Current Events > CYOA: You are a Magikarp and your grandfather is dying of cancer.

(+) Yeah! (+)

C. We all know it is a pokerod

---

samurai bandit posted...

We all know it is a pokerod

It's a Lanturn.

---

Need a tiebreak

---

c

---

C. Splash

At the last moment when the grub was touchig your mouth, some primal survival instinct kicks in and overrides your concious mind. You suddenly start wildly thrashing around, splashing with all your might. Sending water everywhere.

You're filled with simultaneous relief and immense disapointment as the grub floats away due to the splashing..... Until it floats back to the same position.... And you realize for the first time with a clearer mind that it is attached to a line. Uhoh...

Suddenly you feel two huge boots step into the water behind you and before you could react, two big hairy wrinkly arms reach into the water and grab you.

???: "Whoooo doggie! That's a big'un. The last catch of the evening is the catch of the day! That's poetic that is! Old Joe's gonna set a new record tonight!"

Oh course it was a fishing spot. It's a giant pond right by the villiage, right by a river! Old Joe starts to lift you up but you manage to squirm and twist out of his arms back into the water.

Old Joe: "Wait a gosh darn minute! That's just a worthless Magikarp! Thems not even good eatin'! Go Voltorb! Use Thunder Shock and bury this pathetic varmit for wasting Old Joe's time!"

Old Joe throws a Pokeball and suddenly a Voltorb emerges from it, gathering electricity.

Voltorb: "Voltorb! Voltorb!"

What do you do?

A. Splash
B. Go Trainer! I choose you!
C. Use Item: $300 for Grandfather's medicines.
D: Flee

---

B.

---

B
---

B

---

B

---

B. Go TRAINER! I choose you!

You've seen people do this hundreds of times, it's easy right. You grasp your pokeball with your mouth and twist, throwing it towards the Voltorb.

Use err... Stomp? You saw her do that.

Suddenly Trainer emerges from the ball in a flash of light, but she ignores your commands.

Trainer: "Where am I!? What just happened!? It was so cold!"

Unfortunately for her, she appeared directly between you and the Voltorb who uses Thunder Shock on Trainer! It's super effective!.... At pissing her off.

Trainer: "YEEEOWWWW! You stupid hunk of junk! "

She skips forward and soccer ball kicks the Voltorb, sending it flying into a tree trunk. Then falling onto its face in pain.

Old Joe: "Hey! What do you think you're doing! You can't put a hurtin on someone else's pokemon!"

Trainer angrily walks up to Old Joe and starts poking his chest

Trainer: "Your stupid tin can just shocked me!! You old geezer!"

Old Joe: "That's YOUR fault little lady! You stepped right in front of the Magikarp!!"

Trainer: "Yeah well your face is about to step right in front of my-... wait Magikarp?"

Trainer turns around and looks directly at you, staring daggers.

Trainer: "You!"
Old Joe: "That!"
You: "Magikarp."

Uhoh, the Trainer starts walking towards you angrily when the injured voltorb rolls right up to her feet and starts to glow bright white.

Voltorb: "Voltooooorrrrb!"
Trainer: "Oh will you just f-"

Suddenly the Voltorb self-destructs directly next to TRAINER with a mighty explosion, turning the dark evening bright again for half a second. The explosion causes it to faint and return to It's pokeball and causes Trainer to squeal in pain, faint and return to your pokeball.

TRAINER Fainted!

Old Joe: "What the Muk!?"

You feel kinda bad for a moment. Well she deserved it right?

No time to think of that now, Old Joe lunges forward and grabs your caudal fin with his left hand.

Old Joe: "You think you and your little friend are full of tricks eh? You whippersnapper! No one escapes Old Joe. We'll let's see how you like my Croconaw!"

You try to escape but he holds you in place with his left hand and reaches for his balls with his right.

For once your years of experience being bullied by your older brothers comes In handy.

