Poll of the Day > should a gf or wife have guy friends?

(+) Yeah! (+)

hockey7318 posted...

And generally cheating doesn't happen in a happy, healthy relationship. If it's gotten to the point that cheating is a worry or a real possibility, you've got some things to work on.

That's the emotional neglect HornedLion says isn't real or applicable

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EvilMegas posted...

No don't you understand, Jen? You're a woman, you can't control yourself. You will cheat!

Ovulation doesn't like... Make women uncontrollable horny monsters who will have sex with anyone to get pregnant. I don't get it. Most women have no clue when they're ovulating. You have to track it to find out.

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EvilMegas posted...

You're a woman, you can't control yourself. You will cheat!

According to the sex board, men will always falter and cheat, as well...
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LinkPizza posted...

Whats reasonable is different for everybody, though?

Yeah I've said that a couple of times in this topic myself. To each their own. I'm not the one throwing stones at people who wanna have more open relationships though. I'm just defending the idea that some people wanting a little tighter boundary isn't wrong as long as both parties are happy

Whats sad is that its the white knights that end up becoming bitter spewing shit like, All women are scum or All men must die. At least people like me love our SOs... we just arent naive on how the world works.

Im also not a fan of the slow and progressive castration of our boys/men.



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What does any of that have to do with your topic?

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Ah, trusting your s/o is white knight in now?

HornedLion posted...

At least people like me love our SOs... we just arent naive on how the world works.

And you clearly don't love your S/o and you are very naive if you think women want to be controlled lol

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lol now the rest of us don't love our significant others.

My wife and I know the access codes for each others' phones and can grab and use each others' phones whenever we want without protest from the other person.
Guess we don't really love each other. Dang it, I thought for sure we did. :(

streamofthesky posted...

My wife and I know the access codes for each others' phones and can grab and use each others' phones whenever we want without protest from the other person.
Guess we don't really love each other. Dang it, I thought for sure we did. :(

How dare you implicitly trust each other like that you swine

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streamofthesky posted...

My wife and I know the access codes for each others' phones and can grab and use each others' phones whenever we want without protest from the other person.
Guess we don't really love each other. Dang it, I thought for sure we did. :(

Word, my face opens up hers and her finger print opens mine. Now I'm questioning if this baby is even mine.

hockey7318 posted...

Word, my face opens up hers and her finger print opens mine.

This was unintentionally hypersexual

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Jen0125 posted...

How dare you implicitly trust each other like that you swine

According to the relationship experts of PotD, we should just blindly trust each other and stay out of each others' phones, and doing it this way makes us controlling.

I don't understand the need to have to go through someone's phone.
Why would you be with that person if you have to check and make sure they aren't cheating on you every so often?

No one has yet to answer this question.

Edit: how can your optimal relationship be: If I don't monitor and restrict my partner, they will cheat on me unquestionably.

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I'm guessing some of you have a very open definition of 'friend'.

My wife has about 2 people I would consider friends. I have the same.

The rest are just acquaintances from work or other social gatherings.

EvilMegas posted...

I don't understand the need to have to go through someone's phone.
Why would you be with that person if you have to check and make sure they aren't cheating on you every so often?

No one has yet to answer this question.

https://youtu.be/Eq-eQKoEycM


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EvilMegas posted...

I don't understand the need to have to go through someone's phone.
Why would you be with that person if you have to check and make sure they aren't cheating on you every so often?

No one has yet to answer this question.

Edit: how can your optimal relationship be: If I don't monitor and restrict my partner, they will cheat on me unquestionably.

Here's the thing. We have the ability to open each others phones up and go through them if we wanted. We don't do that, but I guess we could if we needed to. The reason we can is more for functional purposes like if she asks me to respond to a text that came in while she's busy doing something. Or whatever other reason naturally arises for us to need the other person's phone. Like mine isn't next to me and I'm too lazy to get it when I need to google something.

We both know each other's phone pins. I don't think you should be rooting through their phone out of distrust but I also think that you should know each other's pins just as a sign of trust. Keeping the pin a secret would suggest you have something to hide

OhhhJa posted...

