trans wouldnt be needed.

We need to get past that first

Yeah, see. This is why it's transphobic. It's because you don't even see us as women in the first place.

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AnsestralRecall
09/03/23 5:35:55 PM
#258:


AnsestralRecall posted...
"I don't hate or dislike trans women, but I won't date you because you're trans"

Now change trans to black. That's a racist as fuck statement to make

Quoting so ace can't hide from it
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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:36:02 PM
#259:


LSGW_Zephyra posted...
Yeah, see. This is why it's transphobic. It's because you don't even see us as women in the first place.

but I dont have a fear of you, or dislike you just for being a transwoman, which I thought was the basis for a phobia?

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flussence
09/03/23 5:37:01 PM
#260:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...


No, because if transwomen were women, then the word trans wouldnt be needed.

We need to get past that first

If America wasn't a failed state then it wouldn't need "United" as part of its name

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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:37:03 PM
#261:


AnsestralRecall posted...
Quoting so ace can't hide from it

i dont think having a preference is racist

i think saying an entire race of people is ugly or unattractive is racist

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Xenogears15
09/03/23 5:37:07 PM
#262:


Look at this guy, trying to use a definition to help excuse his bigotry.

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Noname12
09/03/23 5:37:22 PM
#263:


Came back from a haircut to 200 posts Wtf

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Nemu
09/03/23 5:37:51 PM
#264:


CoyoteTheGreat posted...
I don't find it baffling that someone can be attracted to someone and then have it disappear. I find it baffling that you think a woman turning out to be trans is the primary reason this happens during dates. Its far, far more likely to be caused by someone finding out the other person is poor, poorly endowed, has some kind of health problem, they don't like their politics, they don't like their sexual history, ect. But dating profiles aren't resumes, and aren't expected to have all that information on them, and even you don't think they should look like that. Which makes it very questionable why you think the most important thing a person puts on their dating profile be the thing that will most likely cause them to be a victim of physical violence and doxxing by dangerous and evil people.
Maybe we got off track somewhere, but my point was that matching someone's sexuality is the topmost filter, incomparable to any other characteristic, not that it's particularly common in the dating scene. The point is that it's a big deal, possibly the biggest deal for a lot of people, so acting like it just happens to be one of many possible dealbreakers is a bit silly.
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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:38:23 PM
#265:


Xenogears15 posted...
Look at this guy, trying to use a definition to help excuse his bigotry.

So now Im a bigot and transphobic because I wont date a transwoman?

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AnsestralRecall
09/03/23 5:39:03 PM
#266:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
i dont think having a preference is racist

i think saying an entire race of people is ugly or unattractive is racist

This is just pure fucking self-aware wolf shit
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KajeI
09/03/23 5:40:26 PM
#267:


CoyoteTheGreat posted...
I don't find it baffling that someone can be attracted to someone and then have it disappear. I find it baffling that you think a woman turning out to be trans is the primary reason this happens during dates. Its far, far more likely to be caused by someone finding out the other person is poor, poorly endowed, has some kind of health problem, they don't like their politics, they don't like their sexual history, ect. But dating profiles aren't resumes, and aren't expected to have all that information on them, and even you don't think they should look like that. Which makes it very questionable why you think the most important thing a person puts on their dating profile be the thing that will most likely cause them to be a victim of physical violence and doxxing by dangerous and evil people.
Should people who are only interested in dating cis people or only dating trans people put that on their dating profile?

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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:40:36 PM
#268:


AnsestralRecall posted...
This is just pure fucking self-aware wolf shit

Im a black man. I want a black wife. So Im racist now because I wont date a white or Asian woman?

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hockeybub89
09/03/23 5:41:38 PM
#269:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
Im a black man. I want a black wife. So Im racist now because I wont date a white or Asian woman?
Maybe

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Xenogears15
09/03/23 5:42:59 PM
#270:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
So now Im a bigot and transphobic because I wont date a transwoman?

Nah, because you don't see them as women.

And also racist if you refuse to date a race. Preferences for a race...a bit cringe, but not automatically racist. Outright refusing to date outside of a particular race? Racist.

