Current Events > My best friend called me a freak out of anger

(+) Yeah! (+)

I dropped our friendship immediately. Was I wrong?

For context, we work together and we've argued sometimes during work, because we work in a close quarters place and he's a cook and I'm a server(a forbidden relationship, right? haha) anyway, it's New Years and we're all having trouble and no matter what, we've never made insults at one another. We've argued and we were able to see beyond that and realize it was just stuff that was said out of anger.

He said we were out of small plates and he was being angry about it and I understood he was under pressure so I tried to keep my best tone and I told him I had his plates, they're coming. Then he told me not to interrupt him and then I dont' remember too much else except when he ended his statement with "Don't interrupt me, you freak" and maybe that's a trigger word I didn't realize had meaning but I've been called insults by people I knew, but my best friend? That really hurt.

I, annoyed, said I was going to write a statement for that, and I don't plan to and he probably didn't hear me but I had to storm off for a second. My boss told me to calm down because she knows I have anger issues but I didn't get angry, she was just trying to keep me from blowing up and I just nodded. I immediately blocked him from social media and haven't seen him since our last shift together. He asked a shared friend of ours that if I deleted him because I called him a freak and she didn't answer and he got upset with her.

I feel like, I possibly overreacted but I don't feel sorry about it. I guess I sorta want validation but I'm mostly using this as a rant because we've always had our issues, but never like this. I'm more open about myself, about my feelings, and he's very closed off but we make jokes that we're Batman and Superman(which is funny since his favorite character is Batman and mine is Superman and we're huge comic nerds so it is what it is) but I've done my best to understand him.

It really did hurt though....

Social media was a mistake

R1masher posted...

Social media was a mistake

In a way, I agree, but not necessarily my point. Just that was how we communicated and I didn't want to hear an apology, an excuse, or even an argument. I just felt like it was the best way to show that I was done. But yes, I agree.

idk man, if it was this one event I would at least try to see if they have any reasonable excuse to do it, and if they're lying.

If it was building up for a while and you didn't put it on here then it's really up to you.

Sometimes new insults just pop up depending on the media you've consumed recently.

I try to work things out with people I consider friends

Maybe try to talk to him. People say shit they don't mean all the time, if its just a one off and this person really is close to you, try to talk it out.

Are you 12?

I feel like, once things have calmed down a bit, you should try to talk things out just because like you said, you two are on different wavelengths about things, and he might not have known how hurtful what he said could be.

not to give him a pass, but to let him know how it made you feel and to see if there's getting past it.

like, I'm from a background where me and my friends would shit talk to each other, and I feel like that might make me blind in how I might interact with others who might not have done so.

I'm pretty sure everyone on this site is a freak in some way.

Thermador446 posted...

I'm pretty sure everyone on this site is a freak in some way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WAd1uAhZfw

Maybe you shouldnt have interrupted him?

i dont think youre wrong. i think you acted rashly perhaps, but thinking about it, i think they probably had this thought before. a word like "freak" betrays a feeling of superiority or condescension in everything they do that involves you

it would retroactively color my relationship with that person, at least short term

Dungeater posted...

i dont think youre wrong. i think you acted rashly perhaps, but thinking about it, i think they probably had this thought before. a word like "freak" betrays a feeling of superiority or condescension in everything they do that involves you

it would retroactively color my relationship with that person, at least short term

Joker used it to say he and Batman were special and alike each other

I feel like you overreacted a bit there. I have some best friends and we throw insults at each other at times but dont take it to heart at all even in tough situations since we know we dont mean them. Maybe talk to him about it and tell him that it seriously hurt you.

WingsOfGood posted...

Joker used it to say he and Batman were special and alike each other

does that sound like what happened here

Dungeater posted...

i dont think youre wrong. i think you acted rashly perhaps, but thinking about it, i think they probably had this thought before. a word like "freak" betrays a feeling of superiority or condescension in everything they do that involves you

it would retroactively color my relationship with that person, at least short term

This, unless that is a barb your friend uses regularly. I feel like it carries some judgment that was as of yet uncommunicated

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRGrNDV2mKc

Freak is like the most PG "insult" so I don't get it tbh.

I don't really get it. My friends and I call each other far worse and just laugh it off.

But if it bothers you, it bothers you. Talk to your friend about it.

I guess it really depends on the way it was said. Was it for who you are... or just what you were doing at the moment?