We both know each other's phone pins. I don't think you should be rooting through their phone out of distrust but I also think that you should know each other's pins just as a sign of trust. Keeping the pin a secret would suggest you have something to hide

No it doesn't mean that lol. That's paranoia. Some people like their privacy in personal communication.

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EvilMegas posted...

I don't understand the need to have to go through someone's phone.
Why would you be with that person if you have to check and make sure they aren't cheating on you every so often?

No one has yet to answer this question.

Edit: how can your optimal relationship be: If I don't monitor and restrict my partner, they will cheat on me unquestionably.

The phone in particular is important, b/c if cheating they'll use the phone to communicate w/ each other.
The point isn't even to look through the phone constantly or anything. I'm certainly not doing that, lol
Just the sheer sunlight of knowing you can't hide things from each other (at least, not easily) is what matters. And it establishes the boundary. If your SO suddenly starts becoming guarded w/ their phone, changes the access code and won't tell you the new one, etc...
It's a giant red flag that wouldn't be available to the betrayed partner w/o such boundaries in place.

I think there's 3 general types of people:

1. Those who are just unrepentant serial cheaters that have no business ever being monogamous
2. Those that truly intend to be monogamous but can be tempted astray if the right opportunity arises and it's easy to engage in the cheating w/o getting caught (SO is a pushover that just blindly trusts w/ no boundaries at all). They'll usually regret it afterwards and wish they never did it, but the damage is now done.
3. The truly morally virtuous, who would never cheat even in a "perfect crime" scenario

It's pretty much impossible to tell if someone is 2 or 3. We all hope our SO's are 3 (and indeed, hope that we ourselves are 3), but history is full of people that blindly trusted their partner only to find out the hard way that they're not.
So you establish some boundaries to make it tougher to engage in cheating / cover it up, because we're all human and imperfect.

TL;DR: Trust, but verify

P.S.: To be in a long term comitted relationship is to entwine yourself to another person. You don't get to have the "total complete freedom" of a single person, that's part of the deal. Don't like it, then stay single. Your spouse has every right to know where you are and who you're with at any time, and that goes both ways. I think a lot of this "controlling" bs is a smokescreen to make cheating easier by people of...questionable motivations.

OhhhJa posted...

We both know each other's phone pins. I don't think you should be rooting through their phone out of distrust but I also think that you should know each other's pins just as a sign of trust. Keeping the pin a secret would suggest you have something to hide

Facts, and the majority of people would agree despite the loud minority in this thread.

Jen0125 posted...

No it doesn't mean that lol. That's paranoia. Some people like their privacy in personal communication.

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hockey7318 posted...

Here's the thing. We have the ability to open each others phones up and go through them if we wanted. We don't do that, but I guess we could if we needed to. The reason we can is more for functional purposes like if she asks me to respond to a text that came in while she's busy doing something. Or whatever other reason naturally arises for us to need the other person's phone. Like mine isn't next to me and I'm too lazy to get it when I need to google something.

Yeah that's understandable but the other guy is like "we know each others pins because we can't trust each other!" And he's proud of it?

Why live like that? Lol it's crazy to me.

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I'd never give my phone pin to a man because he "trusts" but wants to "verify." If you trust me, you don't NEED my phone pin.

You don't need to be exposed to the amount of pure Kim Taehyung content I have stored on my phone.

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EvilMegas posted...

Yeah that's understandable but the other guy is like "we know each others pins because we can't trust each other!" And he's proud of it?

Why live like that? Lol it's crazy to me.

Yeah, now that I've realized I'm on the same page as those two I realize what you were asking about. My bad.

Not on the same page, but sounded like it.

streamofthesky posted...

The phone in particular is important, b/c if cheating they'll use the phone to communicate w/ each other.
The point isn't even to look through the phone constantly or anything. I'm certainly not doing that, lol
Just the sheer sunlight of knowing you can't hide things from each other (at least, not easily) is what matters. And it establishes the boundary. If your SO suddenly starts becoming guarded w/ their phone, changes the access code and won't tell you the new one, etc...
It's a giant red flag that wouldn't be available to the betrayed partner w/o such boundaries in place.

