Poll of the Day > Have you ever dated a co worker before?

(+) Yeah! (+)

have you

I'm dense to flirtin', so no.

Yes. A couple times.
It's not exactly worth the potential mess.
Once i dated someone after i was fired. I didn't know she thought of me that way until she finally hit me up after I was let go. She was a fun date.

Yep, we're still together after a couple years. We both hated the job and dipped within a few months of dating.

Nope. Never had the opportunity.

Thats how I met my wife. She actually put in her two weeks notice after our first date

Yup

'no'

There were opportunities, but younger me was impulsive and didn't stay at jobs long enough to pursue.

Nah.....

fucked? Of course. Not dated.

Thought about asking one out, but quickly decided against it. Considered it again when she was leaving, but turns out she was moving to another city so decided against it again.

Closest I ever got. Never even thought of it besides that.

More like the other way around, since I worked on the same job numerous times with my late husband. But we were dating long before we ever worked together.

Once back in HS. Not worth the potential mess

Yeah, we flirted for a long time and finally got together after she ditched her ex. There was this weird guy we always pkayed pranks on at work. We eventually got married. Marriage got a little rocky with my new company but it all worked out

No, because it's a ridiculously stupid thing for a man to do (which was true even decades ago and nowadays could kill a guy's career if the relationship went sideways) and, to be blunt, any man with their shit in order doesn't have to. And the only time I was tempted might've been in high school or college when it wouldn't have mattered as much.

captpackrat posted...

More like the other way around, since I worked on the same job numerous times with my late husband. But we were dating long before we ever worked together.

Similar, I was dating a girl and she happened to be looking for a job at the same time my company was hiring. We are married now and both still working there.

Nope

I've been approached thou

One woman wasted no time asking about my current "situation".. she wanted a kid asap lol

No

My last boss yeah for about a year. Was a fun fling while it lasted.

I was asked out on the picket line last week, went on a date today. We work in the same building but I've never seen her before.

No, I have asked out a few, they turned me down, I left it at that, and we got along fine after that, though a with a couple of them it was awkward for a bit but didn't get in the way of work

Zeus posted...

and, to be blunt, any man with their shit in order doesn't have to.

You realize it's possible for two people who have the same occupation to just be attracted to each other and it's not inherently a desperation thing, right?

man101 posted...

You realize it's possible for two people who have the same occupation to just be attracted to each other and it's not inherently a desperation thing, right?

He probably had a work crush that started fucking a different guy in the office lol

Zeus seems to just be straight up afraid of women, seemingly under the impression that they're all just out to hurt men by abusing their superior sex appeal. He also denies any affiliation with incel philosophy, fooling exactly as many people as one might expect.

ReturnOfFa posted...

I was asked out on the picket line last week, went on a date today. We work in the same building but I've never seen her before.

There's a joke to be made here about striking out, but I can't think of a good one.

adjl posted...

Zeus seems to just be straight up afraid of women, seemingly under the impression that they're all just out to hurt men by abusing their superior sex appeal. He also denies any affiliation with incel philosophy, fooling exactly as many people as one might expect.

Yeah I forget that he seems to always have the worst possible position on almost every issue. I think I've seen him express one opinion that I agreed with.

Only person I ever dated was surely not a coworker.

We have worked together on the ranch post-marriage if that counts.

man101 posted...

You realize it's possible for two people who have the same occupation to just be attracted to each other and it's not inherently a desperation thing, right?

Sure, and I've seen some of those end absurdly badly. While it's not unusual for attractions to form, it's a matter of what doesn't potentially risk nuking your livelihood. And if you have other options, that's generally not going to be an issue.

Keep in mind that even if the relationship goes well (which I'm not saying can't happen, just that the risks aren't worth it), you then have two salaries tied to the same employer, which I can tell you is ALSO a fucking risky idea because what happens in that company goes under or has mass layoffs? Instead of having a partner who can pitch in until you find something new, you're both in the shitter, And I can tell you that shit happens.

adjl posted...

Zeus seems to just be straight up afraid of women, seemingly under the impression that they're all just out to hurt men by abusing their superior sex appeal.

It's refreshing to see your opinions on the subject of relationships are about as clueless as your opinions on everything else.

I feel like most people realize men and women are different, even if you aren't necessarily alone in shouting nonsense about them being exactly the same. Social differences exist and gender dynamics are a thing. (As are biological differences in size and strength, which you've also repeatedly tried to deny in the past.) It is what it is. Pretending otherwise doesn't change anything, no matter how hard you try.

