Current Events > What's the deal with ghosting?

(+) Yeah! (+)

You know this thing, right? One minute you're chatting, texting back and forth, its all good vibes, then boomvanished. No explanation, no goodbye, just poof, like they got abducted by aliens or something.

I mean, when did we decide that dating is now part of the paranormal world? You go from making weekend plans to suddenly wondering if you need a Ouija board just to get a response. You text againnothing. Did they forget how to use their phone? Is there a secret underground society of people who just can't handle saying, 'Hey, not interested'?

And what's their exit strategy here? Do they think Im just gonna forget they ever existed? Like, oh yeah, I imagined that whole relationship. They think we're out here with memory loss like a Men in Black moviezap, gone from my brain!

You know what I think? If you're gonna ghost someone, at least commit! Send a message like, 'I am now leaving this plane of existence. Please contact my afterlife representative if you need me.' Because at least then, I'd know youve truly crossed over to the other side!"

Is this your new gimmick?

The home theatre junkie in me read this topic title and thought back to the early LCD days when everyone was complaining about ghosting in displays.

ghosts are spooky and it is almost Halloween

LonelyStoner posted...

Is this your new gimmick?

Better than their old "I instantly swipe left on all Trans people" bit.

Maybe they're legit dead, tc.

LonelyStoner posted...

Is this your new gimmick?

This isn't new

Cotton_Eye_Joe posted...

Is there a secret underground society of people who just can't handle saying, 'Hey, not interested'?

Not so secret or undergound, but yes

It usually means either:

1. You presented them with one too many red flags.
2. They were talking to you while cultivating relationships with others and theyve decided to pursue one of them more actively and have no further need for you.

At least, those are the reasons that Ive done it.

People dont take rejection well

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


No one is that busy unless you went into space or something. Anyways its one of the reasons that the other guy posted. Well that or they died.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Cant say as its ever been that for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZmXSDpYIpI

Something went very wrong with the general population. I think that the internet, social media, and online dating have made it to where people view others simply as data instead of an actual human being. Like walking away while an NPC talks to you in a video game. Who cares? Its not like theyre real or anything.

I'm at the point where I prefer it now. A lot of women word rejection messages pretty clumsily and uh... condescendingly (you're so nice! But i didnt feel a spark!)

And I can say this because i know how to do them with a bit more of a 50-50 vibe (sorry for wasting your time)

Payzmaykr posted...

Something went very wrong with the general population. I think that the internet, social media, and online dating have made it to where people view others simply as data instead of an actual human being. Like walking away while an NPC talks to you in a video game. Who cares? Its not like theyre real or anything.

Basically this youve viewed more like a Pokmon than a person especially online. Globs two points were dead on especially the second. When a girl ghosts you they only viewed you as a placeholder providing temporary attention.

CreekCo posted...

Basically this youve viewed more like a Pokmon than a person especially online. Globs two points were dead on especially the second. When a girl ghosts you they only viewed you as a placeholder providing temporary attention.

Its not just girls

Glob posted...

Its not just girls

They're definitely more guilty of it on average at this point.

back in my day, ghosting was when someone was walking and you'd try to follow them as closely as possible without being noticed.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

They're definitely more guilty of it on average at this point.

Only because a large amount of guys allow them to be. Women tend to be more selective because they have a lot of options. Men tend to be less selective which leads to women having a lot of options, then they complain about women being selective.

Moral of the story: behave more like women when using dating apps.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'm at the point where I prefer it now. A lot of women word rejection messages pretty clumsily and uh... condescendingly (you're so nice! But i didnt feel a spark!)

And I can say this because i know how to do them with a bit more of a 50-50 vibe (sorry for wasting your time)

This is why people ghost, btw

haloiscoolisbak posted...

A lot of women word rejection messages pretty clumsily and uh... condescendingly (you're so nice! But i didnt feel a spark!)

This seems like a good, respectful rejection message to me. What's wrong with it?

SilentSeph posted...

This seems like a good, respectful rejection message to me. What's wrong with it?

