Current Events > Where do you guys think me and this girl stand?

(+) Yeah! (+)

ryudo500 posted...

Lmao this is so fucked

She got back to me this morning and like my brother said earlier tis weekend it was done no matter what this is what she said

@projectpat72988

my text on Friday was hey x how are you? hope all is well, wanted to let you know Ive been thinking about you

Its not fucked, youre intensely neurotic and have some serious issues with relationships and women. Frankly shes probably being too nice about it. You are not ready for a relationship with anyone. You just arent. You need to do a lot of work on your very clear anxious attachment, how you interact with people, and also like writing.

Yeah, I want to add that the atrocious grammar and spelling and such is pretty awful. I know you can do better, so try. I know quite a few women who won't even give the time of day to someone who messages like that.

@bsp77

you are right I dont even know how to and even tho I still care about her its clear how she feels about me. Or doesnt at all

ryudo500 posted...

Im not even gonna respond I dont know what to sayv

I want to say damn x sweating emoji with laugh its like that and soemthing about hit me up whenever she wants or something or ask if it was the flowers or carepafkage or something

idk my brother says to never ever text back or to do the paragraph about feelings but he said its over the answer has been there for a week

If you really have to say anything at all, literally dont do the sweating thing, and just send Hope your week goes well too, hit me up if you want to go out again some time. Nothing else. That is your only potential path forward, and you have to accept that it probably wont work and just move on. If she wants to see you, shell reach out.

I read this all and you keep ignoring good advice and changing what people tell you to send and making it worse. Dont do that. just say the chill thing and move on. Do not send a paragraph about feelings.

bsp77 posted...

Yeah, I want to add that the atrocious grammar and spelling and such is pretty awful. I know you can do better, so try. I know quite a few women who won't even give the time of day to someone who messages like that.

I typed fast I cant copy and paste my texts to mobile when Im on pc obviously my grammar and spelling is better in texts but it was hard to type them out fast

@Zonbei

thats actually a good one. Better than poring my feelings thru text or saying what I wanted

take the chill road that leaves it open

Zonbei posted...

If you really have to say anything at all, literally dont do the sweating thing, and just send Hope your week goes well too, hit me up if you want to go out again some time. Nothing else. That is your only potential path forward, and you have to accept that it probably wont work and just move on. If she wants to see you, shell reach out.

I read this all and you keep ignoring good advice and changing what people tell you to send and making it worse. Dont do that. just say the chill thing and move on.

This sounds good

ryudo500 posted...

I typed fast I cant copy and paste my texts to mobile when Im on pc obviously my grammar and spelling is better in texts but it was hard to type them out fast

Fair enough. Just watch it that's all. I might be overly anal about my messaging though. I do know that when we started dating, my wife appreciated how much better I was at messaging than other guys. I have heard this from other women too.

I have also been told that I message more like a woman lol

ryudo500 posted...

@Zonbei

thats actually a good one. Better than poring my feelings thru text or saying what I wanted

take the chill road that leaves it open

Yeah, very much the better way to go.

I am telling you this as someone who has done a lot of work to move from anxious attachment to earned secure attachment, and has wavered recently due to a difficult breakup with the woman I was going to marry. Dont send that paragraph. Dont act like shes done something wrong, she hasnt. Give her the option to reach out at her leisure, if she wants, and leave it at that. Then go see a therapist.

Being chill like this has two upsides. One, perhaps shell rethink, miss you, etc. she may not, and you shouldnt expect it. Move on, but you may be surprised later.

two: shes less likely to tell other women in your area that you arent a safe person to date. People talk to each other about these things.

bsp77 posted...

This sounds good

Fair enough. Just watch it that's all. I might be overly anal about my messaging though. I do know that when we started dating, my wife appreciated how much better I was at messaging than other guys. I have heard this from other women too.

