Board 8 > CycloRaptor 'Legend Of Dragoon' play through TOPIC

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have been inspired by alcohol to begin playing this masterpiece of gaming that i have not touched in 12 years

I will allow you to experience my journey alongside me with this topic


come, let us dart into the future together.


I warn you, this playthrough will be tons of reading. I am literally going to basically summarize every single thing that happens while making fun of it.

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come, let us dart into the future together.

I hope you burn.

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SmartMuffin - Because anything less would be uncivilized - http://img.imgcake.com/smartmuffin/barkleyjpgde.jpg
http://dudewheresmyfreedom.com/

tag for transformations

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"What if you just eat vegetarians?"-neonreaper
"^ You are what you eat. ^_~"-Koiji

Must tag

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Geologists will date anything.

allright I am watching the opening cinematic just kidding I am too drunk to pay attention to this because I have seen it a hundred times

basically that fat dude in the bulky armor asks a bunch of questions about what is going on with Shana and Lloyd shuts him down and says shutup this is above your paygrade fatty


Now I am watching Rose pose above a cliff as she watches "The Green Tusked Dragon, Feyrbrand". sit around completely still in the forest, so obviously she jumps off the cliff she is posing at.


Now Dart is reading some paper and saying "HMM. CHANCE OF WAR MORE LIKELY." as if that is a normal thing that makes sense in the english language.

some knights who appear to be riding pigs just approached me and asked if I am a Basil Mercenary...to which I respond by pulling out my sword. Then they LITERALLY ask me "Are you drawing a sword??!" As much as I was enjoying our conversation, we are sadly interrupted by furbrand as dart notes "I GOTTA DO SOMETHING OR ILL BE KILLED!", he seems like a sharp fellow.

I run from furbrand and Rose comes to help me by telling me to shutup, as Furbrand is apparently a complete moron who literally just keeps beating on a rock for 10 seconds and then goes away, having I presume done everything he could think of to find me.

As Rose can tell that Dart is an idiot, she notes to me that "ITS A DRAGON". Dart realizes his village is probably ****ed and runs off, as Rose starts glowing blue and thinks to herself how there is NO WAY that dart should be making her glow.

Dart comes upon a hill and sees his village on fire and notes "WHERE IS EVERYBODY!!!" Uh, Dart, I dunno if you noticed but the village is ****ing ON FIRE, where the **** do you think everybody is?

Dart heads down to the village where A villager is being harassed by some soldiers "YOU DIDNT GET ENOUGH KILLING?" says the villager to which the soldier responds "HEE HEE HEE!! IT MAY BE ENOUGH IF I KILL YOU!". Like, I just want you to reflect for a moment that someone actually wrote this dialogue. Anyway, I totally fight these soldiers and DOUBLE SLASH my way to victory. it is sweet. however, i feel being drunk is not the best way to play a game with this battle system...

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Oh, yeah, Additions.

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My Little Phineas and Ferb: Summer is Magic!
Aww, I lost to SuperNiceDog, Winner of the Rivalry Rumble Guru Contest

extreme tag

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ph33r teh masta~!

I've been told I'm a f** and should tag.

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Commodore
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After saving the villager, he asks me if I am really Dart. Uh, isn't this my village? I am pretty sure I am not wearing a disguise or anything...

The villager tells me that we were attacked by Sandora, which I feel like I already knew given I just fought two imperial sandora soldiers who were literally named 'Imperial Sandora Soldier'. Anyway, that guy tells me to rescue Shana and then dies. Dart gets all pissed off that he died without explaining everything.

I come across another old dude lying on the ground named 'Plos' because his parents HATED him, and apparently he gets up and is just fine?? Anyway, Plos guilt trips me about not coming back early enough to stop the village from dying and then some more soldiers come over to fight me....and literally reveal to me the location of Shana like some Bond villain who needs to tell me their dastardly plan because they are SO SURE im gonna die. The soldier makes a pretty good joke about how he will let me follow Shana....but not to Hellena prison...but TO HELL!!!!