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LSGW_Zephyra
09/03/23 5:43:03 PM
#271:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
So now Im a bigot and transphobic because I wont date a transwoman?

Really it's the not recognizing trans women as women is the phobia. It's the evidence of your aversion to us. Not wanting to date us if you find us otherwise attractive, is just one of those byproducts.

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AloneIBreak
09/03/23 5:44:31 PM
#272:


At the very least, the guy in the (made up) scenario is the asshole for how he handled it. Unless the subject came up and she lied about it or danced around the subject, I dont see how the woman deceived him about it just by going about her life.

I imagine it must be very challenging for trans women to date these days.

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Crow0000
09/03/23 5:45:48 PM
#274:


hockeybub89 posted...
Maybe
how?
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CoyoteTheGreat
09/03/23 5:45:51 PM
#275:


KajeI posted...
Should people who are only interested in dating cis people or only dating trans people put that on their dating profile?

I mean, not really. If a trans person saw a profile of some guy, and it said they were only interested in dating trans people, that would probably give them vibes that the person is a chaser. Similarly, if I saw the profile of a girl who said she was only interested in cis men, I'd absolutely make assumptions about their politics and that would be a hard pass. I feel like stuff like that in people's profiles is just a red flag.

This is stuff that can be talked about during a first date. Its okay to have a date that doesn't work out because you found some stuff that turned you off of a person.

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hockeybub89
09/03/23 5:46:38 PM
#276:


"I prefer chicken over beef, and by prefer I mean I will absolutely never eat beef and vomit at the thought of it. I don't know what preference means."

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Naysaspace
09/03/23 5:46:44 PM
#277:


Fake story like all the other AITA posts. Not omly was he in the right, but his date flipping out made thrm a bigtime asshole. But yes this is very very fake.
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NoxObscuras
09/03/23 5:46:48 PM
#278:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
Im a black man. I want a black wife. So Im racist now because I wont date a white or Asian woman?
That's not the defense you think it is man.

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KajeI
09/03/23 5:47:31 PM
#279:


CoyoteTheGreat posted...
I mean, not really. If a trans person saw a profile of some guy, and it said they were only interested in dating trans people, that would probably give them vibes that the person is a chaser. Similarly, if I saw the profile of a girl who said she was only interested in cis men, I'd absolutely make assumptions about their politics and that would be a hard pass.

This is stuff that can be talked about during a first date. Its okay to have a date that doesn't work out because you found some stuff that turned you off of a person.
Alright, so following up on what I asked earlier.

KajeI posted...
I want to know people's opinions on this, completely separate from whether the person in question in trans or not.

If you go on a date to see a movie, and then 5 minutes in you realize the person you're on a date with is really annoying, should you sit through the whole movie?
What's your opinion on that?

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hockeybub89
09/03/23 5:47:59 PM
#280:


WalkingPlague posted...
nothing conflicts. you cant get your head around that the male wanted a cisgender woman. not a transgender.

what if he was looking for a girlfriend/wife for the purpose of having children?

can transwomen get pregnant and have children?
So you believe a woman is deceptive if she is infertile and doesn't volunteer that information before the first date?

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CoyoteTheGreat
09/03/23 5:51:03 PM
#281:


KajeI posted...
Alright, so following up on what I asked earlier.

What's your opinion on that?

I already said my opinion earlier in the topic.

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#282
Post #282 was unavailable or deleted.
flussence
09/03/23 5:53:20 PM
#283:


hockeybub89 posted...
"I prefer chicken over beef, and by prefer I mean I will absolutely never eat beef and vomit at the thought of it. I don't know what preference means."

"I prefer chicken over beef, and by prefer I mean I will go into a restaurant, order 'the meat', and then pester the waitstaff with weird riddles to try and coax out of them what type of meat it is without looking like I'm asking. I am extremely normal."

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KajeI
09/03/23 5:53:45 PM
#284:


CoyoteTheGreat posted...
I already said my opinion earlier in the topic.
Oh you did, my b.