I have also been told that I message more like a woman lol

I get it I said it a few times tho I couldnt copy and paste shit and most times I was tired or one night slightly few beers

I need to move on it really sucks and clear but it is what it is. What z said seems like a good message

Brother said should have asked her what was on her mind when she said soemthing day after Valentines Day about a lot on her mind

he thinks it was a bit fast too soon I was at a 10 for her and she was at 2-3 at the time diff wavelengths

he did tell me two months ago to stop the long texts just say hey how are you doing texts and also try to define what we both want

tooate now but dame my one friend from Cali said if she really liked me still and whatever then it would have been obv

Zonbei posted...

Yeah, very much the better way to go.

I am telling you this as someone who has done a lot of work to move from anxious attachment to earned secure attachment, and has wavered recently due to a difficult breakup with the woman I was going to marry. Dont send that paragraph. Dont act like shes done something wrong, she hasnt. Give her the option to reach out at her leisure, if she wants, and leave it at that. Then go see a therapist.

Being chill like this has two upsides. One, perhaps shell rethink, miss you, etc. she may not, and you shouldnt expect it. Move on, but you may be surprised later.

two: shes less likely to tell other women in your area that you arent a safe person to date. People talk to each other about these things.

@Zonbei sorry t hear about that can I ask how you got over it or no?

and thank you that makes a lot of sense

ryudo500 posted...

@Zonbei sorry t hear about that can I ask how you got over it or no?

and thank you that makes a lot of sense

I havent fully got over it, its fairly recent, but Ive had my heart broken a lot. Its just time and acceptance, really, and understanding there are other people out there. Im also poly though, so my other partner was very supportive.

As for the anxious attachment stuff, you just need to understand that worrying about people leaving is more likely to make them leave than anything else. Overthinking isnt conducive to a good relationship. You want to learn to love the people that love you back. I dont chase people anymore; anyone Im with, Im with because theyve showed just as much interest as me from moment one, and they are clear about it. If people want to spend time with you, they will when they can. Sometimes they will have other things to do, and thats okay too.

@Zonbei that must make things harder for you right? If you po

i know its over I need therapy too prolly last year Ive been over thinker and all but to be honest I want to leave the dor open and maybe we can catch up ina month or two

when we hung out I def wasnt needs or overly attached trust me. Maybe giving flowers or care package was too much

if we do hang out again which might be never. Im gonna be way more chill and take it slower and just be more casual about things. Fwb like altho back of my mind even tho we made out a lot each time the lack of physical escalation from me prolly was a big downer for her somehow even tho my brother says not really its just little weird

I dont know if Ill send zombz message or not message at all but I need to start working on myself as others have said.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I hope not. She is kinda shitty if so

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Maybe fair? But I think tests and games are wrong. Communicate.

@bsp77

that guy is one of 3 guys that were trolling me I think in this topic I had to block 2 of them : /

and no shes def not like that at all lmao

the fact she never got back to me or anything just means where she values me low. im a low priority like my brother said, super low so

Ya know I had a small feeling some BS would happen like you suddenly getting some NONSENSE response like that from her. I didn't think it was worth mentioning. That just lowers my view of her because it's obviously bullshit. The hell is her purpose in acting like nothing is going on now? That's just so unnecessary. She isn't a child she would know how it would feel to be ghosted by someone you obviously like. Whats she wanna do now lead you on too? Should've just stayed a ghost. ppl and their games...

What was today? Day 8? Soo, the entire work week plus Saturday and Sunday. Only to finally respond Monday? She HAD time to text that's what TEXTS are FOR. What the hell is her job? Were you dating Joe Biden? Even he isn't so busy you would've gotten a response before this.

Either way she doesn't seem to want a relationship. Plays games. Has you a low priority. Red flags many of them....

ryudo500 posted...

@bsp77

that guy is one of 3 guys that were trolling me I think in this topic I had to block 2 of them : /

and no shes def not like that at all lmao

the fact she never got back to me or anything just means where she values me low. im a low priority like my brother said, super low so

As others have said, drop her quick and move on. The key to things with some of these immature ladies is you've got to let them dole out their shit test(s); let them go about their business and then let them come back, if they're so inclined - kinda like cats. If they dig you, they'll keep pawing and coming back. If not, no harm no foul - on to the next one. The key is to remain unaffected by what they do or don't do, because it'll drive you nuts.

