Current Events > My wife passed away July 17th with utilizing MAID. Join my healing journey.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Can't imagine the mixed feelings right now. RIP.

Dunno what to say in these situations but you've always seemed like a good dude on here, I hope you enjoyed your time together and can find some joy going forward.

Damn thats tough. I couldnt imagine the emotions through everything, especially holding her hand during. Youre a strong person. You have all this on your mind and what youre going through, dont forget to take care of yourself. Its pretty easy to forget when you have a lot going on.

RIP and stay strong.

I was going to try to read this but it's too difficult. I'm sorry for your lost. My wife is pretty much the entire focus of my life at this point and I cannot stand the thought of losing her. I hope your memories of time together can bring some comfort to the pain of loss.

This was long fought for. RIP, JAKAS Wife. It's amazing how we have to go through hoops to preserve the dignity of life, so much so that we seemingly rob people of the right to choose how they leave. I've always been in favour of euthanasia. I'm reminded of the case of Robert Latimer, this Saskatchewan farmer that gassed his own daughter because she was severely disabled. While I support his decision, I no longer believe he was right to do so. The important part about euthanasia is being of sound mind and body to make the judgment for yourself, not for other people. You do not get to decide other people need to die. Your wife was able to make that determination. Robert Latimer's daughter was not.

I hope you and your wife both find peace.

I am so sorry for your loss and what you and your wife had to go through

I'm so sorry Jeff.

Sorry for your loss TC.
Stay strong!

SydnieStarlight posted...

I thought about posting this in the last topic, but couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew how it would come across. I don't think there's any good way to phrase what I want to say. But when you posted that picture, my first thought was, "That doesn't look like someone who's ready to die".

I think that really speaks to the grace and strength she had. Even though she was suffering that badly, even though she was knowingly that close to her final moments, she was still able to smile and laugh. Or maybe you have the right of it here, she could smile like that because all her pain was almost over. You'd know better than me, anyway.

She hadn't smiled like that in awhile. When we spoke with the second assessor and she said yes, my wife cheered. Like, actually cheered and was so happy. You wouldn't think that would be the reaction to being told you were allowed to die. I thought it was kinda sweet that as she cheered and hugged me and we celebrated I started to cry.

When she saw me cry she was like, "No need for tears my love. This is what we worked so hard for! This is a wonderful day!" I think I kinda half-heartedly said something like, "I don't know of I worked as hard as you did for this. Congratulations honey, I am happy that you will no longer have to live in such pain and misery."

She pulled my chin and so we were looking dead in the eyes and said, "don't you ever say that you didn't work as hard as I did. I know you did, I know you did. I cannot imagine how hard it is to put someone who doesn't want to exist on your back and get them as far as you have taken me"

I wouldn't dare speak for my wife but I imagine it is two different thoughts. She wasn't maybe wanting the good times we did continue to have to end but to make the pain and suffering end it was something she was more than ready to let go.

Towards the end of her life she couldn't eat solid foods. She did not want to die by living in a hospital bed while her body just failed. One of the things I truly loved and appreciated about her, despite how it drove me crazy at times too, is how proactive she was. She had to be. She tried to plan for every potential thing. Whether you say that is from a childhood where she was forced to take care of herself and plan contingencies, or just a core part of herself... she was proactive.

I am so proud of her for being proactive, looking at her life and deciding to be proactive about her own care and how her life would end. As someone who had so very little control of things, from her upbringing to her failing health, it is so wonderful to see her take control and follow through on her one last goal. Was that goal somewhat sad? Sure... but at the end of her life she had full control, and how many of us truly get that option?

Relient_K posted...

I was going to try to read this but it's too difficult. I'm sorry for your lost. My wife is pretty much the entire focus of my life at this point and I cannot stand the thought of losing her. I hope your memories of time together can bring some comfort to the pain of loss.

It is a tough read at times. Some of it makes me cry to read it myself still, but it is cathartic as well.

