Current Events > Redditor leaves date after finding out she's trans

(+) Yeah! (+)

I also dont someone should be labeled transphobic just because they wont date a trans person

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

I also dont someone should be labeled transphobic just because they wont date a trans person

You're wrong, but okay

StealThisSheen posted...

Oh, Crow is the "Men have it so much tougher than women, men are being unfairly oppressed" guy who pretty regularly gets suspended. I thought I recognized the name.

Yeah, this stuff from him is just straight up Sigma-male, Andrew Tate shit. Its very clear what he is all about, easy tag.

hockeybub89 posted...

Correct, but someone can still be an asshole with their preferences. I know snowflakes have forgotten, but it used to be acceptable to have opinions about people's opinions. People have no obligation to respect someone who has such preferences.

Not sure what you mean by this. You don't respect someone if their sexual preferences don't include trans people?

You do you, I guess. But it doesn't seem very progressive or enlightened to disrespect people because you don't approve of their choice of sexual partner.

I mean, isn't that what homophobes do?

dude talks like a cross between a PUA and phone salesdroid. she dodged a bullet

StealThisSheen posted...

These conflict, a bit. What if she did have female genitalia? If he was attracted to her, physically, and say she did have female genitalia... Why would the latter matter?

nothing conflicts. you cant get your head around that the male wanted a cisgender woman. not a transgender.

what if he was looking for a girlfriend/wife for the purpose of having children?

can transwomen get pregnant and have children?

I ain't even trans and this topic was hard to read. Man. I really feel sorry for my fellow queers here, and I hope no one was triggered too hard.

The fact is that the dude in this example was well within his rights to not want to have sex with her. Everyone can have a genital preference. But the way he handled it...holy fuck. What an asshole. Transfolk don't have an obligation to disclose their history to you if they don't feel comfortable doing so.

She dodged not just a bullet, but an incoming 155mm artillery shell.

StealThisSheen posted...

Gotta move that goalpost, eh?

Oh, you're taking the matching plumbing thing more literally than I meant it. I meant more in the sense that people may or may not be into what is or was down there, and that's probably the most important factor for most people.

AnsestralRecall posted...

You're wrong, but okay

What makes that transphobic?

Its very true that you are not obligated to give a date more of your time just as youre not obligated to be nice. You are very much in your right to be an asshole but then dont throw a hissy fit when you get filled an asshole.

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

listen, I have already said that I believe trans people should disclose they are trans before a date, so that the other person can decide if they still wish to proceed

there is no gotcha moment that can be had

Its not a common practice for people to list all their potential deal breakers prior to the first date, but it is good practice to get that out before getting sexually intimate. If you are fast to bed someone then you just got to expect there to be more than normal unknown factors.

Nemu posted...

Having compatible plumbing is probably the top factor for pretty much everyone, so I don't think there's any other factor you could possibly compare to it.

I mean, a guy having a micro-penis would in fact fall under "incompatible plumbing" for most people. And yet strangely no one seems to believe there is an "obligation to inform" there.

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

I mean, a guy having a micro-penis would in fact fall under "incompatible plumbing" for most people. And yet strangely no one seems to believe there is an "obligation to inform" there.

It's higher than a lot of things, but still nowhere comparable. When you're at the level of defining someone's sexuality, there's really no higher that you can go.

WalkingPlague posted...

what if he was looking for a girlfriend/wife for the purpose of having children?

Cisgender women can be infertile..and I'm hoping you don't think they should disclose on a first date either.

Stop trying to beat around the bush. You can just say you don't like the idea of dating a trans woman. It's up to you to be introspective on why and come to a conclusion on if you're fine with that reason.

Crow0000 posted...

This...absolutely makes no sense

For one, the world doesn't revolve around "politeness".

I'd rather it revolved around politeness than around a bunch of sociopaths yelling 'this is all about me and what I want!' at each other.

Just have a bit of common decency. People like you always imagine they are respected as 'straight talkers', when really they are known to be rude little shits.

CE goes on a date and they find out the other person is a Trumper, what does CE do?

aarrgus posted...

This.

He should have treated it like any deal breaker you find on a first date... finish the date, have as best of a time as you can, then don't have a second date.

Instead he seemed to cancel the date because of this reason.

Nah man Id be to upset at being tricked to even wanna be in the same room as the transchick. Ppl act like being tricked is no big deal when in reality it does a lot of dmg on ur mental state

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

CE goes on a date and they find out the other person is a Trumper, what does CE do?

i end the date, Pay and leave

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

CE goes on a date and they find out the other person is a Trumper, what does CE do?

