Current Events > DarkRoast Drama Topic 3: 2 Dark 4 Roasting

(+) Yeah! (+)

Ok guys I'm up. Wiped away the tears. Job won't do itself.

Just promise us that if it gets to the point that it will jeopardize the health of your pregnancy that you will do what it takes to protect it and yourself.

Cleo_II posted...

Just promise us that if it gets to the point that it will jeopardize the health of your pregnancy that you will do what it takes to protect it and yourself.

I can't... I have to find a way to keep going. I chose this path and I have to walk it.

One nice thing about being a guy for so long is that I internalized enough toxic masculinity to get me through shit.

Pushing too hard will hurt both you and the baby...

DarkRoast posted...

I can't... I have to find a way to keep going. I chose this path and I have to walk it.

One nice thing about being a guy for so long is that I internalized enough toxic masculinity to get me through shit.

This is going to sound harsh but I mean this with love. Whats more important to you? Proving to the world how tough you are or the health of your child? Because pushing yourself to this level is not healthy for them.

I'm sorry @Cleo_II

Don't worry about me, you've got a lot of good stuff going on that you need to focus on

I'm ok now don't worry about me

I just want you to recognize your limits and understand that its ok to take a step back when youve reached them to protect your child. That doesnt make you weak. It takes great strength to put your ego to the side.

Im going to share a story I havent shared here. I hate talking about it, especially to a pregnant woman but I hope it helps you understand.

A friend of mine was pregnant and due around this time last year. Shes very conservative and was dead set on having a natural birth. She didnt trust doctors, was anti-vaxx, etc you get the picture. She wanted a home birth at all costs and to avoid all the unnecessary medical interventions that is getting spouted everywhere now. She got herself a doula and midwife and wanted a home birth at all costs. She had a healthy pregnancy. Up until she went passed 42 weeks and refused to get induced. Unfortunately during her pregnancy she kept me at a distance and surrounded herself with more likeminded women that kept telling her it was perfectly fine to go beyond 42 weeks and it was all fear mongering, to ignore doctors.

Well she ended up with a stillbirth an otherwise healthy beautiful boy she had to deliver by c section. I went to the funeral. It was the most heart wrenching thing to witness

I can tell you one thing my friend regrets more than anything and that was putting her own desire of a home birth ahead of anything. She looks back with so much guilt and regret and recognizes that the home birth was about herself and wanting the experience and prioritizing that over what was best for the baby. She still struggles with the loss every day.

I know it might be more difficult for a doctor to take a step back and I dont know the process. But please if you feel like its getting to the point that its jeopardizing the health of your baby you need to do everything it takes to protect them first and explore all your options.

Ok I promise, Cleo. I'll request leave if it gets unmanageable.

It's just that the best way I can provide for them financially is to have a stable job. So I'm trying my best to balance the two.

DarkRoast posted...

Ok I promise, Cleo. I'll request leave if it gets unmanageable.

It's just that the best way I can provide for them financially is to have a stable job. So I'm trying my best to balance the two.

Thank you <3

I get that. But if there comes a point where its risking your baby its just not worth it.

Next time Lina is doing this shit

I'm still here in support. I... just don't have anything important to say.

CyricZ posted...

I'm still here in support. I... just don't have anything important to say.

Welcome to me every day of my life

How the fuck did I get talked into this situation lol

I find it quite a bit more mentally comforting to be in guy mode during times like this. I have a whole lot more sass and stiff upper lip mentality when I think like a guy. So that's nice.

Male me gives zero fucks

DarkRoast posted...

It actually is kind of like a superpower, never really thought of it that way.

Told you.

Tying my hair into a ponytail. If guy mode keeps me sane at work, we're doing it.

You've unlocked gender fluid superpowers!

Rexdragon125 posted...

You've unlocked gender fluid superpowers!

I'm one weird dude ok

It's like Kratos switching from Axe to Blades.

CyricZ posted...

It's like Kratos switching from Axe to Blades.

Girl me: BOY
Boy me: Lets do this

(Who am I kidding, Im still an emotional train wreck)

Yeah but so is Kratos. He can still tear a draugr in half.

DarkRoast posted...

