Current Events > My wife is applying for MAID (Medical assistance in death).

(+) Yeah! (+)

She sounds like an extremely brave person and I hope you can both find comfort in her decision.

I can't begin to comprehend what it's like for you both. I'm just another person wishing you the best.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

No updates, just keeping the topic going.

Yes, please. Keep updating, as long as youre cool with sharing whats going on with you and your wife. Personally, I read it but dont always respond, sometimes because Im not sure what would be helpful. Not sure about the other members on CE, but Im definitely no expert on what youre going through and I dont want to say anything stupid.

Anyway, I hope you both can make the most of your time now. What has she been wanting to do lately?

After losing a few family members this topic hits hard. Sorry for what you are going through bro.

I can post more about some things for sure.

It is nice to be able to unload about some stuff for sure. Again I have weird thoughts about weird shit. Like, I am worried I will be labeled as the "Widow" after my wife passes away.

That isn't wrong and I don't want my coworkers and friends to feel awkward about talking about it... but I don't wanna be the dude whose wife died. It makes me feel very petty at times having thoughts like that. I know I am very justified in thinking about my future. I can't NOT think about my life after. And that's OK. But I don't always give myself a break about that.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I can post more about some things for sure.

It is nice to be able to unload about some stuff for sure. Again I have weird thoughts about weird shit. Like, I am worried I will be labeled as the "Widow" after my wife passes away.

That isn't wrong and I don't want my coworkers and friends to feel awkward about talking about it... but I don't wanna be the dude whose wife died. It makes me feel very petty at times having thoughts like that. I know I am very justified in thinking about my future. I can't NOT think about my life after. And that's OK. But I don't always give myself a break about that.

The "widowed" part doesn't come up as often as you think. Of course it took til a few weeks ago for me to finally change my FB relationship status to widowed. For that first week or two you'll want to hit that booze. I know I did. Luckily I had st Patrick's day as an excuse lol.

Man I don't even know what to say here, I'd be absolutely devastated if I were in your shoes. I've been married only a year and a half and seeing her even suffer kills me.

Hit me up if you ever need it.

DarthDemented posted...

The "widowed" part doesn't come up as often as you think. Of course it took til a few weeks ago for me to finally change my FB relationship status to widowed. For that first week or two you'll want to hit that booze. I know I did. Luckily I had st Patrick's day as an excuse lol.

That's intriguing to hear for sure. I mean I suppose people don't want to be awkward or rude/insensitive so that makes sense.

How long has it been since your partner passed Darth?

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

That's intriguing to hear for sure. I mean I suppose people don't want to be awkward or rude/insensitive so that makes sense.

How long has it been since your partner passed Darth?

March 15 of last year. Still dream about her every now and then

DarthDemented posted...

March 15 of last year. Still dream about her every now and then

Do you see yourself being with someone else as a life partner? I kinda feel some shame in the fact that I assume I will have another partner. I mean, I have loved before my wife, I assume I will after.

Sorry to hear that, TC. That sounds difficult.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Do you see yourself being with someone else as a life partner? I kinda feel some shame in the fact that I assume I will have another partner. I mean, I have loved before my wife, I assume I will after.

I'm currently dating someone. It's what my wife wanted. We had this conversation way back when we had no idea she'd be gone so suddenly. She didn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life. She wanted me to find happiness after she was gone. Just because you move on with someone else doesn't mean you're leaving her behind. Especially if you find one who understand the situation like my girl does. Of course she was one of my wife's home care aides and friends so that might have something to do with it.

Lol, my wife told me I should use her death to get some sympathy sex. She also told me she doesn't want me to be alone so sounds like your wife was very similar to mine in what they wanted for us.

We were planning on going to a concert next weekend but she doesn't think she will be healthy enough to go.

She wants me to go with someone else while I'm thinking of just selling the tickets. It is kinda a microcosm of our relationship entering into this new territory. I still wanna focus on doing things together while she wants me to get used to her not being around?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


She has a very dark sense of humor. I love that so much about her.

