Poll of the Day > I was in a serious car wreck, I lost my fiancee violently...

(+) Yeah! (+)

Hello, POTD. I haven't posted here in ... possibly 10 years? I'm friends with a few people from here, such as Delta, Bomber (that helps me test Doom stuff), Habit Zero, RC, etc...

Anyways, I registered just to reach out to you guys for a moment. I was dating my fiancee for 6 and a half years, may as well have been married (we considered it married most of the time, even though we hadn't gotten to the wedding just yet.)

We were visiting Texas to see her family, and I remember going the bathroom and then leaving the restaurant. I woke up in the hospital. At first, I just accepted the setting like a dream, and I was just like "OK, you're taking a needle out of my arm. That's cool, I'll try to be a good patient." And then as my senses came to me, I was like "Wait, why the hell am I in a hospital? I was just at a restaurant with my wife's family, WTF?" And they told me I was airlifted there from an extremely serious car wreck, and that I had blacked out from impact and trauma. You'd think I'd remember a helicopter! Nope, restaurant -> hospital. My fiancee's mother came in to tell my my family was flying to Texas to get me, and I was like "wait a minute... wait... where is [fiancee]? WHERE IS [fiancee]???? WHERE THE **** IS [fiancee]?!?!?!?!?!?!?" and my mother-in-law just shook her head crying and said "im sorry [mansaurus] im so sorry.." I grabbed her and the doctor and just screamed and cried for what felt like hours.

I had a minor concussion and a crap load of bruises/cuts and such (and my left hand still feels like a hit a brick wall) but I was stable enough to leave the hospital. I saw her body at the hospital to say goodbye, and I couldn't handle more than a few seconds after saying bye before crying and throwing up. Her family stayed longer and I was just screaming "get me the **** out of here get me the **** out of here." I saw the car as well to retrieve some personal belongings, and I should be dead. We were hit by a truck that lost control in the rain head on. Where I was sitting (passenger front) no longer exists, the entire front part of the car is missing. It was just metal glass and blood where I had been. I couldn't stand this sight any more than the sight of my wife's body and I panicked and had to leave.

I've returned to my home state and gotten leave of absense from work temporarily but I no longer know what to do. I have therapy today, but I don't see the point. What is the end game? I feel slightly better in a world that my wife is STILL DEAD IN? I should have died in that crash. Most of me feels that way. I'm glad my family got the follow up phone call (their first call was my wife was dead and i was nowhere to be found, followed up with "we found him we found him hes critical but we found him at so and so hospital") that I was alive, because I don't want anyone to be hurt... but at my core I no longer have a reason for waking up. I wish I had died in that wreck with her. I cleaned my guns because I wanted to protect her. I lifted weights to protect her. I worked two jobs to provide for our future and put clothes on her back and food in the fridge. I am completely broken and lost at this point, I don't even know how to be cold without her or dress myself or eat. I wake up every morning with nightmares and screaming and crying, and I feel so alone. The other half of me is gone, and there is a huge darkness that is swallowing me. I had to sound like an emo vampire kid, but that is the only English I can think of to describe what I feel.

Thank you for reading this, guys. I don't know what possessed me to write on here, but I was a regular many many years ago, when I was a kid (as ThatGuy420, PeskySaurus, ManSaurus, OutlawStar.)

Oh, and our 5 year old niece was in the back seat. She was only minorly injured by the seatbelt, but she was not knocked out so she got to see MY WIFE DIE AND ME GET AIRLIFTED UNCONSCIOUS OUT OF THE CAR. She wouldn't even hug me goodbye when I left the state after the accident, and I told her father and mother I completely understand... she doesn't understand the horror she just saw and is associating me with the violence and death. I hope one day I can talk to her about it, and I hope she doesn't become greatly disturbed by all of it.

I'm really sorry to hear this, sounds extremely devastating. Be strong. Time will eventually heal everything, I really don't have much to say :/
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I'm sorry for your loss

holy hell man, this sounds fucking devastating. i'm so sorry.

i had wondered what happened to you, you were one of my favorite posters back in the day. i'm so sorry that happened, brother. i cannot even imagine.

if you ever want to shoot the shit, feel free to pm man. i'm so sorry.
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Wow. I am so sorry for your loss.

Please attend therapy. You have experienced a serious trauma that will be difficult to heal from, but it can be possible. Be patient with yourself. Seek support from the people around you who love you--remember that they only wish to help you in the best ways, so let them know what those ways may be. Everyone grieves differently and perhaps your therapist can help you explore healthy ways of doing so.

Best wishes as you recover.
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Sorry for what happened to you, man. How long has it been since the accident?

Maybe you can start a scrapbook of all your favorite memories. Write small paragraphs for things you liked but couldn't capture in a photograph. I don't know if it would help, but that's what I would do.
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I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. Take as much time as you need, man. At this point, all you can do it take it one step at a time.

And take care of yourself and talk to people about how you feel. It'll help. I promise.
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:(

Much love bro
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RCtheWSBC posted...

Wow. I am so sorry for your loss.

