Current Events > Pretending to be nice out of social etiquette is super patronizing.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Why do all the adults do it? If I'm telling you a shitty story, please tell me so. I don't want to spend 20 minutes speaking about my life only to get one worded replies that are parroting the last thing I said. It's usually followed with a few "ohhh that's amazing," or "whoa that must have been tough." Now I don't know where I stand and I presume everybody secretly hates me because they're not listening to anything I've said. It's always like this in work and school environments.

Fake niceness sucks. I just want people to tell me that I suck, instead of me finding out 6 months later through gossip. Save me the trouble and let me find people that are a better match for me. I'll stick with my degenerates and I hope you stick with your white collared prudent lifestyle.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Ah good point. Well...is there anyway I can preempt them from wanting to avoid confrontation? This whole fake niceness is preventing me from finding real friends I could connect with. How do you even get to that point of comfortability when you're an adult?

I hope to someday achieve the mentality to where I'm basically Larry David in any social situation.

Fake niceness or just not being a dick? I'll listen to your shitty story without telling you it's garbage and to leave me alone, because I don't want to be a dick. I'm not going to tell you your shitty story is good and enjoyable, what I would consider fake niceness.

If you're getting one word responses, attempt to engage them, or reroute the convo. Everything doesn't have to be so cut and dry.

TodorokiHayato posted...

Ah good point. Well...is there anyway I can preempt them from wanting to avoid confrontation? This whole fake niceness is preventing me from finding real friends I could connect with. How do you even get to that point of comfortability when you're an adult?

New York area. Possibly all of New England

This is something you talk to a therapist about.

Vyrulisse posted...

I hope to someday achieve the mentality to where I'm basically Larry David in any social situation.

How would you describe Larry David in any social situation? Are you implying that I should find the humor in it all?

How are you spending 20 minutes talking about your life to someone if they're only giving parroting replies?

Tact and the ability to be gentle with other people's feelings is something current society needs more of, not less

TodorokiHayato posted...

Fake niceness sucks.

Ehh, so are people trying to act like vulcans and pretending to be above displaying flawed emotions.

I sPeAK my mINd

It doesn't mean they aren't listening or intrigued by your story. Like what do you want them to say back? Do you want them interrupting your story and talk about themselves or something else that might derail the story?

Tora_Sami posted...

It doesn't mean they aren't listening or intrigued by your story. Like what do you want them to say back? Do you want them interrupting your story and talk about themselves or something else that might derail the story?

Yeah it's sometimes in other forums why I don't always give my take on a favorite show or comic. I'm slow at articulation and others possibly at times if not constantly.

Or you can read the social cues and take the hint.

I'm not entirely sure I understand the dilemma here. What exactly are you really trying to get out of telling these stories? Maybe it isn't really that your stories are shitty moreso than it is that other people aren't sure how to respond to them.

Tora_Sami posted...

It doesn't mean they aren't listening or intrigued by your story. Like what do you want them to say back? Do you want them interrupting your story and talk about themselves or something else that might derail the story?

Yeah this. I'm terrible at small talk, so I often don't have a whole lot to add when my friends tell me stories. Doesn't mean I didn't find it interesting.

why do you spend 20 minutes talking about your life