I know, but one of the unfortunate things about medicine is that nobody is there to heal the healer. There's just an expectation that we can live superhuman lives.

They need to mass produce "The Doctor" from 'Star Trek: Voyager' ASAP.

Somebody needs to make the AI Holographic Doctors to alleviate your work load.

Finishing up seeing patients, emotionally drained. At least I got through today. When I get home, Im going to put on something pretty and remind myself that I have value.

DarkRoast posted...

Finishing up seeing patients, emotionally drained. At least I got through today. When I get home, Im going to put on something pretty and remind myself that I have value.

You always have value.

It just sucks that the medical system is over-worked & under-staffed more than usual thanks to COVID & XJP's (Xi Jin-Ping's) / CCP lies that unleashed it upon the world.

Lina is teaching me fine dining etiquette as a female tonight. And thats not a joke. Were going to a fancy restaurant.

Now that is fancy.

Foppe posted...

Now that is fancy.

so in the past, I was wore a dress suit and tie. In school, when we had etiquette class, they let me be on the male side. I dont really go to find dinners that often, but etiquette is different between genders.

Posting from the women's room. I'm not actually sure how to go to the bathroom with all this shit on

DarkRoast posted...

Posting from the women's room. I'm not actually sure how to go to the bathroom with all this shit on

It took a lil' getting used to.

I bought two pairs of earrings off Etsy today: I get to take my studs out December 17th, and I can't wait!
But also I was all lethargic because I didn't sleep well, so I didn't do much of anything else. Oh well...

DarkRoast posted...

Posting from the women's room. I'm not actually sure how to go to the bathroom with all this shit on

#_#

DarkRoast posted...

Posting from the women's room. I'm not actually sure how to go to the bathroom with all this shit on

very carefully

Stuff happened and we will not talk about it. That would have been humiliating if anyone else was in there.

They shouldn't put zippers on the back and they need to come up with a better way to do tights

Ya girl is pretty shit at being a girl ngl

Also why can't I rest my damn arms on the table? I was allowed to do that as a guy.

Smash the patriarchy

DarkRoast posted...

Also why can't I rest my damn arms on the table? I was allowed to do that as a guy.

I'm pretty sure that is considered improper for guys too, most people just don't care.

googs19 posted...

I'm pretty sure that is considered improper for guys too, most people just don't care.

Fuck that and fuck having three forks

Was the food good at least?

Sounds like a massive pain in the ass.

CyricZ posted...

Was the food good at least?

So Im low middle class and I just dont like fancy dining. But yes it was delicious. I had ribeye steak with burgundy mushrooms and wild broccoli

Never had burgundy mushrooms. Not really a big shroom fan.

CyricZ posted...

Never had burgundy mushrooms. Not really a big shroom fan.

Its got a deep red wine undertone that goes well with steak

I got some of the sauce on my dress. Not used to wearing these things.

The last time I went out to eat was about a month and a half ago, to a nice Italian place. Had a sazerac, arancini, calamari, and a pesto alfredo. 10/10, loved it. Hate that so simple and enjoyable an act as going out to eat risks the 'vid and missing seeing my girlfriend for X weeks.

EV you and your girlfriend are adorable

DarkRoast posted...

EV you and your girlfriend are adorable

The line today was that her daughter said almost all of her friends could have their own tv show.

Mine would be a coming of age show for teenage girls, apparently. Interestingly, her daughter is 11.
She also wishes she could watch Euphoria without seeing any trauma depicted....which would basically be Rue talking about dick pics and little else.

My wife said I looked beautiful today. It's the first time she's ever used that word to describe me. Fills my stomach with butterflies

I want to be beautiful for her

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I would un-ironically be down for that

Well I survived one more day.

Lina has her hands full teaching me how to be a girl. I can tell she's bemused by it.

It's so bizarre, it's like I have to have training on my birth gender

My tummy is starting to become more obvious. Cleo is right... I have to do what's right for my child, and if I keep having breakdowns I need to fix it.

I worry about being a good mother. I worry about milk production. I worry that I'm not feminine enough (I'm trying my best to learn).

It's just so much to process.

I clearly underestimated what I signed up for.
Motherhood is a huge departure from how Ive lived up until now.