In a lot of areas, the risks tend to be higher for men. Again, it is what it is. FWIW, I don't feel that women should get involved with people at work, either. If you need to rely on your career (which may not be an issue for you), you shouldn't do things that could jeopardize it.

adjl posted...

He also denies any affiliation with incel philosophy, fooling exactly as many people as one might expect.

Which is coming from somebody who insists he's a functional adult despite all evidence to the contrary. That's besides that fact that, out of the two of us, you're the one who've tossed around all of those 4chan terms, not me (although it's worth noting half the time when I google a term you bandy about trying to figure out what you're blathering about now, your usage tends to be wrong). In addition to your swath of other clueless opinions.

man101 posted...

Yeah I forget that he seems to always have the worst possible position on almost every issue. I think I've seen him express one opinion that I agreed with.

Because I believe in reality, not fiction. I choose to state things based on reality, not fiction. Reality tends to be less popular than fiction.

I'll chalk some of it up to your inexperience, but I feel like you're old enough that you should understand to not risk your livelihood, particularly when there are countless other women who don't work for your employer (barring some extreme cases like working in areas with ridiculously small populations or a massive male-to-female imbalance).

Zeus posted...

I'll chalk some of it up to your inexperience, but I feel like you're old enough that you should understand to not risk your livelihood, particularly when there are countless other women who don't work for your employer (barring some extreme cases like working in areas with ridiculously small populations or a massive male-to-female imbalance).

I am married and I own a house and have a kid and my finances are in good order. Please tell me more about my inexperience with making smart life decisions.

Zeus posted...

It's refreshing to see your opinions on the subject of relationships are about as clueless as your opinions on everything else.

To paraphrase, you once asked me "what does 'worthwhile sexual partner' mean?". But please, tell me more about how much better you understand relationships than me.

"If you try to go out with women they will accuse you of something bad" is definitely incel talk. Incels are all about externalizing the reasons why they can't get with women and that's one of the prime examples of it. Also, knowing about incels is pretty mainstream now as far as online communities go, so "you must go to 4chan" is a pretty paper-thin attempt at owning someone.

IIRC Zeus is also the kind of guy who would date a 19 year old (while being almost certainly at least 40 himself) because women over 30 need to keep their crusty old useless reproductive systems away (paraphrasing)

No and I don't plan to especially when I'm leaving as soon as possible among other reasons.

Didn't dating at work used to be one of, if not the most, common way to meet your significant other until internet dating took off? Why is Zeus acting like it's some sort of taboo? He has to remember back to when it was more common

bachewychomp posted...

"If you try to go out with women they will accuse you of something bad" is definitely incel talk.

And, to be fair, there are legitimate concerns attached to dating coworkers. But the extreme position and the attitude of "you can find other women" as though the goal is simply to find a partner for the sake of it and not to develop a relationship with an individual about whom you care deeply? Yeah, that's pretty textbook incel in how detached it is from the reality of actual romantic relationships. Especially where the majority of problems with workplace relationships are a consequence of either both parties being immature about it (in which case you can mitigate most of that risk by not being immature about it) or an abuse of power (in which case one party isn't entirely in control of the situation to begin with and suggesting "just don't do it" is pretty tone deaf).

Yes, things sometimes go badly even if you approach the matter sensibly and with the best intentions, but the attitude of "if a man even smiles at a female coworker he's just asking for HR to ruin his life" (which, let's be real, is what Zeus was saying even if he subsequently backtracked to say that women face the same concerns) is very obviously histrionic nonsense. Even the cases where it does go badly despite you doing nothing wrong, there's a fair chance that coworker was always going to make trouble for you regardless of whether or not you asked them out, because making it go badly when you've done nothing wrong reflects some degree of innate malice on their part. The vast majority of the time, provided you make an effort to ensure the other person is comfortable with the situation, you take "no" for an answer, and you recognize when it's time to break off a relationship instead of drawing it out to the point that you resent each other, it'll turn out fine, aside from maybe some short-term awkwardness.

Though, saying this, if you think you can't ensure the other person is comfortable, take "no" for an answer, and recognize when it's time to break off a relationship, then it's probably a good idea for you to not date coworkers (or anyone else that similarly can't distance themselves from you if desired). That's not because it's intrinsically a bad idea, though. It's because you aren't mature enough to handle a relatively delicate dating situation.

I've tried.

We're good friends now, but nothing else.

Muscles posted...

Didn't dating at work used to be one of, if not the most, common way to meet your significant other until internet dating took off? Why is Zeus acting like it's some sort of taboo? He has to remember back to when it was more common

I would say the most common has always been through school but it's definitely not rare.