I'll just post the conversation in question and explain exactly what bothered me about it

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/0/0c5f5a4a.jpg

A) the date ended with her giving me a botched attempt at a kiss on the cheek(she missed my cheek) so I felt I was being quite kind with my message

B) my message was very clearly "Take it or leave it" energy. No question, no pressure to reply. If you're up for a second date, write back, if not, don't

C) our date was on Friday, I had spent all Saturday accepting she wasn't that into me, only to get that message on Sunday. It took my agency away, it felt unnecessary. It felt condescending! 5 exclamation marks is over the top, it's like why are you pretending you're super excited?

Some people really do need the ego boost of being the "rejector". There was no need for her message.

Yeah at this point in life I prefer to just get ghosted than have to hear 'sorry I'm just not interested you in that way' or some other shit.

Glob posted...
Moral of the story: behave more like women when using dating apps.

This might be possible if you are one of those guys who gets more than 1 like a week or something, and it's never a like you want to reciprocate.

Ulfar posted...

Yeah at this point in life I prefer to just get ghosted than have to hear 'sorry I'm just not interested you in that way' or some other shit.

This might be possible if you are one of those guys who gets more than 1 like a week or something, and it's never a like you want to reciprocate.

Ouch. Cant imagine being in that scenario.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'll just post the conversation in question and explain exactly what bothered me about it

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/0/0c5f5a4a.jpg

A) the date ended with her giving me a botched attempt at a kiss on the cheek(she missed my cheek) so I felt I was being quite kind with my message

B) my message was very clearly "Take it or leave it" energy. No question, no pressure to reply. If you're up for a second date, write back, if not, don't

C) our date was on Friday, I had spent all Saturday accepting she wasn't that into me, only to get that message on Sunday. It took my agency away, it felt unnecessary. It felt condescending! 5 exclamation marks is over the top, it's like why are you pretending you're super excited?

Some people really do need the ego boost of being the "rejector". There was no need for her message.

This is completely an issue in your head. She did nothing wrong.

Yeah at this point in life I prefer to just get ghosted than have to hear 'sorry I'm just not interested you in that way' or some other shit.

Yep, it basically boils down to there being no real good way of doing it so you may as well not bother(especially for one date)

But on the rare occasion where I'm less interested and have sent the message, it has always involved apologising for wasting their time.

bsp77 posted...

This is completely an issue in your head. She did nothing wrong.

It made me go from "oh well onto the next one" to "huh?"

She was double messaging before we met btw so when I didn't get a reply that night or the next day I had already started swiping again.

Communication is very subtle sometimes and I just felt like there was no need for her message. At all.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

It made me go from "oh well onto the next one" to "huh?"

She was double messaging before we met btw so when I didn't get a reply that night or the next day I had already started swiping again.

Communication is very subtle sometimes and I just felt like there was no need for her message. At all.

But then others complain about ghosting.

Just need to have thicker skin about the whole thing. Maybe that sucks, but it is how it is. Just move on, regardless of the communication, and stay as positive as possible. Know your own worth and eventually the right connection will happen.

https://youtu.be/XXAlPsDsbnY?si=5jtNswIh96M-NREi

bsp77 posted...

But then others complain about ghosting.

Just need to have thicker skin about the whole thing. Maybe that sucks, but it is how it is. Just move on, regardless of the communication, and stay as positive as possible. Know your own worth and eventually the right connection will happen.

I'm starting to see a pattern where the girl really needs to be the one to "pull the pin" for her self esteem. And I just operate really differently to that. And I think it's not too much to expect from others either.

I didn't notice this as much 5 years ago. I just say this because I know you're married now but did a lot of dating a few years back.

Cotton_Eye_Joe posted...

Get over it.

.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'm starting to see a pattern where the girl really needs to be the one to "pull the pin" for her self esteem. And I just operate really differently to that. And I think it's not too much to expect from others either.

So does that mean they are ghosting less? If "pulling the pin". And don't you ever send those messages when you aren't interested? Just not sure I understand the problem.