I kill the commanders minions and he tells me "THATS AWFULLY CHEEKY OF YOU!!!" and then powers up. I dont think this game could get any more hilarious. Anyway, after beating him I reach LVL 2 and learn Volcano and head off to save Shana.

I talk to a couple villagers before leaving and one tells me the best dialogue so far...."DART, YOU SHAMELESSLY CAME BACK! BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T HERE, I, DAMN!" Well put, nameless peasant. Seriously though, why is every person nameless in this game?

Anyway, after leaving I am shown a scene of Shana being thrown in prison and the fat warden FRUEGEL again asks Lloyd about Shana, who just gives a vague answer because he is SO MYSTERIOUS and basically tells him to shutup again, to which the warden hilariously responds by walking off and throwing a random guard off a cliff.

I regain control on the world map and come across a Forest that is named 'Forest'. Seriously?

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Tagging

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I bring order and chaos, I am life and death, creator and destroyer, just like the rest of humanity.
My bunnyslug: http://img.imgcake.com/nio/catapngzu.png

this is great

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Mer

TAGGING WITH THE A BURNIIING SLASH

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"Later..." <Toonami> <4/1/2012> <Never Forget> ~SCP~
http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png

OK, so obviously the preceding post contains a serious grammatical error, but uh, in the spirit of this game who cares!

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"Later..." <Toonami> <4/1/2012> <Never Forget> ~SCP~
http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png

Yesssss.

Get ready to love Lavitz. He's the best character throughout the game.

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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1
Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!

Oh I forgot to use VOLCANO.

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I bring order and chaos, I am life and death, creator and destroyer, just like the rest of humanity.
My bunnyslug: http://img.imgcake.com/nio/catapngzu.png

to which the warden hilariously responds by walking off and throwing a random guard off a cliff.

ahaha

oh god

the best

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"Later..." <Toonami> <4/1/2012> <Never Forget> ~SCP~
http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png

After saving the villager, he asks me if I am really Dart. Uh, isn't this my village? I am pretty sure I am not wearing a disguise or anything...

The villager tells me that we were attacked by Sandora, which I feel like I already knew given I just fought two imperial sandora soldiers who were literally named 'Imperial Sandora Soldier'. Anyway, that guy tells me to rescue Shana and then dies. Dart gets all pissed off that he died without explaining everything.

I come across another old dude lying on the ground named 'Plos' because his parents HATED him, and apparently he gets up and is just fine?? Anyway, Plos guilt trips me about not coming back early enough to stop the village from dying and then some more soldiers come over to fight me....and literally reveal to me the location of Shana like some Bond villain who needs to tell me their dastardly plan because they are SO SURE im gonna die. The soldier makes a pretty good joke about how he will let me follow Shana....but not to Hellena prison...but TO HELL!!!!


I kill the commanders minions and he tells me "THATS AWFULLY CHEEKY OF YOU!!!" and then powers up. I dont think this game could get any more hilarious. Anyway, after beating him I reach LVL 2 and learn Volcano and head off to save Shana.

I talk to a couple villagers before leaving and one tells me the best dialogue so far...."DART, YOU SHAMELESSLY CAME BACK! BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T HERE, I, DAMN!" Well put, nameless peasant. Seriously though, why is every person nameless in this game?

Anyway, after leaving I am shown a scene of Shana being thrown in prison and the fat warden FRUEGEL again asks Lloyd about Shana, who just gives a vague answer because he is SO MYSTERIOUS and basically tells him to shutup again, to which the warden hilariously responds by walking off and throwing a random guard off a cliff.

I regain control on the world map and come across a Forest that is named 'Forest'. Seriously?

In the forest, I would just like to note, I came across an enemy called 'Assasin ****' (slang for dick). Anyway, I come across a dog and yell at it that I DONT HAVE TIME FOR IT and it goes away...then I immediately start staring off and having a flashback???? I thought I had no ****ing time!! The flashback is literally just Dart "protecting" shana from....a dog. What the ****?

Anyway, I get to Hellena Prison and for WHATEVER reason it is smoking like its a coal plant or something. The gatekeeper literally is like "Good meat and fish. Sir Freugal will be happy." haha what a fatty. The guard "inspects my load" and deems it to be okay, so I sneak inside.