@adjl

Idk man, I do believe dating a coworker is generally a pretty bad idea unless you dont care about losing the job. Asking someone out isn't the issue. It's when coworkers are already sensually active and then one or the other decides they dont want to do that anymore (which is usually what happens). It almost always results in some kinda drama in my experience. It's actually happening right now with two of my coworkers lol.

More often than not, a workplace romance is the result of being bored/horny at work and close proximity. It's usually not because two people are soulmates or whatever you want to call it which is why it usually goes south. Usually, when you're dating someone you can break it off and that's that. If you work with someone thats not the case

I mean, you're getting at what I'm saying: In many cases, it doesn't work out because neither partner is able to handle a more delicate dating situation. That's not intrinsic to the concept, it's just that that's a maturity that many people lack and they don't necessarily exercise the restraint that should come with that lack of maturity.

Muscles posted...

Didn't dating at work used to be one of, if not the most, common way to meet your significant other until internet dating took off? Why is Zeus acting like it's some sort of taboo? He has to remember back to when it was more common

Maybe but these topics use to strongly discourage the notion of workplace romance but for some it seems allot of those same people have flipped for some reason. I think its a case of rule for thee not for me mentalities.

Yes, the woman at work I was assigned to training last year is currently living with me.

I have two coworkers I'm curious about: one extroverted muscle mom ex-butch and the other is a tall, slender neurodivergent enby who is quiet but extremely sweet and thoughtful.

Yesterday we got some big boxes in, and the volunteer at the front desk asked for help in our work chat, so I poke my head and see the former coworker moving them. Before I could even offer to help, she sees me and goes, "I got this. You just leave this to muscle mommy, go sit back down you dainty thing~." The other coworker came out, looking to help but I told them what the other one had said, and she chuckled and goes, "Yeah, get used to that. I guess we're not needed."

dedbus posted...

Maybe but these topics use to strongly discourage the notion of workplace romance but for some it seems allot of those same people have flipped for some reason. I think its a case of rule for thee not for me mentalities.

I feel like some people treat it like a taboo whereas some people will admit that it's at least very circumstantial. There are times where it's just stupid. There are times where it makes sense.

adjl posted...

To paraphrase, you once asked me "what does 'worthwhile sexual partner' mean?". But please, tell me more about how much better you understand relationships than me.

You mean that time I asked you about your weird buzzwords in that topic where you claimed that men have an easier time finding short-term sexual partners than women? Would that be the one? And where you insisted only rich people cheat because... reasons?

bachewychomp posted...

"If you try to go out with women they will accuse you of something bad" is definitely incel talk. Incels are all about externalizing the reasons why they can't get with women and that's one of the prime examples of it. Also, knowing about incels is pretty mainstream now as far as online communities go, so "you must go to 4chan" is a pretty paper-thin attempt at owning someone.

Have I mentioned lately that your generation is so weird?

Not dating coworkers is common sense. It's something you'll hear on both sides of the aisle, too. It's universal advice -- at least, outside of these internet echo chambers.

bachewychomp posted...

IIRC Zeus is also the kind of guy who would date a 19 year old (while being almost certainly at least 40 himself) because women over 30 need to keep their crusty old useless reproductive systems away (paraphrasing)

I make no secret of dating younger (not 19, but generally 20s). If a guy can date in that age range, they generally do. The only reasons guys don't is they either can't or they buy into social shaming.

As for your discussion regarding dating women in their 30s, if you can't date women in their 20s, that's kinda where you're stuck. For the most part, whatever you're looking for in a relationship, you're going to have an easier time finding it with a younger woman than an older one. And the deeper a woman is into her thirties if she still wants kids, the more she'll try to rush that relationship. It's not a good situation. Some of the worst divorces I've seen have involved women who were in that last-minute rush to have a kid.

adjl posted...

And, to be fair, there are legitimate concerns attached to dating coworkers. But the extreme position and the attitude of "you can find other women" as though the goal is simply to find a partner for the sake of it and not to develop a relationship with an individual about whom you care deeply?

This is some bizarre double-talk.

adjl posted...

(which, let's be real, is what Zeus was saying even if he subsequently backtracked to say that women face the same concerns) is very obviously histrionic nonsense.

It's not "backtracking" when I acknowledge something in the same post as when I first discuss a thing. And, honestly, I said that more in the interest of fairness than anything else. Pragmatically speaking, guys tend to more often impacted, far more severely impacted, and have longer-term ramifications. Bear in mind that a man overwhelmingly needs his career. You don't really have fallbacks (ie, as opposed to women who might leave the workforce to be the primary caregiver for children; a true stay-at-home dad is really just something you see on tv. The closest I've met to stay-at-home dads are day traders and remote workers, and even those are pretty rare.)

adjl posted...