Think they're a bad person for being a Trump supporter, not cowardly hide behind complaints that they were "deceptive."

godofwar596 posted...

Nah man Id be to upset at being tricked to even wanna be in the same room as the transchick. Ppl act like being tricked is no big deal when in reality it does a lot of dmg on ur mental state

It's not "being tricked."

There is no trick, there is no trap, there is no deception. We are not responsible for your own assumptions.

godofwar596 posted...

Nah man Id be to upset at being tricked to even wanna be in the same room as the transchick. Ppl act like being tricked is no big deal when in reality it does a lot of dmg on ur mental state

Literally the "trapped" defense.

Yikes.

ai123 posted...

I'd rather it revolved around politeness than around a bunch of sociopaths yelling 'this is all about me and what I want!' at each other.

Just have a bit of common decency. People like you always imagine they are respected as 'straight talkers', when really they are known to be rude little shits.

It doesn't matter what you want, because you can't dictate how people should/shouldn't feel. If you do, then find a way to get rid of the emotions: Anger, envy, and jealousy. People aren't robots. They aren't your slaves and no one is required to act how you feel they should

It's not "common decency" it's manipulation to lead someone on with someone you have no intentiion of seeing again. It wastes everyones time. He expressed his frustration, paid the bill, and left.

KI_Simpson posted...

Think they're a bad person for being a Trump supporter, not cowardly hide behind complaints that they were "deceptive."

Do you finish date though?

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

listen, I have already said that I believe trans people should disclose they are trans before a date, so that the other person can decide if they still wish to proceed

there is no gotcha moment that can be had

So then, yes, you hold a double standard. You believe a woman should have to ask about any penis issues you may have, or things they may like to know regarding your genitalia, but you believe a trans person should have to offer up that information without being asked.

Good to know.

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

Do you finish date though?

Unless I feel unsafe or the date becomes overwhelmingly hostile, yes.

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

What makes that transphobic?

It's a dismissal of trans women on account of them being trans.

It is inherently transphobic.

I want to know people's opinions on this, completely separate from whether the person in question in trans or not.

If you go on a date to see a movie, and then 5 minutes in you realize the person you're on a date with is really annoying, should you sit through the whole movie?

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

Do you finish date though?

It would be a coffee date or drinks at a bar, so we'd get one last round of drinks and then I'd leave

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

Do you finish date though?

No. Because I think being a Trump supporter is a bad thing and don't want to be around people who are.

Nemu posted...

It's higher than a lot of things, but still nowhere comparable. When you're at the level of defining someone's sexuality, there's really no higher that you can go.

Different people place different things at different places on their list. For me, whether a girl is trans or not doesn't make a fucking difference. It is absolutely meaningless because I see trans women as just women. For other men, that might be the most important thing. For other men, maybe the lack of fertility thing is the real deal breaker There are women out there that are okay with trans guys, but will not want to date someone with a micro-penis. There are people out there who a person's sexual history is the most important thing. There are some people who what is in (Or rather, not in) someone's checking account is going to be the deal breaker. You can never know what is going to be the deal breaker unless you sit down talk to someone.

At the end of the day, there is no order of operations here. Different people have different priorities. There are lots of things that you probably should disclose, but that a lot of people won't just put in their profile because they are embarrassing or even just for their personal safety. That's why you know, you have a first date and talk about the things that are important to you.

AnsestralRecall posted...

It's a dismissal of trans women on account of them being trans.

It is inherently transphobic.

But its not hate, a dislike or anything that comes with a phobia.

KajeI posted...

I want to know people's opinions on this, completely separate from whether the person in question in trans or not.

If you go on a date to see a movie, and then 5 minutes in you realize the person you're on a date with is really annoying, should you sit through the whole movie?

How annoying?
Like talking through the whole movie despite being told to shhh?

KajeI posted...

I want to know people's opinions on this, completely separate from whether the person in question in trans or not.

If you go on a date to see a movie, and then 5 minutes in you realize the person you're on a date with is really annoying, should you sit through the whole movie?

honestly, depends on the movie

FLAMING_EVIL_HOMER posted...

How annoying?
Like talking through the whole movie despite being told to shhh?

Whatever amount or kind of annoyance it takes for you to want to leave.

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

But its not hate, a dislike or anything that comes with a phobia.

