Board 8 > DilloFAQs: Best Food in Gaming Contest [super saiyan nappa] [dillos]

(+) 1 Yeah! (+)

I thought you didn't know how people have houses
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I do
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you do know
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Nice! I closed on mine two weeks ago!
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GuessMyUserName posted...

hug plz

*super tight, warm hug*

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/83/a7/e1/83a7e10af7feb100bc7d5ef62d9aed23.jpg
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I hate waking up T_T
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welp japanese dub World of Winx is now my background noise show

Stella still just as fantastic in JP

Bizarre tho, Netflix's JP subs don't match the JP dub most of the time. I guess subs are expected to be used with one of the other dub languages,
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so Raka said last night that if I *do* have somethin' going on making a Rune Factory like game he will do the art for me <3


posting to never forget
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I'll edit the writing!
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Turns out I've gotta actually talk about things that are eating me up these days, so... alright.

I've briefly mentioned already in this topic, but issues I'm going through far extend any recent events. Anyone else here know what it's like to be across the planet from the only people in life that love you? The only people that give your life any meaning? Perhaps the biggest epiphany I had in life was that I will never be able to commit suicide... as long as my family exists. I've actually promised this to my mom before (ofc without that last addendum)... There's been a number of such deaths throughout my mom's side of the family already so I've seen the hurt it brings to the people that care about you. Heck I'll always have the memory burned in my mind when I flew into my mom's home town to visit one March, and on that night just as we arrived from the airport my aunt received the call that her daughter's body was discovered, stabbed and ditched into a ravine. The week was already a large family gathering for my grandfather's funeral at the time, so I was welcomed into a house immediately filled with screams of the news among all my distant relatives as I was walked into a bedroom to have the situation explained. In the week that followed we would have 2 funerals instead of the 1 we came for... and a year later my only living grandparent left took her own life due to the intense loneliness from losing my grandpa. My mom still blames herself for not inviting her to live with us.

It's this kind of pain I constantly keep in mind whenever I have such negative emotions. I concluded long ago that if something were to happen to me my family would devastated - I'm my brother's best friend. I'm the family member my sister can always count on to support her. With my dad's hermit life of the last 20 years, he needs someone to keep him company at times and my sister lives in Ottawa while my brother never things to visit. To my mom... I'm the one kid she doesn't worry about, after the major events my brother and sister went through. I'm always thinking about this. I don't have anything else to live for, I don't enjoy aspects of life that other people do... but my family needs me. When I say my family gives my life meaning, I mean they're literally the only reason I continue to live. It's not a perfect answer to accept because I very much feel "trapped" to stay alive when I don't really want to, so I often wish something would just happen to me and I'd be gone but ultimately not responsible for leaving my family.

I know Dillos is a place I've vented about my life for 5 years, but I do not say everything on here - for the same reason I don't tell my family at home or even my psychologist. However, I used to be able to huddle on the couch with my family to feel myself at ease. I could spend my downtime with my brother, or even help out my dad with any of his many tech problems. Even by myself I had whatever I needed to be alone, particularly being at peace with my acoustic guitar. But I won't be able to do any of that for a few more months so unfortunately I'm gonna have to inconvenience this place a bit longer with my feelings.

/vent

... In writing this up I actually just found out someone wrote a song about the cousin I mentioned, kinda nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xh-GBmN0iSY

(no Taylor Summers wasn't her real name, but you can read about her online by that pseudonym)

now I kinda wanna go through some old family videos... I think I remember seeing her in one of the ones I uploaded but I dunno... I know her sister's in this one, the yellow sweater and big pearls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIRt-reHZxY&index=1&list=PLMt5uo0T-nTQKWS-wgi-BwN70R5EefAmc

.... and now actually I really just wanna watch home movies
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btw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM5wzPqLZmE

this home movie always warms my heart up to no end, yes I'm the curly haired babby
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Oh GMUN...I hope one day you'll find something to live for, who knows, right? But for now, you've been doing great surviving for your family and we Dillos and other B8ers are glad to have you here. And it's good that you are close with your family, even with all that happened that you might not share with us, they must be really great people to be the reasons for you to live. Not everyone has a family with that.

Also OMG little GMUN and family so cuuuute where's my time machine I wanna cuddle you forever.
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Yeah add me to the list of people who would be upset if you died! I know we dont talk as much as we should but hopefully that will change when were not in opposite time zones
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Yar as much as I talk about my love for my actual family, me Dillos have always been a second one to me. To be honest as great as it sounds I've even had dark moments with my family, and in those times I have actually held on to you guys in their place to keep me together.