---

Also... Rick James.

https://youtu.be/QYHxGBH6o4M

It seems like it's something worth discussing, because if you have anger issues to the point where your boss thought they had to calm you down, it could be something based on that, maybe even a misunderstanding or something.

I can't think of any friend - never mind my best friend - that I would straight-up drop out of a single insult said in anger in the midst of a stressful situation. I might be pissed off at them, depending on how bad it was, but I'd at least do them the courtesy of telling them so and if they apologized, I can't see myself just abandoning a friendship over one thing.

If it's a pattern of behaviour, different story, but it doesn't sound like it was.

Both of you were assholes, but you far moreso imo, if you want blunt honesty.

You probably destroyed this dude's trust in people for life, or you could if you don't at least try to talk it out. Been friends for years and you block/ghost him immediately for one incident and you don't even feel bad for it? Without knowing the full context of the relationship that seems very dirty to me.

"freak" is a weird insult to use, like... why freak, here? don't interrupt me, freak, is just weirdly particular for something like plates and interruption

Super_Slash posted...

You probably destroyed this dude's trust in people for life

a little dramatic

viewmaster_pi posted...

a little dramatic

True but the damage is still done on a micro level.

thats pretty mild compared to what goes on around here

shit just that you get used to

I did anyway. I believe Allah even throws insults at me as well as anyone and everyone tbh. No clue why tho

I don't know how he said it firsthand, but taking the statement for what it is, I can't articulate a form in which it's meant with deep conviction.

Like, I wouldn't use that as a heated remark
And in turn....I'd never take it seriously.

So that being said, yes it was a bit of a derp way to vent, but probably not one that warranted your (over) reaction.

he would know

You 100% overreacted lol. If hes really your best friend then thats absolutely not something to end a friendship over. If you think you might want to be friends again, you need to make this right now.

A similar thing happened to me earlier this year, but on the opposite side. Apparently I said something that triggered a friend of mine (Id consider him one of my best friends) and he blocked me on Discord so I texted him asking what was going on didnt hear a word from him until a couple of days ago (like seven months later) when he texted saying he was sorry, he was wrong, blah blah.

If he had reached out like a couple of days later and just explained what happened, what I said that upset him, etc. I would have apologized and we couldve gone on like normal and that would have been that.

Now I want practically nothing to do with him anymore. I dont have the patience or the energy to deal with that kind of crap anymore.

Youre not wrong for being upset, but this seems like a pretty fragile friendship.

Still, I call my best friend a weirdo all the time. I don't think I've ever done so in a moment of anger and I definitely could see that being hurtful. They wouldn't take it well at all.

This is honestly pathetic.

You know full well he was stressed as fuck at the time he said it and almost certainly didnt mean it. You've had arguments before and it's all been fine.

If it actually hurts you that much, do the mature thing and actually speak about how that word was maybe a bit too far. But this glorified silent treatment is something that literal children would be embarrassed by.

And he's apparently your best friend, but you don't feel the slightest bit bad about dumping him? Clearly you can't have valued him that much.

He touched a nerve. It happens. Give it some time and try to find the words for why that hurt so much. If it's a friendship worth saving, you'll patch it up eventually. But don't expect them to be the "bigger person" here.

I can see going no contact with an acquaintance for that, but for a best friend, have a heart-to-heart and give them a chance to understand just how hurtful that comment was. People do say things in anger that they don't mean.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Agree with this. The onus is on your friend to control themselves when they're angry, more so with a best friend

I can't relate because my friends and I trash talk each other for fun all the time. Plus working in a restaurant, especially around the holidays, is highly stressful so certain brash things will probably get said that aren't really meant. If this is your best friend, I would at least talk to them about what happened and how you felt about it and see how he reacts. No need to drop the relationship entirely if he didn't mean anything truly bad

Sounds like a serious overreaction

TetsuoS2 posted...

idk man, if it was this one event I would at least try to see if they have any reasonable excuse to do it, and if they're lying.

If it was building up for a while and you didn't put it on here then it's really up to you.

Sometimes new insults just pop up depending on the media you've consumed recently.

It's not that I'll think they're lying, it's that we've said things to each other jokingly, insults, and what not, but never in the heat of an argument.

R1masher posted...

I try to work things out with people I consider friends

We've been friends for 20 years and I've done a lot to keep our friendship and we've had moments, but it feels like we've drifted a lot anyway. We work together but barely talk and I just say it's because we're always near each other, but he usually talks to the other cooks about what game they're playing and etc. We usually talk about comics when he's in the mood for it. It is what it is, I don't mind anymore.

