Current Events > I wonder if I exhaust tinder and bumble everyday if I'll eventually find a match

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yes, Ive been in a relationship. If theyre not attractive theres literally no point in being with them, thats just a friend.

Jagus posted...

Yes, Ive been in a relationship. If theyre not attractive theres literally no point in being with them, thats just a friend.

I think you missed my point

That's also not what defines a friend, but whatever

I have a feeling you are going to struggle with dating apps

Thanks for your positivity. And yeah, that is what defines a friend. Someone nice youre not sexually attracted to.

Thanks for being open to advice from someone with a lot of experience

Your advice is just insulting people and trolling lmao gtfo

Jagus posted...

Your advice is just insulting people and trolling lmao gtfo

Where was the insult? I was giving advice and being blunt, but no insults.

Jagus posted...

Thanks for your positivity. And yeah, that is what defines a friend. Someone nice youre not sexually attracted to.

I have friends I've had sex with before. And I mean actual friends, not just hookups that I occasionally chat with.

Nice try at manipulating my self-esteem. Im not so stupid I cant tell when someone is being disparaging without being explicit.

Jupiter posted...

I have friends I've had sex with before. And I mean actual friends, not just hookups that I occasionally chat with.

Okay yes? My ex was also my friend, you missed the point

Jagus posted...

Nice try at manipulating my self-esteem. Im not so stupid I cant tell when someone is being disparaging without being explicit.

Except you were 100% wrong about my intentions until you went off.

People here come to me for advice because they know how sincerely I want to help. I am blunt, but I really try to help. My first few posts were 100% sincere.

Okay, then you need to rethink how you approach things, because implying someone is ugly/average and then insisting they wont find someone hot and then trying to get them to settle is a really bad move

Jagus posted...

Your advice is just insulting people and trolling lmao gtfo

Bsp is genuinely one of the best people I've seen here at giving advice... It just seems like you're shallow as hell and only going for looks...

random_man9119 posted...

Bsp is genuinely one of the best people I've seen here at giving advice... It just seems like you're shallow as hell and only going for looks...

Looks are not my top priority at all

Jagus posted...

Okay, then you need to rethink how you approach things, because implying someone is ugly/average and then insisting they wont find someone hot and then trying to get them to settle is a really bad move

I said to consider a 7 (not a 5 or lower) instead of a 9 or 10. I also thought my comment about mannerisms and such is not something everyone thinks about. I never said you were ugly. I asked if you were a 9 or 10. I admittedly assumed you weren't because you haven't had much luck with dating apps.

I used to do well with them and I am probably a 7 but I had a couple pics that look more like a 8.

And I dated a couple 9s and they are a fucking pain in the ass.

I got testy when you weren't really responding to what I said, and I apologize for that. But you need to own assuming negative intent and causing escalation.

random_man9119 posted...

Bsp is genuinely one of the best people I've seen here at giving advice... It just seems like you're shallow as hell and only going for looks...

Thanks, man.

I have said before that some assume that my being blunt as being rude. If in person, my sincerity would be obvious

I'm pretty sure just about everyone out there would want their romantic interest to find them sexually attractive. It's a mutual thing. It doesn't mean it's the only thing, but it's certainly a thing.

Unless you're a puritan or in an arranged marriage, looks matter.

Jagus posted...

Okay, then you need to rethink how you approach things, because implying someone is ugly/average and then insisting they wont find someone hot and then trying to get them to settle is a really bad move

He's more saying like, well I think anyway, unless you're a 6'2, rich, funny, Brad Pitt type dude, going after the 10/10 chicks is going to be a headache

A girl I fell hard for, who was probably a 9 in her prime but had put on a bit of weight since then(enough to knock her down to like... a 6?) still said she had like 50 dudes a week sending her messages to her hinge prompts. I honestly felt flattered I slipped through the cracks and got to date her lol

It didn't work out, and I see in more recent pics she's lost the weight and is close to looking like a model again. There's no way my 5'7 ass would have got a date with her now lol

I dunno what I'm trying to say here. I guess, lowering your standards regarding looks a notch can make online dating infinitely less stressful

SilvosForever posted...

I'm pretty sure just about everyone out there would want their romantic interest to find them sexually attractive. It's a mutual thing. It doesn't mean it's the only thing, but it's certainly a thing.

Unless you're a puritan or in an arranged marriage, looks matter.

I wasn't trying to say looks don't matter. I only said to not only go for objectively hot women, and listed reasons from my experience

It rubbed me the wrong way when you assumed my appearance is all. Also the assumption Im only swiping on 9s and 10s.

