Poll of the Day > Who do you think is damaged the most after a break-up? The man or the woman?

(+) Yeah! (+)

A long-term relationship. Which I would classify as at least one full year or longer. Committed. Monogamous. Just the two of them. No "open relationship" shit. No polyamory crap. No threesomes with close friends. Just a man and a woman....together and loyal for an extended period of time. True emotions on the line. In love.

Now realize that I am just focusing on traditional heterosexual couples because they are the most prevalent in our society. If you want, you can make one about homosexuals or transgenders. I didn't want to make this poll too complicated, so don't interpret that as me being "oppressively exclusive" or whatever.

Also, I realize that relationships can end for so many reasons. Maybe he cheated. Maybe she cheated. Maybe he hit her. Maybe she hit him. Maybe one of them decided they just weren't ready. Either way, who do YOU think is traditionally more hurt? The most damaged? Has the hardest time recovering?

This was something a group of my friends brought up the other day, and I was fascinated by how divisive and passionate some of them got about it. It got pretty heavy.

So what say you? And why?
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It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh
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green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

Whoever was more emotionally invested in it.
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Probably the kids
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MICHALECOLE posted...

green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

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Lokarin posted...

Probably the kids

This...but I think:

Short term wise = female
Long term wise = Man

pionear posted...

Lokarin posted...

Probably the kids

This...but I think:

Short term wise = female
Long term wise = Man

Why do you feel that way?
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I am more damaged, but I'm also more damaged to start with.
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Men. Most societies don't equip their male population with the skills to handle failed relationships or rejection and failure in general.

Jen0125 posted...

MICHALECOLE posted...

green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

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This isnt something that can be generalized at all
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If you dated enough youd learn mentally everyone is wired differently. Iv had clingy women and women who were rebels and just wanted sex.

Im about in the middle of the road when it comes to that. I use to think all women were a bit more emotionally engaged until i met a few chicks down the road that proved me wrong. They could ride a D and flee and not think twice. Lol

Interesting results so far. Majority says it's men. That's probably because the majority here are men, but whatev.

There is no right or wrong answer, and a lot of it requires you to generalize on some level (which a disturbing amount of you are incapable of doing, apparently? LOL)

I also firmly believe it would be men who are the most damaged by a long-term relationship ending.

I think this because of some unfortunate facts about dating in modern America:

1.) Women are more desirable than men.

Just look at our dating culture, especially online dating. If you are a female and even remotely attractive....if you create an online profile, you will get multiple messages within the first day. From real guys too. Decent guys. Not bots. Some might just want booty (because men are shameless), but many will want a long-term committed relationship with love and romance that will ultimately lead to marriage and children. A female profile holds a LOT more value. Men flock to it like hummingbirds to sugarwater.

But do the same thing as a man on an online dating site?...and many studies have shown that they get significantly less messages from women. Super depressing. And a lot of the time, those "women" are actually bots designed to make the site just seem more appealing by having the false sense of there being 'even' gender ratios. But it's often a lie.

2.) Women have more dating opportunities than men because of their desirableness.

If a woman just got out of a relationship...all she has to do is walk outside and a guy will eventually proposition her. There's always a thirsty guy. Always. There is always someone willing to replace the last guy. Now some of you probably might not like the way I worded that....but I also think a lot of you know it to be true. Women are often wanted by multiple guys at a time. Men are easy to replace.

Men, on the other hand, might have to wait months or years before he finds another woman to replace the last one.

3.) The Depression Demon kicks into full-gear when the man has to watch first-hand as his ex gets with another guy before the dust has even settled. This happens a lot. This makes the break-up harder.

Now I'm not saying the guy doesn't often get with a new woman right away (dem rebounds tho), I'm just saying I think it happens a lot more easily and more often for the woman.

And many studies have proven that when it comes to MARRIAGE and DIVORCE, the woman always remarries first, and much sooner than the man (if he ever remarries at all). It's very sad.

So yeah...