SpiritSephiroth posted...

Maybe try to talk to him. People say shit they don't mean all the time, if its just a one off and this person really is close to you, try to talk it out.

I agree. People say things they don't mean, it just sounds like something he wouldn't ever say and I worry that it's something he subconsciously thinks of me.

Baron_Ox posted...

I feel like, once things have calmed down a bit, you should try to talk things out just because like you said, you two are on different wavelengths about things, and he might not have known how hurtful what he said could be.

not to give him a pass, but to let him know how it made you feel and to see if there's getting past it.

like, I'm from a background where me and my friends would shit talk to each other, and I feel like that might make me blind in how I might interact with others who might not have done so.

I believe he knows already. The problem is that it used to be me that would blow up in anger but I'd never do that. We'd argue, yell, but never to a point where I'd use whatever insult that came to mind because I know him well enough about what insults would make hurt him well. We know each of our secrets and insecurities. So to say it loudly in a store full of customers....

Thermador446 posted...

I'm pretty sure everyone on this site is a freak in some way.

I expect people to insult me even in a joking fashion because people seem to not take me seriously. It doesn't help that new people are groomed to treat me a certain way just because of other co-workers. I've made a lot of changes in my life and bettered myself but people still like to undercut me with the past.

To hear my supposed best friend to insult me with something that other people would say really hurt because when we insult each other, we use insults that wouldn't make sense. Like whore or something. But freak was too personal. I know it's very lenient but the fact that he was cursing and using colorful language in our argument in the first place, the fact that he used that word kinda felt like that's how he saw me.

Evthean posted...

This, unless that is a barb your friend uses regularly. I feel like it carries some judgment that was as of yet uncommunicated

He's never called me that before and that's the point. I feel like it was something he thought about before and it ended up slipping out. It isn't entirely about the insult and I think most people misunderstand that. Its "This is how my best friend views me."

Who am I to trust when the one closest to me sees me like that?

HashtagSEP posted...

It seems like it's something worth discussing, because if you have anger issues to the point where your boss thought they had to calm you down, it could be something based on that, maybe even a misunderstanding or something.

I suppose I can explain it better. I HAD anger issues. I take medicine and see a doctor for it, because of my anxiety. The problem is that everyone acts like I still have the issues. I work in an environment of mostly idiots and they all seem to have the memories of gold fish and think that there's some kind of status quo. I think it isn't even about my anger, just that he flashed out and my boss expected me to return it in kind.

darkknight109 posted...

I can't think of any friend - never mind my best friend - that I would straight-up drop out of a single insult said in anger in the midst of a stressful situation. I might be pissed off at them, depending on how bad it was, but I'd at least do them the courtesy of telling them so and if they apologized, I can't see myself just abandoning a friendship over one thing.

If it's a pattern of behaviour, different story, but it doesn't sound like it was.

in our 20 years of friendship, he's not apologized to me about anything. I have apologized but he doesn't. Instead, we wait it out and then wait until things calm down. It wasn't an insult that destroyed this relationship, it was my realization that he viewed me as a freak.

viewmaster_pi posted...

"freak" is a weird insult to use, like... why freak, here? don't interrupt me, freak, is just weirdly particular for something like plates and interruption

I agree. That's why. I know it doesn't make too much sense but I wasn't even arguing, I was trying to keep him from going overboard because I know he was stressed. He needs something, I try to get it, because no one else will. He's constantly annoyed that he has to even ask because it should be kept up but my coworkers aren't very good at their job or keeping up which, in turn, causes me stress and anger. I wasn't even yelling, I was doing my best to keep him from getting angry.

The whole day was frustrating and I was keeping myself busy because I know if I get upset that I'm the one who will suffer the most. My boss is always attacking me for something, so I have to try and be the 'best worker ever' just to keep myself from losing my job. She's whiny and biased. At least 7 of my coworkers are related to her or related to the people related to her.

Then there's me: I talk too much, I have anger issues, I don't talk when I'm mad. This is all exaggerations by the way. Everyone 'talks too much' but I'm the only one who talks too much, if that makes any sense.