I think there's 3 general types of people:
1. Those who are just unrepentant serial cheaters that have no business ever being monogamous
2. Those that truly intend to be monogamous but can be tempted astray if the right opportunity arises and it's easy to engage in the cheating w/o getting caught (SO is a pushover that just blindly trusts w/ no boundaries at all). They'll usually regret it afterwards and wish they never did it, but the damage is now done.
3. The truly morally virtuous, who would never cheat even in a "perfect crime" scenario
It's pretty much impossible to tell if someone is 2 or 3. We all hope our SO's are 3 (and indeed, hope that we ourselves are 3), but history is full of people that blindly trusted their partner only to find out the hard way that they're not.
So you establish some boundaries to make it tougher to engage in cheating / cover it up, because we're all human and imperfect.

TL;DR: Trust, but verify

P.S.: To be in a long term comitted relationship is to entwine yourself to another person. You don't get to have the "total complete freedom" of a single person, that's part of the deal. Don't like it, then stay single. Your spouse has every right to know where you are and who you're with at any time, and that goes both ways. I think a lot of this "controlling" bs is a smokescreen to make cheating easier by people of...questionable motivations.

Nail hit the fucking head in this post.

EvilMegas posted...

Yeah that's understandable but the other guy is like "we know each others pins because we can't trust each other!" And he's proud of it?

Why live like that? Lol it's crazy to me.

Theres a whole mess of dudes, who use to say the same things youre saying in here, on the infidelity boards like, I never thought she wouldve done this.

Also Jen:




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my phone is more or less a storage locker for some nasty ass fetishes and idk if i want to expose my so to that

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HornedLion posted...

Also Jen:

What?

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HornedLion posted...

infidelity boards

Lol of course you'd be there.

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I feel like people hyper paranoid about being cheated on are often cheaters themselves lol

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HornedLion posted...

Theres a whole mess of dudes, who use to say the same things youre saying in here, on the infidelity boards like, I never thought she wouldve done this.

Even if you have their pin, that doesnt do much if they talk some other way. Youd have to be a helicopter SO to know everything they do.
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LinkPizza posted...

Even if you have their pin, that doesnt do much if they talk some other way. Youd have to be a helicopter SO to know everything they do.

I know. Theres fucking WhatsApp, Snapchat, and all these other weird ass fucking programs people use to cheat.

All Im saying is... if theres any men reading this... hit the gym, move up at your job(if youre entry level become a supe, if youre a supe become a manager, etc.), eat healthy, set boundaries, dont tolerate disrespect, be open and unapologetic about your needs/wants, dont ever let society dictate for you what you should or shouldnt tolerate, teach your children the same(youre raising leaders not subordinates), etc.

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Jen0125 posted...

I feel like people hyper paranoid about being cheated on are often cheaters themselves lol

And this sounds like projection from a cheater afraid of being caught. :p
Discrediting your debate opponents with baseless smears is fun!

I've never cheated or been cheated on because I don't date people I don't trust.

It's a common trope controlling partners have a history of cheating themselves.

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What we learned itt:

Bad
-Respecting you partner as an adult.
-Trusting your partner
- Not making boundaries because you have some weird fear of being cheated on.

Good
-limiting who a grown ass adult can and cannot talk to
- Not respecting their privacy because your own inadequacy
-not trusting a person you are seriously dating
- the NEED to have access to passwords in order to verify they aren't cheating on you
- toxic relationships


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Jen0125 posted...

I've never cheated or been cheated on because I don't date people I don't trust.

It's a common trope controlling partners have a history of cheating themselves.

I've also never cheated or been cheated on, and would only date someone I trust

It's a common trope for a cheating partner to try and convince the other partner that establishing boundaries that make it harder to cheat / cover up the cheating is "controlling."

Ive cheated on people and been cheated on because I dont trust anybody

streamofthesky posted...

TL;DR: Trust, but verify

streamofthesky posted...

and would only date someone I trust

If you need to verify then it's not trust, dawg.

Thats like saying live, but die.

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EvilMegas posted...

What we learned itt:

Bad
-Respecting you partner as an adult.
-Trusting your partner
- Not making boundaries because you have some weird fear of being cheated on.

