Board 8 > ITT I Rate Every Horror Movie I Watch in October

(+) Yeah! (+)

31. The Audition (Shudder)

We're back on the Japanese horror train again, with The Audition! It's completely fucked.

The Audition is about a widower who decides to set up a fake audition so he can get a new girlfriend. He finds himself falling for one of these girls who has a bit of a dark past.

Like I said, this movie is fucked. It pulls no punches. It rocks you with how disgusting it can get. But at the same time, it's a really interesting story that works well. Concerning the story, it just starts off with a few simple, completely unsettling scenes you just don't know how to completely absorb before it starts to go warp speed into the completely messed up elements of it. And none of it feels cheap or gross for the sake of it. It feels like this was pointedly done in this way due to the strength of the script.

I think the structure isn't... entirely perfect though. But that's really my only drawback. It's a movie that sticks with you. It's a terrifying thing to think about that could happen. It's a Japanese classic for a reason.

Rating: 8.5/10

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32. Nightbooks (Netflix)

This is just a nice little children's horror movie. Also, it stars Krysten Ritter who is awesome.

Nightbooks is about a kid who writes horror stories that gets trapped in a magical apartment and must tell a new horror story every night for the witch that's there.

So as far as Nightbooks goes, it plays a little meta. It's absolutely carried by Krysten Ritter who is having a blast with all of this nonsense. The two kids in the movie too are... you know, they're fine. It's a little kid's story that I don't know lands entirely well by the end, but it still manages to work out fine. It has fun stuff in it, good scares, and Krysten Ritter just delivering cutting commentary at this child's stupid scary stories at every step.

If you're looking for a good kid's horror movie, it's solid. Especially if you're a fan of Krysten Ritter. Nothing too special. Just solid.

Rating: 6.5/10

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It's time... for the 10 day round up. Clearly I'm watching too much stuff that is good.

My Horror Movie Ratings For October 2021:

Best of the Best:
Midnight Mass (TV Series) - 10/10
A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) - 10/10
Poltergeist (1982) - 10/10

Must Watch:
The Canal - 9/10
Halloween (2018) - 9/10
The Invisible Man - 9/10
Malignant - 9/10
The Audition - 8.5/10
I Know What You Did Last Summer - 8.5/10
Mandy - 8.5/10
Suspiria (1977) - 8.5/10

Great Movies:
Brand New Cherry Flavor (TV Series) - 8/10
Channel Zero: Candle Cove (TV Series) - 8/10
Hellraiser II: Hellbound - 8/10
The Midnight Meat Train - 8/10
Terrifier - 8/10
Demonic (2015) - 7.5/10
His House - 7.5/10
A Classic Horror Story - 7/10
Underwater - 7/10

Pretty Good:
Nightbooks - 6.5/10
Them - 6.5/10
Willy's Wonderland - 6.5/10
Cat People (1984) - 6/10

Below Average:
False Positive - 5/10
Halloween Party - 4/10
Held - 3/10
A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - 3/10

Trash:
Prom Night (2008) - 2.5/10
The Ring Two - 2/10
The Hole - 1.5/10
Valentine - 1.5/10
Captivity - 1/10
Open Graves - 0.5/10

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I know it's garbage, but I finally have a chance to watch it for free.

I am now watching Slender Man.

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Oh boy

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33. Slender Man (Hulu)

I don't even know where to start with this.

Slender Man is about a group of teenage girls who watch a Slender Man video ripped off from The Ring and then they go out to find him and all start disappearing one by one.

Legitimately, what the hell were they thinking with this movie? They had a chance to really make something great, but they just flounder with it while the protags just bumble around the movie. And why would you not want to distance yourself as far away from that murder that happened by doing ANYTHING but including a group of girls trying to run from Slender Man?

I mentioned it being a The Ring rip off, and it very clearly is. They thought they could make a modern day The Ring with the viral idea, but it doesn't work. You just have a bunch of random, stupid bullshit. What makes The Ring good is that they build up for an entire movie the kind of insane shit you're about to see at the end. This movie just peppers in Slender Man randomly terrorizing people with nonsense and visuals. Not all the visuals for this movie are even bad though! What hurts it is when they are just there for the sake of it.