Honestly if my wife could've talked to me after she passed she probably would've said the same thing and laughed about it. Then go tell her sister about our running joke of dick-in-a-box. Like a jack-in-the-box but a dick.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

She has a very dark sense of humor. I love that so much about her.

I love a good dark sense of humour as well.

Seems my wife has done the preliminary designs for a tattoo.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Seems my wife has done the preliminary designs for a tattoo.

Ooooo nice.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Seems my wife has done the preliminary designs for a tattoo.

If you want be a bit macabre about it, your wife gets the tattoo, and then you keep that tattoo after.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-48047002

Questionmarktarius posted...

If you want be a bit macabre about it, your wife gets the tattoo, and then you keep that tattoo after.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-48047002

Wow, I didnt even know that was a thing.
Im not sure how I feel about it, other than its cool if they like it. Personally, Id just take a picture of my loved one in a nice pose and still living.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Seems my wife has done the preliminary designs for a tattoo.

Do we get to see the final or is it one of those things you won't know til it's time to get it?

You may have answered this but why would you marry someone with that kind of medical condition? Did you know beforehand?

lord0fmud posted...

You may have answered this but why would you marry someone with that kind of medical condition? Did you know beforehand?

We have been together for nearly 12 years now. When we first got together she had some of the medical problems she has now, but over the years everything has deteriorated.

If you would have told me exactly how this plays out I still would choose to spend these last twelve years with my wife.

It's a tough decision, but everyone deserves an end with dignity and grace. I'm sorry you have to go through this, JAKAS.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

We have been together for nearly 12 years now. When we first got together she had some of the medical problems she has now, but over the years everything has deteriorated.

If you would have told me exactly how this plays out I still would choose to spend these last twelve years with my wife.

Honestly I would make the same decision with my wife.

lord0fmud posted...

You may have answered this but why would you marry someone with that kind of medical condition? Did you know beforehand?

What the actual fuck.

My condolences. I remember something along these things you have said before

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

We have been together for nearly 12 years now. When we first got together she had some of the medical problems she has now, but over the years everything has deteriorated.

If you would have told me exactly how this plays out I still would choose to spend these last twelve years with my wife.

Good man. Times and things like this always make me think back to Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting.

We are also planning for the potential of MAID not accepting her, which will also be a trip.

It's weird to be planning for both potential outcomes. My wife will not take matters into her own hands, so to speak, so if MAID rejects her, she will continue to do what she can as she continues to deteriorate I guess?

I think her EDS specialist will give us a lot of clarity come December, as she has an appointment with him then.

Anti purge post.

Back purge monster!

Purge monster will not win.

I saw on the politics board of a guy who applied for MAID because he had chronic back issues (neverending back pain), and he was facing the prospect of being homeless.

a GoFundMe in his name was able to get him enough money so he doesn't have to worry about being homeless anymore, so he's no longer considering it.

didn't mean to be disrespectful or go on a tangent, but it's the second time I've heard about it.

https://toronto.citynews.ca/2022/11/16/ontario-medically-assisted-death-support/

@g0ldie - It saddens me in a developed world that people would chose suicide due to being ill and the risk of being made homeless. It's depressing that it takes the luck of someone being kind enough to see your plight and raise a GoFundMe page to rectify it.

yea, I definitely agree.

it makes me think of all the people out there like him (or in poorer condition).

There are a lot of people who apply for MAID because they don't see a way to, for lack of a better description, move above being below the poverty line since the government doesn't support them enough through their disability. My wife would get some benefits but due to us being together she doesn't qualify. We get a disability tax credit which helps a tiny bit, but the world is not designed to help people who are disabled. Even the definition of disability is sorely lacking.

My sister works hospice and discusses how ass backwards the system is sometimes in almost forcing people to stay alive against their will until the very last moments. But then caveats it that sometimes people in short term pain want to die but recover and have many more years.

It's also such a fucked up difficult thing to have any sort of reasonable conversation about and unfortunately a lot of the time the people making the decisions how little to know experience with what they are campaigning for.

From a personal perspective... I had to watch my grandad in hospital deteriorate over two months. He knew he was done and wanted to go home and die surrounded by his family but was denied this simple request... instead he lay in a bed in a plane white room with no stimulus slowly losing his mind and in pain until nature finally took it's course.