I'm honestly very proud of myself for how I have handled things since my wife passed. I feel comfortable in my home, I am spending time with family and friends, making plans, working. It feels like the time I put in working with supports has been time well spent.

Thats really awful TC

Rip

Heading out to a work party in a few minutes. I'm very close with my work colleagues and they were amazing while I was going through the whole process of getting my wife MAID. When I dipped out with barely a moments notice they were just like, "Yeah, let us know if we can do anything at all!"

You've been showing a lot of strength throughout this journey

i am sorry for your loss Jeff.

I'm still here buddy! I mean...I'm watching smackdown at the moment but still here

DarthDemented posted...

I'm still here buddy! I mean...I'm watching smackdown at the moment but still here

XD

I got some friends I haven't seen in awhile coming over tomorrow to watch Summer Slam.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

XD

I got some friends I haven't seen in awhile coming over tomorrow to watch Summer Slam.

I don't have peacock so I won't be watching. Tonight's show made me realize that I come from the generation of wrestling fans that when someone mentions slim jim you just gotta break out the macho man impression.

I haven't read the whole topic, just the first post. But I will. I have to go cry for a while first.

We might be a little drunk and singing karaoke.

I sang Barbie Girl and I was magnificent, or so I'm told.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/8/9/5/AAABltAAEudv.jpg

We got into some glow sticks. Lol, made it home fine and dandy. It was such a good time. Our job, working with at-risk teens, is tough. We had to do a secure Detox on a 15 year old struggling with meth addiction. They were so mad at us, pretty much to us to go fuck ourselves. It's hard to do that sort of thing so it's nice to just have a fun party and let loose a bit.

Banks man. Fucking banks.

All I want to do is close out my wife's account, pay off the rest of her credit card.

I bring the death certificate, the will, all her cards, her SIN, my ID'S. I apparently am not allowed to pay off her CC yet or close out the account as they need to go through "their process", and said it would have been simple if she did close it before she passed away.

Like... I'm the executor of her estate. I literally now control all these things you silly idiots.

My condolences. I'm sorry the two of you had to fight so long to get to a point where she could be in control of her own destiny.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Banks man. Fucking banks.

All I want to do is close out my wife's account, pay off the rest of her credit card.

I bring the death certificate, the will, all her cards, her SIN, my ID'S. I apparently am not allowed to pay off her CC yet or close out the account as they need to go through "their process", and said it would have been simple if she did close it before she passed away.

Like... I'm the executor of her estate. I literally now control all these things you silly idiots.

Damn. Of all the stupid things to have to deal with right now.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Banks man. Fucking banks.

All I want to do is close out my wife's account, pay off the rest of her credit card.

I bring the death certificate, the will, all her cards, her SIN, my ID'S. I apparently am not allowed to pay off her CC yet or close out the account as they need to go through "their process", and said it would have been simple if she did close it before she passed away.

Like... I'm the executor of her estate. I literally now control all these things you silly idiots.

I hear you. My aunt went through the exact same thing when my uncle passed. Both with banks and just general insurance. Even producing a death certificate isn't enough in some cases. Hope you get through it smoothly.

Eh, they said they will call me next week and then I can go and pay off shit.

I could also accuse them of tied selling and that should get them to change their tune quickly.

Damn, my bank got word she passed from the coroner and they took her off our joint account. I didn't even need the certificate. I let them make a copy for their records anyway but apparently it wasn't needed.

This has been a truly heartwrenching read as a lurker over the last several months. The strength of you and your wife to go through this and the strength to chronicle it and share your experience honestly can't be put into words by an outsider.

From an outside observer who knew nothing about either of you outside of what I had seen you personally post, you're both incredible individuals and the amount of people you have touched and changed their lives for the better seems unfathomable. Reading through all of it, it envokes sadness, melancholy, but also the desire to be a better person. I know you never really get to see how many people you've positively affected in your lifetime, but it's surely more than you think.

