Current Events > I feel like if you didn't try being social young, you get fucked as an adult.

(+) Yeah! (+)

I was an awkward, scared loser growing up. Being from an abusive home didnt help. I always let women get away in an attempt to be respectful, which was really just me not shooting my shot.

But as Im older, I start to realize having zero lasting networks from school really fucks your chance to meet new friends.

Im not a bar goer or clubber. Im not in a church, and I work with oldies.

I even tried to find folks I use to know and they all moved out of state and stuff.

It really blows tbh. Its like I havent allocated my stats well this save, but cant reset. So Im just forced to continue at a disadvantage because of what I did early on.

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just grind, gotta level up to catch up

Correction, people who didn't try to be social young do not get fucked, but not for lack of trying.

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fuck

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ROOTFayth posted...

just grind, gotta level up to catch up

Yea, but I was focusing too much on my vitality stat. I dont have the dps for most of these bosses.

Heartomaton posted...

Correction, people who didn't try to be social young do not get fucked, but not for lack of trying.

Well played.

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ROOTFayth posted...

just grind, gotta level up to catch up

This. Also, dont try so hard to make friends. The less you try, the more friends you will probably make as long as you are just around people.

Im a loner. I try not to be around people or befriend people by just being off to myself. Yet, people all the time try to be friends with me. Its weird. I mean, Im always nice and respectful when I talk but I have no idea why people are so attracted to me.

My advice is based on my personal experience of course

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

I was an awkward, scared loser growing up. Being from an abusive home didnt help. I always let women get away in an attempt to be respectful, which was really just me not shooting my shot.

But as Im older, I start to realize having zero lasting networks from school really fucks your chance to meet new friends.

Im not a bar goer or clubber. Im not in a church, and I work with oldies.

I even tried to find folks I use to know and they all moved out of state and stuff.

It really blows tbh. Its like I havent allocated my stats well this save, but cant reset. So Im just forced to continue at a disadvantage because of what I did early on.

You still have lots of ways to meet people. You could join a gym, learn a martial art, take an acting or dance class, join an adult sports league, start a band or try out any other group activity that's related to your interests

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Uhh you ever just try being good looking? People walk right up to you and start talking.

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Feline_Heart posted...

You still have lots of ways to meet people. You could join a gym, learn a martial art, take an acting or dance class, join an adult sports league, start a band or try out any other group activity that's related to your interests

Yea, Im trying to get in shape so that I could join some sort of physical activity group. I have friends who play tennis with me or hike every now and then, but we dont really encounter new faces.

I definitely dont think its impossible. But I just always think If I had just been outgoing in school, things would be easier.

DepreceV2 posted...

This. Also, dont try so hard to make friends. The less you try, the more friends you will probably make as long as you are just around people.

Im a loner. I try not to be around people or befriend people by just being off to myself. Yet, people all the time try to be friends with me. Its weird. I mean, Im always nice and respectful when I talk but I have no idea why people are so attracted to me.

My advice is based on my personal experience of course

Yea, people tend to like me easily too. I just dont run into other young folk often lol. I dunno what to do with like, a middle aged person ig.

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Flockaveli posted...

Uhh you ever just try being good looking? People walk right up to you and start talking.

I think I look pretty good. Id say a 8.5/10 face. I just need to bulk up.

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Maybe try speed dating.

(never tried it, but had a girlfriend that swore by it)
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Have you considered giving Bumble BFF a try? I have a work associate who met some real nice people from it That said, she's female, and I wonder if it's harder for men to connect through it.

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CyricZ posted...

Have you considered giving Bumble BFF a try? I have a work associate who met some real nice people from it That said, she's female, and I wonder if it's harder for men to connect through it.

Hm I have not, actually. I thought it was just a dating app?

Notti posted...

Maybe try speed dating.

(never tried it, but had a girlfriend that swore by it)

Id be willing to try this tbh. I doubt much could come from it given my mundane resume, but who knows.

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I'm in the same boat tc. My social game is dead.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Hm I have not, actually. I thought it was just a dating app?

It's got three "channels". The dating channel, the BFF channel, and a "bizz" channel for making business-related connections.

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CyricZ posted...

It's got three "channels". The dating channel, the BFF channel, and a "bizz" channel for making business-related connections.

tc, no offense but i wouldnt take any advice on dating/making friends/socializing from some of the regulars here

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I met my girlfriend of five months now on Bumble.

