Current Events > Ever feel like a failure you never got married and in your 40s?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Makes trying to approach relationships ten times harder than your average person. Makes you feel so absolutely fucked.

Well I'm not in my 40s but that's only 7.5 years away from me and I've never dated so I'll get there.

Approaching my 40s and not being married seems like the best choice I could've possibly ever made in my life.

Two friends bordering on homelessness over over a divorce, one in a constant state of emotional tire fire due to custody battles, the other is paranoid any time he starts dating because his wife cheated on him.

Don't need marriage for a good relationship, and marriage doesn't make a relationship good.

Well, it may not be much of a consolation, but quite a few people in the world are shallow and selfish. So depending on vain factors dating and marriage aren't really the primary paths open to all people. The best thing you can do for yourself is do what keeps you healthy and makes you happy. You may find someone to share those things with you along the way, but if that doesn't happen you'll still be better off for pursuing the things that interest you.

No I feel like a failure because I flunked outta college and haven't really advanced anywhere career wise.

I am 40 and don't care about not being married or having a kid tbh

R_Jackal posted...

Approaching my 40s and not being married seems like the best choice I could've possibly ever made in my life.

Two friends bordering on homelessness over over a divorce, one in a constant state of emotional tire fire due to custody battles, the other is paranoid any time he starts dating because his wife cheated on him.

Don't need marriage for a good relationship, and marriage doesn't make a relationship good.

Anecdotal

Anyway, getting married isn't most important. Being happy with your life is though, whatever that means. If not happy, then work on changes.

No, but it is annoying when people think theres something sus or wrong with you either because you were never able to or just werent interested.

HighSeraph posted...

No I feel like a failure because I flunked outta college and haven't really advanced anywhere career wise.

I am 40 and don't care about not being married or having a kid tbh

If it helps, I graduated from college and work at Walmart. In the same boat.

I've pretty much felt like a failure my whole life.

kuwab0 posted...

I've pretty much felt like a failure my whole life.

You aren't, and I don't know you. You have some great qualities I'm sure.

Yes.

Currently 41, never dated, no close relationships aside from my mom, no friends, dead end job I don't care for, no money.

My life is empty. It doesn't feel like a life, and I don't feel like a person.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Yes.

Currently 41, never dated, no close relationships aside from my mom, no friends, dead end job I don't care for, no money.

My life is empty. It doesn't feel like a life, and I don't feel like a person.

Your life has value. You are one of the sweetest, kindest people I've met here. If you apply yourself, you'll find someone. You have a lovely soul.

chaos_knight posted...

Your life has value. You are one of the sweetest, kindest people I've met here. If you apply yourself, you'll find someone. You have a lovely soul.

Oh and you are hot as fuck for a guy.

chaos_knight posted...

Oh and you are hot as fuck for a guy.

Amen

Frankly, I feel like having kids in this day and age is an exercise in child abuse.

I'm 32 and always feel like a failure... Never been on a date or even close, failed Community College, have worked the same retail job without any progression, have no real skills... Hell, if it was for pop culture I wouldn't even have a real personality...

No, I've had to fend off multiple talks about marriage from my ex because we fought all the time. Really made it apparent how people get into horrible marriages, though. She was attractive and I got the sense that guys always said yes to her before she asked me out.

random_man9119 posted...

I'm 32 and always feel like a failure... Never been on a date or even close, failed Community College, have worked the same retail job without any progression, have no real skills... Hell, if it was for pop culture I wouldn't even have a real personality...

But you are still here. You are awesome.

random_man9119 posted...

I'm 32 and always feel like a failure... Never been on a date or even close, failed Community College, have worked the same retail job without any progression, have no real skills... Hell, if it was for pop culture I wouldn't even have a real personality...

Hey, I think you're a good dude, and would hang out if you lived nearby.