@projectpat72988
@falayyou01

first of al she doesn't play these games, rev trolled my topic since page 1, she is not doing any texts.

her last message with the hope your week goes well! was a perfect hey fuck off politely text, i still take it that wa and so do you who have commented on it it seems

my bf and his fianc sat me down earlier and said they were worried about me, they know how ive been acting the last 2 weeks, they know im not a drinker at all but have been drinking a lot last few days and my overall mood has been pretty down all things that are not good. if you guys saw me before and after. you would all say the same and say im unhealthy right now. many of you have said that and sense it.

for my peace of mind my brother and gf say to send a hey ive been thinking and send the text about how i was lookign for something more than casual and i sense she isnt whic his okay but just wanted to let you nkow that and see where you were at...the way my brother worded it was super good and smooth i forgot.

i think it was dogshit becuase a) would nail coffin and b) come across weird since we know the answer.

my brothers fiance said then even sending that I would get closure if she texted back with the obv answer but she said a year from now etc if i really wanted I could say hey x how are you been thinking about yu last couple days etc

they just worried about me and closure they think im immature or cant emotionally handle leaving things open and they don't think I can handle casual from her

i dont think shell ever text back since I was never sexual the way I needed to be with her, tons of making out cuddling etc but I was never aggressive in that other dpt. like I said OP

they told me if they didnt know the situation and saw everything from today and didnt know how I was acting etc etc they should say **** that bitch it was an immature text and they say just move on not worth my time. but ofc I still care about her and always will.

my brother left the meeting and said you know what, if i dont text what he tol dme then text her that shes my moby dick just text her that shes my moby dick.

i laughed for the first time in a week i think

so i just skipped through the topic but think i get the gist. i'd definitely just move on. i think the whole thing is weird with you 2 only sending like one text a day. like can't really take a minute to send a text every few hours? you get breaks at work or time before/after unless she's like in school full time and works 12s hour days in a very demanding job but even then she should at least get a lunch break unless she's like the boss.

and yea no text in a week is definitely ridiculous. if you're into someone you'd never wait that long. so she's either trying to distant herself and get you to move on or she's possibly been seeing another guy and just been stringing you along.

@creativeme

thank you I undersdtand

yeah I guess its better just to not text nad move on

i wil reach back out in a few months tho haha just to say hey whats up type of thing

i am kinda weighing tho still on the hit me up if you ever want ot hang or the text my brother said about not looking for casual just for my closure but we fucking know the closure

and yea a week to get back and the hope your week goes well is a super polite hey dont reach back to me/im done type of thing to say

it sucks' but ill be better guys no more moping or being overanalytical with things. bigest regret is what i sai the post earlier,

1) defining what we both wanted 2 months in
2) being more sexual with her by far. might be number 1, this prolly made her feel bad : (

a week to get back to me btw heh

what are the pros and cons of sednign what my brother said? will it close the door forever?

Listen. Again not trying to be mean. But you very much need to speak with a counselor. It will help you deal with this better than any of us can.

Not sure why your bro switched to no contact to saying to text her. I'd say move on. It took her that long to text you and she is obviously lying about being too busy. Or like already established she just isn't into you if her being "busy" would make her unable to respond for 8 days. If it really all was some silly test she will likely contact you again or ask about you.

It just doesn't really seem like you're up for dealing with this further. You're going to get more tied up.

The only FACT in this is you need to speak with someone who does this as a job. For sure.

@projectpat72988

he has always been on the forget her no contact since last week but he thinks i need closure since he doesn't like seeing me like this and he and fianc are worried. I'm gonna get better I know about your therapy its been tlaked to me about for awhile and I am considering it. he thinks i need ot send that my feelings i dont want casual etc jsut for my closure because he doesn't think I'm strong enough to just let go and never talk to her again.

i still wouldnt mind leaving door open and wantto

I wish I would haev taken it slower more casual like fwb it would have worked out way way better buy they think i was emotionally unable to do that which I kinda disagree.
wouldn't mind tryign to be fwb in the future if that's what she wants more, but like i said the fact i wasn't more a aggressive in bed might have been a downer for her

if anythign I needed to do way way way more

to be honest, you guys think she never thougth I was into her or like my brother said after vday she knew I was at a 10 but she was more at a 2 so dif wavelength ?