I can do all of my work, even go above and beyond, but if I need a break, I need to get off my phone even if I'm on a break in the back. We don't GET breaks, it's 7 hours of no official breaks, and my coworkers are in the front on their phones and get off free. So yes, I have anger issues but so do a few of my coworkers but I'm the only one who has been punished for it.

qwerti posted...

thats pretty mild compared to what goes on around here

shit just that you get used to

I did anyway. I believe Allah even throws insults at me as well as anyone and everyone tbh. No clue why tho

It's one thing to hear someone here go "Fuck off" or even insult each other. I've insulted people, I've called people things, I'm also particular about my close friends and I don't think I've ever had a close friend who would have done that. I never thought he'd be the type to even use that as an insult but it was also something that made me think that maybe he sees me that way.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



We know about each other's anxieties and pains. I know that bad weather scares him and freaks him out and I know never to mention when bad weather is coming because he's always reading the weather report.

berlyman101 posted...

He touched a nerve. It happens. Give it some time and try to find the words for why that hurt so much. If it's a friendship worth saving, you'll patch it up eventually. But don't expect them to be the "bigger person" here.

I'm pretty sure he knows. He should know. I've told him about being bullied for my teeth(my teeth are bunched up a bit) he knows about the rumors people spread of me because of one of my bullies. Apparently I'm gay(I'm not, but apparently I am and also got expelled. I didn't) My youth was rough, so I never thought he'd use that kind of thing against me.

In 20 years, we've shared secrets and never revealed them to others, which even includes calling in even though we didn't need to, or doing things that might have gotten each other in trouble. Even after arguing and even stopping our friendship for a moment, we've never betrayed that.

So all in all, it made me wonder if this is what he thought of me. As I said, it feels like he attacked me with a weapon he knew would work. It wasn't that I insulted him or was arguing with him, and I think that just made it worse.

Giacomo_Hawkins posted...

I can see going no contact with an acquaintance for that, but for a best friend, have a heart-to-heart and give them a chance to understand just how hurtful that comment was. People do say things in anger that they don't mean.

We've had very few heart-to-hearts but I don't think I want to have one here. Sure, people will say its immature but who is to tell me what hurts? If he called me a cock guzzling dipshit fuckt*rd, I'd handle it less than 'freak'. Freak is so tame, freak is mundane. But it's an identity I've been forced to have by others. An identity people gave me. Not something I've ever wanted to be called. All of my life, I wanted to be normal. There's a lot of things I know about him, what might make him feel triggered, especially from his school days. I've never used it either. Even in the heat of an argument, I never once thought of using them. I thought he'd be the same.

Hell. Our friendship has people questioning if we're partners or not, because of how close we are. Or were, rather. We don't really talk too much at work. You spend enough time in the same place, almost everyday, there just stops being anything to talk about.

teep_ posted...

Agree with this. The onus is on your friend to control themselves when they're angry, more so with a best friend

I agree. That's why I've been changing my anger. I've been honing it to calm down. Counting to ten, thinking positively, even singing softly in my head, joking around. That day I hadn't said anything terribly and he's been short and frustrated, so I've done everything I can to stop it. When he started yelling about needing plates that our side should have given him, I went to try and keep him from losing it.

If he had just said "don't interrupt me", and continued yelling, I'd not think twice. He needed the outlet. I get it. No smoke break, no break at all, we are all tired and frustrated. But he punctuated that with an insult. Not just any insult. One that he should know that hurt me.

SilentSeph posted...

I can't relate because my friends and I trash talk each other for fun all the time. Plus working in a restaurant, especially around the holidays, is highly stressful so certain brash things will probably get said that aren't really meant. If this is your best friend, I would at least talk to them about what happened and how you felt about it and see how he reacts. No need to drop the relationship entirely if he didn't mean anything truly bad

You can't start your paragraph with the one sentence that pretty much constitutes how different the situation is. It's one thing to joke around and insult one another, it's different in anger. In a fight, what you say is meant to be used as a weapon. In the moment or not, sometimes there's something in your subconscious, and that's what I fear.

dameon_reaper posted...

I dropped our friendship immediately. Was I wrong?

For context, we work together and we've argued sometimes during work, because we work in a close quarters place and he's a cook and I'm a server(a forbidden relationship, right? haha) anyway, it's New Years and we're all having trouble and no matter what, we've never made insults at one another. We've argued and we were able to see beyond that and realize it was just stuff that was said out of anger.

He said we were out of small plates and he was being angry about it and I understood he was under pressure so I tried to keep my best tone and I told him I had his plates, they're coming. Then he told me not to interrupt him and then I dont' remember too much else except when he ended his statement with "Don't interrupt me, you freak" and maybe that's a trigger word I didn't realize had meaning but I've been called insults by people I knew, but my best friend? That really hurt.