As for feeling you have no personality, there is a channel I love. But this particular video I'll post. Love it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-cpKC1II1Dc&pp=ygUZY29sZSBoYXN0aW5ncyBwZXJzb25hbGl0eQ%3D%3D

No, but I feel like a failure in other ways.. I'm married and have two kids. But I work second shift so never see my wife or kids during the week, except for the brief morning rush where I help the kids get ready for school and then take them.

I left a first shift job for more money but now it's like what's the point? We needed the extra income (I actually just applied to a part time job to work in the mornings) as my wife took a lower paying job. But it sucks missing out on stuff in the evening, like having family supper at the table.

I don't have a degree nor any easily applicable skills. So I just feel stuck. I've decided to go back to school, which is the main reason for the second job... Don't want to take on any debt, so I'll be working it for awhile to save up for community college. But I feel like I've wasted so much time...

chaos_knight posted...

Your life has value. You are one of the sweetest, kindest people I've met here. If you apply yourself, you'll find someone. You have a lovely soul.

Thanks.

Enderknight17 posted...

No, but I feel like a failure in other ways.. I'm married and have two kids. But I work second shift so never see my wife or kids during the week, except for the brief morning rush where I help the kids get ready for school and then take them.

I left a first shift job for more money but now it's like what's the point? We needed the extra income (I actually just applied to a part time job to work in the mornings) as my wife took a lower paying job. But it sucks missing out on stuff in the evening, like having family supper at the table.

I don't have a degree nor any easily applicable skills. So I just feel stuck. I've decided to go back to school, which is the main reason for the second job... Don't want to take on any debt, so I'll be working it for awhile to save up for community college. But I feel like I've wasted so much time...

Man this is my fear too. I dont want to miss my kids growing up. But some weeks I feel like Im just going through the motions with them trying to get through the work week.

Enderknight17 posted...

No, but I feel like a failure in other ways.. I'm married and have two kids. But I work second shift so never see my wife or kids during the week, except for the brief morning rush where I help the kids get ready for school and then take them.

I left a first shift job for more money but now it's like what's the point? We needed the extra income (I actually just applied to a part time job to work in the mornings) as my wife took a lower paying job. But it sucks missing out on stuff in the evening, like having family supper at the table.

I don't have a degree nor any easily applicable skills. So I just feel stuck. I've decided to go back to school, which is the main reason for the second job... Don't want to take on any debt, so I'll be working it for awhile to save up for community college. But I feel like I've wasted so much time...

You're working hard and doing your best. Have you told her how you feel?

Im in my 30s but my trauma has made it impossible to be interested in people anymore. But no one is interested in me so its okay

Kanaya413 posted...

Im in my 30s but my trauma has made it impossible to be interested in people anymore. But no one is interested in me so its okay

If its any consolation, I always like your posts. You are special in this world and deserve better. Especially anime posts

I am a failure but not because i'm not married

ROBANN_88 posted...

I am a failure but not because i'm not married

How so?

Nope.

I mean, technically I am a failure when it comes to romance, no doubt there.

But I learned that as early as high school so now in my late 30s, Ive made peace with the fact that that just wasnt meant to be part of my life.

Id feel like a failure if I was still getting myself all upset over it like I did for a good part of my 20s, but Im extremely proud of myself for learning to deal with it and handle being independent at this point in my life.

rexcrk posted...

Nope.

I mean, technically I am a failure when it comes to romance, no doubt there.

But I learned that as early as high school so now in my late 30s, Ive made peace with the fact that that just wasnt meant to be part of my life.

Id feel like a failure if I was still getting myself all upset over it like I did for a good part of my 20s, but Im extremely proud of myself for learning to deal with it and handle being independent at this point in my life.

If that's the case, awesome. :)

Nah. I use to think that way when I was in my 20's that by 30 if I wasn't married or had kids I did something wrong. I'm going on 35 now and don't really think about it. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't bother me. Admittedly I don't make much effort to really go out and meet anyone anymore like I did in my 20's either. Of my close friends only two of them are married or have kids, the others are not. I'm the only one of my siblings that isn't married or has kids though.