I put that in quotation parts because attraction is more complicated than that. I also have to check their political beliefs for instance. Idk how that plays into being a 9 or whatever.

i consider girls who are 7/10 attractive and I would be fine marrying someone like that.

I am sensitive about my appearance because it can be subjective. I consider myself attractive, but Im not white and I dont know what other people might think. If I had to rate myself right now Id say Im an 8/10 appearance wise.

right now what holds me back i think is my job Im just a phone interviewer. I also dont have game due to being raised religious and sheltered. So thats what Im working on.

anyway Im sorry for getting snappy. Yes I did get upset and I was wrong about you

Jagus posted...

Okay, then you need to rethink how you approach things, because implying someone is ugly/average and then insisting they wont find someone hot and then trying to get them to settle is a really bad move

That definitely wasn't meant as an insult towards you. There are quite a few guys online that struggle with dating because things like porn have skewed their beauty standards.

Those guys reject any woman that doesn't look like a 10/10 super model, but also get rejected by those women. Which slowly turns them bitter and cynical. Bsp was just trying to make sure you weren't falling into that mentality.

No one is telling you to lower your standards. But just make sure you have realistic standards. It's something I've tried to clarify with guys on here before as well

Jagus posted...

It rubbed me the wrong way when you assumed my appearance is all. Also the assumption Im only swiping on 9s and 10s.

First thing I said was, "Not saying this is what you are doing, but I hope you aren't discounting everyone that is not a 9 or 10"

I put that in quotation parts because attraction is more complicated than that. I also have to check their political beliefs for instance. Idk how that plays into being a 9 or whatever.

i consider girls who are 7/10 attractive and I would be fine marrying someone like that.

Cool! We agree then. That is what I said.

I am sensitive about my appearance because it can be subjective. I consider myself attractive, but Im not white and I dont know what other people might think. If I had to rate myself right now Id say Im an 8/10 appearance wise.

Yeah, admittedly white guys have it easier on dating apps

right now what holds me back i think is my job Im just a phone interviewer. I also dont have game due to being raised religious and sheltered. So thats what Im working on.

Any chance you move on to a market research job? I am in market research.

anyway Im sorry for getting snappy. Yes I did get upset and I was wrong about you

I removed my insult. That was a dick move and I didn't mean it. I lose perspective when provoked. I blame my autism but I should just own it. I'm sorry.

Yeah, we agree. Im looking into a job maybe as a laboratory technician. Exploring what I can do from a bachelors in biology. Might take a certification course.

I appreciate that. Sorry for reading bad intent into your statements. Maybe I was thinking of same past negative experience with someone.

by the way, its interesting you mention youre autistic. My current best friend is as well. Would you say autistic people tend to be more sincere than neurotypicals or have you found no relation?

bsp77 posted...

Thanks, man.

I have said before that some assume that my being blunt as being rude. If in person, my sincerity would be obvious

Just because I don't follow your advice doesn't mean it's bad advice... Thats completely on me being stubborn and easily giving up...

Also, did I mention to you before that you should try Meetup? Expanding your social circle leads to more friends, men and women, and opens up opportunities from your friends themselves, your friends' friends, and just gets you out and about where you can meet others.

After my divorce when I had no friends, Meetup is how I made most of my current friends. I also met my second (and much improved!) wife through that friend network. We were friends for 3 years first actually.

I did download it because people recommended it! I do need new friends. Thanks

If you go overseas to certain countrys and advertise yourself as a foreigner youre get a crap ton of messages from real woman.

i tasted it for the lols last year when i went to Punta Cana and Columbia and got dozens of matchs in just a single night.

Jagus posted...

Yeah, we agree. Im looking into a job maybe as a laboratory technician. Exploring what I can do from a bachelors in biology. Might take a certification course.

I appreciate that. Sorry for reading bad intent into your statements. Maybe I was thinking of same past negative experience with someone.

by the way, its interesting you mention youre autistic. My current best friend is as well. Would you say autistic people tend to be more sincere than neurotypicals or have you found no relation?

We have a thing for honesty, regardless of the niceties behind it. But I am an odd one because I am very social and learned how to communicate really well (at least in person).

To be honest communication in written form is pretty difficult due to all the missing context like tone, eye contact and body language. Thanks for being patient with me

Prismsblade posted...