Whatever your stance I think we can all agree more discourse needs to be had on better end of life care with a focus on compassion and respect.

SHRlKE posted...

From a personal perspective... I had to watch my grandad in hospital deteriorate over two months. He knew he was done and wanted to go home and die surrounded by his family but was denied this simple request... instead he lay in a bed in a plane white room with no stimulus slowly losing his mind and in pain until nature finally took it's course.

Damn, thats sad and mustve been frustrating, to say the least.

I know several doctors who suggested the patient go home because they wanted to be with family and there really wasnt anything else the hospital could do for them. Its such a traumatic thing to watch your loved one die, but I guess its bittersweet if they do it at home.

Btw, hospice care is a noble service. Im amazed by the strength of those people.

I am sorry you're going through this, it may have been addressed but what country are you living in?

Uglybass69 posted...

I am sorry you're going through this, it may have been addressed but what country are you living in?

I am in Canada.

SHRlKE posted...

My sister works hospice and discusses how ass backwards the system is sometimes in almost forcing people to stay alive against their will until the very last moments. But then caveats it that sometimes people in short term pain want to die but recover and have many more years.

It's also such a fucked up difficult thing to have any sort of reasonable conversation about and unfortunately a lot of the time the people making the decisions how little to know experience with what they are campaigning for.

From a personal perspective... I had to watch my grandad in hospital deteriorate over two months. He knew he was done and wanted to go home and die surrounded by his family but was denied this simple request... instead he lay in a bed in a plane white room with no stimulus slowly losing his mind and in pain until nature finally took it's course.

Whatever your stance I think we can all agree more discourse needs to be had on better end of life care with a focus on compassion and respect.

My uncle got so weak from cancer that they canceled his last scheduled chemotherapy because they said there was a pretty good chance the chemotherapy would kill him before the cancer. They gave him some extreme pain meds and sent him home. It was sad but he at least got to die at home with his family.

The night he died, he was sitting up in bed and asked my aunt to slap him across the face if it looked like he was falling asleep because he was sure if he went to sleep he wouldn't wake up.

I don't know how he knew that but sure he enough he eventually went to sleep and didn't wake up.

Tyranthraxus posted...

My uncle got so weak from cancer that they canceled his last scheduled chemotherapy because they said there was a pretty good chance the chemotherapy would kill him before the cancer. They gave him some extreme pain meds and sent him home. It was sad but he at least got to die at home with his family.

The night he died, he was sitting up in bed and asked my aunt to slap him across the face if it looked like he was falling asleep because he was sure if he went to sleep he wouldn't wake up.

I don't know how he knew that but sure he enough he eventually went to sleep and didn't wake up.

Edit: also to anyone currently suffering cancer.

My brother is battling stage 4 cancer. Has been for the past 3-4 years now. His body responds well to treatment but I mean, you can't do it forever.

He has paid off the house and now has gone on permanent disability from work. He did a lot of great work so he has good benefits.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

My brother is battling stage 4 cancer. Has been for the past 3-4 years now. His body responds well to treatment but I mean, you can't do it forever.

He has paid off the house and now has gone on permanent disability from work. He did a lot of great work so he has good benefits.

I lost my dad and an aunt to cancer. Colon and brain respectively.

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

My brother is battling stage 4 cancer. Has been for the past 3-4 years now. His body responds well to treatment but I mean, you can't do it forever.

He has paid off the house and now has gone on permanent disability from work. He did a lot of great work so he has good benefits.

Sorry about your brother. I dont know him, but I do wish him well and as speedy a recovery as possible. Dont really know what else to say, other than the obvious that Cancer truly sucks.

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

Sorry about your brother. I dont know him, but I do wish him well and as speedy a recovery as possible. Dont really know what else to say, other than the obvious that Cancer truly sucks.

Seconded. Seems like a lot of bad news this year for a lot of people. @jeff just know you arent alone.

Away hungry purge monster

Had an 11 hour workday today that included 7 hours of driving around, 5 of those when it was pitch dark outside on the highway.

JAKAS is tired.