You grasp the Fishing Rod that was lying on the ground with your mouth and spin, sweeping Old Joe's legs and causing him to faceplant into the water.

You obtained item: Old Fishing Rod.
You obtained item: Fishing Lure.

Suddenly free you zoom down the pond towards the village as fast as you can, exhaustion be dammed.

Old Joe: "Why you little! When Old Joe catches you! Old Joe's gonna make enough fish stew to feed the S.S Anne!" He yells angrily while jumping up and down on his hat in frustration.

Without looking back you quickly swim straight into the village.

You're surrounded by small huts and buildings, homes, cars and at last! A Store! You can buy the medicine! And a Pokecenter! You can heal yourself and Trainer!

Annnnnd they're both closing in 3 minutes.

You're only going to have time to enter one!

What do you do?

A. Go to the Pokecenter to heal yourself and Trainer. Otherwise you're defenseless.
B. Go to the store. You need to buy the medicine and get home, ASAP.

---

A

---

A. We came into this village because the way back was blocked by a Snorlax. It probably hasn't moved yet so we will need to wait to return home. Waiting around all injured is very dangerous.

---

A.

---

A

never continue the main quest all fucked up*

---

B. Grandpa's gonna die!

---

A. Go to the Pokecenter to heal yourself and Trainer. Otherwise you're defenseless.

You're so exhausted and wounded while Trainer isn't even conscious. You'll do grandfather no good if you die here. He'll survive another day anyway right?

You swim as close as you can to the Pokecenter, the door is open but there is a wide girth of land between you and the counter.

How to get in? Maybe flop all the way there and back? There isn't enough time, it's closing.

Aha! The Pokecenter has a small fountain inside it. And a magik idea enters your head.

Using the finishing rod you cast a line from the pond into the fountain until the hook catches onto something.

"Karpe Diem!" You think to yourself as you tug the rod and launch yourself from the pond into the fountain with a satisfying plop.

From here you're right next to the counter. Just a large but simple hop.

You see a nurse facing away from you, doing some end of day paperwork. Perfect! You can heal, get out and she'll be none the wiser.

With some effort your leap from the fountain like a majestic overweight dolphin made of copper onto the... healing tray... thing .. you were never quite sure what that was.

"Heal me!" You think aloud.... but nothing happens... You flop up and down on the spot for a while, never feeling a moment of rejuvenation.

Is it broken?

Then it hits you, the Pokecenter can only heal creatures inside pokeballs. The technology interacts.

You hop back into the fountain for comfort. Well at least you can heal Trainer. You throw the pokeball onto the healing tray and upon landing the machine lights up with loud noises and flickering.

This alerts the nurse who drops her papers and turns around.

Nurse Joy: "Hmmm? What's that? I don't remember putting you on there."

She looks around for a Trainer that isn't there. If only she knew. You try to be as still and quiet as possible in the fountain.

Nurse Joy: "Wow, you're taking a long time to heal. You must be a really unusual pokemon."

Then your fishing hook falls out of it's purchase, and this time the plop into the fountain isn't satisfying as it alerts the nurse to your presence.

Nurse Joy: "What's this!? Oh dear, someone just left their injured Magikarp here. Hellllllo! Anyone there? Your Magikarp got out.... Hmm... I don't have time for this. It's too late and I'm too tired."

She walks over and locks the front door. You're trapped!!!

Nurse Joy: "I'm just going to capture it myself and the owner will just have to come and pick them up. "

You: "Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp Magikarp!" You say frantically trying to explain but she doesn't understand.

Nurse Joy: "Awww the poor thing Is traumatised. Why are people so cruel to Magikarp just because they're weak? It's not fair, I'm going to have words with your owner when I see them."

She says as she pulls out a fancy looking pink and cream colored pokeball. She holds it right next to you, she seems too tired to even throw it.

Nurse Joy: "Come on, come into the ball. It'll make you feel better little one. I promise. " She coos with a practiced calming beside manner, ignoring your outburst.

What do you do?