Also, Slender Man looks awful. Legitimately he looks better in freaking Marble Hornets than this movie. Any time you get a good look at him, he sucks. Did the effects go into the other CGI bullshit or the ending? Oh, and the ending? Nonsense. Makes no sense for everything. Why would he not go after the sister we barely know anyway?

What they need to do is give this to some smaller studio who will do this kind of movie right. It doesn't need to be turned into every cursed teen horror you ever saw. There are so many other things you can do with this franchise. Have a father lose his daughter, swearing he saw Slender Man take her. Then have him on an obsessive quest to try to find and uncover it, mentally breaking down. You get glimpses of him, but never anything completely true. Have cultist folks in his way. ANYTHING that isn't a generic cursed teenager movie.

To me, the fact they went in this direction to begin with, says to me they had no faith in a Slender Man franchise. They just wanted to cash in on an easy formula with a familiar name, so that anyone who was ever actually interested in Slender Man was already put off enough to not want to see it. Completely awful and ridiculous.

This gets points only because of some visuals and Slender Man doing a couple cool things in a feature film. Otherwise, this movie sucks.

Rating: 1.5/10

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Unpopular opinion: Slenderman is one of the worst horror icons to come out of the last two decades.

Not so much because anything is inherently wrong with the character himself (character design is simple but effective as far as horror monsters go) but because he's entirely overused and almost always to poor effect. Like that Slender game that came out years back that was little more than an empty field, a flashlight and some cheap, repetitive jump scares. Like you said, "easy formula with a familiar name." What could've been an impressive and terrifying character is repeatedly used instead as a way to pump out uninspired horror shlock without putting in effort

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To make a counterpoint; I personally love Slender Man and most creepypasta characters. I think they're the perfect modern day equivalent to all the slashers of the 70s/80s and the Universal Monsters before that. Almost all horror characters start off as a terrifying new idea and all devolve into overused schlock. Michael Myers lost all mystique and terror by the second film. Dracula often becomes a parody of himself thanks to Bela Lugosi's easy to imitate performance and malleable vampiric traits. I can list numerous other examples: Jason, The Mummy, Freddy Krueger, Jigsaw. It's all a cycle and happens every time with horror franchises and characters. The original concept of Slender Man and all these characters is still great. And they can be great again too with enough effort and creativity. But in order to be popular, these sorts of sacrifices are bound to be made eventually. If you could even spot a little of that original creativity, hell, I'm all for it.

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Yeah, I guess I can see that argument. I think a large part of my issue with Slender Man is how fast he went from interesting monster to generic filler creature. Characters like the 70s/80s slashers at least feel like they got a start before becoming little more than Halloween masks years later, but with Slender Man, it felt like he was reduced to a bland cutout immediately upon reaching the mainstream. Partly because of the Slender game, partly because of "meme status" and the way culture evolves today. Hell, maybe even because it wasn't a copyrighted character, which meant anyone could cash in on it until years later.

I am definitely in favor of creepypasta and SCP being a modern day equivalent to the creation of earlier horror icons, but with Slender Man, I just feel like it became so popular so fast that its potential folk creature status was snubbed out before it ever really got the chance to develop.

that's not to say there's not potential. Something interesting and memorable could be done with the character, sometime in the future, I just don't have much faith that it will

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I do agree with your points there. The internet takes everything and runs into the ground in what seems like minutes. I suppose that is a key difference here. Where usually you'd get maybe a Friday the 13th every year, instead you get some low effort Slender Man indie game released every single hour. Slender Man surprisingly IS a copyrighted character though, owned by Eric Knudsen and some media company for adaptations. The general non-enforcement of this has definitely lead to some cheapening for sure. I think it might be more strict lately which is probably why you don't see many adaptations of Slender Man anymore. Well THAT and the very tragic and unfortunate stabbing incident too.

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Snake5555555555 posted...

I do agree with your points there. The internet takes everything and runs into the ground in what seems like minutes. I suppose that is a key difference here. Where usually you'd get maybe a Friday the 13th every year, instead you get some low effort Slender Man indie game released every single hour. Slender Man surprisingly IS a copyrighted character though, owned by Eric Knudsen and some media company for adaptations. The general non-enforcement of this has definitely lead to some cheapening for sure. I think it might be more strict lately which is probably why you don't see many adaptations of Slender Man anymore. Well THAT and the very tragic and unfortunate stabbing incident too.