Alright, last question. Should someone (as in other people in general, not specifically you) be obligated to tough out a date once they know it's not gonna work out?

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ai123
09/03/23 5:55:34 PM
#285:


hockeybub89 posted...
So you believe a woman is deceptive if she is infertile and doesn't volunteer that information before the first date?

I reckon it would be weird to go on a first date even thinking about who wants what when it comes to marriage and children. That's for much later.

Keep it light and low key. Have some fun. I'm convinced that a lot of dating problems are caused by people turning them all into high stakes encounters: 'if this isn't my future life partner, I'm wasting valuable time!'

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NoxObscuras
09/03/23 5:57:39 PM
#286:


KajeI posted...
Oh you did, my b.

Alright, last question. Should someone (as in other people in general, not specifically you) be obligated to tough out a date once they know it's not gonna work out?
If it's a dinner date and neither of you has finished eating? Yes. Knowing it's not gonna work out doesn't mean you can't still enjoy dinner and a decent conversation. It's not the end of the world.

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hockeybub89
09/03/23 5:58:13 PM
#287:


1NfamousACE_2 posted...
i dont use cis in any conversation
Have you ever used any adjective for a group of women? Does the existence of the adjective mean they aren't women? If someone says short women, black women, liberal women, does that mean those groups aren't actual women?

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KajeI
09/03/23 5:58:43 PM
#288:


NoxObscuras posted...
If it's a dinner date and neither of you has finished eating? Yes. Knowing it's not gonna work out doesn't mean you can't still enjoy dinner and a decent conversation. It's not the end of the world.
What about for other kinds of dates?

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Crow0000
09/03/23 5:59:13 PM
#289:


ai123 posted...
Unlike you, I can control my emotions, and don't feel the need to blurt out my immediate needs like a baby who has just soiled itself.

That's the point, really.

Is that some kind of stealth brag? All you have to do is be polite to people and it leads them on to expect sex?

Why you little charmer!
Part of life is expressing your disagreements in a reasonable matter and not letting people walk all over you.

If someone is not into a date with someone or isn't interested in them for X or Y reason, said person is not obligated or required to continue seeing you.

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1NfamousACE_2
09/03/23 5:59:26 PM
#290:


Question for the transwomen in this topic.

You meet a guy, at the bar, on a dating app, at the supermarket, etc

Yall start dating.

He never asks if you are a transwoman. Do you ever disclose it to him, and if so, when?

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Naysaspace
09/03/23 6:01:08 PM
#291:


Who is going thru and marking all the "nta" posts? Lol
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Crow0000
09/03/23 6:01:18 PM
#292:


hockeybub89 posted...
"I prefer chicken over beef, and by prefer I mean I will absolutely never eat beef and vomit at the thought of it. I don't know what preference means."
Both of these are two completely different arguments.
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Giblet_Enjoyer
09/03/23 6:01:18 PM
#293:


Surprised the results are what they are, 4.55:1 ratio of "no" to "yes"

I guess CEpeople aren't as progressive as they present, or there's a LOT of quiet non-progressives

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Darkfire12
09/03/23 6:01:21 PM
#294:


Naysaspace posted...
Fake story like all the other AITA posts. Not omly was he in the right, but his date flipping out made thrm a bigtime asshole. But yes this is very very fake.
>go on a date with a transgirl assuming she's cis
>suspect she's a transgirl
>ask if she's a transgirl
>randomly ask about trans people in sports just because it came to mind
>begin to leave
>they're upset
>call them deceptive, entitled, crazy and a liar
>"am I the asshole?"

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ai123
09/03/23 6:02:57 PM
#295:


Crow0000 posted...
Part of life is expressing your disagreements in a reasonable matter
AKA politeness.

and not letting people walk all over you.

It's insecurity and paranoia that leads people to think they need to constantly assert themselves in order to avoid this.

If someone is not into a date with someone or isn't interested in them for X or Y reason, said person is not obligated or required to continue seeing you.

Of course not. But it's best to negotiate that situation without being unnecessarily rude or hurtful. AKA: polite.

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