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Just be careful around the Assassin C***s

They enjoy the inspecting of loads as well

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"Later..." <Toonami> <4/1/2012> <Never Forget> ~SCP~
http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png

benclo you should consume less alcohol imo

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Some merchant sells me out to the guards. I beat the guard and move on. I think it is hilarious how the guards in the prison, when they spot you, just scream out BASTARD!! and start chasing you.

Anyway, I come across the guards taunting some basil knights and Lavitz comes in to save them. To which a guard responds "Silly Guy!!". wow. I am literally laughing out loud, Lavitz last name is "Slambert". Slambert. Anyway, after introducing ourselves, more guards come and Lavitz says "LOOKS LIKE WE DONT HAVE TIME FOR INTRODUCTIONS" as if we did not just do that...

anyway, me and Lavitz take on the guards and I get my first taste of HARPOON!!! Lavitz decides to join up with me because...I had his back or something?? Anyway, we totally rescue Shana, who, amazingly, has not forgotten me in our FIVE YEAR absence. Stunning. Anyway, after rescuing her we get another scene of Fatty throwing random guards off a cliff. It was awesome.

I end up fighting Freugal who greets me with "SO YOU ARE THE RED ONE ACTING LIKE A PRINCE!!" which I respond "SO WHAT!!". Sick Burn. After beating him, Lavitz learns Spinning Cane, which sounds like the most deadly of attacks. We escape the prison on horseback, and Lloyd talks about how we are PLAYING INTO THE PALM OF HIS HANDS even though we are escaping.

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alright the rest of this will be written sober so...probably more coherent?

I come upon a prarie that is called 'prarie', and Lavitz apparently is running out of breath. Perhaps escaping in giant plate mail was a mistake. As I am running down the path, an arrrow shoots by that appears to miss Lavitz sprite by a good 5 feet, but he kneels down like he was hit. We hide behind a tree and some guards think they spot us....then a rat jumps out and one of them asks "IS THIS THE FUGITIVE??", confirming that this world needs to make some serious educational reforms, and they run off.

We come upon some shack, and Lavitz notes 'Tut, such a trifle wound". Shana notes that she knows first aid and Dart literally says "Shana? Learning something? THATS NEW!" I don't even know if he is being a dick or if people just really don't learn things very often in this world. We first aid Lavitz in the shed, and Shana decides this is a good time to ask Dart about the last five years as if we are not literally escaping from prison at the moment. Dart says that he left to try to kill THE BLACK MONSTER for revenge because of what they did to his family.

Dart explains that he has two homes, one in Seles, but he is also from Neet where the black monster attacked 18 years ago. Dart says the black monster attacked when he was 5 years old....making him 23, which for a JRPG protaganist is practically ancient, wow. Dart tells his sob story, and in the ruins of Neet he apparently finds a glowing orb that his father always carried around. Lavitz tells Dart about the situation with the war between Basil and Sandora, and that Sandora uses a Dragon. Dart says he was attacked by a dragon earlier with "NO WAY TO ESCAPE FROM IT." but then tells that he escaped from it. Haha, Lavitz says the dragon needs to be stopped from advancing so fast and Dart asks "YOU MEAN MORE CASUALTIES?" to which Lavitz crosses his arms and says "Yeah. Its war.", apparently Dart is not just stupid to the player. We decide to follow Lavitz in hopes of finding some information about the black monster from the royalty in Basil. Shana says to Lavitz to be careful because he is wounded, and he kind of weirdly replies to this with "YOU WILL BE A GOOD WIFE ONE DAY!", but Shana reacts like that is a normal thing to tell a person. I am getting the impression that Shana is not much of a feminist.

We see a tree that is close to falling and Dart decides to chop it down but not with his own sword, so I head back to the shed and find and ax and Dart says "I GET IT! WE CAN USE THIS" uh, yeah dude, it was your idea in the first place, how are you just now getting it? We mess this whole tree thing up and apparently need to find another way to cross the water....only we don't, because the tree magically floats to the exact spot we need to cross and then stops floating any further. We come across a civilian family who apparently escaped from Sandora, and the father yells at Lavitz because he thinks knights are jerks. Lavitz responds by feeding his hungry son, and offering them a place to stay in his own house in Bale. Lavitz is such a nice guy, even though he lives with his mother. I leave the prarie and head to a Limestone cave.