19 Days
I excitedly went to a party last night. I was out until 3am, got a little silly drunk. Killed it at karaoke especially when I sang, Never Had A Friend Like Me from Aladdin. And I didnt think about my wife really at all. I didnt have to check in with how she was feeling, if she needed me to come home early. Worry about what I was consuming, bringing home to our house in case she had a reaction to it. I didnt feel guilty for being away from her, knowing how difficult it was for her to be alone with her own struggles.

but I didnt get to come home to my wife and best friend either. Share with her my experiences, tell her the story ABOUT singing Never Had A Friend Like Me. I came home, had a shower, and went to bed in my still spacious bed.

In the perfect world, my ideal world, my wife would have shared in that experience WITH me. She wouldnt have needed to hear the story of me singing karaoke, she would have lived it with me. I wouldnt have had to feel guilty about being away because she would have been beside me.

Im doing well. Very well. Im happy most of the time, Im embracing the new reality of my life in a healthy way. Just because Im doing well doesnt mean that I wish I wasnt doing even better. I wish she could have shared in everything life had to offer. Wish heh, it was Genie who sang Never Had A Friend Like Me. Thats the kind of observation that would have made my wife roll her eyes and ask me if I felt smart making that connection.

I will miss you forever Lindsay, but Im ready and eager to see what the next 40 years has to offer me. Wishes are passive, hoping for things to come your way. You werent like that. You didnt wish, you worked hard and made things happen. Ive got some friends coming over tonight because it will be fun and thats what I want to do. Im not going to wish for happiness and joy. Im going to learn from your lesson and make that happiness and joy. I did it last night, Im doing it tonight. Im doing it every day for the rest of my adventure.

My gf's parents are letting us use their peacock to watch SummerSlam tonight. Wasn't expecting that honestly

She's looks very happy in that pic. Condolences and best wishes to you.

DarthDemented posted...

My gf's parents are letting us use their peacock to watch SummerSlam tonight. Wasn't expecting that honestly

Ohhhh man, I don't know how they explain the main event shenanigans!!!!

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Ohhhh man, I don't know how they explain the main event shenanigans!!!!

Right? Over on Reddit they actually spent the whole show bitching about every little thing. From the crowd to the decisions being made. Now I'm watching an old WCW ppv just for the hell of it.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/7/0/AAAxZJAAEura.jpg

Came across this and figured some of us could relate.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Ohhhh man, I don't know how they explain the main event shenanigans!!!!

Michael Cole had no chill last night. "The match was awesome, but the ending sucked."

You know, it was an excellent weekend.

Work party on Friday night. I sang karaoke and we played games and just kinda let loose a bit. Saw my boss nearly puke and the claim I was too drunk to drive home (she stayed over the night where we were partying, no worries).

Saturday night I had a couple friends over I hadn't seen for like, probably a year and a half? We talked about my wife and I explained the whole thing and they gave me a big hug and told me they loved me... and then we watched Summer Slam. Just some bros watching wrestling and acting like kids again.

Sunday I watched the football game with my older sister and then played Baldur's Gate 3 with 3 other friends. It wasn't always a smooth experience, but it felt like playing a DnD campaign. Myself and someone else snuck in a door into a crypt or something, we were being charismatic... and then another one fucking failed a basic athletics check or something and fell straight into it and started combat with like 5 enemies. XD

Throughout all of it I was sharing stories about Lindsay, speaking about her in the past tense, laughing about those stories. It all felt very natural to do and it made me feel good to talk about her and share those memories.

I'm doing really well and I'm just proud of that.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

You know, it was an excellent weekend.

Work party on Friday night. I sang karaoke and we played games and just kinda let loose a bit. Saw my boss nearly puke and the claim I was too drunk to drive home (she stayed over the night where we were partying, no worries).

Saturday night I had a couple friends over I hadn't seen for like, probably a year and a half? We talked about my wife and I explained the whole thing and they gave me a big hug and told me they loved me... and then we watched Summer Slam. Just some bros watching wrestling and acting like kids again.