I, annoyed, said I was going to write a statement for that, and I don't plan to and he probably didn't hear me but I had to storm off for a second. My boss told me to calm down because she knows I have anger issues but I didn't get angry, she was just trying to keep me from blowing up and I just nodded. I immediately blocked him from social media and haven't seen him since our last shift together. He asked a shared friend of ours that if I deleted him because I called him a freak and she didn't answer and he got upset with her.

I feel like, I possibly overreacted but I don't feel sorry about it. I guess I sorta want validation but I'm mostly using this as a rant because we've always had our issues, but never like this. I'm more open about myself, about my feelings, and he's very closed off but we make jokes that we're Batman and Superman(which is funny since his favorite character is Batman and mine is Superman and we're huge comic nerds so it is what it is) but I've done my best to understand him.

It really did hurt though....

I didnt read all the responses, but how is this your best friend?
you literally only talk about them as a coworker.
if you were close youd be talking about a history together, how long and close you were and other stuff, not we work together
also if you were best friends your first response wouldnt be to write them up to your boss.

Things said in anger don't come from nowhere; we don't create new ideas in times of rage. It's that momentary lack of control that makes us blurt out things we already have in our heads that we otherwise have the decency not to say.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


pretty deep. Although we work together, we used to do a lot more. It's just we're old and tired now.

dhampire1 posted...

I didnt read all the responses, but how is this your best friend?
you literally only talk about them as a coworker.
if you were close youd be talking about a history together, how long and close you were and other stuff, not we work together
also if you were best friends your first response wouldnt be to write them up to your boss.

We used to do a lot more. Just, he's in his late 40s, I'm in my late 30s, we don't have a car and he lives in the next town. He has to get a ride to work so we pretty much can't just meet up like we used to but we used to go to the comic shop, the mall, play games, game online.

Just, life gets in the way. We both are very anit-social and when he goes home, he might play online with some of our coworkers but he'll mostly play by himself and we both can't really READ comics together lol. I have a lot of friends I still keep in touch with who used to be really close to me, but it's different now. We both work a lot, we both are around each other, it's really hard to just go home and want to hang out after being at work near each other in close quarters.

Also, it was a bluff talking about talking to our boss. Not only is she his aunt, she was also RIGHT there. Nothing would have come from it. Nobody would do anything out of it, I was just frustrated and it's not a threat to scare him. He doesn't care lol. I was just annoyed and then I was hurt. That's all.

Villain_S_Fiend posted...

Things said in anger don't come from nowhere; we don't create new ideas in times of rage. It's that momentary lack of control that makes us blurt out things we already have in our heads that we otherwise have the decency not to say.

that was what I'm afraid of and that's why I reacted that way. Thank you for putting it better than I could ever have.

dameon_reaper posted...

It's not that I'll think they're lying, it's that we've said things to each other jokingly, insults, and what not, but never in the heat of an argument.

No I meant if the excuse to why he said that was a lie, if you ever end up wanting to talk it out.

Sorry you're going through this TC.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


In a way, yeah, but I guess it's the whole "cutting him out on social media" part. I'm irritated on how toxic that can be. It can be used for passive aggressive things as well. Just, in this case, I didn't want to talk it out. I already have enough feeling like crap with someone close to me making me feel worse. I know a lot of people won't understand because they aren't in the same situation, they will try to think objectively but miss out on the key factor: my self esteem.

DCinGA posted...

Sorry you're going through this TC.

Not sure if this is sarcasm or not, but I'll say this, not to make anyone feel sorry for me, but the reason it hurts a lot is because of Christmas and the holidays and I live alone and I don't really have people around me. I just go to work and watch everyone enjoy and lap up their holiday spirit. With my work schedule changing, my lack of days off, people just disappearing for the holidays, and my trouble with my downstairs neighbor, it was the last thing I needed, especially the first of the year.

I just needed to let it out somewhere anonymous. I've been getting back into comics and there's so many things I want to ask about but I cut myself off because the best thing is the discussions. I miss talking about comics and hanging out but even if we mend things, I don't think I can forget that he said it.

I know a lot of people who have a lot of friends and stuff like this won't get to them but I'm very careful with who I hang out with because it's hard to talk to someone who can discuss these things as well as talk about self awareness, time travel, and pretty much anything deeper than the weather haha.