If you go overseas to certain countrys and advertise yourself as a foreigner youre get a crap ton of messages from real woman.

i tasted it for the lols last year when i went to Punta Cana and Columbia and got dozens of matchs in just a single night.

Focusing on dating south Americans is a great way for an average white dude to feel like a king lol.

If you can deal with the broken English, you can get a stunner with minimal effort

bsp77 posted...

We have a thing for honesty, regardless of the niceties behind it. But I am an odd one because I am very social and learned how to communicate really well (at least in person).

I'm a disability support worker for a 50 yr old man with ASD, and my god are his social cues wonky. He lacks a lot of intuition.

Good on you for breaking down that barrier, I've heard typically ASD girls are usually far more adept at hiding it, and learning to communicate well.

How old were you when you were diagnosed? My client was 33, was just seen as "eccentric" by his family til he was an adult. He missed out on learning so many techniques that may have happened if he got diagnosed younger

bsp77 posted...

We have a thing for honesty, regardless of the niceties behind it. But I am an odd one because I am very social and learned how to communicate really well (at least in person).

Yeah, I've heard "pathological honesty" used to describe people on the spectrum. My gf suspects she's on the spectrum and is working on getting tested soon

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I'm a disability support worker for a 50 yr old man with ASD, and my god are his social cues wonky. He lacks a lot of intuition.

Good on you for breaking down that barrier, I've heard typically ASD girls are usually far more adept at hiding it, and learning to communicate well.

How old were you when you were diagnosed? My client was 33, was just seen as "eccentric" by his family til he was an adult. He missed out on learning so many techniques that may have happened if he got diagnosed younger

Early 30s. But I didn't figure out social shit until my divorce at 40. Then I overcompensated by going out 6 nights a week and being a manwhore lol

I was so clueless in high school and college and married the first person interested in me. She treated me awful.

bsp77 posted...

Early 30s. But I didn't figure out social shit until my divorce at 40. Then I overcompensated by going out 6 nights a week and being a manwhore lol

I was so clueless in high school and college and married the first person interested in me. She treated me awful.

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you in the end haha. You must have some solid willpower to push through what must have been pretty daunting(the going out 6 nights a week)

Your last paragraph rings true for myself as well(we didnt get married, but i fell hard for the worst possible person for me). Maybe I am on the spectrum ha.

The more I hear other people's stories, the more convinced I am that the average person would be much happier living alone.

NoxObscuras posted...

Yeah, I've heard "pathological honesty" used to describe people on the spectrum. My gf suspects she's on the spectrum and is working on getting tested soon

I have learned when to stfu. Well, mostly

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Well, I'm glad it worked out for you in the end haha. You must have some solid willpower to push through what must have been pretty daunting(the going out 6 nights a week)

It was surprisingly easy. It was like I had a 1.5 year manic episode despite not having bipolar.

I also got really anxious whenever I was not out. Kinda messed up actually.

Your last paragraph rings true for myself as well(we didnt get married, but i fell hard for the worst possible person for me). Maybe I am on the spectrum ha.

Possible, but lots of people are clueless like us when young

SilvosForever posted...

The more I hear other people's stories, the more convinced I am that the average person would be much happier living alone.

I adore my wife.

Good relationship > single > bad relationship

bsp77 posted...

Early 30s. But I didn't figure out social shit until my divorce at 40. Then I overcompensated by going out 6 nights a week and being a manwhore lol

I was so clueless in high school and college and married the first person interested in me. She treated me awful.

Personally, I had to figure it out by taking acting classes.

Like, social interactions don't make a whole lot of objective sense to me, but by learning how actors faked them on stage I figured them out well enough to mostly have my masking behaviors as a "subprocess" sort of thing. It still takes effort and energy but it's not fully conscious.

Disagree on the honesty thing, though. I can be bluntly honest like the stereotype but I'm also one of the best liars I've ever met. That particular foible might come from substance abuse, though.

SilvosForever posted...

The more I hear other people's stories, the more convinced I am that the average person would be much happier living alone.

I've always said Good relationship > being single >>>>>>>>> bad relationship

bsp77 posted...

Good relationship > single > bad relationship

This so much.

DrizztLink posted...

Personally, I had to figure it out by taking acting classes.

Like, social interactions don't make a whole lot of objective sense to me, but by learning how actors faked them on stage I figured them out well enough to mostly have my masking behaviors as a "subprocess" sort of thing. It still takes effort and energy but it's not fully conscious.

Disagree on the honesty thing, though. I can be bluntly honest like the stereotype but I'm also one of the best liars I've ever met. That particular foible might come from substance abuse, though.