A. Splash.
B. Flick the Pokeball out of her hands back at her.
C. Accept it and let her catch you. You do need to heal.
D. Flee.

---

B. Gotta catch 'em all.

Why isnt he a Gyarados? Loser papaw.

---

B

Time to collect more people

---

B.

Also lmao at Karpe Diem. Well done.

---

DivideR posted...

B. Gotta catch 'em all.

---

B. Flick the Pokeball out of her hands back at her.

You've come this far, you call no man master.

You whip your body with a single swift movement and smack the pokeball right out of her hand with your fin.

Nurse Joy: "Hey! What's the big id-"

The ball hits her on the knee and with a whoosh she vanishes into energy inside the ball.

You see the ball shake a little. Then stop. She was too exhausted from her ridiculously long shift to break out. Nurses probably deserve a payrise.

You caught a NURSEJOY#147

NURSEJOY#147 is fully restored from HEAL BALL

Would you like to give NURSEJOY#147 a nickname?

A. Yes ________
B. No

---

A. Officer Jenny
---

lol, I am curious about the deleted post, anyway:

b

have to keep using generic type names now

---

B

---

Spidey5 posted...

A. Officer Jenny

You can't deny us this time if A wins!

---

B

---

Spidey5 posted...

A. Officer Jenny

I choose you!

Spidey5 posted...

A. Officer Jenny

---

A. Yes Officer Jenny

For some reason this nurse reminds you of a Jenny. Yes Officer Jenny, that'll do.

You pick up Officer Jenny's pokeball and your now fully healed Trainer from the counter.

Problem is, you're still injured. You look behind the counter for some kind of curative potion but there's none there.

Aha! Nurse Joy's purse! It's next to her ruffled paperwork. You rummage through it and find photos of a dozen sisters who look just like her, some unmentionables, breathmints, a bit of money and X2 Heal Balls.

You obtained item: x2 Heal Ball
You obtained item: $12
You obrained item: Breathmints

But alas, no curative items. What would be the point at a Pokecenter?

Another problem. You're now locked inside said Pokecenter.

Hmm... The door is made of glass. You have hard scales, this doesn't take a genius.

You hop a step back and launch yourself at the door, the soft splat against the glass, slow squelching sound as you slowly slide all the way to the ground and pain In your face makes you realize this was a bad plan. It didn't even wobble.

Whose bright idea was it to make glass fishproof anyway? A Rhydon wouldn't have this problem.

You look around for other options and there aren't many. It's a small Pokecenter in a small village.

You notice a dusty staircase under a trapdoor leading to a cellar at the back. It looks like hasn't been used In years, there are no lights but you can hear dripping water. An exit or a dead end?

Instead of looking down you try looking up. A chimney! That's definitely an exit... way out of your reach... maybe you could stack every item and piece of furniture in the building to Rube Goldberg your way out... Maybe.

Then your heart skips a beat when your thinking is interupted by the sounds of loud stomping and clattering. It's coming from outside but the glass does little to block the noise.

It's too dark to make out what but some noisy figure is walking past. Maybe they can help?

What do you do?

A: Try to get the attention of the mysterious figure.
B. Go down to the basement.
C. Try to climb up the chimney.
D. Rest in the fountain till morning.

---

C

---

A
---

C

---

Holy fuck this is good

Kanaya413 posted...

Holy fuck this is good

Thank you

I was a little nervous it wasn't working or was being too repetitive .

BTW, feedback is always appreciated. Positive and negative

---

D

---

C

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

BTW, feedback is always appreciated. Positive and negative

You still ignored A on that one vote.
---

A.

You obtained item: x2 Heal Ball

Grandpa can be saved with this right?

C

---

A.

Also:

Slayer_22 posted...

You still ignored A on that one vote.

---

A

---

B

Damn it, I was hoping for a tiebreak lol

---

A

---

A: Try to get the attention of the mysterious figure.

