Yes, the long-awaited return of this project is finally here.
For the ignorant few who are uninformed, last year I started a project where I ranked 100 user-selected pokemon with writeups and comics. It was a SMASH HIT PROJECT that everyone loved. But then I ended up getting a bit stuck with the whole thing. Not because I lacked the creativity to make the comics or didn't have anything to say about the pokemon themselves, it was moreso the ranking aspect that became difficult. There was simply too many pokemon that I'm apathetic about to justify ranking them all any certain way.
So, with that said, I'm revamping this project, this time without the ranking aspect. Simply give me a pokemon and I'll skulldrag its ass to the pits, complete with a humorous comic. (Disclaimer: if a given pokemon is too much of a pal and I am unable to find substantial shade to throw, I will praise it instead. But this probably won't happen very often.)
Ditto is basically the Katy Perry of the pokemon world in that hes a fake ass ***** who copies everyone and pretends to be things he isnt.
Porygon Z
**** this thing. Its not a friend. It cant feel anything. It doesnt know compassion. It doesnt know joy. All it knows is how to suck.
Jynx
First of all, this ***** is the most blatantly racist pokemon ever created. I will commend her for serving up post-surgery Lil Kim teas flawlessly, though. But still, Jynx aint ****. You can tell she thinks shes the baddest ***** on the block, when really shes just waiting to get her wig snatched by the next *****.
Now go ahead and give me more pokemon to drag.
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http://i.imgur.com/PjqES.jpg http://i.imgur.com/PjqES.jpg http://i.imgur.com/PjqES.jpg http://i.imgur.com/PjqES.jpg Mer
Yamask is ****ing creepy as **** and I do not need that. He is literally the ghost of some dead ass mother****er who wasnt satisfied with his life so now he haunts around the ****ing desert all depressed and full of regret because his entire existence is such a piece of ****. Hes also carrying his own ****ing face. Jesus Christ, Nintendo.
Froslass
Froslass is such a ****ing *****. The look on its face just pisses me off. You can tell Froslass loves to troll people and thinks its just so ****ing hilarious, when really Froslasss attempts at humor are all completely obvious and devoid of wit. Someone needs to punch this ***** in the damn face.
Ferrothorn
Ferrothorn looks like a damn metal uterus and thats all I have to say about that.
Purrugly
First of all, it has ugly in its name, so we already know this thing sucks ass. Purrugly basically reminds me of one of those angry overweight middle aged divorcees who are missing teeth and cant pronounce the world chipotle correctly and spend all day sitting on the couch pissed off at the world. I imagine Purrugly takes out all her frustrations on her daughter for no real reason.
Regirock
This thing is ****ing stupid and has Braille on its face. Like, what. Get out of here.
Magikarp
There arent many jokes to be made about Magikarp that havent already been said. Hes useless. Oh, he used splash. Thats just so ****ing hilarious.
Slaking
Slaking is ****ing disgusting. Look at him. He reminds me of an alcoholic stepdad.
Ursaring
Ursaring makes me sad. Teddiursa is such a ****ing adorable pal, and then he evolves into this bitter *******. He basically represents shattered dreams.
Golurk
I dont like Golurk. I dont like his lack of a face. I dont like his dumbass kilt thing. I dont get what kind of Scottish Iron Giant teas hes trying to serve, but its not working. Golurk also thinks hes special because he can fly, but **** that.
Genesect
This mother****er is supposed to be completely legendary and badass and ****ing wonderful. Like, hes supposed to be the ultimate man-made pokemon that can just **** up everything. Basically the pokemon equivalent of Shadow The Hedgehog. But then you look at him, and his ****ing face looks like that. Something definitely went wrong with this experiment, let me tell you.
I don't have the writeups from the first time I did this, but I have the comics, and I can remember the gist of what I said about each pokemon.
Luvdisc
Luvdisc ****ing sucks ass and I don't even need to explain myself here.
Exeggutor
Exeggutor ****ing sucks and the only people who like it are clearly blinded by their nostalgia goggles. People act like Gen 1 was flawless, but I don't see how that can be true when it contains a piece of **** like Exeggutor. It is literally a palm tree that evolved from a ****ing pile of eggs. It has multiple heads, which is ****ing stupid. All of the egg coconut whatever the **** head things look like ****ing dumbasses, too. If there was a pokemon high school, Exeggutor would've dropped out by sophomore year.