And whatever goes on in life, if anyone or even myself grows away I will always love every one of you. Maybe I'm just incredibly lonely but I care a lot for the people that somehow manage to reach my inner circle and I'm waaay too nostalgic to ever forget.

<3
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snCO7cxCBgI

bawls of love
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so santa about my rune factory project I'mma use our previous idea of different realms so I can have Sandquest land and steal your characters, just a heads up.


and in gmun news today, my kyary concert is later this evening wheee, I'll have to skip out after the first period of my class but whatever I got my assignment done so we cool, should arrive at NHK with decent time advanced
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Ill see you in court
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tbf I haven't thought about who I'll actually steal yet
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back from concert, soooooooooooooooooo gooood

and speaking of good, have my GOODS






awwyeah glow wand that can change colours, I was so rocking it like a pro, easy the most pumped in my seating section

soooo much better then where I saw her in Toronto, although at least there I got the meet 'n greet pics

kyary costume changes da bess



but but best moment was in Shitsumon Corner the last person that got to ask a question was this tiny tiny little girl in the front rows, like SUUUUPER tinycute. She asked what's Kyary's fav song and such, Kyary answer Mottai Nightland.. but then asked little girls, and she like Easter and then yelled out "Renshuu shita!" (I practiced!) so Kyary sang the chorus and started up the main dance asking the girl to join and follow along and show her practice... and the girl soooo wasn't really following along and Kyary like heeee totally haven't practiced at all!

BUT TOO CUTE AAAA
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Hey nice blings. Does the glow wand use batteries or is it a one use type deal?

Kyary and girl must be cutest thing ever.
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batteries~~~~

I want Kyary to come to Toronto again next year and I can bring my super special KPP glow wand and she'd be like woahmg how does he have that here
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damn I need to remember to track all of these topics...

anyway GMUN I'm not sure how you are feeling now but I just want to express something. I think I'm very good at reading other peoples' feelings so sometimes I assume people are good at reading mine and so some stuff goes without saying but I've learned this is pretty erroneous. anyway, I think you are awesome. I'm not sure if you remember my real life circumstances when we became friends but let me remind you. we started talking at the very end of the summer in between my senior year of high school and first year of college. I wasn't going to a far college at all but my mom insisted I try living in a dorm my first year. (I could have fought my way out of this but eh, I guess part of me wanted to try branching out too and she was willing to pay for it.) I found living away from home and my family pretty depressing. I imagine you feel similarly now and it fucking sucks. I was also not really in a great mental state in general at the time so living in an unfamiliar territory didn't make it any better.

anyway, I wasn't really super into gamefaqs or much online stuff in general at this point. pretty much my first night living on campus, I realized how the internet was like the one constant between being home and in the dorm. it became a source of extreme comfort and an escape from this weird new life I wasn't feeling. by the end of my undergrad career, I had made zero friends in college but a ton of online friends. I only lived in the dorm for one year but for that one year, you were virtually my only friend in real life or online. my real life best friend was going to a school much farther away (and we had already been drifting at this point.) my brother and other friends had gotten into partying which I had zero interest in. I wanted people who were still into video games and other nerdy shit man.

to say I was obsessed with talking to you everyday would probably be an understatement. I wasn't that much into anime yet, I wasn't playing many video games at the time. I wasn't talking to anybody else regularly. talking to you was like my main hobby. I had never talked to anyone online before on a personal level, let alone made a friend so it was a crazy new world. I think getting so into the internet in college, even when I was back living at home, was pretty detrimental to my social development but considering my mental state at the time, it was either making online friends or being lonely.

I know you've never been a very social person, even less then than now, and I'm not really all that different. I got lucky to have become close friends with children of my mom's friends which is pretty much cheating. none of the friends I made in elementary school through college really stuck. you're really the first true friend I made as a sentient being and not a toddler.

I'm probably rambling.. I know you were in a rough patch with the pikaness situation at the time and if I helped you overcome that at all, that makes me happy. I got a lot out of our friendship too.

I'm really sorry about our falling out and I take full responsibility for it. I have no good explanation for why I could be such an asshole but part of it was being afraid of being seen as vulnerable which I think is just shit. I've made a lot of online friends in the past nine years but looking back, I still think you were my closest one and meant the most to me. I'm still on AIM all the time (invisible usually) so if you ever need or to talk, I'm there. (I'm about to go to bed now though just to let you know.)

in any case, thank you for being my friend and being there for me, you honestly made my life better.
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T_T was reading on the training the morning and wanted to bawl

but thanks man it really does mean a lot, and I feel I kinda gotta explain a lot more about myself to really convey that

My view of friendships for a long time was... "why bother when it'll never last". Before my online life I had 3 "eras" of best friends and they all kinda grew away from me with different friends and new lives separate from me. The most significant was a neighbor in an apartment for a few years, he moved to the other end of town so we were no longer in school together, although a while later I actually moved to the house next to his. We still had a good friendship for a while... but going to different schools (I didn't wanna change since it was the final year) he of course made entirely different social circles and we just didn't get together so much anymore despite living side by side. Others ended similarly.