These are just my opinions, and they will probably be dismissed as sexist or whatever. But that's how I feel. And that's how a lot of other guys feel as well.
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GreenKnight127 posted...

Interesting results so far. Majority says it's men. That's probably because the majority here are men, but whatev.

what? majority didn't say men. majority said you can't generalize because it entirely depends on the relationship.
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

Jen0125 posted...

MICHALECOLE posted...

green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

It entirely depends on the individuals but if you want me to generalize then Ill say about 50/50
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GanonsSpirit posted...

Whoever was more emotionally invested in it.

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The answer is way bigger than just gender.

It's whoever was more invested in the relationship
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Whoever gets dumped. Because usually the person doing the dumping (heh) is leaving because they're bored of the relationship or have someone new lined up

This is such a dumb topic with a dumb question being posed.
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Im the one that voted woman in the poll please signal my virtues
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Mead posted...

Im the one that voted woman in the poll please signal my virtues

Cool. So why do you think women are more damaged after a break-up?
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Somehow I knew this would come down to waaaaah women are more desirable.
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Moonjay posted...

Somehow I knew this would come down to waaaaah women are more desirable.

Complete with ignoring everyone that doesn't agree with him, and a nice little essay pre-typed that he posted as soon as the poll results went his way. The red pill is strong in this topic.

i always love when a guy tries to say what a woman's experience on a dating website is like. it really cracks me up.
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_AdjI_ posted...

Moonjay posted...

Somehow I knew this would come down to waaaaah women are more desirable.

Complete with ignoring everyone that doesn't agree with him, and a nice little essay pre-typed that he posted as soon as the poll results went his way. The red pill is strong in this topic.

That's a lot of negative assumptions there.

Who am I ignoring? Nobody has really given any substantial reasoning behind their thinking yet. I'm down to have a conversation if they are. Do you want to ask me a question directly or something? Do you want to tell me why you think men are women have it harder after a break-up than the other?

Pre-typed essay? What? You mean my post where I explained why I also thought it was men?
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GreenKnight127 posted...

Mead posted...

Im the one that voted woman in the poll please signal my virtues

Cool. So why do you think women are more damaged after a break-up?

Cause I think women in general have a tougher time with society putting pressure on their perceived value as a person
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Depends on the nature of the break up.
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Mead posted...

GreenKnight127 posted...

Mead posted...

Im the one that voted woman in the poll please signal my virtues

Cool. So why do you think women are more damaged after a break-up?

Cause I think women in general have a tougher time with society putting pressure on their perceived value as a person

So you think women feel like they have less value than men? Is that because of body-shaming and unrealistic expectations of beauty? Because I can totally see that.
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On an episode of Startalk (Neil deGrasse Tyson show that primarily deals with astronomy, but commonly has episodes about other sciences), the topic was about love, and the effects it has on the brain and people in general. I listened to this one months ago, so it isnt fresh on my mind, but I believe that they discussed that in a heterosexual relationship, men are more likely to commit suicide after a breakup than women. When one of the experts was asked why this is the case, she said that it is because men often go to the women in their relationships for emotional support rather than their male friends, whereas women tend to go their female friends for emotional support rather the men in their relationships. So when a relationship ends, women are more likely to have the people they emotionally depend on than the men. (Full disclosure - I dont recall 100% if this was a theory by the guest expert or backed by facts, although I think they had statistics to back it.)

Im fairly certain that this is the episode, but I dont remember where in the episode it is discussed:

https://www.startalkradio.net/show/whats-science-got-love/
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Jen0125 posted...

MICHALECOLE posted...

green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

The Popo posted...

I believe that they discussed that in a heterosexual relationship, men are more likely to commit suicide after a breakup than women. When one of the experts was asked why this is the case, she said that it is because men often go to the women in their relationships for emotional support rather than their male friends, whereas women tend to go their female friends for emotional support rather the men in their relationships. So when a relationship ends, women are more likely to have the people they emotionally depend on than the men.