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best topic

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Ryoko
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/7619/cyclokle.png

oh man tag

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npHDxSvwCE0

I hope they paid the guy who named the locations well

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thelefty for analysis crew 2008 imo -tranny
I have a third degree burn in flame-o-nomics -Sir Chris

this brings back so many great memories :)

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ph33r teh masta~!

Fun game

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Tornadoman78:
tornadoman and tornadogirl like to kick box each other in my tornaolayzers and she dosent even mind getting hit

One of the enemies in this cave is called an 'Ugly Balloon', which I find pretty entertaining. We come across some stepping stones, and Dart heroically tells Shana not to slip. Lavitz slips near the end and Dart pulls him up, with Lavitz noting this is the second time Dart saved his life. Dart replies "I was just round", not sure if the translation messed that up or he was just being cool and using slang. Lavitz hilariously says him and Dart will have a long relationship, and then they do a bro hug/bro fist type thing and Shana complains that for one second they weren't tending to her weak womanly needs. We come across some Rock Fireflies and Dart and Lavitz talk about how they saved their lives, then Shana gets all uppity that she doesn't share in the boys bonding over this. Lavitz explains that Rock Fireflies can heal you, and Dart says "WELL, SHANA LEARNED AT LEAST ONE THING" continuing the trend of hilarious sexism in this game. We finally get to the guardian of the cave which is a giant snake named 'Urobolus', which I am pretty sure is what Wesker was trying to saturate the world with. After defeating it, we start walking by but then ITS NOT DEAD and it goes to attack Shana but she begins glowing and somehow the snake is dissolved by the light she emits. We all agree that was totally weird and decide to move on.

ADDITION UPDATE: I have mastered DOUBLE SLASH. Time for VOLCANO, thus making me actually have to pay attention in battle from now on.

That is it for now, time to actually get out of bed today.

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topic of the year so far

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npHDxSvwCE0

From: CycloRaptor | #027
Lavitz slips near the end and Dart pulls him up, with Lavitz noting this is the second time Dart saved his life. Dart replies "I was just round"

AHAHA WHAT

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ph33r teh masta~!

i love this so much

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Ryoko
http://img.imgcake.com/ryonessjpgyd.jpg

ROD TAGPHOON

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Goodnight Austin Texas, wherever you are!

Tagging.

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Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln

I go into Bale. I go into a house and find 'Portraitist Girl' who squeals over Lavitz and wants to 'draw his portrait' again. I also come across a drunkard named Dran who yells at me to bring him spirits, so I go buy some to help this man indulge in his addiction just so he moves out of the ****ing walkway. There is literally a place in this town called 'Slambert Plaza', dedicated to Lavitz dad who was known as the "Lance of Slambert".

We make our way to Albert, who is happy Lavitz is alive. MINISTER NOISH makes fun of albert for missing lavitz so much, to which albert replies "LAVITZ IS MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND AS WELL AS A MASTER OF MARTIAL ARTS". I am REALLY not sure how that martial arts part was relevant at all. Albert offers to do whatever I ask as thanks for saving Lavitz from Hellena, and Dart asks...for Albert to keep Shana in the castle. Albert says he cant because it isn't safe here, plus Shana clearly is into Dart. Even this dude who literally met us both five seconds ago can tell! Instead, Dart asks Noish about the black monster. He basically says everything about the black monster has been burned but what he knows is that the black monster is the devil and that it is known for having devoured the "god", and yes the game puts it in quotes. They remark it began showing up 11 thousand years ago, around the end of the DRAGON CAMPAIGN.

Then I get to watch a cinematic where Noish tells me about the Winglies war with Humans, where Humans overthrew the jerk Winglies. He ends with "The black monster appeared after the Dragon Campaign" uh, yeah dude, we covered that already.