Please attend therapy. You have experienced a serious trauma that will not be difficult to heal from, but it can be possible. Be patient with yourself. Seek support from the people around you who love you--remember that they only wish to help you in the best ways, so let them know what those ways may be. Everyone grieves differently and perhaps your therapist can help you explore healthy ways of doing so.

Best wishes as you recover.

I'll second that. It's going to be a while before you see a point to the therapy, and it's going to hurt for a long time, but it will help eventually. If nothing else, she wouldn't want you to give up so quickly. Good luck, dude.
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Everything you guys are saying means a lot to me. I don't know how to be. I know that I'm grateful to you guys, and to my friends and family... but I can't connect to it. It's as if I'm being e-mailed my feelings, as if there was a middle man between myself and my brain. There is a messenger saying "you love these people" and it makes sense to me in theory, but it's not something I'm actually experiencing in my heart. As if I was controlling myself in 3rd person like The Sims or Max Payne and I had to select "give friend hug" on a menu and watch myself do it emotionlessly, despite knowing the "character I was controlling" did in fact, love the person they were hugging.

And Ziggi, I do remember you, man. It's good to see you... I wish it wasn't... under such dire circumstances. I appreciate the extension of friendship.

Man, I can't imagine what you're going through. That's awful. Please go to your therapy sessions. They will be very helpful.
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This is so sad, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
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My condolences.
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MannerSaurus posted...

I don't know how to be. I know that I'm grateful to you guys, and to my friends and family... but I can't connect to it. It's as if I'm being e-mailed my feelings, as if there was a middle man between myself and my brain. There is a messenger saying "you love these people" and it makes sense to me in theory, but it's not something I'm actually experiencing in my heart. As if I was controlling myself in 3rd person like The Sims or Max Payne and I had to select "give friend hug" on a menu and watch myself do it emotionlessly, despite knowing the "character I was controlling" did in fact, love the person they were hugging.

That's shock, mostly. You're disconnecting because being connected is too painful. That will pass, though when you do connect again, it's going to really hurt. Keep people around you and keep e-mailing yourself that you love these people, because you're going to need that reminder of all the good things that do exist in your life.
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I just got back from therapy. I don't expect one session to make everything better, but I can't help but still feel despair and hopelessness in the grand scheme of my life and the future. She was very sweet, though.

One day at a time. Therapy sessions should match the pace you wish to set over time. Take this time to establish a working relationship with your counselor,and to go over whatever outcomes or goals you might possibly have.
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That really really sucks man : (
I wish you all the best.
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Stay strong dude

that's horrible. :(
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wow. Im really sorry. I dont even know what to say other than what others have said about therapy. Thats gonna be huge for you.
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I am sorry that you have to experience such a painful loss. Please do continue to attend your therapy sessions. As others have said, it's going to feel useless at first. It really will. Just hang on.

She was your purpose. I get that. But you've got purpose still to find. And you will.

you have my condolences

it's good that you started therapy. it's good for having a release, and to learn techniques to help you move forward. just try and stay strong, think positive, and know that people you know love you

i'm far from a therapist myself, but if you need someone else to talk to, do feel free to send a pm. I may not have every answer, but it can't hurt to talk to others and get tips on certain things
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Hey, man, I think we used to play some Starcraft together.

I'm so sorry about what happened, if you need anything don't be afraid to ask me.

is this mansy

it is, it's been less than 10 years since you've posted here btw.

i was def not 16 when i met you

i stopped lurking here 6-7 years ago, and you were here then
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Sorry for your loss, Manner.

Therapy can be wonderful, but if you don't feel as though you're making any progress, don't be afraid to look for a new therapist. After my mom died, I went through four different therapists before finding the "right" one. Not that the other ones were bad, we just didn't jibe.

Speaking of progress, that can be tricky. Grief never really goes away. It just changes. Some of the rough edges smooth over time, but there will always be sadness. You will always miss her. For me, and hopefully for you, what happened is that those instances that make you feel sad; the memories, the holidays she's noticeably absent from... eventually those will become opportunities for fond reflection, as opposed to painful reminders of who is missing. I still get sad from time to time, remembering my mother, but often I will think of her and smile, or a memory of her may brighten an otherwise sad or difficult day.

It's a long, difficult road, but it will get better. Stay the course, and never shy away from asking for help when you need it.
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Thanks for sharing your feelings and experience. I really can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope things get better for you.
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Far-Queue posted...

Therapy can be wonderful, but if you don't feel as though you're making any progress, don't be afraid to look for a new therapist. After my mom died, I went through four different therapists before finding the "right" one. Not that the other ones were bad, we just didn't jibe.

Thank you for saying this! While on my lunch break I was thinking about this exact same thing.