Good
-limiting who a grown ass adult can and cannot talk to
- Not respecting their privacy because your own inadequacy
-not trusting a person you are seriously dating
- the NEED to have access to passwords in order to verify they aren't cheating on you
- toxic relationships

nobody learned anything lol

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maybe this is a hot take but i don't think you should be expected to share 100% of everything with your partner. like i'm not giving you my social media passwords lol

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Jen0125 posted...

It's a common trope controlling partners have a history of cheating themselves.

^
My ex threatened to kill multiple of my male friends (including Zucafa lol). He did this at a work party too. He had passwords and access to all my accounts, phone, computer. He tracked my location without my knowledge with Google location history. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone or anywhere with male friends.

Meanwhile he had been sleeping around for years but that was okay for some reason (I knew for the last few years -- at first it upset me that he was cheating but eventually he broke me down enough where I didn't care).

Funny how that works.

Also he was a violent, manipulative, abusive piece of shit.

I have zero concern about my current SO cheating and we have no desire to log in to each other's accounts or be controlling. We trust each other. I know he would break up with me if things weren't working out. Like a non controlling adult should.

I will never put up with the anxiety of being that controlled again. I'd rather be single.

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Holy shit that's awful. I'm glad you're out of that relationship and in a healthier one. I can't imagine what kind of strength it takes to recover from that.

hockey7318 posted...

Holy shit that's awful. I'm glad you're out of that relationship and in a healthier one. I can't imagine what kind of strength it takes to recover from that.

My therapy sessions are $300/week!

But yeah fuck that noise.

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HornedLion posted...

I know. Theres fucking WhatsApp, Snapchat, and all these other weird ass fucking programs people use to cheat.

Well, those are still on the phone. People can use things like work email or whatever. Its best just to try to find someone you can trust...
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That MF is the one that's cheating, link. Lmao

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i don't know if i have ever been cheating on because i have never cared enough to ask or wonder about it

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LinkPizza posted...

Well, those are still on the phone. People can use things like work email or whatever. Its best just to try to find someone you can trust...

You can't trust anybody. Not really. Many people don't even know themselves 100% (or are in denial of their real self), far less someone else knowing them on that level. You can be married for years and never truly know your partner, even if you seemingly close. We see it all the time when one goes off and does something that leaves the other shocked.

If the person already coming in with bad history you know what you signed up for. Otherwise you shouldn't hurt your head too much over it. At the end of the day if people want to cheat there's not a damn thing that can be done about it so why waste time with shenanigans. I guess it's more about pride than people actually caring about cheating. No one wants to be made a fool of by a cheater.

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I don't lock my phone and know the pin to my wife's phone, so I can use it if needed.

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I know my girlfriend's pin and she knows mine, not because we feel the need to check eachother's phones and "verify" what we do. Only because we sometimes need to control spotify or Google maps on the other's phone. She gave me the pin without me asking but I would have never asked for it myself because it's private information that I don't feel entitled to. I've also never felt entitled to know who she's with or where she's at, mostly because it is just not something that comes up. We usually tell each other if we are going somewhere after work because why wouldn't we? We live together. One of my best friends is female and I hangout with her one on one and my girlfriend doesn't mind. I don't mind who she hangs out with either because I'm just not insecure about it at all. I mean, in reality if someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. I'm not changing who I am and what I do just because cheaters exist. When you're in a serious relationship with trust, those insecurities just don't exist. I've been in good and bad relationships and my current one is the best I've had. It just seems odd to even imagine being insecure about things like hiding pin codes and worrying about who your significant other talks to when I'm I a relationship like the one I'm in now. It's just such a non issue. I think the goal is to find a relationship with someone who you can feel this comfortable with. If you feel legitimately worried that your significant other is going to cheat on you, it's probably a sign that it's not a healthy relationship or that you may just need some therapy to work through your issues.

Edit: btw sunny, I realized that my post looks like it may have all been directed towards you. Lol. It's not. It's just my general opinion on the matter.

It's fun to see the contrast in people that have healthy relationships and how they treat their S/o's and the people that think they own or are entitled to all of another humans person life.

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