So this conversation got me looking it up, and apparently he sold the movie rights in 2016 to the guy who wrote The Amazing Spider-Man movies and Zodiac, somehow. So huge quality gap there that doesn't promise great things for the character.

I think part of what needs to happen with Slender Man is that he needs to just kinda die off for a while. Let him build back up over time. It'd be cool to see him in the future as a long-standing folk monster like the Jersey Devil or Bloody Mary

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Tbh I really like Slender Man, but he has been watered down with stupid shit. Even the first Slender Man game that came out was entertaining in its own way.

But they need to taper him back to being a boogeyman in the background. Like even Marble Hornets rarely ever actually had Slender Man in it, and that's the reason he blew up so much.

Also, I had considered watching Marble Hornets but I don't have 100 days in this month to watch the whole thing.

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Johnbobb posted...

So this conversation got me looking it up, and apparently he sold the movie rights in 2016 to the guy who wrote The Amazing Spider-Man movies and Zodiac, somehow. So huge quality gap there that doesn't promise great things for the character.

I think part of what needs to happen with Slender Man is that he needs to just kinda die off for a while. Let him build back up over time. It'd be cool to see him in the future as a long-standing folk monster like the Jersey Devil or Bloody Mary

Oh wow I wasn't aware of that all. Clearly not yet. Looks like he's also writing the upcoming Scream film.

That would definitely be for the best and I can see it happening.


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Movie #11, Urban Legend. You ever find yourself watching a pretty average horror movie, and then there's a scene so incredibly dumb it just leaves you going what at your screen throughout the entire next scene? Welcome to Urban Legend

So a character is murdered. Not only are they murdered, they're strangled with another person in their dorm room, left in a pool of blood, the killer *writes a taunting message in their blood* and another taunting message on their laptop (which they unplugged first but still). Next scene, the campus police declare this was clearly a suicide, the dean agrees and no one investigates further

What. What. What

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It did have some fun cameos (Brad Dourif and Robert Englund) and a pretty bitchin soundtrack, but still, aie yie yie

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So I guess DeathChicken is excited for the remake.

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So since the series is coming out soon...

I am now watching I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

This very worthy successor to the original.

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34. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (Amazon)

Imagine making something that feels so fresh and great in I Know What You Did Last Summer and then making the sequel the most derivative bullshit that can be conceived. That's what this movie is.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer is about the killer following Jennifer Love Hewitt to a vacation in the Bahamas.

Just awful, at every step. Just boring, lame, and not even remotely clever. The killer isn't methodical, he's not trying to terrorize them. He's just making a kill count against unlikeable characters you can't possibly care about. The reveal at the end feels a lot like Scream but without any of the charm or wit attached, and it's resolved pretty quickly with a hook and a gun.

They just didn't even try with this one. Nothing about this works for a concept that should frankly work pretty well. There's a few creative hook kills, but that's really it. It all just collapses as it goes on and you just cannot care about this romance between Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prince Jr. again. How did they honestly rehash that?

It's a bad sequel to a great film that misses the entire point of the original. It's shameful.

Rating: 2/10

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I am now watching A Nightmare on Elm Street 3.

It all goes downhill from here.

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Except when it goes a little uphill again in 1994.

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35. A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (HBO Max)

So I think this is pretty much where the main line Freddy movies all end up as complete shit after this, so I'm going to enjoy this while I can.

Dream Warriors is about a bunch of patients in a psychiatric hospital who must do battle to defeat Freddy Krueger, who wants to murder the hell out of the last of the Elm Street kids.

This movie goes back to the roots of just having to deal with Freddy in his dream world. It sets the rules, sets the stakes, and adds a little bit more to it to make it a different ride than the first one. And while it's not as good as the first one, it does see Freddy cut loose a little more and trash on the kids in a more darkly comical way which I do enjoy.

The plot, in general, is strong enough to go through the movie. It all makes sense and while I loathe the "Destroy this thing and the evil goes away" plot, I'll accept it because the rest of the movie is really strong. I enjoy seeing Freddy seem like a threat here again and not like he was in the second film. He seems a lot less dopey in this one and a lot more like he knows exactly what the hell he's doing. Freddy is great here, and the kids are too, as well as Nancy with another plotline with her father.