When it came to high school, I finally departed ways from everybody I knew before. I was in a small, close-knit Catholic elementary school, but I didn't want to go through with the Catholic high school with everyone else. Instead I went to my sister's public high school which was nice for that first year and a half with her, we'd just sit by our lockers together at lunch time, she'd nap, I'd play games... then she finished and I was alone again. The way I saw things in high school, it's only a short few years, and then I'd just be going different ways in university. I didn't know anybody, and I wasn't interested in starting anything up just to lose them again.

... I basically just developed a fear of abandonment, and I started feeling like I wasn't really of value to anybody. To this day I'm terrified that if I get close to someone they'll realize how boring I am or whatever and just gravitate towards other people. Yeah, I'm grossly vulnerable to jealousy and I know how undesirable a trait that is... . It uh kinda really hit me when I watched ef a tale of memories, how strongly I related to Miya-Miya despite how clearly messed up she was, although at least from watching that I really try not to pester anyone I feel is moving away from me. But when she talked parents divorce I was like god damn I understand so much.

Despite all I mentioned about my family before, growing up we were incredibly isolated from each other, at least in the teen years. My sister was a pretty standard rebellious teen out with friends or in her private loft upstairs. Gbro lived in the basement downstairs with his computer. My mom would also go out a lot with her girlfriends... she was a bit of a party mom while also working night shifts, so during her standard days when she's not taking me to school she's getting her daytime sleep. My bedroom was literally the livingroom of our house... but even still I was largely alone so that's how I learned to live, and that's what I became comfortable with. Comfortable because I'm never worrying about losing people this way.

What I'm really getting at with all of this is two things: First, I have never really felt of value to anybody outside of my family, I've always felt like my friendship was a very disposable thing so I really appreciate your words, they're seriously dead-on what I've always wanted to hear, particularly so with some recent issues of mine. Second thing though is you really can't take full responsibility for the split, for all the talk I've made about abandonment I've always known I ran away from you too when it felt like you too might realize my faults. Because really our friendship was largely focused on helping out my life, I kinda really felt like a selfish friend and it was only a matter of time you'd get sick of it.

Of course, our friendship was a big deal to me which is exactly why Dillos Topics are a thing for 5/6 years. When I stopped coming on AIM I hit the most lonesome time of my life until I realized I needed reopen our old crew, even if it was just a topic series of me spamming out loud at first.
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now to get started on my assignment for tomorrow morning's class quickly then sleep


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related (to wall of text)

https://youtu.be/nOnpuDA0dyY?t=219
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I feel like so many people go through life, especially while still young, just assuming however they feel about something is the same for everyone. at least that's how I feel about myself and your post gave me that impression of you too. I've realized over the past few years that it's important to communicate thoughts like these even though they feel so normal to us. like personally, I don't even stop and think about what I'm feeling sometimes, let alone tell other people about it. I just by default think that whatever I'm feeling is "normal" and usually out in the open for other people to recognize which is just not the case at all.

a few years ago, I did a topic where I talked about everyone who had ever been a regular in b8anime/the anime topics. that was the title of the topic anyway but I said something in the OP about how other friends I had here could post. really, I only said that with you and santa in mind but neither of you posted. I probably should have just made the title less exclusionary but aside from anime people and you two, I don't have much substantial to say about people here because I just haven't interacted with anyone else on that level. anyway, I didn't really realize how much my online friends meant to me until I did that topic. going along with what I said in the first paragraph, I sometimes have to actually communicate what I'm feeling to even fully realize it myself. best thing about that topic was whitelens steam gifting me because my writeup made him feel better about himself. and I just think that stuff is amazing. by default, I feel like I'm just some dude on a message board but I know I have a skill in relating to other people and if that helps them feel better about themselves, that's pretty much the best thing I could ask for.

anyway, I do think making friendships that are both meaningful and lasting is hard, especially if you have those kinds of feelings about it. I didn't feel this way in the moment but looking back, I always blamed myself for us falling out and I felt bad because I knew how important our friendship was to you. I think much of our early friendship focusing on helping you out is a bit unusual but I don't think it was unhealthy either. I think the idea that I was helping someone made me feel important at a time where I wasn't feeling great either. but I mean, we had enough to talk about and a connection to become really good friends so it's not like that was the only thing keeping me involved with you. we had fun.