I haven't personally tried the BFF channel, but I'm giving it an honest consideration. This is largely because while I love my gf, I don't want her to be the one source of friendship in my life. Like I don't want her being my one social outlet. She has friends that she connects with and I feel I should have the same.

It's funny because I saw that SNL sketch about the "Man Park", which, while comedy, does have some truth behind it (like all good comedy) with the idea of men that don't have friends and relying on their SO for all their social connecting.

I mean don't get me wrong: I have met people on this website who I legitimately love, but we're vastly separated by our lives. It's not the same as an IRL friend you can hang out with. And that's so difficult to find and I'm genuinely jealous of people who have that.

Also my job isn't very disposed to forming those kinds of relationships. I'm a contract worker, at different places of business over the week, and just not present enough to forge those relationships.

Let me put it another way. If I were to be told I'd have to marry my gf tomorrow, I have no idea who I'd bring in for a best man/woman.

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Depends on what you mean by young. I had no social skills up until I was about 15-16, when the relevant brainparts finally caught up. If anything, socializing is one of my primary skillsets, now.

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KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm in the same boat tc. My social game is dead.

You at least seem like a good person based on your posts here.

Im an asshole, so I at least deserve it lol.

CyricZ posted...

It's got three "channels". The dating channel, the BFF channel, and a "bizz" channel for making business-related connections.

The more you know. Might give it a shot.

WarfireX posted...

tc, no offense but i wouldnt take any advice on dating/making friends/socializing from some of the regulars here

With a sig like yours, dunno if I can trust you.

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Guide posted...

Depends on what you mean by young. I had no social skills up until I was about 15-16, when the relevant brainparts finally caught up. If anything, socializing is one of my primary skillsets, now.

Id say once you hit mid 20s and are out of school, but also jobs that hire 30 people per training class.

Ive legit thought about going back to school just to meet people.

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Most of the folks I hang out with these days are people I met in my 20s years after I was out of school.

It's not hard to make friends if you want it.
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Focus on activities you enjoy and then join groups doing those activities.

I was that way too. Honestly if I didnt meet my wife Id probably have next to no social life. Also I only met her because I actually went out on a limb and pressed the issue that time. Sucks being an introvert sometimes. Modern society seems to benefit the outgoing generally.

Yeah society doesn't value brains, it values buttkissing.

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Yeah basically. When I was in kindergarten my family moved to the outskirts of town way up on a mountain and I had like 1 other kid of socialize with.

As I entered high school we moved closer to town but the damage was done and I was poorly equipped to handle social anxiety which I still deal with as an adult. Just never really learned the skills.

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CapnMuffin posted...

I was that way too. Honestly if I didnt meet my wife Id probably have next to no social life. Also I only met her because I actually went out on a limb and pressed the issue that time. Sucks being an introvert sometimes. Modern society seems to benefit the outgoing generally.

Feel like it's always generally been the case. Connections would be important in any era for any social animal; heck, just having "social animals" be a consistent result of evolution means it works pretty well.

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a-c-a-b posted...

Most of the folks I hang out with these days are people I met in my 20s years after I was out of school.

Where/how did you meet them?

TheShadowViper posted...

Focus on activities you enjoy and then join groups doing those activities.

eh easier said than done. Most hobbies arent something you do with a group. Like, I like to write, but dont see how that would work in a group since I dont care to read.

Reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and I saw a group of people playing Tekken in the campus center. I waited my turn to play and immediately got a double perfect on the guy supposedly beating everyone. I immediately realized even though everyone enjoyed games there, we didnt enjoy it the same way.

Finding like minded individuals is way more important than just sharing interests.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Where/how did you meet them?

Going to parties, going to shows, people I've worked with etc.

I've made a friend before when I was buying beer. I commented on a dude's band shirt while we were waiting in line. We started talking and I asked if he wanted to come back to my place for some beers. He did and we became friends.

It's that easy if you really want it.
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a-c-a-b posted...

We started talking and I asked if he wanted to come back to my place for some beers. He did and we became friends.

Hm seems like something I wouldnt be willing to do lol.

Interesting you feel comfortable doing so though.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

You at least seem like a good person based on your posts here.

Im an asshole, so I at least deserve it lol.

Hey, we're all just people in the end. Even the biggest asshole on earth is still just some guy. He'll have good qualities too. Everyone is a mix of good and bad traits, that's why it takes effort to make things last with people.