The scares never match the first movie. Freddy doesn't have the same menace as he did in that one, and I think many of us can agree that's when Freddy was at his best. This is probably the second best Freddy movie (toss up between this and New Nightmare, honestly), and I really enjoy it. I just know from here it loses all semblance of what made the series good and leans in hard to the goofier parts of Freddy's character.

But at least we can take solace that Wes Craven was able to bring this back around to a pretty satisfying film.

Rating: 8/10

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Excellent, more people that liked A New Nightmare. I hear so many people shitting on it and it's one of my favorites.

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https://youtu.be/Q_Kl_dHvFmo

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Oh yeah. Scream 5 looks like it could be good still. We will Wait And See.

But now I'm going to finish off the last of the American The Ring movies with Rings!

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Snake5555555555 posted...

Oh boy

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36. Rings (Peacock)

There is so much wrong with this movie and I don't understand how Hollywood keeps fucking these sort of things up so badly.

Rings is about two college kids who are trying to figure out the mystery of Samara to stop her from killing people for good, instead of just trying to survive.

First of all, since it's in the first scene, don't open with some fucking wild bullshit like Samara takes over a plane and crashes it. What the fuck. And then the ending, Don't have Samara just take over a girl and spread everywhere on the internet SOMEHOW.

What the fuck are the rules for Samara anymore? Doesn't matter so long as it pushes the plot forward! The reason that horror movie monsters are good are WHEN they have clearly defined rules to avoid. When you start breaking all those rules, the tension is gone because they can just do whatever they want! And why are we still looking at Samara's past? Why are we pretending she's not still an evil little shit? That's the whole point of the original movie is that she isn't just misunderstood. She is an EVIL SPIRIT.

And what's even more baffling is that the first half of this movie where we explore these people doing experiments on the video has NOTHING to do with the second half where they try to find where Samara is buried and such. The first half of the movie at least seems more interesting than a THIRD movie about trying to uncover Samara's past. Keep her as a basic boogeyman people need to escape from!

And let me discuss the twist and ending just a little bit more.

Samara is evil. Samara is being REBORN into someone? Why? For what reason? This movie is nonsense. She's just another chick who watched the movie. Why can she just arbitrarily protect her interests now instead of the very clear rules of she murders fools after 7 days of watching the video? And then she spreads it all around the world. Why? How does she have this power? I get she wants to continue to spread her evil or whatever but when she can just do something like this, why did it take so long?

There are ways you could do this movie better. Like I mentioned, the first half of the movie is a lot more interesting than the second half. Focus on that and give us a compelling story about this experiment gone way, way wrong and everyone scrambling to fix it to keep it from going too out of hand. Sure, it's not exactly that much better, but we didn't need to discover ANOTHER part of Samara's past here.

I dunno how you do another The Ring movie. I just don't. But this ain't it. It has a couple cool scenes and Vincent D'Onofrio can chew the scenery well enough. I didn't hate it as much as The Ring Two. So this is all it gets.

Rating: 3/10

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If you haven't seen Sadako vs Kayako I recommend it. And by recommend I mean it's completely insane and dumb

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I want to see it! I dunno what it's on now though.

Was also debating seeing more Japanese Ring movies but I can't tell what ones are considered better because it diverges. Lol

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I am now watching The Final.

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Just watched the 2018 Halloween. It was pretty good!

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PrivateBiscuit1 posted...

I want to see it! I dunno what it's on now though.

It was on Shudder back when I had a subscription, dunno if it still is


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Movie #12, Unfriended. Which I think may be my personal "No one appreciates this movie except me" movie. It just does things so well for a movie that's literally one camera shot never changing

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DeathChicken posted...

Movie #12, Unfriended. Which I think may be my personal "No one appreciates this movie except me" movie. It just does things so well for a movie that's literally one camera shot never changing

He_touch.jpg

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37. The Final (Tubi)

Yo, I forgot how bad this movie actually was.

The Final is about a bunch of kids who got bullied, then locked up and tortured their bullies.

It's a pretty awful film I remembered seeing on SyFy a few times. Basically, what makes this movie so bad is that it's just... stupid teenage drama and meandering BS about YOU WILL LEARN YOUR LESSON OR DIE. And there's like one kid who manages to escape and a subplot about an ex-vet who convinces him to go save his friends. It's honestly ridiculous.

