Current Events > how do you not dwell on the past and move forward when you have no past?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like there's no experience I learned from. I spent the last 15-16 years in my room on my computer just chilling, not going out, not making friends.

You may want to change your behavior

SomeGuyUO posted...

Like there's no experience I learned from. I spent the last 15-16 years in my room on my computer just chilling, not going out, not making friends.

well don't do that again

Look at it this way. You made no friends since you never left the house. Your past was spent isolated. But it doesn't have to be that way. Get out there and do something.

I've never reflected on my past or put any forethought into my future actions. Are these things that normal people do?

You're overthinking the term.

Just ask yourself a few questions:

Were you happy for those 16 years?

Why or why not?

Are there ways to change that?

What would that require doing?

TC, are you me

Are you living the life you want? If so then you're golden. If not, you can change it but it's not going to happen overnight. Start with a little change and go from there.

I was a NEET until 30, largely because of C-PTSD and undiagnosed ADHD. I just ask myself what dwelling on the past ever got me. Spoilers nothing good.

That time is gone, regardless of what I did or didn't do with it, hated or loved about it, gained or lost from it. It's over and I won't get it back, which used to be absolutely heart-wrenching, but I still have the present and the future that I don't want to let go by like that. I'm screwing up what time I have left by agonizing over what has already passed. Now I focus on the present so I can have a better future and the past doesn't seem that important anymore.

Also, I felt like I wasted all that time but I look back on it now and am retroactively learning lessons I was incapable of realizing at the time. It's probably not as empty as you think.

UnsteadyOwl posted...

Are you living the life you want? If so then you're golden. If not, you can change it but it's not going to happen overnight. Start with a little change and go from there.

And this. Work on getting uncomfortable or accept that you'll never change and probably find yourself in 16 more years wondering how the hell that happened.

I'm making a lot of situations here, so forgive me.

First off, change your mindset. Have a positive one.

You can see yourself as a blank slate who is just starting his life and has a while life ahead of you.

Make short term and long term goals

1. Career. Do you have a good job? If not, go to school or get some job experience that has sought after skills and is in an industry that has a lot of jobs, pays well/is competitive.

2. Relationships. Relationships can only be built on communication and take work. Go outside and meet people. Arrange hang outs with friends. Go outside everyday, even just to walk. Talk to friends and family more often. We often forget how to talk to people when we choose to become shut ins. Travel also.

3. Do other things to work on yourself. Health, hygiene if needed). Have a healthy hobby. Make yourself valuable and useful

4. Have a lost of goals to accomplish daily and longer le (weekly, monthly, yearly, etc)

if you spend less time on the Internet and make yourself more productive doing things like learning new skills and working on yourself in your free time when you aren't working, you will no longer have this mindset.

TheLiarParadox posted...

I was a NEET until 30, largely because of C-PTSD and undiagnosed ADHD. I just ask myself what dwelling on the past ever got me. Spoilers nothing good.

That time is gone, regardless of what I did or didn't do with it, hated or loved about it, gained or lost from it. It's over and I won't get it back, which used to be absolutely heart-wrenching, but I still have the present and the future that I don't want to let go by like that. I'm screwing up what time I have left by agonizing over what has already passed. Now I focus on the present so I can have a better future and the past doesn't seem that important anymore.

Also, I felt like I wasted all that time but I look back on it now and am retroactively learning lessons I was incapable of realizing at the time. It's probably not as empty as you think.

And this. Work on getting uncomfortable or accept that you'll never change and probably find yourself in 16 more years wondering how the hell that happened.

Yeah since I got diagnosed for my ADHD 3 years ago, I have been super productive in my career, and better at home.

I agree that we have to get out of our comfort zone in order to grow.

Agreed. Time goes by fast. A day, a week, month, year, several years. If we aren't better in some way than the year before, we fucked up. This could be relationship, career, financially, health..We should always strive to be better and learn from our mistakes instead of constantly relating them.

I think Maturity is experiencing life, learning from it, and holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes.

At a certain point you just have to stop thinking about what could have been. Whatever you do don't feel sorry for yourself about missing out on lost time. Or if you find yourself doing that stop while you're ahead. Because that is a very hard cycle to get out of once in you're in there.

SomeGuyUO posted...

Like there's no experience I learned from. I spent the last 15-16 years in my room on my computer just chilling, not going out, not making friends.

Literally just move forward. Sounds like a great fresh start. Enjoy the world fren, I hope you have fun out there.