Sunday I watched the football game with my older sister and then played Baldur's Gate 3 with 3 other friends. It wasn't always a smooth experience, but it felt like playing a DnD campaign. Myself and someone else snuck in a door into a crypt or something, we were being charismatic... and then another one fucking failed a basic athletics check or something and fell straight into it and started combat with like 5 enemies. XD

Throughout all of it I was sharing stories about Lindsay, speaking about her in the past tense, laughing about those stories. It all felt very natural to do and it made me feel good to talk about her and share those memories.

I'm doing really well and I'm just proud of that.

I'm proud of you to. I know leading up there were alot of thoughts you had and you really seemed to be able to process most things over the time before she finally got approved. Keep moving forward and good luck.

One of our youth pulled me aside to talk to me about my wife. It was really sweet and she was so worried about me. I showed her the picture of my wife before she passed and then we both cried.

It's so sweet that they are worried about me.

You know, one of the things I miss the most? Just having your partner to share in your life with. I was so excited to get home and tell her all about my day, stupid shit that happened, ask her opinion on a decision I made. Stuff like that.

Hell I used to call her while I was driving from place to place just to chat with her and update, etc. Etc. I'm excited to come home and get involved in whatever I wanna do to relax and whatnot, but sharing in all that stuff was a lot of fun and I appreciated it so much.

I know I might get some pushback on this, maybe less support than how I have been doing things since I started making these topics, but...

I'm gonna ask someone out on a date, a colleague of mine.

I know there are going to be a lot of people who think I'm moving way too fast. I'm not done grieving yet, I haven't processed, that sort of thing. I don't believe that is the case? The idea of going on a date, new experiences, a whole new adventure is really exciting to me. My wife and I started to discuss this back in September. Regardless of how long the experience took to get to the finish line, I knew what was happening. I started the grief process of the death of my wife back in September of 2022, not July 17th 2023.

The immediate grief and emotion of her passing is... gone is the wrong word. It's not omnipresent, you know? I will MISS her forever in some regards. That is never going to go away, whether it is a month, a year, or ten years. You can't share a life for 10+ years and that not be something that happens from time to time.

The idea of asking her out makes me excited and nervous and all the things you want to feel when you care about someone and want to spend more time with them. I'm not thinking about things like are we gonna move in together, what happens a year down the road. I think taking her out for dinner a movie would be a lot of fun and I want to spend more time with her.

It's the kind of feeling I had with my wife when we met so long ago. It's never the SAME feeling, but similar. I feel like it's the right thing to do.

I've really trusted my feelings throughout all this and they've served me quite well. I'm gonna do it again here.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I know I might get some pushback on this, maybe less support than how I have been doing things since I started making these topics, but...

I'm gonna ask someone out on a date, a colleague of mine.

I know there are going to be a lot of people who think I'm moving way too fast. I'm not done grieving yet, I haven't processed, that sort of thing. I don't believe that is the case? The idea of going on a date, new experiences, a whole new adventure is really exciting to me. My wife and I started to discuss this back in September. Regardless of how long the experience took to get to the finish line, I knew what was happening. I started the grief process of the death of my wife back in September of 2022, not July 17th 2023.

The immediate grief and emotion of her passing is... gone is the wrong word. It's not omnipresent, you know? I will MISS her forever in some regards. That is never going to go away, whether it is a month, a year, or ten years. You can't share a life for 10+ years and that not be something that happens from time to time.

The idea of asking her out makes me excited and nervous and all the things you want to feel when you care about someone and want to spend more time with them. I'm not thinking about things like are we gonna move in together, what happens a year down the road. I think taking her out for dinner a movie would be a lot of fun and I want to spend more time with her.

It's the kind of feeling I had with my wife when we met so long ago. It's never the SAME feeling, but similar. I feel like it's the right thing to do.

I've really trusted my feelings throughout all this and they've served me quite well. I'm gonna do it again here.

My grandfather did something similar. My grandma had been sick for years and he had pretty much made his peace with things long before she actually passed.