It's a torture porn film, and not even one that you can enjoy since it pulls its punches a lot of the time, if you're into that. I don't have a lot to say except... it has a tremendously unsatisfying conclusion and I think it wants to do a lesson of "bullying is bad" except the people who are bullied are pretty horrifically unlikeable? I dunno. It doesn't do much. But it does have flickers of something interesting. But I don't recommend it.

Rating: 1.5/10

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38. One Missed Call (2004)

I know the American version is awful, but surely there's a reason they chose this J-horror to adapt, right? Well...

One Missed Call is about a spirit that plays the sound of your when you die two days later, and you die two days later when she calls.

Basically, this movie... isn't tremendous? I'm feeling like I just don't like a lot of j-horror in general, but this one feels super derivative aside from an actually solid scene in the middle there, and other stuff peppered in.

It isn't a tremendous film by any means, but it kept my interest. A new boogeyman evil spirit child coming to mess you up. Yeah, fine. Finding out her backstory just... alright, cool. I guess. Trying to save her so that she can be free and nobody dies. Yup. Turns out she's still fucking evil in the end. YEAH.

I didn't dislike this. It kept my interest, and it does a couple clever ideas. But it doesn't exactly make me feel afraid or anything. I truly don't get why this got an American remake. It does everything fine, but only has one stand out scene in the whole movie. It explains how that American remake can be so bad if they take the source material and just... screws it up even more.

Like I said. I didn't hate it. Didn't love it.

Rating: 5.5/10

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Huh, this could be interesting.

https://youtu.be/0o9ePVVzQ24

And I finally watched the Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin trailer. I kind of have more interest in what they're doing with this one, and I'm more intrigued by what they'll do with this film. Of the later movies, Marked Ones was easily the best because it broke the mold, and it looks like it's doing the same here. We'll see soon!

https://youtu.be/PENg4SbUAN0

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I think my favorite thing about Unfriended is how they manage to convey a lot of emotion through nothing but someone fucking about on a computer screen. They'll start to type, double back, erase themselves, make stupid typos as the spooky shit ramps up. It's really impressive and I've never seen another movie like it. Well, possibly the sequel but I remember that being bad

Anyway, I might watch Exorcist 3 next. I've somehow never seen it before


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I plan on watching Unfriended this month, and the sequel. I'll have plenty of thoughts then! I echo a lot of your thoughts on it though.

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I watched Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein last night, the OG comedy horror film. I still laugh my god damn head off.

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39. Malevolent (Netflix)

It seemed like Another Netflix Horror Movie so I never really checked it out. It kinda was just that.

Malevolent is about a group of people who fake paranormal encounters for money, but then they go to one with real paranormal activity in it and things start to go very bad from there.

It stars Florence Pugh, and the best part of this movie is probably the relationship between her character and the brother. Aside from that... it's not tremendously interesting? Things pick up a bit towards the end, but it's your standard "Paranormal Investigators But Then Things Get Awful" movie. The ending changes up the formula a bit, but it doesn't really make up for that.

I didn't hate it though. It has some good stuff going for it. But it doesn't do much else to really stand out from a pack of other films like this.

Rating: 6.5/10

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40. Scream Queens - Season 1 (TV Series) (Hulu)

So this is a Ryan Murphy comedy show. And it's one I remember extremely fondly.

Scream Queens Season 1 is about a sorority who is being picked off by the Red Devil killer, and they must find who it is and stop them!

This show has some extremely raunchy humor, but also some clever humor thrown in. It takes every slasher trope you know and toys around with it. It gives you so many great scenes and ideas and a cast that is superb. While it's borderline offensive nowadays (it's six years old now), it manages to still elicit some legitimate laughs with all of these terrible people. Emma Roberts plays the worst person alive. But Jamie Lee Curtis is the stand out, by far, being positively hilarious as the Dean of the college. Niecy Nash also kills it as the security guard.

It's one thing to make a parody though. But to make a compelling mystery? That's where this show really shines. It goes through so many twists and turns that leaves you constantly guessing. Even when they give you reveals, they have even more questions there. You don't ever see where this show is going, and they have this very intricately woven story wrapped in a hilarious package.