I mean, you're getting at what I'm saying: In many cases, it doesn't work out because neither partner is able to handle a more delicate dating situation. That's not intrinsic to the concept, it's just that that's a maturity that many people lack and they don't necessarily exercise the restraint that should come with that lack of maturity.

But what you don't seem to get -- or purposefully ignore -- is that it only takes ONE person not acting maturely for it to be an issue.

Zeus posted...

Have I mentioned lately that your generation is so weird?

I'll remember this one the next time you try to pretend like you aren't significantly older than me, lolz

Zeus posted...

If a guy can date in that age range, they generally do. The only reasons guys don't is they either can't or they buy into social shaming.

Zeus posted...

For the most part, whatever you're looking for in a relationship, you're going to have an easier time finding it with a younger woman than an older one.

This is so gross. Plenty of guys want someone they can relate to more easily on an emotional level, and not just a woman who is "prime" physically, which seems to be what you're implying... or that you're a manchild who hasn't mentally gotten past 20-something

Zeus posted...

And the deeper a woman is into her thirties if she still wants kids, the more she'll try to rush that relationship.

So date a woman who doesn't want to have kids? It's not like they're all that uncommon these days

ReturnOfFa posted...

I feel like some people treat it like a taboo whereas some people will admit that it's at least very circumstantial. There are times where it's just stupid. There are times where it makes sense.

absolutely circumstantial. i've seen it work really well for some people and for others not so much.

i'm never trying it again as long as i live.

ReturnOfFa posted...

I was asked out on the picket line last week, went on a date today. We work in the same building but I've never seen her before.

when we fight, we win and sometimes get laid

Definitely weird if a guy past his 30s wants to date a woman in her 20s just for having kids. It's legal but people are going to find it creepy and fairly so I think.

I will say the dating pool 30s and up does get tougher because people tend to have more emotional baggage and possibly kids or getting out of rough divorce etc. But I'd still rather date someone my own age that's on my mental wavelength even if it means dealing with some baggage

Zeus posted...

You mean that time I asked you about your weird buzzwords in that topic where you claimed that men have an easier time finding short-term sexual partners than women? Would that be the one? And where you insisted only rich people cheat because... reasons?

If that's what you got out of the things I said in that topic, you need to revisit it after brushing up on your reading comprehension. Though, given that you're not sure what "worthwhile sexual partner" could mean, that up-brushing might be a steep ask.

Zeus posted...

This is some bizarre double-talk.

"There are issues, but they aren't unmanageable" is not double-talk. That's an accurate description of most ideas or situations.

Zeus posted...

But what you don't seem to get -- or purposefully ignore -- is that it only takes ONE person not acting maturely for it to be an issue.

Zeus posted...

I make no secret of dating younger (not 19, but generally 20s). If a guy can date in that age range, they generally do.

I wonder if these two statements could possibly be related...

You can usually get a pretty good read on whether or not a prospective partner is mature enough to handle a workplace relationship before actually dating them. Dating a coworker is (or should be) closer to dating an existing friend/acquaintance than to meeting somebody new with the express intent of dating them, in that you spend some time getting to know them before your relationship evolves into something romantic. You aren't necessarily going to have gotten as close to them as you would a friend because people tend to segregate parts of their personality between personal and professional lives, but if you're close enough to consider dating you've likely seen a few cracks in that segregation already. If you don't think you understand people well enough to make those predictions, then you've identified that you're not mature enough to handle workplace dating.

If you're taking things slowly enough that you can get a good handle on how well a prospective partner might handle a workplace relationship, and they still turn it into a problem, odds are they would have created a problem whether you agreed to go out with them or not. Reacting like that when you've behaved respectfully and haven't committed to more than you ended up giving suggests a combination of immaturity and malice that means they'd probably have just as likely lashed out at you for not asking them out or turning them down as for going on a date or two and breaking things off (and if we're going with "women can just make up whatever they want about how the men they date mistreated them and ruin their lives," as people like Zeus so often do, lying about being hit on is just as easy as lying about what happened on an actual date).

Zeus posted...

And, honestly, I said that more in the interest of fairness than anything else.

"Backtracking," in this case, meaning "tacking that on for the sake of appearing fair and not just whining about how disadvantaged men are." So... exactly what you just clarified.

Zeus posted...

For the most part, whatever you're looking for in a relationship, you're going to have an easier time finding it with a younger woman than an older one.

Emotional maturity? Education? Career progression? Life experience? Shared cultural experiences? Anything else that would amount to the relationship being an equal partnership?

