Current Events > I wonder if I exhaust tinder and bumble everyday if I'll eventually find a match

(+) Yeah! (+)

Does Facebook dating ever give the youve seen everyone message? Cuz I dont wanna be here forever lol

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But what do you do if you match?!?

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That's certainly valid. I guess it depend on other things too, including how optimistic/jaded you are about online dating in general.

I used to really enjoy the whole experience, as without online dating I'd genuinely still be a virgin. I can never fully turn my nose up at it. It's given shy people a fighting chance.

But a couple of horrible experiences ruined my enthusiasm for it, gave me new insecurities I didn't know I even had, a bunch of questions with no answers etc.

I'm slowly letting past bitterness go.

bsp77 posted...

But what do you do if you match?!?

When I was just doom swiping like this one lonely night, I ended up matching with someone using presumably the same mindset in a city 300km away.(I'm sydney, she was Melbourne)

We were both in such chatty moods we had several weeks of voice note exchanges and daily messenging. Recommending each other TV shows to watch then reporting back to discuss it etc

I assumed it was leading to an eventual meet up, since ya know, a plane flight isn't that expensive or implausible.

She eventually hit me out on nowhere mid chat with "don't make it complicated and ruin this beautiful friendship" lol, the whole time she was still dating locally and assumed because of the distance that there was a mutual understanding we were just going to be pen pals or something. Weird ending to it.

sorry you went through that, that sucks

How do I give compliments that arent about appearance

this girl was stretching up her nose with her drumstick and I thought that was pretty funny and cute so I just said I like the silly spirit of this one! I thought probably shouldnt call her adorable

haloiscoolisbak posted...

When I was just doom swiping like this one lonely night, I ended up matching with someone using presumably the same mindset in a city 300km away.(I'm sydney, she was Melbourne)

We were both in such chatty moods we had several weeks of voice note exchanges and daily messenging.

I assumed it was leading to an eventual meet up, since ya know, a plane flight isn't that expensive.

She eventually hit me out on nowhere mid chat with "don't make it complicated and ruin this beautiful friendship" lol, the whole time she was still dating locally and assumed because of the distance that there was a mutual understanding we were just going to be pen pals or something. Weird ending to it.

Exactly why I wouldn't do it!

I think my range was 50 miles (80 kilometers) but the couple times I matched beyond 25 miles, I regretted it. Driving that far sucks.

The lucky thing was that I was living in downtown St Paul, so many first dates chose to come by me for more options. Usually end up going somewhere like a block or two from apartment, which was very convenient :)

Jagus posted...

sorry you went through that, that sucks

Thanks! That's tip of the iceberg for my dating app horror stories, as at the end of the day, I guess when you never met there's a limit to how attached you could be. Still a kick in the pants though!

Jagus posted...

How do I give compliments that arent about appearance

this girl was stretching up her nose with her drumstick and I thought that was pretty funny and cute so I just said I like the silly spirit of this one! I thought probably shouldnt call her adorable

I think you can say adorable. I avoided sexual comments at first but it is okay to say things physically if more about beauty or their activity vs sex

Addition to my above post:

About six months after I met my now wife, and this is about 2.5 years before dating, we were at a picnic with a bunch of friends. I thought she looked really cute with her midriff baring shirt. I told a male friend of mine I should tell her so, and he was like, "no, you can't tell her she looks cute".

I decided to ignore him and I told her she looked super cute in that outfit. It completely made her day, and this is around the time she started to have a crush on me. Compliments are good if you don't seem skeevy.

I met my wife on Bumble, so you never know.

bsp77 posted...

Addition to my above post:

About six months after I met my now wife, and this is about 2.5 years before dating, we were at a picnic with a bunch of friends. I thought she looked really cute with her midriff baring shirt. I told a male friend of mine I should tell her so, and he was like, "no, you can't tell her she looks cute".

I decided to ignore him and I told her she looked super cute in that outfit. It completely made her day, and this is around the time she started to have a crush on me. Compliments are good if you don't seem skeevy.