Klink
Who the **** decided a pokemon based on ****ing gears would be a good idea? It also has multiple heads, which makes it ****ing suck even more. I don't know what GameFREAK was trying to tell us with this, but I'm not here for it.
Conkeldurr
First of all, it has DURR in its name. It's obviously ****ing stupid. Conkeldurr is seriously so offensively ugly, I can't believe it. Like, look at its damn face. Look at its grotesque veins popping out. Look at the giant cement pillars it's permanently holding onto for no damn reason. Look at its clown ass nose that literally covers half its face. I don't even know if that's a nose, actually. It might just be gonorrhea or something.
Cofagrigus
First of all, this pokemon has a homophobic slur in its name, and that's not something I appreciate. Second of all, this thing is creepy as ****. It has way too many hands and you can practically tell they were designed to touch children. Look at that damn smile on its face. It's way too happy. Cofagrigus is clearly part of Nintendo's homophobic agenda, perpetuating the stereotype that all gay people are child molestors. Not cool.
Alomomola
This mother****er. When pictures of it first leaked, everyone assumed it was a Luvdisc evolution, because hey, it's another pink, heart-shaped fish. Maybe Luvdisc would finally stop being useless by being able to evolve into something cool. Nope. It's just another god damn pink heart-shaped fish that has no relation to Luvdisc whatsoever and also ****ing sucks. Cool. This is literally the most pointless pokemon ever created.
Dugtrio
I ****ing hate pokemon that are just a group of pre-existing pokemon. Like, what the ****. How lazy can you get, first of all? Diglett could've evolved into some badass giant mole mother****er, but instead it literally evolves into a group of three digletts. That doesn't even make sense. Like, there's three of them, but they're all somehow one pokemon? What if one day they decide they've spent enough time together? What then?
Hydreigon
This guys a ****ing loser. Look at him. Look at his extra heads. Notice anything about them? The eyes dont ****ing have pupils. Thats because theyre not actually heads. Theyre Hydreigons hands. It literally is wearing ****ing puppets on its hands, trying to convince people it has friends, because no one is here for Hydreigons sorry ass.
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Everyone wants to call it all around our life with a better name Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same - Blink-182
Starmie ****ing sucks. I'm pretty sure it and Staryu are the only ones out of the original 151 pokemon that don't even have a ****ing face. Like, how can something that doesn't have a face be a pal or a friend in any capacity? Starmie doesn't feel anything for you. It can't smile. It can't comfort you when you're sad. Misty had a Starmie and seemed to favor it over her Psyduck. I get that Psyduck was a dumbass, but I mean, at least he can feel something or have an opinion on something. All Starmie can do is ****ing spin. It's just a dumbass star glued to another dumbass star with a ****ing ruby slammed into the center. It's basically a drag queen Beyblade.
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http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/116/154/DUANE.gif Mer
Starmie ****ing sucks. I'm pretty sure it and Staryu are the only ones out of the original 151 pokemon that don't even have a ****ing face. Like, how can something that doesn't have a face be a pal or a friend in any capacity? Starmie doesn't feel anything for you. It can't smile. It can't comfort you when you're sad. Misty had a Starmie and seemed to favor it over her Psyduck. I get that Psyduck was a dumbass, but I mean, at least he can feel something or have an opinion on something. All Starmie can do is ****ing spin. It's just a dumbass star glued to another dumbass star with a ****ing ruby slammed into the center. It's basically a drag queen Beyblade.
Misty's Starmie sucked.
I almost forgot you had subErmine pokepinions, but at least drag queen Beyblade and the comic redeemed the post.
-- SuperNiceDog won the Guru contest super nicely!
From: SuorGenoveffa | #039 I almost forgot you had subErmine pokepinions, but at least drag queen Beyblade and the comic redeemed the post. are you coming in here expecting me to say anything positive about these pokemon
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http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/41/uZiF9.jpg Mer
From: SuorGenoveffa | #039 I almost forgot you had subErmine pokepinions, but at least drag queen Beyblade and the comic redeemed the post. are you coming in here expecting me to say anything positive about these pokemon
Not really, no.
I wouldn't have said Starmie otherwise.
-- SuperNiceDog won the Guru contest super nicely!