This show holds up, aside from some jokes that haven't aged well. It's a really good show and I recommend it, for sure. I don't plan to watch Season 2 as I don't have a ton of fond feelings of it (since they basically drive a lot of running jokes into the ground), but Scream Queens Season 1 is outstandingly fun.

And hey, Season 3 has been in production as of May of last year! And I'm excited to see what a revival would be like!

Rating: 8.5/10

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Chad Radwell and Denise Hemphill are by far the standouts of Scream Queens imo; they single-handedly made the first season one of my favorite shows at the time.

Chanel #3 was great as well.

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Aw fuck how did I not give shoutouts to Chad Radwell. Yeah, him, Muensch, and Denise are the best characters. Chad always had me rolling.


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Movie #13, Freddy's Dead. Uh, it's a better movie than Jason Goes to Hell? I got nothin

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RIP Freddy Fazbear

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41. The Blair Witch Project (Hulu)

This is the thing that made all these found footage movies so popular. You can place the blame squarely on this.

The Blair Witch Project is about a few people who go into the woods to investigate the Blair Witch, a folk tale. But then they get lost.

As mentioned, this made found footage flicks blow up in a major way. It's easy to see why. It was a compelling concept, where it felt completely real back in the day, and that realness added to the terror. We weren't watching a clearly directed scene from a third person. This was all first person. I think what a lot of found footage movies do wrong nowadays is that they don't make it all feel real still. It feels like it's a clearly directed, cut, and shot film.

That being said... I think age hits this movie a bit. The pacing isn't as horrible as I expected, but it's still not great. This movie does a ton of great stuff with the limitations of just random bizarre things happening and spooky bullshit. It builds up the lore of this boogeyman of the Blair Witch in a real way that would fuck with anyone's head. And the progression is solid for what it is too. As a story, it works really well. And, of course, the ending is pretty much as perfect as it needs to be. I don't think it hits me as hard, mostly due to age again.

Overall, really good film still, if not a little hurt by age. It's solid, but that's about it. Go ahead and stone me for this, but I think that Blair Witch is a much better film than this. And hey, maybe I'll get there later.

Rating: 7/10

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Blair Witch (the recent one) is a legit underrated movie

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Legitimately, I could talk for hours about Blair Witch. There is so much to dissect in that movie that people don't realize. It does so many things well and I will never understand the hate for it aside from it not being just like The Blair Witch Project. I thought it was as good of a modern take as we'll ever get on that franchise.

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Finishing off this franchise before the TV series comes out Thursday...

Time for I'll ALWAYS Know What You Did Last Summer.

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42. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (Amazon)

Legitimately, just a disaster top to bottom. You just want to say fuck you to this entire film by the time you get towards the end.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is set in the same universe as the other films, and it stars a bunch of teens who do a dumb prank re-enactment of the fisherman killing people, only their friend accidentally falls off the side of a building and dies, and they make a vow not to tell anyone it was their stupid prank. And then, a year later, they're hunted by a fisherman killer.

So let's just start by saying that the director of this movie, hilariously also did Slender Man. I died laughing when I looked this up. I only looked up this director because at the beginning of the movie, he almost gives me a seizure just with a showy intro. And THEN he tries his best to make an artsy film with this fucking movie. Everything is done with an amateurish idea of trying to be artistic and it's like your film is garbage dude who are you fooling? It's a shitty style that doesn't work, with a bunch of flash cuts to random bullshit when scenes are happening. It's so dumb.

I'm spoiling this because this movie sucks and you probably aren't going to watch anyway. But the fisherman is A SPIRIT OF THE ORIGINAL FISHERMAN SO ANGRY HE'S JUST KILLING FOOLS. They explain none of this. But he has TELEPORTATION POWERS. And he's immune to bullets! And he cannot be killed except for in one specific way! And he has super strength! It's so fucking stupid when they try to narrow down who it could possibly be, and then it's just a ghost of the fisherman.

Other awful stuff is the drama sucks, the characters suck, and they say "I know what you did last summer" at least five times in this movie, unironically. It's truly an awful film. It gets by with a few decent kills and nothing else. Completely irredeemable and baffling they decided to add fantasy into this sequel.

Rating: 1/10

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