Lavitz tell us that Sandora is going to attack Hoax, and use the dragon in battle. Dart gives a speech about how he has been living for himself and now he is going to help people so he is going to Hoax to help. There is a town called Hoax. Lavitz says we must prepare by going to weapon and items shops...and visiting his mother. I am half expecting Lavitz to start telling me how after this war he is going to retire just to fufill every single possible 'I am gonna die' cliche.

Anyway, I go see his mother, who seems to be named "Lavitz's mother", which fits, because who really cares about women, anyway? Lavitz decides to keep the Hellena stuff from his mother, and his mother thinks that Shana is his bride, but Lavitz sets her straight that he is a loser and she is into Dart. Then she begs him to hurry up and find a bride so she can get grandchildren. Shana goes to help mom make lunch, and Lavitz decides to show me around his house. one room is full of books on strategy, which dart claims is his weak point. Nobody is surprised. Lavitz invites me upstairs to "show me his treasure", which is the view from his roof of the castle. He tells me how he used to stand here and dream about becoming a knight like his father. He tells me he is as passionate about protecting this country as Dart is about Shana, which, I think is supposed to mean a lot?? The food is ready, so we leave Lavitz "treasure" and Dart remarks that Shana is like a sister to him. Okay, weird. Lavitz compliments his mothers cooking, to which she replies by telling him to get married soon for the third time. Lavitz then awkwardly changes to subject to how we need to go shopping, but I totally already did that so I tell mom we are ready to go. Lavitz then hugs her because "she gives him luck" as if she is kind of Buddha, and we stay for the night. As I leave Bale, some jerk named Martel bumps into me. None of us know what that was about. To Hoax!

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We arrive at Hoax, and talk about how this town basically turned into a giant fort as a result of the war. Some random townsperson tells me that there is an 'indescribable' statue in Volcano Villude, and then proceeds to describe the statue as being spooky. Then we go to see Kaiser, who is in charge here. Kaiser asks Dart and Lavitz to be the guards at night, but notes "having Shana too is not a good idea" and suggests she prepares the meals for the men. Hahaha. Lavitz says he is worried about meal now, while Dart says he can enjoy any meal if there is a lot of food, and Kaiser even joins in on the 'you suck at cooking' jokes and Shana feels bad because she fails at being a decent woman. We take our guard post and await an attack. Dart decides to go get some food, which of course is when the attack starts. Our soldiers seem to be completely useless and all pretty much die. Some elite Sandoran soldier just literally jumps right over the walls of the city and kills someone, and so we go to kick his butt. After damaging him enough, he says "ENOUGH PLAYTIME. I AM TAKING MY GLOVES OFF". I guess it was a metaphor because he keeps his gloves on and just changes into three people. After beating im Lavitz learns Rod Typoon, and the GIGANTO, Kongol, shows up. Dart isn't worried about fighting him, though, because he isn't a Dragon.

Kongol says "KONGOL NEED NO WEAPON KONGOL BEAT YOU WITH BEAR HANDS", as Native Americans everywhere sigh. Even though we beat him, Kongol apparently wins the fight because he is about to chop off my head until Rose shows up in Dragoon form. She tells me to wake up, RED EYED DRAGOON and the happy music plays while I start glowing. The SHEER POWER of my transformation knocks kongol
backwards and he hards the ground so hard it breaks. Rose reacts to all this commotion by flipping her hair. Lavitz asks what happened, and Dart says he doesn't
know. Then Kongol gets up and Rose says she thought he was dead but he responds "Giganto don't die!" which makes sense, because there are just SO MANY OF THEM LEFT that people don't even believe Kongol exists. Dart then collapses. Dart wakes up in bed, and explains to Shana that Rose is the one who saved him from the Dragon
earlier. Rose tells us she followed us because she saw Dart had the Red Dragoon spirit, and that we remind her of her old friends who are all dead. Because all her
friends are dead, Shana comes around to liking Rose.