For some strange reason he brought her for their first date to the funeral. It understandably was awkward. Even as a small child I remember feeling like it was awkward. Looking back, Im pretty sure she only agreed because she didnt know how to handle the situation.You seem like you're planning on normal stuff though, so you should be in a much better position.

Thanks for the updates and I wish you luck. Like you said, you had time to process it before you lost her. I'm certainly not judging you and I hope noone is.

She's not being left she is now a part of you. It's like any tragedy it can become a part of you or it can become you. If something similar happened to me I'd wish I had even half your strength

There's nothing wrong with trying to date soon after losing a loved one, however...

Jiek_Fafn posted...

For some strange reason he brought her for their first date to the funeral.

...What the fuck

RIP, wish the best for you!

Its all right, Jeff. Do what feels right for you. Just make sure the other party is aware of your situation and take things at a pace that is comfortable.

Sariana21 posted...

Its all right, Jeff. Do what feels right for you. Just make sure the other party is aware of your situation and take things at a pace that is comfortable.

She is a colleague of mine and they've known what's been going on since October last year.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I know I might get some pushback on this, maybe less support than how I have been doing things since I started making these topics, but...

I'm gonna ask someone out on a date, a colleague of mine.

I know there are going to be a lot of people who think I'm moving way too fast. I'm not done grieving yet, I haven't processed, that sort of thing. I don't believe that is the case? The idea of going on a date, new experiences, a whole new adventure is really exciting to me. My wife and I started to discuss this back in September. Regardless of how long the experience took to get to the finish line, I knew what was happening. I started the grief process of the death of my wife back in September of 2022, not July 17th 2023.

The immediate grief and emotion of her passing is... gone is the wrong word. It's not omnipresent, you know? I will MISS her forever in some regards. That is never going to go away, whether it is a month, a year, or ten years. You can't share a life for 10+ years and that not be something that happens from time to time.

The idea of asking her out makes me excited and nervous and all the things you want to feel when you care about someone and want to spend more time with them. I'm not thinking about things like are we gonna move in together, what happens a year down the road. I think taking her out for dinner a movie would be a lot of fun and I want to spend more time with her.

It's the kind of feeling I had with my wife when we met so long ago. It's never the SAME feeling, but similar. I feel like it's the right thing to do.

I've really trusted my feelings throughout all this and they've served me quite well. I'm gonna do it again here.

When the man that I consider my Grandfather's first wife was dying of cancer she made him promise he would move on and find someone new. He did, he met my Grandmother, married her, and helped raise my mom and later, her children (myself and my brother). You've spent most of the last year of your life grieving your wife. You promised her you would move forward with your life. This is one of the steps in doing so.

Hayame_Zero posted...

...What the fuck

Yeah, everyone gave him shit about it for years.

I perpetuated the weirdness when he passed. I brought two dates to his funeral. I invited a girl I had broken up with not long before his death that had spent a lot of time him and a new girl that I had just started dating. It was super awkward and not the fun hijinks that sitcoms lead us to believe they are. One of those women is now my wife though. So I guess everything worked out.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/6/5/AAABltAAEvmt.jpg

LeBron* has the court.

* - in reference to age, not skill, ability, aptitude, etc.

Nothing monumental going on this weekend so far. Playing some BG3, watching baseball, that sort of thing. Watched The Intern last night which was a movie that both my wife and I really enjoyed. I like the fact that watching things we both enjoyed isn't like a bittersweet thing for me.

Doing Harry Potter during Christmas might be a tougher one as it was a tradition for us during the holidays, but also that is months away so I will be again in a different situation than I am now.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Playing some BG3

Hell yeah. I've been loving it so far. Haven't gotten very deep, but the love and care put in by the developers has been insane. Every little detail is fantastic.

I dont know what to say. Im sorry you had to go through this. You are an inspiration with how youve handled yourself over this awful time. Truly an awesome human and husband. Whatever you decide to do moving forwards I wish you the best. Truly.