My client signed up for weekly acting courses recently. It would serve him a little better if he wasn't so girl crazy. On the car rides to and from there he yaps on about how hot the girls in the class are.

It's like he's wasting a good opportunity to better his general social skills by trying to immediately land a wife. I guess because he's 50 the desperation is starting to really seep out.

But it made me think that an acting course would actually be a great solution for younger, more open minded people(hes also conservative) with social shyness.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

But it made me think that an acting course would actually be a great solution for younger, more open minded people(hes also conservative) with social shyness.

Either that or public speaking, yeah. The latter doesn't help as much with appropriate emotional expression and whatnot, but it's a good starting point for the ones who are a little more reserved.

But yeah, it's definitely supposed to be more of a therapeutic exercise and less a chance to get paid

NoxObscuras posted...

Just make sure you're honest about who you swipe on. Don't buy into that "it's a numbers game" mindset and swipe right on every woman.

Based on my experience with Tinder at least, I'm pretty sure the algorithm is designed to give you few/no matches if you swipe right on almost everything. And I don't buy the "no more people near you" crap, I'm pretty sure Tinder just holds out to see if you're keep trying to use the app.

bover_87 posted...

And I don't buy the "no more people near you" crap, I'm pretty sure Tinder just holds out to see if you're going to pay to use the app.

ftfy

DrizztLink posted...

ftfy

fair

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


The chance to hit the ground running with Hinge letting you make a question/comment to one of their prompts before matching is huge. A conversation has already half begun.

Matching with someone on tinder, then awkwardly trying to get a conversation going from scratch was painful.

That's honestly what I think it comes down to.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

The chance to hit the ground running with Hinge letting you make a question/comment to one of their prompts before matching is huge. A conversation has already half begun.

Matching with someone on tinder, then awkwardly trying to get a conversation going from scratch was painful.

That's honestly what I think it comes down to.

And maybe the women are forced to choose specific photos and comments (you know, a proper bio) instead of just doing the bare minimum and expecting men to flood to them, which they unfortunately do. Basically, it requires effort and buy-in from both parties.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

The chance to hit the ground running with Hinge letting you make a question/comment to one of their prompts before matching is huge. A conversation has already half begun.

Matching with someone on tinder, then awkwardly trying to get a conversation going from scratch was painful.

That's honestly what I think it comes down to.

Honestly, my approach was the same across all apps. Start a conversation based on something that stood out to me on her profile. And that worked well for me. Nothing says you have to start with "hey" on Tinder.

I think why Tinder has lower match rate for men is that it's primarily used for hookups, so looks are favored far more heavily. And Tinder's gender ratio is more skewed than other apps. It's something like 25% women now. While Hinge is still around 39% women

NoxObscuras posted...

Honestly, my approach was the same across all apps. Start a conversation based on something that stood out to me on her profile. And that worked well for me. Nothing says you have to start with "hey" on Tinder.

I think why Tinder has lower match rate for men is that it's primarily used for hookups, so looks are favored far more heavily. And Tinder's gender ratio is more skewed than other apps. It's something like 25% women now. While Hinge is still around 39% women

Ah okay, I didn't know about that stat. It's a significant difference

On several profiles I matched with on tinder, there was like a one line bio, often giving off "I'm too good to be here, don't talk to me" energy lol, as BSP may have been alluding to. This was around 2018/2019, when I switched to hinge and never looked back

On tinder, for me, it was either "hey" or a hamfisted compliment about their physical appearance, or simply "how was your day?"

On hinge, some of the prompts give way more opportunity for conversation starters i think. People talk about their hobbies, interests, dating preferences etc

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Ah okay, I didn't know about that stat. It's a significant difference

On several profiles I matched with on tinder, there was like a one line bio, often giving off "I'm too good to be here, don't talk to me" energy lol, as BSP may have been alluding to. This was around 2018/2019, when I switched to hinge and never looked back

On tinder, for me, it was either "hey" or a hamfisted compliment about their physical appearance, or simply "how was your day?"

On hinge, some of the prompts give way more opportunity for conversation starters i think. People talk about their hobbies, interests, dating preferences etc

Yeah, I was using dating apps in 2017/2018, so some things may have changed. I only just started using Hinge when I met someone (off of Bumble btw). That ended in Aug 2020 during the pandemic, and I never used apps again. I started dating friends and exes at that point. But one of those friends is now my wife.

I know just my experience, but I still think having an expanded social network can do just as much as dating apps.