I can't read 330 posts, but on your first post, all of her messages were upbeat and positive. Chill out and treat her right. Dont psyche yourself out

@JimmyFraska

welp..read the last 5 pages lol

ryudo500 posted...

@JimmyFraska

welp..read the last 5 pages lol

Lol. I see.

How old are you guys?

JimmyFraska posted...

Lol. I see.

How old are you guys?

mid 20s

ryudo500 posted...

mid 20s

So at the beginning, you mentioned hanging out 15 times over 2.5-3 months. I think that is a healthy amount for that timeframe, not too little, not too much. But my question is, how much of that was actually going out on dates? And how quickly did you transition from going out on dates to hanging out just at each others place or something?

JimmyFraska posted...

So at the beginning, you mentioned hanging out 15 times over 2.5-3 months. I think that is a healthy amount for that timeframe, not too little, not too much. But my question is, how much of that was actually going out on dates? And how quickly did you transition from going out on dates to hanging out just at each others place or something?

to be honest she wasnt into that, i tried early on but it was rough we only went once, her off days on weekends I work so schedules were diff and i usually came after her work on weekdays after 11pm

during am she would also have work stuff at times.

also i am thinking about sending a text this weekend asking if she wants to grab a drink or bite to eat where we used to go at night

hey x hope your work week was chill, wondering if you wanted to grab a drink or get a bite to eat in town sometime this week or weekend?

and see idk.
my brother and fianc say its fucking terrible just end it but idk what if she says yes

ryudo500 posted...

my brother and fianc say its fucking terrible just end it but idk what if she says yes

No they're right. As long as you are still emotionally involved, talking to her any further is only harmful. This is now strictly a learning experience to look back on.

As far as the scheduling thing, that's ROUGH. Just one date? You guys had no variety in those early stages of dating. You work on weekends, did you not get off either until late? I will be very surprised if you could not have squeezed in some brunch or late evening dates on her weekends. Also, you're showing up after she gets off work, she was probably exhausted some of those times.

You should have stuck it out

So yall just do the same thing, sitting around hanging out, after she gets off work and is tired. Not good. Variety. Variety.

Anyway I'm still reading the topic to catch up on everything. But yeah, no contact now.

Okay.... a lot to unpack here. I'll say first, none of this is to put you down. This is all a learning experience. But I will be using some tough love, and busting your balls a little to get the point across.

Now like most people are saying, you should move on.... but there's a lot you can draw from this whole experience that can help you avoid it in the future.

I want to start with one thing that stood out to me the most, though:
ryudo500 posted...

I think just making out a lot and me not escalating it more and more prolly was a big reason and a regret ill

You made a few posts like this. That you NOT being more aggressive was the problem, that you should have pushed it FURTHER....... buddy, you were having sex with her and sleeping over with her every week. Going FURTHER than that was not your problem.

I saw you say, in relation to that, that you think you might have been too stoic and serious in your texts:

"shes def a jelly cat XD surprised she hasnt picked a fight with the stuffed animal yet ( got her one during xmas and one during care package) ohh noo hope its not that serious dont say that!! haah well thank you for not giving me your covidy germs lol emoji but i understand take it easy and we an shoot for later this week sometime when you feel better!!"
"Damn I really hope you start feeling better soon! not gonna lie, really starting to miss you hopefully we can hangout soon! Let me know if theres anything I can bring to make you feel better! I would be happy to bring soup and cuddles if you need emoji"

Friend, your problem is not being stoic. These texts read like you're one of her girlfriends. You don't sound like a man. I haven't seen you using exclamations!!! and emojis :p while talking with us here in this topic. You need to text her like a normal person, like you're talking to us here (except not nervous, we'll work on that). Your messages are not reading in a masculine, attractive way. And it's not like you have to try to be manly, or be a dick or something. You just have to not act like her best girlfriend.