Whatever it is outside might be able to help. You flop to the door and start bouncing up and down. Banging your fins against the door now and then to attract attention.

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp! Magikarp!"

The mysterious figure seems to take notice and approaches the Pokecenter. As it enters some light for the first time you're surprised at what you see. You've never seen a pokemon that looks like that before.

???: "Wha... What is... hic... Will you shadapp!"

You hear a loud drunken voice shout as the figure leans against the door. Now in full view you realize it's not a pokemon at all, but a man. A large incredibly muscular yet very bloated figure with an absurd belly. Clearly once in pristine physical condition, but years of alcohol and junk food have taken their toll.

He has dirty unkempt hair and is wearing nothing but a pair of pants. No shoes. And around his waist are several bottles of beer, whiskey, sake and other liquids all tied to his pants with string.

???: "Eh.. hic..What!? What are you looking at? You making fun of me!? Don't you know who I am!?"

The man starts aggressively tugging at the door but it's still locked. It takes him a long time to process this and give up his efforts.

???: "HUUUUUURRRRRRRRYGH!..... HUGERRRRRRRRGH!.... Is it push or pull....HURRRRRRRRAAGHGHGHGH!.... Oh it's locked.... Hic.... What!? You think that just because you have a fancy locked door and I sleep in a dumpster that that makes you better than me! No one is better than me! I'm in the Elite 4!"

You: "Magikarp?"

???: "STOP JUDGING ME! Everybody always judges me! Oh that is it! You're going to pay now! hic... o-o..hic... Onyx! USE .. Erm... Sub...Psy..Bind...er... That thing you do!! HURT IT!"

The figure shrieks as he hurls an object right at the door, hard! It smashes through what once was the door with a tremendous crash, making shards of razor sharp glass pour all over you.

Uhoh! You brace yourself and close your eyes expecting the worst and then...... Nothing happens.... Slowly you open your eyes. Wait... That's not an Onyx! It's not even a pokeball. He just picked up a massive rock and threw it through the door.

???: "Oh yeah.... I hic.. I forgot I traded my Onyx for a bottle of Sake... Wait a minute... You're a fish!"

You: "Magikarp."

Suddely he grabs you through the newfound hole in the door and picks you up, before you had time to react or do anything. He's surprisingly fast for someone so huge. You squirm around but he's expertly tied string around you and attached you to his pants like an absurd belt. You dandle there, in-between a bottle of whiskey and an empty green jar. You're completely restrained and helpless. You can't even reach your pokeballs.

???: "That's dinner sorted, but first.. hic... I'm going down to pub!"

Every step he takes causes one bottle to swing into your face, if not both. The smell of dried urine and beer is overwhelming

You: "Magikarp! Magikarp Magika-"

???: "Shaddup!" he yells as he stuffs a napkin in your mouth. You hope it's a napkin, the alternatives aren't worth thinking about.


---

He staggers across the village and into a pub but upon entry is instantly confronted by 3 young adults. All blocking him from reaching the bar.

Lenny: "Hey! We told you already, you're barred from here. Get lost."

???: "Shaddup! I don't see your hic... Your name on the door. Why should I listed to you Digley, digless! and digoafy!"

Benny: "It's Benny, Kenny and Lenny and you know it!"

???: "Oooo such a trio! So scary! Pfft. I'm Bruno! That's right punks! THE Bruno. From the Elite 4. I can do whatever I like! So don't mess with you... I mean with me!"

Kenny: "No. You WERE in the Elite 4 like 500 years ago. Before you got absolutely humiliated by a little kid. Now you're a laughing stock."
Lenny: "Well he was a laughing stock until everyone just forgot he existed."
Benny: "When was the last time he even won a battle anyway?"
Lenny: "He can't have one. He traded all his pokemon for cheap booze years ago. Then he got drunk and smashed up the Pokecenter."