Aww :)

I'll keep that in mind

bsp77 posted...

Exactly why I wouldn't do it!

I think my range was 50 miles (80 kilometers) but the couple times I matched beyond 25 miles, I regretted it. Driving that far sucks.

The lucky thing was that I was living in downtown St Paul, so many first dates chose to come by me for more options. Usually end up going somewhere like a block or two from apartment, which was very convenient :)

Yeah, I live in a very busy and bar filled part of Sydney, so I can't really complain about a lack of people!

I did like the idea of forming a strong connection before meeting, since I'm not the best with intimacy, as I've told you a few times haha. But yeah, she had other ideas. In hindsight I understand her point of view a lot better, it'd have been a pretty big expectation to have one of us move cities or something.

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I have a fear of rejection AND horribly low self-esteem issues... To the point I don't even try anything because I'm too worried I'll fuck it up in even the slightest way...

It's hell to try and date or even just meet or talk to new people...

Jagus posted...

Aww :)

I'll keep that in mind

It does go against what some guys say. But if you seem sincere in the compliment vs just wanting to get in their pants, it can work.

Some of my friends say it worked for me because I am older and give off dad energy. Maybe that is true because young women almost seem to trust me more than older women. My wife is 15 years younger. But it isn't some creepy dad thing. I already have daughters so that is ick.

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Thanks!

Talking about all this is putting me in a weird mindset. I sometimes miss that thrill of the chase and the early infatuation parts of a relationship. But I wouldn't trade my wife for anything.

bsp77 posted...

Thanks!

Talking about all this is putting me in a weird mindset. I sometimes miss that thrill of the chase and the early infatuation parts of a relationship. But I wouldn't trade my wife for anything.

Would you ever have a talk about having an open marriage? I feel like with each passing year its gonna get more and more common.

I'm sure it could be a very risky path to take though(not having a talk about it, but actually doing it). Like if one partner is having far more success than the other, fuck that would suck lol.

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Haha, gotta clean your room and shit. New bed sheets. The worst!

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Would you ever have a talk about having an open marriage? I feel like with each passing year its gonna get more and more common.

I'm sure it could be a very risky path to take though(not having a talk about it, but actually doing it). Like if one partner is having far more success than the other, fuck that would suck lol.

Believe it or not, I don't want to. She would have no interest either.

There is a possibility of a threesome, as she is bisexual and never acted on it, but that scares me too. She might be more open to that than I am.

bsp77 posted...

Believe it or not, I don't want to. She would have no interest either.

There is a possibility of a threesome, as she is bisexual and never acted on it, but that scares me too. She might be more open to that than I am.

I have experienced one threesome and didn't enjoy it. I was way more attracted to one girl, which didn't help, but also just switching my attention between them didn't feel very intuitive?

I dunno, the idea of discreetly(but not secretly) having a person on the side feels a bit less awkward to me. Though maybe I'm weird, I've been to a lot of sex workers the past year. My views on sex and romance are possibly twisted

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It puts me in a place where I feel worse and I'll continually think about my fuck up even years later...

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I have no experience with this but it also sucks like it sucks... So it sounds like a Lose-Lose situation for me

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Haha, gotta clean your room and shit. New bed sheets. The worst!

If you're doing all that on a first date, you are optimistic! Although, I did that too. Couple times was happy I did, but 90% of the time, there was no reason. Usually coming over was planned on a later date.

bsp77 posted...

If you're doing all that on a first date, you are optimistic! Although, I did that too. Couple times was happy I did, but 90% of the time, there was no reason. Usually coming over was planned on a later date.

I would only do it before a first date, just in case. On the off chance they're interested in coming to mine and I have to literally say no because of the stupid reason my room is too messy. I can let my room get really messy.

The earliest I've ever done something sexual with someone off a dating app was the second date.

bsp77 posted...

Addition to my above post:

About six months after I met my now wife, and this is about 2.5 years before dating, we were at a picnic with a bunch of friends. I thought she looked really cute with her midriff baring shirt. I told a male friend of mine I should tell her so, and he was like, "no, you can't tell her she looks cute".