I guess some people have the type of personality where they'll stay in a relationship or friendship that they don't really enjoy but that's me. I never felt like I was obligated to you or anything like that if that's how you feel.

you're still on AIM all the time though right? I will IM you tonight or tomorrow or soon. (I'm not sure what's going to go on for me for the next few days because uh my best friend's girlfriend just died in a car accident last night and I'm still processing that. I barely knew her but I'm feeling terrible for his sake right now. frankly, it was an awful relationship and none of his friends or family approved of it which for me makes it sort of a stranger situation.)
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TexasZea posted...

you're still on AIM all the time though right? I will IM you tonight or tomorrow or soon. (I'm not sure what's going to go on for me for the next few days because uh my best friend's girlfriend just died in a car accident last night and I'm still processing that. I barely knew her but I'm feeling terrible for his sake right now. frankly, it was an awful relationship and none of his friends or family approved of it which for me makes it sort of a stranger situation.)

get line or telegram!

(get telegram)
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Heh that "assuming people know how you feel" thing is entirely relevant to me these days. Reason I've been opening up more specifically here without a care to hold back is because of a realization of just that -- I'm not as well understood as I thought I was. Of course I don't blame anyone for misunderstanding when it's my fault for never talking that deeply, but it's nonetheless a sad thing to turn up.

yeah I'm still on AIM all the time although the "Online" section of my friends list has been empty a while. As santa mentioned, and I honestly didn't even realize it this way but... dillos went back to its original chatgroup form since like last novemberish. It kinda stopped being active the last two months but uh it's still an existing group to reach me/santa/raka/gtm! I think santa used it once to add a topic to gtm's bumping list

although man poor santa, I kept telling him to get LINE to join dillos chat and then dillos chat died shortly after
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Also I recently discovered that @agesboy is still on GameFAQs. I thought he became a real-lifer but it turns out he just reverted back to PotD :|
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It's really true about us projecting ourselves to other people. I still get amazed nowadays by how people think and feel now that I chat more deeply with people.

Also, would you consider yourself an otaku? I feel like the standard of the word otaku in Japan is really high and I can't claim I'm obsessed with anything so intensely...

GuessMyUserName posted...

Also I recently discovered that @agesboy is still on GameFAQs. I thought he became a real-lifer but it turns out he just reverted back to PotD :|

POTD? Oh God, it'd have been better had he become a real-lifer instead. jk
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I'm certainly not a hardcore one since I generally don't go deep into anything, but I feel like when you've done as much things as I have you gotta accept some level of it in you.
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in otaku class now

this week prof is a catgirl


.... although I've already seen this costume online
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it's hilarious whenever he has a sip of his drink, with cat paws on he can't just hold the cup with one hand so he has to use both
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.... also to change slides, his paws can't press on the keyboard directly so he holds a pen to push the keys
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whenever I see hetalia I always think of @Raka_Putra

I don't know why
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lmaooooo prof said he bought the new zelda + switch but he's too afraid to start it, that if he does there wont' be a class anymore

today about akihabara so ofc got to the history, as a black market, then to more modern akihabara, original famicom.... he had the credits to Zelda 1 playing awwyeah
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Catgirl...

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GuessMyUserName posted...

whenever I see hetalia I always think of @Raka_Putra

I don't know why

I was quite into it back then and cosplayed a Hetalia character once.
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in that case these pictures of what was passed along the class are for you




tomorrow we tour Akihabara... this is the prof's planned route


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GuessMyUserName posted...

Also I recently discovered that @agesboy is still on GameFAQs. I thought he became a real-lifer but it turns out he just reverted back to PotD :|

wut da hayle
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whenever one of these topics purge i always forget to post in the new one ok!!!
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I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE

(c)
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Raka_Putra posted...

GuessMyUserName posted...

whenever I see hetalia I always think of @Raka_Putra

I don't know why

I was quite into it back then and cosplayed a Hetalia character once.

Are you gonna tell us which character?


....I know nothing about Hetalia.
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Yes, Estonia. It's a comic about anthropomorphized countries.
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Also, of course it's a great idea for a South East Asian guy to portray a North-Eastern (?) European country personification lol.
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I thought this was about a cooking show but I have no idea what's going on
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We Dillos just use whatever title comes to mind. Personally I like to camouflage as a different topic series.
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What's a dillos?
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Found the perfect figure for Nio

https://www.nippon-yasan.com/20841-mega-man-x-comic-ver-x-zero-natsukashii-mirai-e-limited-edition.html

If it didn't cost so damn much.
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GiftedACIII posted...

What's a dillos?

Well, basically it's a clique. If anything, our 'thing' is rather dorky anime stuff, but it's mostly just guys hanging around and talking about anything.
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When is @TexasZea getting line
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