I didn't notice this as much 5 years ago. I just say this because I know you're married now but did a lot of dating a few years back.

Yeah, after just so so first dates, I had a mix of ghosting, them saying "don't feel a spark" or whatever, or me saying it.

If it was truly a good date, we would always have a second. I could tell the difference.

bsp77 posted...

So does that mean they are ghosting less? If "pulling the pin". And don't you ever send those messages when you aren't interested? Just not sure I understand the problem.

Yeah, after just so so first dates, I had a mix of ghosting, them saying "don't feel a spark" or whatever, or me saying it.

If it was truly a good date, we would always have a second. I could tell the difference.

In my experience it's meant all kind of things. One girl absolutely fucked up a situation with me, completely turned me off, then apologised her ass off to me to see me again. A week later she ended it. It was a whirlwind 5 dates lol!

Then there's my other example from this thread, and all other kind of dumb shit. Unmatching for no reason when I hadn't given any indication I was going to be anything other than civil. Having to take the consequences for shit other guys have done to them

I'm just so over being made to feel like a monster. Do girls want 80% of the power on the apps or 100%

haloiscoolisbak posted...

They're definitely more guilty of it on average at this point.

They have to be, given that men outnumber women 2:1 on average on most apps

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Unmatching for no reason when I hadn't given any indication I was going to be anything other than civil. Having to take the consequences for shit other guys have done to them

I'm just so over being made to feel like a monster. Do girls want 80% of the power on the apps or 100%

What

ShineboxPhil posted...

This isn't new

I had a feeling.

Will_VIIII posted...

What

I guess I'm building off previous conversations with BSP a bit. Also I'm a little stoned. But basically I am just over the apps. Have had some ridiculous experiences recently. Made a post here recently about the girl who made me agree to meet as "friends only", even said "are you sure?". First hangout she peed in front of me. It's messed me up a bit

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'm just so over being made to feel like a monster. Do girls want 80% of the power on the apps or 100%

Yeah, this doesn't sound good. You have power too. Do you never exercise it? Do you ever tell them you aren't interested? Women can tell if you are always hanging on their decision. Plus, it leads to the bitterness you are showing now, which many women can also sense. This is a downward spiral you are getting in. Stay optimistic

Yes, the situation in your post 41 was weird, man

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'll just post the conversation in question and explain exactly what bothered me about it

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/0/0c5f5a4a.jpg

A) the date ended with her giving me a botched attempt at a kiss on the cheek(she missed my cheek) so I felt I was being quite kind with my message

B) my message was very clearly "Take it or leave it" energy. No question, no pressure to reply. If you're up for a second date, write back, if not, don't

C) our date was on Friday, I had spent all Saturday accepting she wasn't that into me, only to get that message on Sunday. It took my agency away, it felt unnecessary. It felt condescending! 5 exclamation marks is over the top, it's like why are you pretending you're super excited?

Some people really do need the ego boost of being the "rejector". There was no need for her message.

Did she actually type out loved for those responses as if shes posting on FaceBook?

bsp77 posted...

This is completely an issue in your head. She did nothing wrong

It's this.

LonelyStoner posted...

Did she actually type out loved for those responses as if shes posting on FaceBook?

It's an issue btwn different types of phones. She just hit a heart emoji to it

LonelyStoner posted...

Did she actually type out loved for those responses as if shes posting on FaceBook?

No, I just have an Android so heart reacts from iPhones come up like that

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Definitely agree. I just didn't like the comment about women trying to have all the power. Or, maybe it is even treating that as a bad thing? If trying to find someone and going on first dates, everyone (men and women) should advocate for themselves. That is a form of power.

I just feel most girls really underestimate my ability to read them and it's oh, so, frustrating. Anyway, I'm not claiming to be perfect, was just in a venting mood today. I'll relax soon.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I just feel most girls really underestimate my ability to read them and it's oh, so, frustrating. Anyway, I'm not claiming to be perfect, was just in a venting mood today. I'll relax soon.

The fuck was that?