I decided to ignore him and I told her she looked super cute in that outfit. It completely made her day, and this is around the time she started to have a crush on me. Compliments are good if you don't seem skeevy.

That's an adorable story. And I agree that genuine compliments go a long way for both men and women.

Years ago, I completed this guy at my office and it made him so happy. He started calling me Denzel after that to try and return the compliment (I do not look as good as Denzel ).

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Thanks! That's tip of the iceberg for my dating app horror stories, as at the end of the day, I guess when you never met there's a limit to how attached you could be. Still a kick in the pants though!

I hope you don't let all of that get you down though. It sucked when women would reject me after I thought the dates were going well. And in the moment it was really hard to see the upside. But great women are out there and you'll miss them if you stop looking.

NoxObscuras posted...

That's an adorable story. And I agree that genuine compliments go a long way for both men and women.

Years ago, I completed this guy at my office and it made him so happy. He started calling me Denzel after that to try and return the compliment (I do not look as good as Denzel ).

You are now Denzel, Denzel

NoxObscuras posted...

That's an adorable story. And I agree that genuine compliments go a long way for both men and women.

Years ago, I completed this guy at my office and it made him so happy. He started calling me Denzel after that to try and return the compliment (I do not look as good as Denzel ).

I hope you don't let all of that get you down though. It sucked when women would reject me after I thought the dates were going well. And in the moment it was really hard to see the upside. But great women are out there and you'll miss them if you stop looking.

I let it get me really down. After one incident in particular, one BSP may remember, I became so insecure about my intimacy issues that I decided no more dating til I'm more comfortable in the bedroom. Sick of nailing the first part then fucking up the sex part lol.

I got a decent inheritance from my grandfather last year. And I started visiting sex workers almost weekly.

I'm now kinda ready to start dating again lol. In a way I'm finally comfortable with sex and intimacy, so it was kinda worth it? I dunno. Wel see haha

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I let it get me really down. After one incident in particular, one BSP may remember, I became so insecure about my intimacy issues that I decided no more dating til I'm more comfortable in the bedroom. Sick of nailing the first part then fucking up the sex part lol.

I got a decent inheritance from my grandfather last year. And I started visiting sex workers almost weekly.

I'm now kinda ready to start dating again lol. In a way I'm finally comfortable with sex and intimacy, so it was kinda worth it? I dunno. Wel see haha

Oh, I remember. Still not sure why so bad. That isn't to discredit your feelings, but because her behavior was so weird and batshit crazy. This is all on her, and you did nothing wrong. Forget her.

Happy in a better place now

bsp77 posted...

Oh, I remember. Still not sure why so bad. That isn't to discredit your feelings, but because her behavior was so weird and batshit crazy. This is all on her, and you did nothing wrong. Forget her.

Happy in a better place now

Could have been a straw that broke the camels back type thing, id had a few budding relationships kinda fizzle out due to poor bedroom compatibly/lack of communication on my end

With that story in particular, I felt like I'm the only guy who would get into that situation and not make a move(after the peeing in front of me, we spent the night "platonically" cuddling in bed, but because she had strictly said we had to meet as "friends only" I felt making a move would be breaching that rule, I dunno. The whole thing is so dumb)

Hmm, Im listed on hinge as being non-binary. My pronouns are he/they. Will this filter me out from people looking for men?

Jagus posted...

Hmm, Im listed on hinge as being non-binary. My pronouns are he/they. Will this filter me out from people looking for men?

I don't think so, I match with plenty of she/theys(though I'm not sure of my exact preference settings)

I think it might catch the he part of your pronouns and you're all good

Hopefully. On the flip side someone who isnt into nb people probably wouldnt be cool with me anyway

Okay, exhausted Bumble and Hinge for now. Moving on to Tindr and Facebook Dating. All Im gonna say is it sucks living in the fattest city in America I wish I could move already.