That's some powerful stuff. I can definitely see that being the case for a lot of relationships.

Also, suicide statistics don't lie. Men kill themselves exponentially more often than women. It's truly sad.
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OhhhJa posted...

Whoever gets dumped. Because usually the person doing the dumping (heh) is leaving because they're bored of the relationship or have someone new lined up

This

So much this

Like all of it
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GreenKnight127 posted...

Also, suicide statistics don't lie. Men kill themselves exponentially more often than women. It's truly sad.

Well, there is more to it. Women are much more likely to attempt suicide. Men much more likely to be successful in the attempt though.

Women are actually more likely to try to kill themselves three to four times more likely. But men are more likely to die from it. Thats a pattern that holds true across Canada, and in most of the rest of the world as well.

Thats mainly due to two things: One is that men use more lethal means [to attempt suicide], and the second is that they dont seek care as much, says Simon Hatcher, vice-chair of research for the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Ottawa.

Source:

http://healthydebate.ca/2017/08/topic/male-suicide
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MICHALECOLE posted...

green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

/topic

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The Popo posted...

GreenKnight127 posted...

Also, suicide statistics don't lie. Men kill themselves exponentially more often than women. It's truly sad.

Well, there is more to it. Women are much more likely to attempt suicide. Men much more likely to be successful in the attempt though.

Women are actually more likely to try to kill themselves three to four times more likely. But men are more likely to die from it. Thats a pattern that holds true across Canada, and in most of the rest of the world as well.

Thats mainly due to two things: One is that men use more lethal means [to attempt suicide], and the second is that they dont seek care as much, says Simon Hatcher, vice-chair of research for the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Ottawa.

Source:

http://healthydebate.ca/2017/08/topic/male-suicide

And also that the men legitimately want to actually die.

For women, it's usually just a cry for help, otherwise their attempts would actually be more lethal.

Do not confuse my tone with "making light of it" either. It's just how some people could interpret it.

Which makes me think men suffer more, thus the desire to actually die and not just wound themselves, you know? It's very tragic.
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GreenKnight127 posted...

There is no right or wrong answer, and a lot of it requires you to generalize on some level (which a disturbing amount of you are incapable of doing, apparently? LOL)

idk if you're incapable of understanding human relationships, but it's *always* going to depend. Given the countless factors -- the most important of which being the reason for the breakup -- it's always going to depend. You can't just "generalize" considering the myriad of reasons for breakups since the situation matters far more than the genders involved.

Moonjay posted...

Somehow I knew this would come down to waaaaah women are more desirable.

Which, while true, is kinda stupid because it has nothing to do with the man being damaged as a result.

Mead posted...

Cause I think women in general have a tougher time with society putting pressure on their perceived value as a person

Considering that women are more likely to be valued on the basis of their gender while men are valued on their contributions, it seems like the reverse is true. It's part of the reason why women who choose to stay home to raise their kids are considered great mothers and absolute saints whereas stay-at-home dads are villainized as deadbeat losers sponging off their wife. Societal expectations are much higher on men.

The Popo posted...

When one of the experts was asked why this is the case, she said that it is because men often go to the women in their relationships for emotional support rather than their male friends, whereas women tend to go their female friends for emotional support rather the men in their relationships. So when a relationship ends, women are more likely to have the people they emotionally depend on than the men. (Full disclosure - I dont recall 100% if this was a theory by the guest expert or backed by facts, although I think they had statistics to back it.)

Well, in general, the suicide rate for men is much higher higher than women. In many countries, it's 4:1.
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The answer is obviously women, they get scarred for life. You'll just be sitting around, enjoying retirement, maybe admiring a photo of your grandkids, and out of the blue your wife will bitch about something Charles did like 65 years ago. Then you're confused as shit wondering who the fuck Carl is, and what the hell he has to do with you, for a few minutes before The Price is Right comes on.

GreenKnight127 posted...

And also that the men legitimately want to actually die.