Some soldier interrupts telling us that another fortress is under attack. We decide to go try to kill the dragon because we are dragoons and that means we can beat dragons. Dart hears furbrand growling and says "it brings back the fear I felt before" to which rose responds "THE REAL FEAR HAS YET TO BEGIN". Man, heavy stuff.

I head to the Marshlands, which, yes, are called "marshland". In the marshlands, Shana twists her ankle, because god forbid she go five seconds without needing the attention of a man, and Dart offers to carry her piggyback style. They have some conversation that I am sure is supposed to be sweet about how Shana is a big girl and not weak anymore even though she literally still needs Darts help every five seconds. After being carried for five seconds, Shana decides her ankle doesn't hurt anymore. I
feel pretty confident that it was five seconds because we are literally still in the exact same place as where she twisted her ankle. Anyway, we leave the Marshland and head to Volcano Villude.

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THE REAL FEAR HAS YET TO BEGIN

excellent

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npHDxSvwCE0

From: CycloRaptor | #034
They have some conversation that I am sure is supposed to be sweet about how Shana is a big girl and not weak anymore even though she literally still needs Darts help every five seconds.

XFD

this is the best

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Mer

This is solid gold.

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"What if you just eat vegetarians?"-neonreaper
"^ You are what you eat. ^_~"-Koiji

The ground begins shaking, and Lavitz asks if the volcano is erupting. Rose says no, it is just Fire Bird. Seriously? Fire Bird was the best they could come up with? Anyway, Fire Bird sees us so we run away. We start jumping across these rocks surrounded by lava and all the sudden Shana starts acting all funny and says that something is calling her and runs off. I follow her into the next "room"...do caves really have rooms? anyway, Shana says she stopped hearing the voice when she got here. We notice some statue looking thing in the lava. Rose tells us it is alive, and something called a VIRAGE. Rose is shocked that Dart has no idea what a Virage is, proving they clearly just met. Rose explains that in the Dragon Campaign, the Winglies were outnumbered so they used Virages in a similar way to how the Humans used Dragoons. Shana wonders how something from 11 thousand years ago is still alive, and Rose says probably because of it's hatred for humans. Wow, dude, Virages are hardcore. Literally just living in a lava pit stewing in hatred for 11 thousand years. Then we fight the Virage, which looks like some kind of Geigeresque monster sitting on a green baloon. After we defeat it, we knock it into the lava, which is weird because I am pretty sure it was just sitting in the lava earlier but for some reason now it sank into the lava like it actually harmed it.

We walk back a bit and we hear someone scream asking if anyone is there and some funky chocobo-esque music starts playing. We find out it is some garishly dressed man who slipped and almost fell into the lava. He offers Shana a reward for saving him, and she refuses but Dart sets her straight "once you set your mind on something you have to do it, its a man thing" Dart really has a way with words. Turns out he is Dabas, from Lohan, and he is here looking for a "burning gem". But I guess he is done looking because he just leaves, and Shana remarks "he is funny", because this is a subtle game.

We try to leave, but FIRE BIRD sets fires around us and we are forced to fight him. Somehow we manage to defeat the dreaded fire bird, and dart remarks "huff huff it was a hot fight". Anyway, we finally leave the volcano villude and head to the nest of the dragon, which is called nest of the dragon.

Rose remarks that the forest is contaminated by the Dragons poison. Shana then proceeds to get dizzy and kneel over, to which Lavitz responds "I guess it is hard for a woman". Rose remarks that she is a woman, too and Lavitz is like "yeah but you are special", and then Shana says she needs to rest and runs off to the next screen...where she says she is fine and then we finally get to start moving again.

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We come to some giant web on the ground and it falls apart, and we fall into the dragons lair. Of course, everyone is standing around waiting for Shana to "come to", and then she says she is fine. I make my way through the dragons nest and come to some knight who seems to know Lavitz. He says it is "SO IRONIC" that lavitz would be there. Apparently he is Greham, who used to be a knight under Lavitz father, but he betrayed him. Greham literally asks Lavitz "Are you still holding that grudge after more than a dozen years for my betrayal of your father!?" Like, uh, dude, that isn't something people just "get over". Anyway, his dragon buddy furbrand comes by, and he decides to tell me his evil knowledge before killing me. Apparently the leader of Sandora, Doel, got his power and intellect from Emperor Diaz, who died like 11 thousand years ago. I am not sure I really understand what this dude is talking about. So I am gonna kill him.

