Current Events > Ever feel like a failure you never got married and in your 40s?

(+) Yeah! (+)

That's nice of you to say but trust me you don't know the real me. I'm really not a good person. I leech my parents instead of, you know, being an adult and getting a job and moving out. I just don't want to work for a living. I help around the house with chores and do yard work so that I'm not a total bum. But that absolutely does not excuse being a man child leech for 25 years straight now.

I've also been exercising the last 6 years every day (weights and treadmill) but what good are looks when I let my social anxiety control my life and I never go outside.

At this point, I'm just living the way I want to. I'd like a relationship but at the same time, I feel like I don't deserve one.

I mean 35 and I didn't succeed in school, having a quality social life, have any sort of romance or intamacy relatonships to speak of, only had menial entry level jobs which were a huge struggle to get

At some point you just have to stop caring it's whatever just try to enjoy hobbies.

But you are still trying, right?

Being happy with your life and having a supportive and compatible life partner is more important than marriage..

I thought I would get married at 30, but I'm in my late 30s going through a break up. My brother and sister already have kids.

It's not the end of the world if I don't have kids.

Well I'm not in my 40s but that's only 6 years away from me and I've never dated so I'll get there.

Im in my 30s but my trauma has made it impossible to be interested in people anymore. But no one is interested in me so its okay

This is currently how I feel. Just not in a romantic way. I feel I will lose someone else if I'm close to someone again. I've slid back all the progress I've made in the last 30 years. I'm afraid to be social and no longer want to leave the house. Health hasnt helped either. So making friends and meeting people is far away from me right now. This includes what the topic is about

You have no idea how much I want to hug you or just say positive affirmations to you in person. You are a special soul with unfortunate circumstances.

Girls can look past those if you're honest.

That requires being social. I haven't done that in 20+ years and I have no future plans for it. XD

Why not? You are a very interesting person to talk to on here and I love reading your messages. Translate that to offline. Show your passion

I don't go outside. I don't have a car. I don't have money. I have severe social anxiety. I don't want to be around people. etc. I'm only comfortable behind a monitor. I can't even handle talking on a phone.

I don't go outside. I don't have a car. I don't have money. I have severe social anxiety. I don't want to be around people. etc. I'm only comfortable behind a monitor. I can't even handle talking on a phone.

You gotta force yourself out of that state of mind. You're closing yourself off to great joys.

Comfortability isnt something that happens automatically. Its a process built upon experiences.

You're talking to a brick wall. I've been told this over and over again for the last 25 years and continue to just ignore it. Sorry. Normal life isn't for me.

You're talking to a brick wall. I've been told this over and over again for the last 25 years and continue to just ignore it. Sorry. Normal life isn't for me.

If you've been told this many times, isnt that evidence that maybe your thesis is incorrect?

In any case you have the power to change yourself and change your own mind. There is never a point that s state you are in is inescapable. You aren't a wall, you are a mercurial being like all humans are.

If I wanted to live a normal life, I would have done so by now. But I don't want that. I love not working for a living and just staying in my room forever. My only complaint is it's a bit lonely. Other than that I'm good. I'm not going to force myself to get out there for the possibility of meeting someone. Not worth the anxiety and trouble.

Im not even talking about being single. Im also single and haven't dated tho I'm younger than you are. As long as you're happy and aren't detracting from others I guess. I still think you're missing out. I have ambitions for myself that don't involve relationships but personal achievements, snd that's where a lot of my goals are set.

I am doing an extreme disservice to my parents. I leech off of them and I don't have a job or any kind of income. I know they are sad/upset that I don't have a social life or a job or even go outside. They are worried about what will happen to me after they are gone. This is why I think I am a terrible person. I have no interest in correcting any of this. I just want to be unemployed for the rest of my life. I don't know what will happen after my parents are gone.

And to anyone saying "just go out and talk to women". Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be to say "I've been unemployed for 25 years, I have no car, I live with my parents, and I have zero goals or aspirations in life." to a girl? Even if she was okay with all that, I'd be thinking something was seriously wrong with her and that would be a red flag to me. And if you then tell me "If you are embarrassed about that stuff, why not do something about it?" I don't want to change the way I live. I know it's a terrible way to live, I don't care.

You don't have to do that. Find some purpose in your life, aim to be happy. It's not all about finding a soul mate and getting married, that's just not up on the wall for some people, I can also attest to that. Start from the beginning, maybe find a job or work on a hobby. Your parents just want you to be happy.

No I feel like a failure because I flunked outta college and haven't really advanced anywhere career wise.

I am 40 and don't care about not being married or having a kid tbh

I am doing an extreme disservice to my parents. I leech off of them and I don't have a job or any kind of income. I know they are sad/upset that I don't have a social life or a job or even go outside. They are worried about what will happen to me after they are gone. This is why I think I am a terrible person. I have no interest in correcting any of this. I just want to be unemployed for the rest of my life. I don't know what will happen after my parents are gone.

And to anyone saying "just go out and talk to women". Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be to say "I've been unemployed for 25 years, I have no car, I live with my parents, and I have zero goals or aspirations in life." to a girl? Even if she was okay with all that, I'd be thinking something was seriously wrong with her and that would be a red flag to me. And if you then tell me "If you are embarrassed about that stuff, why not do something about it?" I don't want to change the way I live. I know it's a terrible way to live, I don't care.

If you go back to college and are serious, you'll probably do better than most of your younger peers.

Then get divorced

Sometimes i do feel bad about myself about not being married but i am good with it as i have come to terms on how picky i am, a double edged sword.

In my 30s friends were saying how lucky i am for not dealing with custody battles for unmarried couples, bad relationships, and the divorce process. It was a bitter ending to all that but they all looked forward to new beginnings...

I am picky on my companionship. I dont know why but everybody i am attracted to seem to be screaming red flags when i get to know them a lil bit more. Like who are these people just going around using others lol. The same is likely said about me lol the trouble just aint worth the heart break heartache and mental health. I feel like i need to spare myself from all that but it made me fragile and sensitive to all that stuff at the same time.

Why do hearts need to be broken and mended? Why am i like this lol

Its in the works.

No I feel like a failure because I flunked outta college and haven't really advanced anywhere career wise.

I am 40 and don't care about not being married or having a kid tbh

I've decided to go back to school, which is the main reason for the second job... Don't want to take on any debt, so I'll be working it for awhile to save up for community college. But I feel like I've wasted so much time...

Do whatever you want that makes you happy.

What if what I want to do is to date someone, but can't?