For women, it's usually just a cry for help, otherwise their attempts would actually be more lethal.

[citation needed]
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PuddingBoy posted...

GreenKnight127 posted...

And also that the men legitimately want to actually die.

For women, it's usually just a cry for help, otherwise their attempts would actually be more lethal.

[citation needed]

I think his citation was that men are more successful at it than women?
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Red_Frog posted...

The answer is obviously women, they get scarred for life. You'll just be sitting around, enjoying retirement, maybe admiring a photo of your grandkids, and out of the blue your wife will bitch about something Charles did like 65 years ago. Then you're confused as shit wondering who the fuck Carl is, and what the hell he has to do with you, for a few minutes before The Price is Right comes on.

I mean, I've heard plenty of divorced dudes pouring their hearts out about that bitch jessica 10 years down the road

Women have maybe a few months of really bad times and then recover like nothing ever happened. Men might have slight cracks but they stay forever and usually effect them for the rest of their lives.
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Zeus posted...

idk if you're incapable of understanding human relationships, but...

I understand they are complicated as all hell. Humans are a very bizarre species. Shaved apes in many ways....but beautiful, dreamy, hyper-intelligent alien oddities at the same time.

I also understand that in order to talk about anything (especially on a video game message board) you need to generalize. A lot. This poll requires that. A lot.

*shrug*

it's *always* going to depend. Given the countless factors -- the most important of which being the reason for the breakup -- it's always going to depend. You can't just "generalize" considering the myriad of reasons for breakups since the situation matters far more than the genders involved.

Of course. But what I'm asking is what you think, based on life observations. Societal standards. What you've learned. What you believe. Which you think is the most prevalent.

I'm not asking for scientific fact, dude. You'd have to study every human on the planet individually to get the actual answer. And read minds. And be God. And we can't do that. Not for another 5,928 years anyway.
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green dragon posted...

It depends. Anyone who says it's one way or the other needs to get out more, tbh

Obviously this. Everyone reacts to things differently.

Jen0125 posted...

i always love when a guy tries to say what a woman's experience on a dating website is like. it really cracks me up.

Tell me more.
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@zeus

Im too high to debate with you we shall resolve this later, Im right though
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Mead posted...

Im too high to debate with you we shall resolve this later, Im right though

Thats a rather doobie-ous response...


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GreenKnight127 posted...

I understand they are complicated as all hell. Humans are a very bizarre species. Shaved apes in many ways....but beautiful, dreamy, hyper-intelligent alien oddities at the same time.

I also understand that in order to talk about anything (especially on a video game message board) you need to generalize. A lot. This poll requires that. A lot.

But you're literally glossing over key details.

GreenKnight127 posted...

Of course. But what I'm asking is what you think, based on life observations. Societal standards. What you've learned. What you believe. Which you think is the most prevalent.

I'm not asking for scientific fact, dude. You'd have to study every human on the planet individually to get the actual answer. And read minds. And be God. And we can't do that. Not for another 5,928 years anyway.

....and what I think is that gender matters less than circumstance and personality.

Mead posted...

Im too high to debate with you we shall resolve this later, Im right though

I'm sure your responses will be equally coherent =p
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wwinterj25 posted...

Tell me more.

most of the time i see guys acting like just because we get tons of messages it means they're all quality and we have a ton of guys to choose from.

okay, yeah but we also have standards. 95% of the messages are from nasty assholes who are just asking for sex straight up or gross old men who are trying to do some old man/young woman fantasy on you because they think you have daddy issues.

then when you reject pretty much any of them they go on a tirade against you about how it doesn't matter because you were fat and ugly anyway and you would have been lucky to get their time. it's ridiculous.

just because you get a lot of hits or messages doesn't mean you actually have a lot of quality options. men are almost luckier in that way. they have women who are more selective about who they're choosing so they know the woman is actually interested in them and their profile. men will like literally EVERY profile just hoping to get a hit.
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sure your responses will be equally coherent =p

Wanna BET
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