So, we beat them. Lavitz asks why Greham is such a betraying jerk. Greham says that Lavitz father was the only thing he could never conquer, and he felt weak because of it. That is kind of a lame reason. Greham kind of sucks. Anyway, he dies and..dissappear for some reason. Then Grehams Dragoon spirit begins to glow and Lavitz becomes the JADE DRAGOON. Lavitz says he will use his power for justice, to which rose responds by thinking to herself "use for justice? HUH!". Well put.

OF COURSE seconds after this happens, Shana starts being unable to breathe. JESUS CHRIST. We decide to go to Lohan, because we cannot carry Shana over the Volcano Villude and Lavitz has heard there is a good doctor in Lohan.

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Win

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Geologists will date anything.

bumpo countie playing

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ph33r teh masta~!

tag

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"The king stay the king." - D'Angelo

god Shana sucks

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Mer

bump

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ph33r teh masta~!

We arrive in Lohan, and Dart runs Shana to the doctor, named Sanator. He says it is her mind, not her body, that is poisoned. What? He says to save her we need to get some Dragoni plant, but that they are super rare if they even exist, so we decide to go look for information around town. One of the random people around town tells me "The slow economy is only in your mind! If you make whoopee then your mind will be someplace else!". Wisdom. We enter Dabas Antique Shop, to which Lavitz notes "It's the goofy merchant from the other day!" Dabas says he does not have Dragoni Plant, but he pulls out his SECRET NOTEBOOK and apparently it has information about it. I have to go back to the marshes and use the pure water in the dragons nest to purify a monster plant in order to get past it to the shrine where Dabas found Dragoni Plant. Not sure why we can't just go around the monster plant, but whatever.

Anyway, I arrive at the shrine and for some reason there is a chest that says "you lost okay" when I open it. We see a dragon etching on the wall, which prompts Rose to tell us to take out our Dragoon Spirits and they all glow, indicating there is a dragoon somewhere inside. I find more chests inside with similar notes, so it seems this place has been cleared out. I make my way further into the shrine and some jerk named Drake who is dressed like a scarecrow throws knives at me. I defeat him and he says he has to protect shirley, who is some ghost that appears. Not sure why this dude thinks he needs to protect a ghost. Apparently Shirley used to know Rose. She doesn't have any Dragoni plant, but says Shana can be healed with her white dragoon spirit. Now apparently I have to fight her to prove I am worthy....but the "fight" is just her questioning all of us to make sure we are virtuous. She gives us the dragoon spirit but asks us to save Drake. We use the new white dragoon spirit to do so, and Shirley dissapears. Now Drake is running around going "WHERE IS SHIRLEY", and I leave the shrine to go heal Shana...*sigh*

So we go back to Lohan, and we find out that Shana is actually a Dragoon as well. Specifically, the "White Silver" dragoon. How come she gets TWO colors? The Doc tells me that he wishes for me to end this war quickly as a reward, but then tells me to go join in the HERO COMPETITION in the Arena. Evidently he does not mean THAT quickly.

We go to this tent to sign up for the Hero competition, and Dart signs up to prove he is the baddest dude on the planet. Lavitz can't join because Knights of Basil are not eligible, and Rose declines because she does not like the word "dude" (this is literally her reason). I come along Haschel arguing with "Wandering Warrior", who for some reason has the same sprite as the prison wardens, and throws a hissy fit because Haschel calls him immature for not being old. Haschel head butts him and it knocks him out cold, and says to respect old people. He asks me what happened to the black whatchamacallit but it is time to start the competition.