Which these points bring me to a broader one. You seem to be out of wack as far as what it is to be a man and how men interact with women. On one hand you're acting like her best girlfriend in your text messages, but on the other hand you're showing up to her house at night after she busted her ass and is tired from work, trying to have sex with her, trying to cuddle her to give you emotional validation. You don't take her out on dates. And then also you're having her watch true detective which is like a straight up dark ass dude show lol.

One of your posts said that you guys have a great time every time...... it might have been for you. I guarantee it wasn't for her.

But then you feel you need to be more aggressive as far as... idk your sexual activity or how you behave around her? No. What you need is self control. That is masculine. That is attractive. You should not have been coming over to her house so early on, schedule be damned. You really shouldn't have been staying the night. You DEFINITELY shouldn't have been having sex with her. You jump skip hopped over the entire dating process.

Anyway, I have more I can say, and more how I can help you. But this is already a long message I'll leave it at this for now.

tou being up interesting points. The hole variety thing is tough due to schedules since can only see at night and shes tired at half the time

looking back Im healing but this hurts it really does. But Ill get better. In realy thinking about shooting text this weekend of what I said but well see

Shes my moby dick

Why not text her right now and just say I want to hang out this weekend. Let me know what day youre free and Ill get us dinner. If she bails then its over. No more how are you doing texts. And def dont wait until the weekend to ask.

boomgetchopped3 posted...

Why not text her right now and just say I want to hang out this weekend. Let me know what day youre free and Ill get us dinner. If she bails then its over. No more how are you doing texts. And def dont wait until the weekend to ask.

why not wait till weekend? for next week?

if she bails which I think she will Il still reach out 3-4 months from now as pathetic as that is

Ask her if she wants to smash. Then if she bucks say you meant play smash*

ryudo500 posted...

Shes my moby dick

Pororin didn't like this kind of comparison towards any living breathing female to an elusive white whale that has been hunted to death for their oil.

Pororin posted...

Pororin didn't like this kind of comparison towards any living breathing female to an elusive white whale that has been hunted to death for their oil.

Lighten up, Pororin.

Also my position hasnt changed TC- no more texts to her or communication at all. If you ask to hang this weekend (or smash as another poster put it) shes going to ignore it or say no. The have a nice week! is a really polite dont bother me for the rest of the week please. Or at least thats how Id take that if someone said it to me. You need to focus on moving on. Shell reach out if theres any interest left at all.

@Itachi157

thank you
yeah the have a nice week was a polite fuck you meaning plz dont respond back type of thing.

just because you saw the messages between us the last 2 weeks weird it was JUST Like that. I should have asked her what was on her mind when she texted me day after valentines day eve tho we still hung out

and I talked about the smashing..wasnt much of it at all due to my fault almost mostly

Jesus I wonder what people think when I say have a nice day/week or whatever.

"Well, fuck you too lady!"

CSCA33 posted...

Jesus I wonder what people think when I say have a nice day/week or whatever.

"Well, fuck you too lady!"

Its a perfectly normal thing to say, but it more or less means I dont expect to hear from you again for a certain amount of time. In normal polite conversation it absolutely isnt a fuck you, but if there was someone I wanted to talk to more I wouldnt tell them have a nice day! Or have a nice week! as I would be afraid they would interpret it as dont talk to me for the rest of the day/week. Only time I would say that to a person Im interested in and actually like hearing from is if I knew they would be in a position where they actually wouldnt be able to talk to me for a while.

IDK, maybe Im the one with a weird/bad interpretation of someone saying that.

@Itachi157

that's how my close circle interpreted that because it was silence for a week then I said hey x how are you want ot let you know I've been thinking about you

then she says the text and ends with hope your week goes well!

i should have seen signs but 2 weeks ago she literally said shed like to keep me company AND she would see me when she could.

i just have lots of regrets like I posted above

I know itachi you agree with my circle to never reach back out, she will reach back out if interested but I really think textign her this weekend asking if she wants to get a drink or food sat or sunday and saying
hey hope your weekends been chill, wa wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat or drink in town this week or fri? let me know your thoguhts

and just see what she says