You are just as deserving as any of the rest of us are. It's almost certainly the limited socialization that's preventing success.

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CyricZ posted...

And that's so difficult to find and I'm genuinely jealous of people who have that.

This is me too, seeing how others can firm relationships with people kind of kills me inside.

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cuttin_in_farm posted...

Hm seems like something I wouldnt be willing to do lol.

Interesting you feel comfortable doing so though.

Making friends isn't hard but you gotta try. Sometimes you'll have to step outside your comfort zone, but it'll be worth it if it works out.

New friends aren't just gonna show up at your door out of nowhere.
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a-c-a-b posted...

Making friends isn't hard but you gotta try. Sometimes you'll have to step outside your comfort zone, but it'll be worth it if it works out.

New friends aren't just gonna show up at your door out of nowhere.

Well, I guess its moreso I dont tend to escalate so quickly to hanging out?

Like, one issue I have is that I cant befriend guys nearly as easily as I can women. I think its because I grew up with a lot of homophobia, so Im still subconsciously trying to sort through interacting with guys without being very distant or gay.

Women just tend to get the wrong idea, since I genuinely would like to hang out platonically, but they assume otherwise.

Like, I can talk pretty easily to new people. I make jokes with cashiers or people I walk by when appropriate. But escalating it from acquaintance to friend is hard for me to transition to if I only have a short period of time with someone.

Its why I wish I had my current confidence back in school. Im still not super social, but I can hold my ground much more effectively.

I mean, I can try just doing it. Whats the worst that can happen. If it works for you, must mean people can do it.


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My advice is this: foster a curiosity about people and their life stories because they were probably waiting to meet someone exactly like you

I spent my whole life as a kid wondering about people because I didnt have any around me to talk to and because of that, Im very happy when someone just shares with me their thoughts. Its led to some pitfalls of course, but thats life, and it added to mine so Im not complaining much. The most interesting people may be the most knowledgeable, but if they live on Mt. Olympus theres way Ill ever have the time to understand the nuances of what they know

and honestly, they tend to be real dicks about discussing those things with you

so I found the best people to talk to were the ones just most happy to share, the people who were waiting for you to finally ask howd you come about this or why do you love this

and you grow up together knowing youre both working and happy to know what eachother thinks

I dont game much, but I am a musician and thus that makes me curious as to how yall see things through the lens of gaming.. It inspired me as a kid to pick up music later in life and for that Im forever grateful to see perspective on this thing I may never have the time to know (working on that tho :P)

In fact, in many ways, theres a lot of things I hope I dont end up learning

and thats just because I want someone like you to tell me all about it

you know someones totally solid when they meet the top dog of someone in their field and they still are more curious about how you see things.. and in many ways thats not even friendship, thats just love

a real bond between you and someone else

I could definitely rant about this for hours lol I absolutely hate the idea that anyone can be left behind in this lifetime


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How about some kind of club/sport/hobby activity that gets you socializing with people?

Omnislasher posted...

How about some kind of club/sport/hobby activity that gets you socializing with people?

I tried joining a rowing club last summer. But I think they took wayyyy more seriously than I anticipated. The coach would get upset if I didnt know the name of boats, and people would scream if we didnt lift the boats from the water correctly. It was really awkward.

I just need to keep searching I think lol.

RedLuigi posted...

My advice is this: foster a curiosity about people and their life stories because they were probably waiting to meet someone exactly like you

I think your mindset is super insightful. I am curious in nature, but I often times remain reticent to avoid annoying folks or being seen as dumb. I think youre right that there may be a bunch of folk out there who are willing to share. I just think in this day and age, its often forgotten how little people talk and share with others without devices.

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To be fair, even if you did make lots of friends when you were young, it doesn't guarantee that you have tons of friends as an adult. Friends can move or grow apart.

I lost contact with most of the people I was friends with in elementary school and middle school. I still have friends from high school, but it's not a huge social circle.

If you can't make friends at work, then try something like meetup for something you're interested in. Or you can befriend people at anime/game conventions.

It sounds like maybe you're being a little too selective though. Like with the freshman example. They enjoyed games, but they didn't enjoy them in exactly the same way. So that was enough to not try to be friends with them? Don't do that to yourself. You've probably passed up on some great friendships without even realizing it.

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