The first round sees me fighting a guy in a loincloth and a bear hat with a feather...his name is "Gorgaga" and he is a dirty cheater, because he poisons me which is against the rules. After taking a couple hits he runs away going "JUST YOU WAIT!!" and I feel very frightened. Second round I am against "Serfius", who just looks like a knight and despite him powering up about halfway through, he is easily beaten. Third round I am fighting "Danton" who is a big fat guy with a sledgehammer that literally takes a good five seconds to lurch his fat ass up to me to attack. Now I am fighting the guy who lost in the championships last year, Atlow. He uses his secret "5 sense loss" technique on me, which means he shoots me in my legs, arms, and head. I am not sure which of my 5 sense are lost by shooting my legs, but okay.

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I find out that Haschel lost in his last match to a MYSTERIOUS SWORDSMEN named Lloyd. When I try to attack Lloyd he simply dodges me, and dart exclaims "I can't predict the moves!!". After Lloyd finishes kicking my ass, we have a results ceremony and Lloyd tells me and Haschel that we will get stronger, that we HAVE to. Lavitz comes down and tells Lloyd he would LOVE to have a match with him in a time of peace and Lloyd says that Lavitz is no match for him. Dart wants to introduce Haschel to his friends, and Haschel is like "DART THE LONE WOLF HAS FRIENDS? INTERESTING"...which first of all, is that interesting? and second of all, YOU ARE HIS FRIEND HASCHEL!

Haschel explains that he is on a journey to find his daughter who ran away 4 years ago. Haschel seems to be the only one who thinks its weird that Dart and Shana clearly want to bone but Dart thinks of her as a little sister. Lavitz comes up with a plan to have Shana and Dart go on a date around the arena, while he goes with Rose. Rose punches him and he says he is just pretending. WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE EXPECT HASCHEL TO DO? Dart is being slow so Haschel decides to grab Shana and take her with him which I guess finally gets Dart to go along with the plan...the plan to...man, I dont know.

We walk around the arena, and there is an NPC that says "Mini-Games make me excited!" which is kind of meta, so I dig it. Somewhere around the arena I come across Rose standing against a wall brooding, and she says "I am busy now". Look, I know dart is a high functioning special needs person, but even he can tell you are not busy right now, *****. I hate mini games, but Lavitz is being a douche and won't let me leave without playing them. Every one of these games I play results in Dart saying something stupid and Shana responding with "...", leading me to believe that Shana just wants Dart for his body, or that he hit his head in this five year absence and used to actually be capable of forming coherant sentences.

Lavitz takes me outside after our "date" and asks me "DID YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?" which apparently means did i get any because lavitz clarifies "DID YOU HOLD HANDS OR ANYTHING" when Dart seems clueless. Dart again is clueless and responds "SHANA ISNT KID ANYMORE WE DONT NEED TO GO HAND IN HAND" and Lavitz asks "Dart, are you getting what I am talking about?", the answer to which is eternally not a chance. Dart says he plans on going after the Black monster again after the war, and he doesnt want shana involved in that. Lavitz tells Dart that revenge won't solve anything, as he killed "the guy he hated" already, and tells Dart he will accept drinks as a reward for this advice. What a badass.

As I try to leave, a knight of basil with like three arrows in his back comes limping into town and collapses. He tells us that King Albert is in custody at Hellena after they were surprise attacked. Lavitz wants to run off to help albert and Dart tells him to calm down, and then Haschel comes OUT OF NOWHERE and jumps over Dart and Lavitz and punches Lavitz in the gut. When Lavitz wakes up, Haschel tells him that knights with no self control cannot save their kind. Dart comes to the masterful conclusion that we should go rescue Albert from Hellena, which was EXACTLY WHAT LAVITZ WANTED TO DO. So we leave Lohan to go do that.

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**** yeah.

Tagged for awesomeness.

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http://soundcloud.com/thundersheep/lunatic-asylum
http://soundcloud.com/thundersheep/summer-rain

Greham is such a hipster

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"What if you just eat vegetarians?"-neonreaper
"^ You are what you eat. ^_~"-Koiji

all of my childhood confusion

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"Later..." <Toonami> <4/1/2012> <Never Forget> ~SCP~
http://img.imgcake.com/Jeffzeropngus.png

Oh my lord, tag! Awesome game

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Not changing this sig until the Winnipeg Blue Bombers win the grey cup. Started Aug. 16/04