There are many people out there who are terrified of being in a relationship where they aren't needed, who will specifically avoid partners that could leave them too easily and work to ensure that whatever partners they end up with don't have that option. I categorically reject that. I want my girlfriend to be able to leave me whenever she wants. If she wakes up tomorrow and decides she doesn't love me anymore, I don't want her to have to worry at all about whether or not she could replace me with a roommate. I want the only thing keeping her in a relationship with me to be the fact that she wants to be with me personally. I want a totally consensual relationship between equal partners. It's certainly not impossible to get that with somebody younger (when we started dating, I was 28 and she was 22), but when you start talking about a significant age gap as an explicit preference, the subtext there is pretty obviously "I want a partner that hasn't established herself yet who will depend on me and/or is less likely to believe that she could do better," and there's just a wee bit of yikes happening there.

adjl posted...

If that's what you got out of the things I said in that topic, you need to revisit it after brushing up on your reading comprehension. Though, given that you're not sure what "worthwhile sexual partner" could mean, that up-brushing might be a steep ask.

"There are issues, but they aren't unmanageable" is not double-talk. That's an accurate description of most ideas or situations.

I wonder if these two statements could possibly be related...

You can usually get a pretty good read on whether or not a prospective partner is mature enough to handle a workplace relationship before actually dating them. Dating a coworker is (or should be) closer to dating an existing friend/acquaintance than to meeting somebody new with the express intent of dating them, in that you spend some time getting to know them before your relationship evolves into something romantic. You aren't necessarily going to have gotten as close to them as you would a friend because people tend to segregate parts of their personality between personal and professional lives, but if you're close enough to consider dating you've likely seen a few cracks in that segregation already. If you don't think you understand people well enough to make those predictions, then you've identified that you're not mature enough to handle workplace dating.

If you're taking things slowly enough that you can get a good handle on how well a prospective partner might handle a workplace relationship, and they still turn it into a problem, odds are they would have created a problem whether you agreed to go out with them or not. Reacting like that when you've behaved respectfully and haven't committed to more than you ended up giving suggests a combination of immaturity and malice that means they'd probably have just as likely lashed out at you for not asking them out or turning them down as for going on a date or two and breaking things off (and if we're going with "women can just make up whatever they want about how the men they date mistreated them and ruin their lives," as people like Zeus so often do, lying about being hit on is just as easy as lying about what happened on an actual date).

"Backtracking," in this case, meaning "tacking that on for the sake of appearing fair and not just whining about how disadvantaged men are." So... exactly what you just clarified.

Emotional maturity? Education? Career progression? Life experience? Shared cultural experiences? Anything else that would amount to the relationship being an equal partnership?

There are many people out there who are terrified of being in a relationship where they aren't needed, who will specifically avoid partners that could leave them too easily and work to ensure that whatever partners they end up with don't have that option. I categorically reject that. I want my girlfriend to be able to leave me whenever she wants. If she wakes up tomorrow and decides she doesn't love me anymore, I don't want her to have to worry at all about whether or not she could replace me with a roommate. I want the only thing keeping her in a relationship with me to be the fact that she wants to be with me personally. I want a totally consensual relationship between equal partners. It's certainly not impossible to get that with somebody younger (when we started dating, I was 28 and she was 22), but when you start talking about a significant age gap as an explicit preference, the subtext there is pretty obviously "I want a partner that hasn't established herself yet who will depend on me and/or is less likely to believe that she could do better," and there's just a wee bit of yikes happening there.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm 38. I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do, what I want out of a partner, what kind of life I want to live, and I want a partner (in my case, another woman or a femme enby) who brings her own complete self into the picture and makes it better. And I want to make her life better: I want to uplift her, I want to help her achieve her dreams, I want to build a cozy and loving and supportive home with her in which we can thrive together: as individuals and as a couple. If I don't find someone like that, then I'll just be single.

See, the problem is a lot of men see women as servants, as a foundation upon which to build their dreams, rather than human beings with their own, equally-valid desires and ambitions. And women - especially women who've been around the block a few times - are wise to that. Thus the need to prey on and control a younger woman...

as of today Im romantically involved with a coworker so I maybe need to change my answer

I think I'd rather date a younger woman who doesn't have kids than a woman closer to my age with kids, but at least I don't act like there's no reason ever to date a woman over 30. That is incredibly demeaning as it implies that those women aren't worthy of romantic love (and is also demeaning to a large amount of men who are dating "wrong", even though those men could be like 50 which is still a significant age gap, but apparently not big enough for Zeus)