Do not give up entirely on therapeutic interventions if you find that you aren't making the progress you'd like with your current provider. This is ultimately about your mental health and healing, so do not be afraid to ask your current provider for recommendations about other counseling practices if you would like to change.
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helIy posted...

is this mansy

it is, it's been less than 10 years since you've posted here btw.

i was def not 16 when i met you

i stopped lurking here 6-7 years ago, and you were here then

the guy lost his fiance and you're going to argue with him over meaningless semantics. fuck you, helly. i didn't think there was tier below shit, but you somehow managed it, ok?
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That's terrible, I hate it for you. My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish there was something we could do to ease your pain. Hang in there.
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My condolences. I can't even imagine what you're going thru man. Seek a good therapist and keep your head up. Time heals all wounds.
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I vaguely remember your names. I honestly don't know what I'd do in your position. Hopefully you can figure out what is best for yourself. Much love man.
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Also, how long has it been since this all happened?
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sorry for your loss bud :(
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Hey guys. It's alright about the number thing... it has to be somewhere close to 10 years just based on my calculations, but it has definitely been a while.

I appreciate the condolences. Yes, Shadow, you and me were pretty regular SC2 buddies I definitely remember that. I think you actually played StarCraft II with my now dead wife. Quite a few times actually. (-EAG- Skyee I believe was her SN.) She was an angel. We weren't perfect, we had our arguments, but she was good for me. The perfect balance of letting me be myself while not letting me be a completely insane unhooked psycho guy with no consequences for my action. She helped me immensely with my anxiety AND my maturity.

The wreck was on October 3rd, I woke up in the hospital on the 4th or 5th.

ZiggiStardust posted...

helIy posted...

is this mansy

it is, it's been less than 10 years since you've posted here btw.

i was def not 16 when i met you

i stopped lurking here 6-7 years ago, and you were here then

the guy lost his fiance and you're going to argue with him over meaningless semantics.

typical helly
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ZiggiStardust posted...

helIy posted...

is this mansy

it is, it's been less than 10 years since you've posted here btw.

i was def not 16 when i met you

i stopped lurking here 6-7 years ago, and you were here then

the guy lost his fiance and you're going to argue with him over meaningless semantics. fuck you, helly. i didn't think there was tier below shit, but you somehow managed it, ok?

yeah that's not what I did

you tried way too hard there
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I'm sorry for your loss. I actually read this a work earlier and was getting choked up. I can't even imagine.

In time, I hope you can heal, it'll never be fully, but to a point you're satisfied with.

I'm sorry.
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TheWorstPoster posted...

I'm sorry for your loss

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It feels like there's no escape from this and no peace. I don't even like sleeping anymore, I just wake up panicking and lonely and horrified that my wife is gone. I used to love sleep. Ahhhhh......

That really sucks and I felt bad when I saw this topic.

Also end up feeling bad that I made my username what it is

We're here for you though man, can't imagine what you're going through :[
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Man I feel you. If my SO passed away I'd probably just move into a studio apartment and lapse into my alcoholism and become a hermit.
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One day at a time. And stay away from abusive substances.

I play alot of what ifs in my head (not exactly morbid but pragmatic and reflective) and whenever I imagine something like this happening, I see myself coping with alcoholism.

Wish you the best going forward.
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Firewood18 posted...

One day at a time. And stay away from abusive substances.

I play alot of what ifs in my head (not exactly morbid but pragmatic and reflective) and whenever I imagine something like this happening, I see myself coping with alcoholism.

Wish you the best going forward.

Traditionally, I'm a little bit of a heavy drinker. Nothing insane, but I drink a 12-24pack once or twice a week, or at least 3 times a month. I have not touched alcohol since the accident, however.

1. I had a concussion, don't want to mess with that too much.
2. Alcohol is a depressant. I know I can get crying and moody about my ex-gf that died from a drunk driver 10 years ago, and that hurts. I can't even imagine feeling that kind of mood swing of immense drunken sorrow to my wife and this close of a horrible tragedy.
3. She liked me sober, she didn't care that I drank just wanted me to cut back a bit. In a mix of 1 and 2, I'm helping heal my liver for now like she wanted me to.
4. I'm not entirely mentally stable. I don't think I would hurt myself, but I know how dramatic and extreme thoughts can turn when fueled by alcohol. I don't want to be crying and screaming at loved ones, or messing with firearms, or ANYTHING of that nature when I already feel like complete hell sober.

Man i felt like shit when my GF broke up with me this year... can't even imagine what you have been through
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I am so sorry for your loss bro. I love my wife so much I'm not sure if I could go on if something happens to her. In those times of need try to look for the support of your close family and friends. TAKE ANTIDRPRESANT MEDICATION..sometimes the pain is too much to handle and meds help a lot. I suffered horrible when my grandfather died...and while a grandfather dead is something you know that will happen it broke me down completelly since he was also one of my clossest friends. Antidepressants get a bad rap by people who does not now anything about medicine but they helped me be more stable and able to cope while I was at work.

Seems strange to create a account to post on PotD about something that happened 10 years ago. Still I suppose the internet can be a form of therapy. I'm just not sure PotD is the form you need.
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wwinterj25 posted...

Seems strange to create a account to post on PotD about something that happened 10 years ago.

It happened a few weeks ago. Learn how to read.
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RCtheWSBC posted...

wwinterj25 posted...

Seems strange to create a account to post on PotD about something that happened 10 years ago.

It happened a few weeks ago. Learn how to read.

To be fair, I was a little confused, too. I thought it was an older event. At any rate, it's an unimaginable, unfathomable tragedy.
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