Bruno: "I swear I only do that 3 times and I never hear the end of it...wait..hic.... 4 times..." he looks at you as he says it

Lenny: "Bruno face it. You're a loser and you're not welcome here no more. Just go home!"
Benny: "He can't go home. He doesn't have one anymore after the divorce."
Kenny: "Yeah his wife left him for another woman because she wanted someone more manly than him. Talk about the Elite Phwoar."

Suddenly Bruno leaps into the air with zero warning and does a handspring flip. You're sent along with him, flying through the air and instantly closing the gap between himself and the trio. In mid-air he spins into a high kick that catches Kenny directly in the chest, sending him flying backwards like he was shot out of a canon. A move that would be extremely impressive if not for Bruno immediately stumbling onto his backside afterwards and drunkenly writhing around on the floor groaning and coughing. In just as much pain as Kenny. Every time Bruno rolls onto his side he squashes you under his thigh.

Bruno: "Ugggggh...Agh God, I've got Pidgey crap in my eyes. I'm seeing more white than Sabrina on my birthday."

Benny: "Oh My God! You kicked Kenny!"
Lenny: "You bastard!"

Benny: "That's it, I'm getting Officer Jenny. You went too far this time."

Lenny: "Oh no! Not again! We don't need to drag our sister into this. That's just what Bruno wants. We throw him in Jail, he has a roof and now we pay for his meals. I'm sick of it. No. This time he's gone too far. I say we kick him out of town."

Bruno: "Oh yeah you little brats! Why don't you come over here and try it!?"

Lenny: "Alright."

Bruno: "Wait no you don't have to.... I just asked why..."

Lenny and Benny start advancing on Bruno who adopts a praticed Karate Pose, then loses his balance and stumbles over his own feet, falling face first to the ground. Scraping you across the floor as he lands. The bar floor is as dirty as Bruno's pants.

Lenny grabs Bruno's left arm and left leg. Benny grabs Bruno's right arm and right leg. Then they lift him up and hoist him towards the door.

Benny: "God he's wet and he smells."
Lenny: "Quiet....Ah 1.... And a 2... And a-"
Benny: "Oh God he's carrying a flipping fish..."
Lenny: "3!"

On 3 they toss Bruno out of the bar and into the muddy grass. This loosens the string attaching you to his pants and you're free, along with his bottles that fly everywhere. With a splat Bruno lands face first into a brown substance that you hope is mud. You land inside a small dirty puddle with a quiet splish.

Lenny: "This is your last warning ya bum, leave tonight. If you ever show your face in town again, it's going to be very bad for you!"

Bruno: "Oh yeah! Well I'm gonna be very bad for your face in town too because I'm bad and your face is also bad as a...ughh"

Bruno slinks down back into the mud, realizing they have just walked back inside. He wipes the worst of the mud off his face and sighs.

Bruno: "Embarrased by kids again...I guess this is it then... Rock bottom... Everyone thinks I'm useless. Ugly old Bruno the failure. Fat Bruno the hasbeen. Drunk Bruno the embarrasment. Oh I wish.... I wish I just had another chance. I could do it. I could be the very best, like no one ever was. I just need an oppotunity. I used to be in the Elite Four! Now everyone acts like I can't do anything... I just... I need.... just one person who still believed in me. I know I could get right back to the top, I could do it. Everyone would remember my name. I just need a break." Bruno says with tears in his eyes as his cradles his legs, sitting in the mud.

What do you do?

A. Splash
B. Give Bruno Item: $50
C. Give Bruno Item: $312
D. Give Bruno Item: x1 Heal Ball
E. Give Bruno Item: Breathmints
F. Throw a pokeball at him
G. Just ignore him, don't make eye contact and swim away. You're finally free.

---

Sorry that one was so long

It was actually even longer, I had to cut it down lol

jumi posted...

Slayer_22 posted...

You still ignored A on that one vote.

That was a user insert and people gave different answers. B won overall.

I really wasn't trying to stiff anyone.


---

F

Lmao that one was a rollarcoaster
---

E

---

G