I'm almost 33 and haven't been in a relationship since high school. I used to think I was a failure and missing out on life experiences, but most of that I realized was me falsely believing I need that to be fulfilled.

Like a year ago I learned of the term aromantic, and realized it described me perfectly. It explains why I never had much motivation to date, and how I was always felt awkward with affection on the few dates I had.

I am dealing with some loneliness due my friends and family moving away. But I don't need a wife and kids to fill that

I'll be turning 38 on Sunday, so I'm still a couple years away from 40, but never being married is not something that has ever made me feel like a failure, and I don't see why it would. Things that make me feel like a failure involve not achieving my goals.

chaos_knight posted...

How so?

Mostly just a general vibe
I don't know if i'm comfortable going over my self-hatred issues in detail here

Dont get married. Im married for 10 years. Dont get married.

chaos_knight posted...

If its any consolation, I always like your posts. You are special in this world and deserve better. Especially anime posts

Oh wow thank you! Didnt expect that at all

Failure?

Hell, I feel like I dodged a bullet.

KiwiTerraRizing posted...

Dont get married. Im married for 10 years. Dont get married.

Then get divorced

I'm 39, I've felt like I haven't gotten a fair shake as of yet. I have enough nieces and nephews to fill that child void though I would really like kids at some point. But my dating experience has been awful. There really hasn't been a woman that I really feel comfortable with.

Not a failure.

I debate whether I should have gotten married or tried harder when I was younger. I don't feel like a failure though.

I don't know about "failure", but I feel like I've succeeded at a lot of things that don't ultimately matter.

financially sound (insofar as it's possible to be with housing the way it is, anyway), but no close friendgroup or prospects or particular interests that'd make those easier to come by.

So I sit. I talk other people through their troubles. And I wonder if I'm just built wrong for not having done any of the things people seem to normally do instead of just...work.

Still got a couple years before the 40s, though

Kanaya413 posted...

Oh wow thank you! Didnt expect that at all

You're fucking awesome. Of course.

I'll be 44 in a few months and I've never gone on a single date in my life. I feel like a total failure, but not only in that, I'm a failure at being an adult period. But I don't care enough to try to fix it.

Edit: Also sucks because I had plenty of chances. 5+ girls showed feelings for me or even out right told me they liked me and I just turned them all away because of my severe anxiety.

This thread is more wholesome than one would think from the topic title.

As for marriage, when I realized I only wanted to get married and have kids because it was the socially expected thing to do, I became much happier.

TuxedoCyan posted...

I'll be 44 in a few months and I've never gone on a single date in my life. I feel like a total failure, but not only in that, I'm a failure at being an adult period. But I don't care enough to try to fix it.

You are such a loving person. I'm sorry your life circumstances have been awful but I've seen your posts since the CJayC era. You are super kind and honestly a catch. Just love yourself a little. You rock!

i'm 33, but i already feel like a failure for contributing to two failed relationships that have destroyed me emotionally and have made me not want love anymore, period.

Amakusa posted...

This thread is more wholesome than one would think from the topic title.

As for marriage, when I realized I only wanted to get married and have kids because it was the socially expected thing to do, I became much happier.

Tc wanted to uplift us :)

Kanaya413 posted...

Tc wanted to uplift us :)

You made me tear up with that. <3

chaos_knight posted...

You are such a loving person. I'm sorry your life circumstances have been awful but I've seen your posts since the CJayC era. You are super kind and honestly a catch. Just love yourself a little. You rock!

That's nice of you to say but trust me you don't know the real me. I'm really not a good person. I leech my parents instead of, you know, being an adult and getting a job and moving out. I just don't want to work for a living. I help around the house with chores and do yard work so that I'm not a total bum. But that absolutely does not excuse being a man child leech for 25 years straight now.

I've also been exercising the last 6 years every day (weights and treadmill) but what good are looks when I let my social anxiety control my life and I never go outside.

At this point, I'm just living the way I want to. I'd like a relationship but at the same time, I feel like I don't deserve one.