You're holding them at a different standard than you do cis people, which is clearly indicative of a phobia.

KajeI posted...

I want to know people's opinions on this, completely separate from whether the person in question in trans or not.

If you go on a date to see a movie, and then 5 minutes in you realize the person you're on a date with is really annoying, should you sit through the whole movie?

If they are making a scene and it is embarrassing me, that's completely different and yeah, I wouldn't finish the date. If they were just annoying me personally, and not other people, I'd tough it out (But if it is during a movie, chances are they'd be doing shit that would be annoying everyone).

Euripides posted...

The polite thing to do would be to finish the date, pay for dinner, politely say goodnight, then opt not to go on a second date.

You don't need to pay for the dinner to be polite...

KajeI posted...

Whatever amount or kind of annoyance it takes for you to want to leave.

Idk takes a lot to annoy me from watching a movie after i paid for it already. Also depends on movie too.

emblem-man posted...

Cisgender women can be infertile..and I'm hoping you don't think they should disclose on a first date either.

Stop trying to beat around the bush. You can just say you don't like the idea of dating a trans woman. It's up to you to be introspective on why and come to a conclusion on if you're fine with that reason.

someone posted that transwomen have been hurt or worse due to not disclosing it to their date, right?

i dont know of any infertile women being beaten within an inch of their life because they told their date they cant have kids.

and yes, i dont want to date a transwoman nor do i find them desirable. its just not my thing.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


And not dating a trans woman means Im scared of her? Or I hate her? Or I dislike her?

CoyoteTheGreat posted...

Different people place different things at different places on their list. For me, whether a girl is trans or not doesn't make a fucking difference. It is absolutely meaningless because I see trans women as just women. For other men, that might be the most important thing. For other men, maybe the lack of fertility thing is the real deal breaker There are women out there that are okay with trans guys, but will not want to date someone with a micro-penis. There are people out there who a person's sexual history is the most important thing. There are some people who what is in (Or rather, not in) someone's checking account is going to be the deal breaker. You can never know what is going to be the deal breaker unless you sit down talk to someone.

At the end of the day, there is no order of operations here. Different people have different priorities. There are lots of things that you probably should disclose, but that a lot of people won't just put in their profile because they are embarrassing or even just for their personal safety. That's why you know, you have a first date and talk about the things that are important to you.

See, you not having a preference makes me think you simply don't understand how large of a deal it is for many people, which seems to be the biggest disconnect in these discussions. Some people seem to find it baffling that someone can be attracted to someone and have that attraction disappear, but someone's gender identity isn't really relevant to which biological sex someone is comfortable being intimate with.

AnsestralRecall posted...

It's a dismissal of trans women on account of them being trans.

It is inherently transphobic.

Saying shit like this does not help trans people.....

Not interested in dating trans people does not mean you hate, fear or dislike their existence.

Jumping through leaps and bounds to call everything transphobia severely hurts real cases of hate being directed at trans people.

asdf8562 posted...

Saying shit like this does not help trans people.....

Not interested in dating trans people does not mean you hate or dislike their existence.

Im having trouble understanding it

Ill be friends with a trans woman, hang out with her but because I wont date her, that means Im transphobic?

thats unfair

Never happened, just like most of Reddit AITA topics.

WalkingPlague posted...

someone posted that transwomen have been hurt or worse due to not disclosing it to their date, right?

i dont know of any infertile women being beaten within an inch of their life because they told their date they cant have kids.

and yes, i dont want to date a transwoman nor do i find them desirable. its just not my thing.

So it's not about them not being able to have a child, you think they should disclose for their safety? Like, just stop with all the different rationalizations and next time just stick with the last paragraph you have there.

You and others don't find them desirable, so you want that info to be disclosed to you in the future.

I disagree and think it's a negative type of standard to hold to trans people, but it's at least more honest than saying they're deceptive for not disclosing

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

But its not hate, a dislike or anything that comes with a phobia.

"I don't hate or dislike trans women, but I won't date you because you're trans"

Now change trans to black. That's a racist as fuck statement to make

1NfamousACE_2 posted...

Im having trouble understanding it

Ill be friends with a trans woman, hang out with her but because I wont date her, that means Im transphobic?

thats unfair

It's not good logic. You can use the exact same process to say that anyone that's straight is inherently engaging in homophobia, or that anyone that's gay is... I don't know what the "phobia" is for being prejudiced against straight people.